by Hilary Wynne
Julian says it so matter-of-factly but his face is heavy with sadness. I’m trying to take all of this in but I know he’s holding back. He isn’t telling me his personal story. I’m guessing this may be where this Alejandra woman fits in. I do the math quickly in my head and know this was around the time Julian says he was in his last relationship. I’m not sure I want to hear this but I know I need to. “Who took care of you, Julian? Who helped you deal with all of this?”
He takes his hand from mine and runs it through his hair. He leans into the couch and lays his head back before he turns and looks at me. A deep breath comes out of him. “Nobody, Lexie. Nobody took care of me.”
Oh, do I get it now. I think about when Julian told me he was going to stay for me because nobody stayed for him. Was it really just a week ago?
“I’m so sorry this all happened to you. It breaks my heart you went through this alone. Is that why you have a strained relationship with your dad?”
“It’s okay now. I’m okay now. But yes, that’s why my dad and I aren’t close. My mom and I are good. She got help and has done everything she can to make it up to us.”
“Why haven’t you been able to fix things with your dad?”
Julian’s tone hardens. “Because I can’t trust him. He still drinks. He still makes bad business decisions. He tried to keep me from buying the hotel and has tried to undermine me over the years. He’s okay when he’s sober but he can’t seem to string more than a couple years together. He was drinking on that trip I went on a few weeks ago. That’s why I couldn’t leave. I was babysitting and making sure he didn’t agree to anything he shouldn’t or do anything he shouldn’t. I try to stay out of the business but I always get pulled back in. I have to watch out for Danny, my mom, Rafi, and Yvette. My dad won’t listen to anyone but me.”
“Why is he still working for Bywater then?”
Julian chuckles snidely. “He is Bywater. He owns the majority share. My Tio Juan, Rafi and Yvette’s dad, tried to get him out. My Tia Rosie, who’s my dad’s sister, has tried too. She lives in Argentina and pretty much runs things there. My dad is the oldest and my grandfather left him in charge when he died. We all have a piece of the pie but not enough to remove him. That’s why the hotel is controlled by me. My uncle and aunt supported me and helped me buy it outright but my dad still tries to stick his nose in my business.
He looks at me and shrugs. “Pretty fucked up, huh?”
Compared to my family, yes. We are boring. I shrug my shoulders a little. “Maybe it was all for the better. You’re so good at what you do. The hotel is amazing. Your other properties are amazing.”
“Who knows? It doesn’t matter now, it is what it is.”
“Do you still miss it? Baseball?”
“I try not to think about it. Rafi is living that life right now and I support him and live a little vicariously through him.” He pauses. “So now you know Julian one-o-one.”
Seriously? Does he think I’m going to let him off telling me about Alejandra and why he didn’t get married? Yeah right. “We aren’t done yet. There’s a whole big chunk of your life we haven’t talked about.”
He sits up and turns so he’s facing me on the couch. “Are you sure you want to hear all that tonight? We can save some of my story for another night.”
“Um, no. I’m not walking into work tomorrow unarmed. I want to know it all. It’s like ripping a Band-Aid off. It hurts at first but it’s over quicker.”
He smiles at my analogy. “I’m sorry you heard it from anybody other than me. That would’ve pissed me off in reverse. Thank you for not freaking out.” I nod my head. “I was engaged for about six months. Her name is Alejandra Garces. We dated all through college and I asked her to marry me my senior year. She was a very good friend of my cousin Yvette’s. Actually, they’re still close friends.”
He loses focus for a minute and I wonder what he’s thinking. I become tense and he notices.
“Do you want to hear more? I really don’t want this to be an issue between us.”
“Not really, but you’re going to tell me anyway.”
“We broke up when I caught her in bed with my best friend, Mateo.”
Holy shit! That’s messed up. His face is devoid of emotion so I can’t gauge how he’s feeling. “Your best friend?” I didn’t see this coming; it keeps getting worse.
