by Sally Gould
“You all right?” he asked.
It took me a minute to remember what happened. OH, NO! The broken window. Dad said next time I’d have to pay for it. I probably wouldn’t get any pocket money until I was sixteen by the time I’d paid for the window. I looked at Charlie. “How’d I get here?”
He said, “The man with Aunt Evil carried you inside.”
“Who’s he?” I picked up the cold thing. It was a packet of frozen peas. I felt a lump on my forehead. My head began to throb.
“She calls him Leo.” Charlie sounded puzzled. “There was a fridge magnet I’ve never seen before on the kitchen bench. Carter and Cassidy, real estate agents.”
I sat up. “She wants Nanna to sell the house and move into a nursing home. Nanna doesn’t want to. We have to get rid of him.”
“We’ll tell Nanna. She’ll be back soon.”
“We can’t. She’s still upset about Winston. That’ll upset her more.” I slowly got up off the sofa. I was all shaky. “We have to get rid of him ourselves. Where are they?”
“With Madge. They’re calling someone to come and fix the window.”
“Oh, I’m so dead.”
I heard the front door open and Aunt Evil’s voice.
“Nothing like a bit of excitement before lunch.” She laughed awkwardly. “Charlie,” she called out.
I fell back down on the sofa, lay back and put the frozen peas back on my forehead. I heard them come into the lounge room. I closed my eyes.
“How is he?” she asked Charlie.
“He’ll live. What about Madge?”
“Keep Max away from her. She wants to kill him. Personally, I don’t blame her.” In a kinder voice, Aunt Evil said, “Charlie, I’d like you to meet Leo.”
“Hello, Leo,” Charlie said in a tone that made it clear he couldn’t care less about Leo.
I nearly laughed.
Leo said politely, “Pleased to meet you, Charlie.”
Aunt Evil said to Charlie, “You stay with Max. We won’t be long.”
As she walked away, I heard her say, “We’ll start with the kitchen.”
I jumped up, letting the packet of frozen peas fall onto the carpet. “Let’s spy on them.”
Charlie sighed. “Do we have to? It’s nothing to do with us.”
“We’ve got to look after Nanna.” I tiptoed out to the hall and clung to the wall near the kitchen doorway. Charlie followed me. I heard Aunt Evil carrying on.
She said, “You could put this kitchen in a museum. The old bench tops and the old oven; it’s all straight out of the 1950s. Some people nowadays try to create this look.” She gave a superior laugh.
I made a mean fist. How dare she talk about Nanna’s kitchen like that? She was the one who dropped in for dinner all the time. She never complained about the oven then. I heard them go into the laundry and out the back door. Charlie and me followed without making a sound. I had to stand with one foot in Winston’s basket. Winston wouldn’t have minded.
“The truth is,” said Leo, hanging on to the rail of the back porch, “it’d be developers who would be the most interested in this property. Land this size is hard to buy. They could build six townhouses or twelve apartments. You’d get an excellent price at the moment.”
Charlie and me, who were listening at the back door, stared at each other. Poor Nanna.
“That’s wonderful,” she replied. “If you could have your valuation completed in the next few days?”
“I’ll have it to you tomorrow.” He and Aunt Evil turned round to come back inside.
We fled back to the lounge room.
“Far out! What’re we going to do?”
Charlie frowned. “We’ll have to call Dad.”
Charlie always went straight to Dad whenever anything got a bit difficult. “What can he do from some tiny island in Queensland?”
“He’ll be back in two days.”
“That might be too late!” I almost screamed. I could hear Aunt Evil showing Leo the bedrooms. I was glad I hadn’t made my bed. He shouldn’t be looking in my bedroom anyway. “I know. You distract Aunt Evil inside. Don’t let her come out to the car and say goodbye to him. I’ll talk to Leo when he goes to leave. We’ve got to turn him off wanting to sell the house.”
“How’re you going to do that?”
I shrugged. “I’ll think of something.”
***
I hid in a bush in the front garden. The bush was scratchy, but I could handle it. I could see Leo’s car. It was a big navy-blue Merc. They even had the same taste in cars. They should get married.
