by Darcy Town
“Yes!”
“Then return to yourself. Lose the hate that fills your heart!”
“What is the point?” Jegudiel went limp in his arms.
“Setting right a wrong in the very least and if you cannot love again, if you truly seek to vacate your position then make your last duty her healing.”
Jegudiel shook his head. “She won’t forgive me.”
“Why? Because you couldn’t forgive her, therefore she must not be able to forgive you?”
“Yes!”
“Bean is not you, Jegudiel, and perhaps, maybe, you might want to see the good in her, that she can forgive when you cannot. Bean has a good heart. She sought you out to save you from the coming battle, she thought you hurt, possibly very much so. Bean came out here, putting herself at risk for you, despite how much you hurt her! She understands your ailment, better than you understand it.”
“Because she caused it!”
“Because she loves you, Jegudiel.” Helion shook him. “She understands you because you are her soul mate.”
“No!” Jegudiel punched at Helion’s hands. “She does not love, does not know it! Nothing she does is for love.”
“Why are you so blind?” Helion growled. “Before this, Bean sought you out to apologize?”
“Yes.”
“Bean put herself at your mercy. She trusted you, Jegudiel. She offered up her pride in the hope that you would return her feelings and forgive her. You betrayed that trust and hurt her, but even then, she comes for you again, knowing that you would seek to harm her. Even after you attacked her, when you called for her, she faltered, stopped, unable to bear the thought that maybe I was hurting you. She would have come back if I had said nothing; she would have put herself at your mercy again, as she will in the future, because she is as senseless with her emotions as you are.”
Helion took a deep breath. “She is an exemplar of love and forgiveness, while you are an exemplar of hate and revenge. She is brave while you are being the coward. She has risen up and seeks to have you join her. She is willing to sacrifice herself for you; an action no one would do unless they loved.”
Jegudiel remembered his words to Andy, the words he had sworn to live by. His teeth chattered and the shadows around him dropped away. “Sacrifice…she…she loves me?”
“Yes!”
“I—I love her, Helion, I do.” Jegudiel trembled. “I have, I will, I—”
“Good!”
Jegudiel shook his head. He broke out in goose bumps. “But I am afraid of her.”
“And now she is afraid of you. Congratulations, you stupid fuck.” Helion set Jegudiel on his feet and stared into his eyes. “Get yourself together. You have a problem in front of you and you need to fix it. You need to mend things between you.”
“I can’t, Helion!” Jegudiel burst into tears. “Helion, I’ve ruined this! I love her and I’ve ruined this! It’s all screwed!”
Helion drew him into a hug. “No, Jegudiel. It is not ruined; it is however in dire peril and not only because your imminent death is on the minds of her fathers.”
Jegudiel opened his eyes. “She told them.”
“No, but they saw her like that and they are smart enough to come to the right conclusions.”
“Fuck!” Jegudiel blinked and his eyes were light blue. “I am so screwed! I can’t go up against them! They’re devious and violent! Besides,” he sobbed. “She needs to be with someone else. After what I did, I don’t deserve anyone; I don’t even deserve to live. I hate myself.”
Helion lifted his chin up. “You did a terrible thing, yes, so did she. She’s appropriately sorry, so are you.”
“Two wrongs do not make a right.”
Helion sighed. “Look at it this way. Life is full of pain, misery. You two have served each other up enough wretched behavior for a lifetime. Now you can settle back and have good times without any more of that.”
Jegudiel took a deep breath. “Though that sounds good in theory; I doubt she’ll see it that way. Besides, what is the point? Paimon and Furcas are going to kill me regardless of any terms her and I might come to. I should just wait for their return and accept my punishment by handing myself over to them. Just make sure it’s quick, Helion. I do not want them taking their time.”
Helion held both his shoulders. “Is this what the avatar of love does? Fails and gives up? Are you the Archangel of pathetic losers? You said love triumphs over all adversity and all of its adversaries. Isn’t that just perfect then? You have a lot of things to triumph over now, two of which are named Paimon and Furcas, and if nothing else motivates you…wouldn’t you like to beat them at something just once?”
Jegudiel wiped his eyes. “They will not let me near her again.”
Helion pointed to the sky. “They fight above. You literally have now or never, Jegudiel. If you don’t do this now, you won’t get to. Got it? You need to act now.”
Jegudiel looked to the sky. “You’re right!” He burst into golden light. “Where is she? Shit, what do I even say when we find her? Sorry for the attempted rape, Bean, I was a bit out of sorts. Fuck!” Jegudiel slapped himself in the face. “Fuck! How could I have done that?”