“Yes, since I was eight. He was like my brother.”
“Julian, that’s horrible. What happened? I mean why?” For the life of me I can’t figure out how someone would do that to him.
“In my opinion, when I walked away from baseball it ruined her plans for the future. She wanted that life. She wanted me to be famous. Plus, I was so busy trying to keep my family together I guess I didn’t pay enough attention to her. She turned to Mateo and he was there to keep her company. At least that’s the story they told me at the time.”
“You don’t believe it?”
“Not really. I think back now and I remember times when they were a little too close. I think they were together longer than they say they were. It doesn’t matter though. It really is in the past and they aren’t a part of my life anymore. Ironically, they aren’t part of each other’s either.”
“Serena said you saw Alejandra the other day. Was she lying?”
“No, I did see her. I see both of them from time to time. Mateo’s mom and my aunt are close. And I saw Alejandra at Yvette’s house when I dropped off some paperwork I needed her to sign. Serena is a bitch. I wouldn’t listen to a thing she says. She and Danny dated for about six months and when he finally saw her true colors, he dumped her. She thinks I helped break them up so she’ll try to get back at me through you.”
“That’s awesome. Thanks for the warning. Do you know any nice women, Julian?”
“I know you, Corazón. You’re the only woman I care about.”
“That’s so sweet but you might need to make me a list of who to watch out for.”
Julian smiles thinly. “My money is on you every time.”
I move over and climb into his lap. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him softly on the lips. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. You lost a lot.”
“I did. I lost my sister, my best friend, my fiancé, my dreams of playing professional ball, and the father I respected all in about six months. I had nightmares, I had anxiety attacks, and I’ve been single ever since. So, I get it. I understand so much of what you went through. I wanted you to know that so you’d trust me.”
Our stories are different but they scarred us in similar ways. He tried and tried to make me understand why he understood me. I’m so grateful I didn’t end up losing him in the process. He made it through all of that and it actually gives me hope someday soon I really will feel okay.
“Things turned out pretty well for you.”
“Lexie, I deal with the loss of my sister every day. I loved her more than I can say. And my relationship with my dad is always going to be an issue. But I’ve moved on and tried to make the best of my life. I am passionate about the hotel and do know I’m good at running it, but until a few weeks ago, my life was pretty empty. Something was always missing and I didn’t know what it was until I met you.”
He pulls back and places my hand on his heart. It’s a gesture he’s done before but usually with his own hand. My eyes tear up and I can barely speak. How did I get so lucky? He thinks I helped him? My God. He’s the one who saved me.
I lean my body into him and take a deep breath. So much makes sense now and so many of my questions have been answered. I see there’s so much to this man and it makes me fall in love with him a little more. We stay that way for a while, absorbing this moment and just breathing each other in.
After about thirty minutes, Julian tells me he’d like to take a shower and he’d also like me to join him. Now that’s an offer I can’t refuse. I follow him into his bathroom and watch as he turns the shower on, takes his clothes off, and gets in. I stand there for a
minute admiring his beautiful body. I need to touch him so I undress, step in behind him, and start running my hands over his back and his ass. He lets me do this for a few minutes but then turns around so his erection is visible and reachable.
I lather my hands with soap and grasp him tightly. The groan that comes out of him the minute my hand makes contact with his shaft is bursting with lust. It spurs me on and I start stroking him the way he likes it: slowly and firmly from the base to the tip. His whole body is taut and he’s holding on to a bar in the shower to keep his balance. Every muscle is flexed and he looks like a Greek statue. I can’t help but moan myself; I’m so turned on. I want to make him come this way but he has other plans. He pulls away and turns me so my back is to him. He gently nudges me forward and places my hands on the shower wall in front of me. He spreads my legs with his knee so I’m standing like I’m about to get frisked by the police. The anticipation of what he’s going to do to me is making my whole body tingle. He presses his body against mine and I feel his erection against my ass. I can’t help but press back into it and grind my hips against him. He moans loudly as his soapy hands reach around and grab my swollen breasts. He massages them firmly and rolls my tender nipples between his fingers. I’ll come like this if he doesn’t stop and I tell him so, “I’m so turned on, Julian. Don’t stop, I’m already so close.”