For a few moments my mind went still. You know, when you realize you’ve thought of something real important but you can’t quite put it together. I listened to my breathing. Then it came to me. What I had to do. I grinned. I was a genius.
The front door opened and Aunt Evil came out. Leo followed. I heard the phone ring and a second later, Charlie called out to Aunt Evil. Nanna had an old-style phone and Charlie knew how to make it ring when no one was calling. I did it once when Dad was going to kill me. I told Dad the guy from the lottery shop was on the phone. For a minute, he thought he’d won the lottery. Poor old Dad.
Aunt Evil said goodbye to Leo and told him she looked forward to seeing him tomorrow night. It sounded like they were going out together. Leo wandered up the front path and then turned round to take another look at the house. I bet he was imagining how it’d look with a block of apartments on it. The scumbag!
Just as he unlocked the car, I jumped out of the bush. I brushed a few leaves off and faced him before he got in the car.
“Leo,” I said.
“Oh, Max. Are you feeling better? That was a nasty hit on the head you received.”
He sounded like he meant it. He might be a nice guy. For a second I felt bad. But, of course, Nanna was the only person who mattered right now. “Yeah, I’ll be okay. But before you go, I need to ask you a few questions.”
He ran the palm of his hand over his bald head. “Fire away, champ.”
I took a big breath and let him have it. “I need to know your intentions with my Aunt. She’s been rejected all her life, you know. There’s only so much rejection she can take.”
He tried to interrupt me, but my engine was all revved up.
“You must prove that you deserve her,” I said. “How much money do you make?”
He raised his eyebrows. “I don’t think that’s—”
“Have you been married before?” Before he could answer, I added, “Got any kids? Any pets?”
He put his hand up, as though I was attacking him. “Whoa, hold your horses.”
“Any weirdo illnesses in your family?”
He raised his voice, “My relationship with Avril is purely business. She’s trying to help her mother. That’s all.”
“Sure,” I said, real sarcastic.
He leapt into his car and shut the door so fast his tie got caught in the door. His face was bright red when he opened the door again to rescue his tie.
“Bye, Leo. See ya soon.”
8. REVENGE
The following night, Nanna called out, “Max, make sure you set the table for five.”
“Yes, Nanna.” I got out five placemats, five coasters, five silver knives, five silver forks, five dessertspoons and five linen napkins from the side table. I hoped she wouldn’t tell Mom how good I was at setting the table. Mom might ask me to do it every night.
A minute later, Nanna came into the dining room wearing one of her good dresses. “Do you think I’m too dressed up?”
She was wearing the pink dress she’d worn to Dan’s wedding with a pearl necklace. “No, you look beautiful.” I glanced down at my grubby T-shirt and shorts. “Do you want me to get changed?”
“No, you’re fine.” She laughed. “I’m being silly, I know. Avril hasn’t invited a friend over for so long, that’s all.”
I felt terrible. Nanna must’ve thought Avril had a boyfriend. No one ever talked about it, but ever
yone in the family wished Avril had a husband. Any husband would do - even a scumbag real estate agent.
Nanna came over and hugged me. “This is your last night. I’ll miss my boys so much.”
“We’ll still visit.” I put the salt and peppershakers in the middle of the table. “They’ll be here soon; I’ll heat up the stew for you, Nanna.”
“Lucky we made the stew yesterday; Avril likes my stew.”
***
Soon afterwards, Charlie stuck his head round the doorway of the kitchen. “Aunt Evil’s Merc just pulled up.”
“Is she by herself? Or is the other evil one with her?” I turned the gas down because the stew was bubbling like a hot spring.
“She’s by herself. You must’ve got rid of Leo,” said Charlie. “I’ve got to pick some parsley from the garden.” He disappeared.
Poor Nanna. She’d be so disappointed that Avril didn’t really have a boyfriend. And I couldn’t tell Nanna that the boyfriend was really a scumbag real estate agent who wanted to sell her house. Aunt Evil made me so mad. How could she do that to her own mom?
Just as I had that thought, I noticed three cans of dog food on a shelf. Poor Nanna, she still hadn’t thrown out anything of Winston’s. The picture of the dog on the yellow label stared at me. He was trying to tell me something; I could tell.