Helion grabbed his hands. “Enough of that. Just tell her you’re sorry, I’m sure the details will come at the time. Let’s go.” He jumped into the air and dragged Jegudiel up with him. “Flap your wings damn it! We don’t have time for you to feel sorry for yourself. You’re not a boy anymore, Jegudiel. Be a man and face your problems!”
Something in Jegudiel snapped. He shuddered and aged into his twenties in a blink. He gaped at his hands and flew straight up into the air. The sky lost its light as Ra took a break. Jegudiel glowed golden in the darkness. His chest surged with new strength and hope. “She went back to the city?”
Helion nodded. “She was supposed to. I do not know whether she did. Her mental and emotional state is frayed to say the least.”
Jegudiel nodded, resolute. “We’ll find her and if nothing else I will offer my apologies and give her anything else she requires.” His eyes darted up to the sky. “Before her parents come home. When they do I will give myself to them as is right.”
Helion nodded. “Good and you had better mean it because it won’t be a thrashing, Jegudiel. They are going to attempt to kill you. They have far less scruples about fighting fair. I doubt they will even let you know that they are coming.”
Jegudiel swallowed nervously. “Will you stand with me to make sure my task is completed before they can kill me?”
Helion looked him over. “Yes and I will plead your case with them and try and give you time to plead yours.”
Jegudiel nodded. “That is sufficient, but she is more important. If I need to die to prove that to her than I will.” He stared into the semi-darkness. “She means everything to me, Helion.”
Helion thought of Whitney. “I know exactly what you mean.”
***
“Will you please fuck off?” Whitney glared at the fire.
YOU ARE DEFINITELY AS AMUSING AS LADRIAM. I WILL ENJOY CONSUMING YOU.
Whitney scowled and sat up on Michael’s chest. She pointed her free hand towards the fire. “I will choke you like a bitch!”
The fire laughed. THESE TERMS, I ALSO FIND THEM AMUSING.
“Your plan must be pretty weak that you have to spend your time getting English lessons from me.”
DESTROYING YOUR SUN DOES NOT TAKE MUCH EFFORT; IT SHOULD BE DONE SOON, REGARDLESS OF ANY MEDDLING ON LUCIFER’S PART.
“You’re blowing up our sun? That’s—that’s fucking un-American, inhuman, and just not right! You don’t like us so you’re fucking our solar system?”
I DO NOT CARE FOR YOUR SOLAR SYSTEM OR ANY OTHER SYSTEM THAT THEY CREATED TOGETHER. I AM TAKING IT ALL APART AS YOU AND I SPEAK. YOUR SKY HAS NO MORE STARS, NO MORE PLANETS. THE BUBBLE AROUND THEIR HAVEN IS SHRINKING AND SOON THE OTHER DEAD PLANETS IN YOUR SOLAR SYSTEM WILL BE GONE AS WELL, ALL FUEL TO MY FIRE. THE ENTIRE THING WAS A MISTAK
E AND SOON IT WILL ONLY BE A MEMORY.
“Did you just admit you were wrong?”
I ADMIT ONLY THAT I DID NOT FULLY THINK THROUGH THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS WHEN I SENT LUCIFER OUT TO DIE TO GIVE HER A BODY. GIVING HER A BODY WAS NOT THE WRONG COURSE, SENDING HIM TO DIE WAS ALSO NOT THE WRONG COURSE; I ONLY WISH I HAD SUCCEEDED IN THAT.
Underneath Whitney, Michael jerked slightly. Whitney frowned. “You sent him out to die? What is wrong with you? Why does everything you do involve pain and death? Where are the puppies and rainbows?”
HIS DEATH WOULD HAVE BROUGHT ME NO DIRECT PLEASURE, WHITNEY OF STONE.
“Then why do it?”
I NEEDED AN EQUAL FORCE TO BRING HER INTO OUR REALM. SHE NEEDED LIGHT.
“Our realm?”
HEAVEN, THIS REALM. I BELIEVED GRANTING HER ENTRANCE REQUIRED THE DEATH OF ONE OF MY OWN. I MADE THE SACRIFICE.
“Lucifer made the sacrifice!”
HE HAD NO WILL OF HIS OWN. I MADE THE SACRIFICE.
“I think we will have to agree to disagree, it was not your life you decided over.”
HE WAS MY WARD, IN MY CARE. IT WAS NOT A DECISION I MADE LIGHTLY. THINK OF ME WHAT YOU WILL, BUT I DID NOT CHOOSE THAT COURSE IN A SNAP JUDGMENT. I ALWAYS CONSIDER DEEPLY EACH ACTION I TAKE, ANOTHER REASON I AM SUPERIOR TO LUCIFER.