“I’m just getting started baby. You can come now while I play with your beautiful tits, and then again when I touch your sweet pussy with my fingers, then again when I taste you with my tongue, and then again when I’m sliding my dick in and out of you.”
His voice is so smooth and his words so commanding, I do come. I throw my head back and push my ass into his dick as I feel the rush of pleasure race through my body. Julian is paying attention and when he sees my orgasm waning he puts his hand between my legs and spreads my sex open with his fingers. He starts gently rubbing my clit and sliding his finger in and out of me. He picks my leg up and puts it on the marble floating bench. It opens me up wider which gives him better access. He slides another finger in me and strokes me into a frenzy. I reach behind, wrap my arm around his neck, and arch my back. He has me coming again in minutes and I start to tremble as the powerful feelings of my second orgasm surge through my body.
Two orgasms down, two to go according to his plan. I turn to face him, wrap my arms around his neck, and slide my tongue into his mouth. His tongue meets mine and we stand under the stream of warm water for several minutes making out. Our mouths are hot and slippery and pretty soon the kiss becomes desperate. I groan when he stops and turns the water off. I could kiss him for hours. Literally, hours. He opens the shower door, gets out, and dries himself off first. Then he turns to me and runs the soft, white towel over my body as he dries me off. He pulls it between my legs and the sensation on my sex causes me to moan.
“Mmm. Do you need something soft between your legs, sexy girl? I have just the thing.”
Julian picks me up, carries me to his bed, and lays me down. His silky, skilled tongue is between my legs and tasting me before I can really react. I’m so wet I can hear it when he runs his tongue through my cleft, and when he pushes down on my clit, I involuntarily thrust my hips into his face. Damn, he does this well. I used to think women who talked about multiple orgasms were liars. I’ve never had ones back-to-back-to-back like I do with Julian. I guess the men who came before Julian, no pun intended, were just not very good at this, or Julian is right and my body was made for him. These thoughts scatter to the wind as my third orgasm begins to build, gain strength, and eventually crash into shore.
“Good God, Julian.” It’s all I can muster. That orgasm just took everything out of me. But by the looks of it, Julian isn’t done yet. He flips me over in a strong yet smooth motion and enters me from behind. I’m not sure a fourth orgasm will happen for me in this position but it feels great and I’m happy to let him have a turn getting off.
Slow, sensual moans are coming from him as he finds his rhythm and thrusts into me.
“I’ve wanted you like this since you started rubbing your ass into me in the shower. I know you won’t come this way but I had to have you like this.”
My grip on the sheets tightens as he thrusts deeper. This position allows Julian to penetrate me all the way and the sensation of his hard shaft plunging in and out of me is leaving me feeling full and claimed. I like it.
“I love feeling you like this; so hard, so deep. I don’t want you to stop until you come, baby. You can finish like this.”
I lift my ass higher and hear him groan as he squeezes my hip.
I know what my words do him. He loves when I encourage him to basically fuck me harder. He picks up his speed, but is careful not to come too soon. Tonight he wants it to last so he gets lost in his rhythm. I let him take what he needs from me.
I need to move a bit and when I raise up, Julian takes hold of my hair and grasps it firmly in his hand. It’s a little rough but not so much that I can’t handle it. He tugs it and I take the gesture as an indication he wants me to sit up. When I do, Julian puts his hand on my stomach and pulls me to him. My back is to his front and he holds me tightly as he explodes into me. He calls my name and completely lets go as his own orgasm wracks his body. After a few moments, Julian gently kisses my shoulder and releases me slowly as we both lie back down and try to catch our breath. One look at Julian shows me that he’s satisfied, but spent. It’s in these moments that I feel our connection couldn’t be any more powerful and that there is nothing we couldn’t, or wouldn’t, share.