Suddenly it hit me. What a brilliant idea!
Charlie came in with the parsley.
“I’ve got a—” I stopped talking because Nanna walked in behind him.
“Oh, you’re good boys,” she said, before turning round to see her evil daughter.
Aunt Evil filled the doorway. She was dressed in a navy suit. Her lips were red and so were her nails. She kissed Nanna and said to us, “Hello Charlie, Max. Keeping out of trouble?”
Putting on my best pompous voice, I replied, “Yes, as a matter of fact. We’ve only broken three windows today.” I gave the stew a professional stir.
“That wouldn’t surprise me. Perhaps one day you’ll go to the park to play cricket. Then no one will have the inconvenience of having to replace a broken window, let alone pay for it.”
“Now, now,” said Nanna. “They’re good boys; they’ve been helping me out. And they’re good company.”
“I’m glad someone appreciates us, Nanna,” I said in my pompous voice. “You both go into the lounge room and sit down. Charlie and I’ll have dinner ready soon.”
As they headed to the lounge room, I heard Nanna ask Aunt Evil, ‘Where’s your friend?’
I grabbed a can of dog food and said to Charlie, “I’ve got a plan.”
The phone began to ring. Charlie and I stared at each other. He said, “Mom and Dad.”
“They always call at dinnertime. Tell them I’m busy cooking.” I heard Nanna answer the phone. Quickly, I got out the small saucepan from the cupboard. I ladled some stew into it, minus the meat.
Charlie stood there staring at me. Finally, he said, “You’re not.”
I opened the can. “You’re jealous because I thought of it. Go out and talk to Mom, or they’ll come in.”
He did. I’d begun to mix half the can of dog food in with the stew in the small saucepan, when Aunt Evil walked in. I grabbed the tea towel from the bench and threw it over the can.
“Max,” she screeched, “come and talk to your mother.”
With lightning speed, I swirled the dog food into the stew. “I’m cooking.”
“Max.” She must’ve practiced speaking like that. How anyone could put all that disapproval into one word, I don’t know. “Your parents probably miss you. Not that I can understand why. You should at least talk to them.”
Part of me wanted to keep arguing. But she was so stubborn. “Charlie,” I yelled out. “Come and stir.”
Miraculously, he appeared. “Mom wants to say goodnight.”
I avoided Aunt Evil’s gaze when I passed her to go out to the phone. Of course, Nanna didn’t have a cordless phone. She probably didn’t even know they existed.
“Hi Mom.” I said real fast, “I’ve had a good day. Charlie and me played cricket, we helped Nanna feed the garden, we went shopping and carried the bags for Nanna, we play a game of Scrabble and ten games of Twenty-one - Charlie won nine games, I’m sure he cheats but I haven’t worked out how. I can’t wait to see you and Dad tomorrow. I better go ‘cause Charlie and me are cooking dinner.”
“Oh ... well ... that’s nice, darling. Are you sure you’re okay? You and Charlie haven’t been fighting?”
I twirled the cord around my finger. “No, Mom.”
“You haven’t broken any more windows?”
“Better go. Love ya, Mom. Bye.” I hung up and raced back to the kitchen.
Soon after, I placed the meals in their right spots and sat down at the dining table. Nanna poured the wine Aunt Evil had brought. Charlie gave me a ginger beer.
Aunt Evil made a call on her cell while she peeked out between the curtains. “His phone is still turned off,” she said, before she sat down. She must’ve still been hoping that Leo would arrive. I could’ve told her there was more chance of Princess Mary turning up.
Nanna put the stopper in the wine bottle and told Charlie and me that she had some exciting news. “Avril has found me a lovely unit in a very nice retirement village.”
“But you don’t like old people’s homes,” I said.
“Oh, this isn’t a home.” She sat down. “This place will be fun. I can cook all my own meals if I want to. I can go dancing twice a week.” She sipped her wine. “There are excursions. There’re lots of people my age. There’s a lovely common room; it gets the morning sun. And I won’t get lonely.”
I began to get a real bad feeling in the bottom of my stomach.
Charlie said, “Will you have to sell this place?”
