by Hilary Wynne
Now that made me flustered.
Alexa: I’m wet now.
Julian: And I’m hard…And in a meeting. We’ll finish this later. I promise.
Alexa: Think about me too.
Julian: Siempre mi amor. Siempre.
That little exchange did actually get me a little excited and because I need to work I think of anything but Julian and his tongue for the next few hours. I’m in the middle of reviewing some marketing material when Diego walks back into my office and asks if I’m ready to go. I grab my purse and follow him out the door. I catch the looks on both Lauren and Serena’s faces when we walk into the lobby. I shrug my shoulders at Lauren and she shakes her head. Serena actually looks mad and I don’t for two seconds think she won’t be making this into a big deal somehow.
Diego and I walk the few blocks to Yanni’s and chat about the weather and the beach. The conversation stays pretty light throughout most of our lunch. He asks me some questions about W&M, and about how things are run in the sales office. He tells me he wanted to meet with me to get some perspective from someone other than his bosses. He also tells me Mark told him I was one of the top sellers in our region and that’s why he wanted to talk to me personally. The conversation flows and really is pretty much all business, but I do learn he’s Costa Rican and has been living and working all over the Caribbean for the last few years. He’s very articulate and engaging and I can see why he’s a good salesman. When we’re waiting for the check he switches gears a little and steers the conversation in a more personal direction.
“Do you live in South Beach, Alexa?”
“No, I live in Coral Gables, not far from The Towers.”
“Are you from Florida?”
“Yes, born and raised in South Florida. It’s always been home.”
I see him look down at my hand. “And you’re single?”
His phrasing makes it sound like a statement rather than a question and his tone is a little … flirty.
Okay. There it is. It might be a completely normal question to ask but I swear I see a glimmer of something other than professional curiosity in his dark eyes. I shake my head.
“No. I’m not single. I have a boyfriend.” I want to add that he knows who he is too, but I stop myself.
“But no husband?” Um no, but does that really make a difference? I don’t like where this is going.
I shake my head again. “No husband.”
“I’m single too. Divorced. No kids.”
Okay. I didn’t ask, but thanks for sharing. And I didn’t say I was single. I guess we have different definitions. The waitress brings the bill, which Diego covers, and I’m luckily spared from answering any other personal questions. Diego returns to talking business on the way back to the office. By the time we get there, I think I imagined the whole “are you hitting on me” vibe I was getting from him during lunch.
About thirty seconds after I get back, Lauren walks in my office and shuts the door behind her.
“What the hell was that? A private lunch?”
I can’t tell if she’s joking or is actually mad.
“I don’t know. He asked me to go and said he wanted to go alone. We talked about the company and about South Beach. It wasn’t a big deal, so please don’t make it one.”
“It’s a little odd he just wanted to go with you, right?”
I tell a little white lie to deflect answering something I have no idea how to answer, “He said he wants to meet will all of us. I guess he started with me.”
“Started with you, huh? Remember he’s our boss.”
“Really, Lauren? You’re the one who needs to remember he’s our boss. I’m not the one drooling all over him. A colleague asked me to lunch and you’re freaking out. Serena looked like she wanted to kill me too. It’s ridiculous.”
Lauren processes what I said. “I guess you’re right.”
“I am right. And I also need to go shopping and buy a dress for this weekend. Want to go with me after work? I want to hit Neiman’s in Bal Harbour. My parents gave me a gift-card for my birthday.” I change the subject on purpose and hope she bites.
“Sure. I don’t have plans. I can get something too. I have a dress but I don’t love it.”
I hide in my office the rest of the afternoon to avoid any other questioning eyes. Diego passes by a few times and each time he does, he flashes his smile. Ugh. This could get complicated.
Alexa: I’m going to go shopping after work with Lauren to get a dress for Fri.
Alexa: Can I come over after?
Julian: I thought you were. We had plans.
Alexa: Oh yeah. Your tongue. Me…
Julian: You forgot. I’m hurt.
Alexa: Had to forget. Too much of a distraction. Needed to work. Can’t think about you and sex all day long. I’d get nothing done.
Julian: Then you must not be a good multi-tasker. I run a successful hotel and I think about you and sex all day, every day.
Alexa: Mmm. I like that. I’m not as talented as you.
Julian: Oh you’re very talented. Don’t ever doubt that.
Alexa: I love you.
His flirty banter makes me feel so good. I switched gears but I couldn’t help it. His response isn’t immediate and takes a few moments to come back.
Julian: I love you too. Don’t ever doubt that either. See you later tonight. Text me so I can tell you where I am.