“Oh so it’s better since you thought your murder through. I see, it was a thoughtful fucking premeditated murder, not one of those heat of the moment murders! Hurrah for you!” Whitney looked down at Michael. He was still in a comatose state. “Why the fuck did you ever follow this shit?”
THEY NEVER HAD A CHOICE. THEY WERE MADE TO OBEY, TO WORSHIP, AND VALIDATE ME.
Whitney looked up. “And when they got the ability to choose, you threw a fit because they didn’t choose you.”
SOON IT WILL NOT MATTER.
Whitney shook her head. “Destroying the sun is only going to fuck with Earth, that doesn’t give you a win.”
IT WILL DESTROY THE PLANET ACTUALLY. IT WILL KILL OFF THE LIFE AND THEN I WILL BURN THE PLACE TO ASHES. WITH THE PLANET GONE YOUR FRIENDS WILL HAVE NOWHERE TO RETREAT TO. I WILL SEND WAVES OF ANGELS, HARRYING THEM, PICKING THEM OFF ONE BY ONE FOR A FINAL DEATH. YOU MAY BE IMMORTAL, BUT YOU ALL WILL TIRE EVENTUALLY.
“Dahlia will just protect them in Hell! Ha!”
I DO NOT THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THE EFFORT IT TAKES HER TO SUSTAIN LIFE OR INDIVIDUALITY IN THAT REALM. HELL IS NOTHING LIKE HEAVEN. IT IS A CONSCIOUS EFFORT NOT TO SUBSUME EVERY THING THAT ENTERS HELL. IT IS AN INSATIABLE PLACE; SHE KNOWS SHE CANNOT HIDE THE EARTH THERE LONG. DOING SO WILL LEAVE HER HELPLESS, DRAINED, AND WEAK, AND SHE WILL NOT EVEN BE ABLE TO FEND OFF AN ATTACK BY A SINGLE ANGEL.
“You’re a lying sack of shit.”
NO, I AM CUNNING; OR RATHER, GABRIEL IS IN THIS INSTANCE. I SHOULD HAVE USED HIM BEFORE, HE PLANS WELL. YOU SEE LUCIFER STAYS TO DRAIN THE SUN, A COURSE THAT WILL RENDER HIM UNABLE TO HELP HER. SHE WILL PROTECT THE EARTH, USING HER RESOURCES, WEAKENING HER. WHEN THE SUN EXPLODES, A SURE SIGN THAT LUCIFER HAS BEEN CONSUMED, SHE WILL HAVE A CHOICE. DOES SHE SACRIFICE HER FAMILY FOR THE SAFETY OF HELL? OR DOES SHE STAY; PROTECT THEM IN A USELESS EFFORT, SACRIFICING HERSELF FOR HER FAMILY. I THINK WE KNOW WHICH COURSE SHE WILL CHOOSE.
“You have no idea what she will choose. You assume things will go one of two ways, a worthless sacrifice, or a sure-to-fail retreat!”
NATURALLY, IT WILL GO ONE OF THOSE WAYS. THERE ARE NO OTHER OPTIONS.
“And what if she does manage to save her family and life and keep them all in Hell indefinitely? What if Lucifer remains conscious huh, what then?”
GABRIEL IS TO KILL HER DAUGHTER GAEA. THAT WILL DESTROY LIFE ON THE PLANET REGARDLESS OF WHETHER SHE SAVES IT OR NOT, BUT BY THAT POINT LADRIAM WILL HAVE EXPENDED HER RESOURCES ON ONE OF THE TWO COURSES. SHE WILL BE WEAK AND EASILY DISPATCHED. IF LUCIFER DOES MANAGE TO LIVE, HE WILL BE DRIVEN BY REVENGE TO SEEK ME OUT AND THEN I WILL DESTROY HIM. THOUGH FIRST I THINK I WILL SEND MICHAEL TO HIM TO BE KILLED.
Whitney went red in the face. “You sick fuck!”
IF YOU CALLED FOR HELION THIS WOULD BE BETTER FOR EVERYONE, A QUICK CLEAN DEATH AT HIS HANDS. THEY WOULD NOT EVEN KNOW THEY WERE ENDED. CALL FOR HIM, WHITNEY. HELION WILL HEED YOUR CALL.
Whitney stared down at Michael. “No, I’d rather stick around and watch you die painfully.”
THEN YOU WILL BE DISSAPOINTED.
“We’ll see.”
***
“Hang on!” Michael punched Lucifer in the leg. “Wake up!”
Lucifer blinked and regained himself. “Ah, you remain. Was I slipping again?”