Nanna smiled. “Yes, but I’m very lucky because Avril has already paid the deposit on the unit for me. I don’t have to sell in a hurry.”
“You said you’d never sell this house,” I said.
Nanna smiled at me. “I’ve changed my mind. I need the company now that Winston’s gone.”
I felt like throwing up my arms and screaming, OH MY GOD! I’VE MADE A MISTAKE! I couldn’t admit what I’d done because then I’d be DEAD. But I couldn’t let Aunt Evil eat the dog food either because that would be BAD. REAL BAD. And I’d feel real guilty and who knows where I’d end up after I died. Not in a nice place that’s for sure.
Charlie wouldn’t look at me. He just kept fiddling with his knife and fork.
I had to do something fast.
“This is a special occasion,” said Nanna. “It might be the last meal we have all together in this house. I think we should say grace.” She turned to Charlie. “Would you like?”
“Sure.” Charlie flashed me a look that seemed to say, Do something!
When Nanna, Aunt Evil and Charlie bowed their heads and closed their eyes, a brilliant idea jumped in my head. Very slowly, I reached my hand over toward Aunt Evil’s plate. Charlie was talking like a real suck - thanking God for the meal and because no one got hurt when I slammed the cricket ball into Madge’s window. I felt like interrupting and saying, Hey, what about me? Madge hit me so hard with that ball, I could’ve been killed. But I didn’t because I’d managed to grab Aunt Evil’s plate without her noticing and put it on my placemat. Now I just had to put my plate on her placemat.
I sent a telepathic message to Charlie to keep talking. He must’ve heard me because now he was thanking God for finding Nanna a nice new place to live. Just as he said Amen I’d got my plate onto Aunt Avril’s placemat.
Nanna thanked Charlie.
Aunt Evil looked at the stew on her plate, then at the stew on our plates. “Why is Max’s the only one with parsley? I was sure mine had parsley too.”
I saw Charlie’s eyes widen. He realized what I’d done and, worse, what I was about to do. EAT DOG FOOD!
I jumped up. “Oh, I forgot.” Charlie had been scared that the plates might get mixed
up and he’d end up with the dog food. So, I’d sprinkled parsley on top of Aunt Evil’s stew. I went to the kitchen and returned with a bowl of chopped parsley. I gave the bowl to Aunt Avril. I was beginning to feel sick just because I knew what was coming.
“Thanks,” she said.
Nanna took the first mouthful. “Boys, this is just delicious.”
“It’s your great recipe,” said Charlie.
I sat down and separated the green beans and potatoes from the meat. I ate my vegies fast. It was probably the first time in my life I’d eaten my vegies before my meat. “Nanna,” I asked, “how long have you lived here?”
“Since I got married. The house was a wedding present from Pop’s parents. They were quite wealthy.”
Charlie said, “You must have so many good memories here.”
“Yes, lots and lots.” Nanna laughed. “Especially of all the mischief your father, Dan and Jack used to get up to.”
I laughed so I wouldn’t think about what I was eating. “Do you remember when Dad, Dan and Jack put frogs in Aunt Avril’s bed?”
Charlie smothered a laugh.
Nanna tried not to laugh as well. “Yes, I do remember. They were always playing jokes those boys.”
Aunt Evil wriggled in her seat, like the frogs were still jumping on her. I guessed she loved Nanna as much as Charlie and me loved Nanna. Tomorrow I’d call Leo and tell him that I was just trying to get rid of him because I thought Nanna didn’t want to sell her house. I’d tell him if Nanna’s okay with selling it, then Charlie and me are okay with it too. But I wouldn’t tell him about the dog food stew.
Aunt Evil had almost finished her stew and so had Nanna. Charlie had finished his. I’d had two mouthfuls of the ‘meat’. It wasn’t that it tasted really bad; it was more the thought of what I was eating that made me feel sick.
“Don’t you like the stew?” Nanna asked me. I must’ve looked like I had a bad taste in my mouth.
I nodded. “I’m not that hungry. That’s all.”
“Well,” said Nanna, “you won’t get any lemon meringue pie for dessert if you don’t finish your stew.”
“Oh,” I replied. Nanna made the best lemon meringue pie in the world. I took another mouthful of dog food.