Later that night, after I’ve taken another quick shower and dried my hair, I crawl in the bed and snuggle up next to him. We’re both exhausted. The last few weeks are catching up to him and now that he feels like he doesn’t need to be so on edge with me, he’s finally releasing all the negative tension that’s been swirling around us. A sense of calm and peace is replacing it and I’m starting to believe it’s okay to float.
“Thanks for sharing with me tonight. Not all men allow themselves to be vulnerable. It means a lot to me that you trust me.”
He smiles and squeezes my hand. “I can’t ask you to trust me if I don’t do the same. And you know you can trust me, right?”
I’m a little surprised by his question. I’ve told him everything and I say so. His response catches me off guard. “You told me the big picture, Lexie. Not any of the details.”
Details? He wants details? I thought I had bared my soul and he doesn’t think it was enough.
“You think that was only the big picture? The things I told you were things I haven’t shared with anyone else. My best friends and family don’t know what you know.”
“I know that, baby. I know it was a major deal to tell me what you did. But I’m just worried if you don’t really talk about what happened, you won’t be able to move past it.”
We’ve had a great night so I don’t want to fight or shut down but this conversation is really throwing me off.
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were asking me to tell you specifics about that night.” I can’t say the word rape. I hate that word.
Julian squeezes my hand and smiles comfortingly. “I just want to make sure you really are dealing with it. You don’t have to tell me anything else. I just want you to be okay and I guess it’s hard for me believe you’re okay when a few days ago you weren’t. Does that make sense?”
“Yes, it makes sense. I’m okay at the moment, but it could change tomorrow. That’s my reality. I’m trying really hard to stay positive and you’re helping me with that. You being here helps and you opening up to me helps. But, I have no idea what the future will bring. I’ve been dealing with this for a year. Maybe not in the right way, but I have come to terms with what happened.”
He sees I’m starting to get emotional and stops pushing. He wraps me in his arms and holds me tightly. After a while he whispers in my ear, “I want this to work and I’m just trying to do what I can to make it happen.”
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God, I want that too. I can’t imagine my world without him in it. I’m so thankful he didn’t leave me in charge. I would’ve screwed it all up. I should just be quiet and go to sleep but something is still nagging me from earlier today.
“Can I ask you one more question?” I pull back slightly and wait for his reply.
He looks at me through hooded eyes. “Anything.”
“Please don’t get mad, I have to ask.” I pause and he waits. “I couldn’t help but notice some similarities between your ex’s name and mine. Like when they’re shortened. I had a friend named Alejandra in college and some people called her Alex. I know you don’t call me Alex, well nobody does—”
“I never called her Alex, or anything close, and there are no similarities between you two in any other way either. I don’t compare you to her. Please don’t bring her into our relationship. She’s not welcome.”
“Okay. That works for me.”
I flip over and nestle into my space in his arms. He squeezes me once more and offers me a little more before we fall asleep. “There isn’t anyone else like you, Lexie. Not before and there won’t be anyone after. Everything starts with you, baby; it started with you.”
I take a deep breath and exhale. Now that’s a bedtime story I’d like to hear over and over.
Chapter Four
Things still seem good when I wake up in the morning. I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am. On the heels of the conversation we had last night, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. There’s no way the nightmare and panic attacks have just stopped and for everything to be so good with Julian. Was it me holding it in that caused those reactions? I’m not going to lie. Telling Julian about the rape and about what happened with Brady did lift a huge weight off of my shoulders but I believe, like Julian does, I’m not past anything. I still haven’t shared anything with my friends, my family, or with Ellen, and it’s weighing heavily on me. I feel like I’m betraying them because I told Julian and not them. I push those thoughts away and think about my present, not my past or future. I just want to feel good for a stretch of time longer than a few days.