“Yes!”
Lucifer struggled to keep his consciousness. “I fear that I will be destroyed soon in this. I am going to fail.” He looked into the fire, set his jaw. “I must buy her time in the least.”
Michael frowned, recalling His words. “You should leave the sun. Let it take its course.”
Lucifer shook his head. “No, she will find a way. I must hold on. Even when this explodes, she will have time.”
“No, she will not. This is not an ordinary explosion, Lucifer! You give her no extra time! She will have scant minutes!”
“But I give her extra time while I live here. I will stay as long as I can.”
Michael punched him. “What can she do if you die? If you die, this explodes. If you leave this explodes, but at least you still live then.”
Lucifer frowned. “What good can my life bring if I still live? It will mean the death of those I love.” He tried to think forward. “I cannot see a purpose for myself beyond this forestalling.”
Michael ground his teeth. “You never should have gifted Paimon all of your intellect.”
Lucifer grinned despite the pain he felt. “What a devious one I would be then.”
Michael closed his eyes. “You control the light, the heat, the fire, and the sound.”
“I know.”
Michael looked at his feet. “Then leave the sun and direct the radiation elsewhere. Gabriel directed you into the sun, but you could control the fallout of the blast if you removed yourself.”
Lucifer pondered and staggered. “I do not know.”
“Well, I do.”
Lucifer stared into the fire. “Why should I trust you, the part of me that takes the guise of Michael?” He strained to take in the heat. “That should be a sure sign of a warning.”
Michael flew in circles, frustrated. “Consider me the devil’s advocate.”
Lucifer managed to laugh. “An amusing position for Michael.”
Michael growled at him. “It is not one I want!”
“Then leave and let me die in peace!”
“No, I want my answers! If I have to die I want to die knowing what I was made for! I want to know what my purpose was!”
“Your purpose?” Lucifer considered. “I made you because I was ordered to, that was as far as I was aware of it. You brought me much joy for a time, but that was not why you were made.” His eyes drooped, tired.
Michael hit him. “Think of your options, Lucifer. Do not blindly kill yourself!”
“You want my position. Why would you not seek me dead? Then you can be Primangel.”
Michael folded his arms. “I will not have that position.”
“Why?”
Michael shook his head. “He has never given it to me when He had the chance. I do not think it is a matter of your death any longer. He has ultimate choice and power. If that is true why then would He not just strip your powers and give them to me?”
Lucifer nodded. “To take that point further why would He not just destroy me with His will?”
Both brother’s frowned and looked to each other. Michael grimaced. “Yes, I have wondered.”
Lucifer trembled under the pain. “But you never asked, never because that would be not obeying.”
Michael nodded. “You never asked because you were focused on your guilt, on Ladriam.”
Lucifer glanced at Michael. “Something is not right.” He reme
mbered Dahlia’s words. “He will not kill me Himself; He always seeks to do so by proxy.”
Michael nodded. “He did not kill me either. He sought Whitney to do the deed when I dropped out of favor.”
Lucifer frowned. “He hurts us with ease, orders us with ease, but will not give the killing blow Himself.”
“Is it that He cannot?”
Lucifer shook his head. “Surely not that, He has the power.” He looked into the fire. “More than enough power to do it.”
Michael stared into the flame. “He lacks the will?”
Lucifer set his jaw. “Yet in this action, He seeks to destroy and does not flag. He knows this would kill me. He sent me out to join with Dahlia, hoping I would die. He pitches us against each other, hoping we will kill one another, always indirectly the order to kill. He can do this because the action itself is not a direct way to my death.”
Michael nodded. “You have never faced Him directly.”
Lucifer eyed him. “I might have had my chance, but you stood in my way.”
Michael scratched his head. “At His orders.”
Both brothers went silent, their faces reflecting thoughts tossed around for the first time. Lucifer looked to Michael. “What is His name?”
“I know it not.”
“Dahlia does. She knew when she was Ladriam as well.” Lucifer frowned. “She has been holding something back I think, her theories which she will not give a voice too for fear of false hope. Though a false hope I think perhaps is not false.” Lucifer looked to Michael. “He fears her and He fears me knowing His name.”
“Why?”
“I do not know.” Lucifer’s brows knotted. “Did you know that Hell is her realm and not His?”
Michael blinked. “He is ruler over all.”
“But not ruler there. What then does that make Him?”
“That makes Him no more than her.” Michael’s eyes widened. “That makes them equals.”
Lucifer stared at his little brother. “But she and I are equals. We both felt this to be true when we joined at the creation.”
Michael nodded. “Then by that logic you and He are the same.”