Alexa: Ok. Xoxo
Finding the perfect dress to wear to the opening proves to be a lot harder than I imagined. I usually love shopping, but tonight it’s wearing me out. Lauren and I have both tried on a ton of dresses by the time she finds the one she wants: a red, might be a little too short and nightclubish, cocktail dress. She looks great in it and has her heart set on it, but it’s not something I’d wear to this function. She’s getting annoyed with me that I’m being so picky, but she doesn’t understand how important this is to me. The opening is for my work, but Julian and many of the people in his world will be there as well and I want to look perfect. It’s sort of a coming out party for us as it’s the first event we’re attending as a couple. Lauren has ceased to be any help because she keeps telling me I look good in everything I try on and that I need to hurry because she’s starving.
After about two hours, I’m about to give up and go to another store when Florentina, the saleswoman I’ve been working with, brings another dress back to me. I like the way it looks on the hanger and it’s definitely the type of dress we’ve been looking for since we got here. The dress is all black with a high square neckline and a crisscross open back. It’s sleeveless, with cut in shoulders, which will accentuate one of the better features on my body. It hits an inch or two above my knee, making it not too long or too short.
I take it off the hanger and immediately know if it fits, it’s the one. One turn in the mirror and I’m sold. It meets every criteria I have. It’s only costs fifty dollars more than my birthday gift card and will look great with my Jimmy Choos. It’s classy, stylish, and it looks great on me. I open the door and show Lauren and Florentina.
Florentina’s smile says she agrees it’s a winner and so does Lauren’s comment, “That looks awesome on you. How much is it? She asks because my alternate dress isn’t in my budget.
“My birthday present basically covers it. I love it. I’m done.”
“Good, let’s go eat.”
We stop and get Thai food after and Lauren grills me about my lunch with Diego. I tell her verbatim, what was said. Everything that is, except the part where he wanted to know if I was single. There’s no need to add any fuel to that fire. We also catch up on her night with Danny, which we never really discussed. She tells me they had a great time, that he’s good in bed, and that he basically told her he wasn’t looking for anything serious.
“Have you talked to him since?”
“Not really. He texted me last week and told me he’d call so we could get together to go out, but then I never heard from him. I figured he was just do
ing that to make himself feel better about a one night stand. Either that or he did it because he didn’t want you to get mad at him.”
I shrug my shoulders. “I have no idea what’s going on with him. All I know is he has a pretty serious on and off girlfriend, who was apparently off that night. Julian said they do this all the time. Maybe they’re back together?”
I feel bad laying it out like that but she needs to know. Lauren always seems to pick unavailable men, which is a shame. She’s a great girl and it would be nice to see her end up with a guy who wants the same things she does.
“Whatever. He’s a nice guy and it was a fun night. I didn’t expect anything to come from it so I’m not that disappointed.” She takes a sip of her drink and when she looks up she smiles. “Well, I’m actually a little disappointed. I will tell you Julian isn’t the only Bauer who knows how to take care of a woman.”
Julian’s still at work when I text him but tells me to meet him at the condo because he won’t be much longer. I go for a quick run on the beach when I get there and find him waiting on the terrace when I get back. He’s changed in to shorts and a t-shirt and has a bottle of wine opened next to him.
“Take a shower and join me.” His smile melts my heart.
I take a quick shower, change into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt myself, and sit down next to him on the loveseat. There’s a breeze blowing and the sky is lit up with stars. It’s a beautiful night. Julian picks up the wine bottle next to him and pours me a glass. He pulls my feet up onto his lap and starts rubbing them. He looks pensive.
“How was your day?”
He chuckles. “My day was good. Pretty boring but brightened by your texts. And yours?”
“Good. I met Diego.” I’m just going to get it out there so we can discuss it and move on.
“And?”
I shrug. “And what?”
“How long did it take for him to hit on you?”
I cock my head to the side and pause before I answer. “I wouldn’t say he did.”
“Okay, how long before he asked you if you were single?”
I smile and he knows he’s on to something. He doesn’t smile. He smirks. I tell him the truth because why wouldn’t I?
“He asked me to lunch. Just me. I went although I thought it was odd he wanted to go with just me. It was mostly about business but at the end of the conversation he asked if I was single. I told him I had a boyfriend. He made a comment about me not being married, implying that I was actually single. Then he told me he was single, divorced, no kids.”
“And that didn’t seem like he was hitting on you?”
I don’t mention that I got that vibe from Diego. “I’m not clueless, Julian. It was a little personal, but if a woman would’ve asked me the same questions I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. They’re normal questions.”
“Then why were you uncomfortable?”
“Who says I was?”
“Your reluctance to talk about it speaks volumes.”
“My reluctance comes from you acting all weird this morning when I mentioned him being there and also from your comments about what I was wearing. You obviously have an issue with him and the last thing I want to do is talk about something, or someone, that isn’t relevant to me or us.”
The last part makes him smile a little. “Sorry about the dress comment. You looked pretty, as usual. I don’t care for him. He has an international reputation for being a player and I’d rather you not work so closely with him.”
“You had a reputation as being a player.”
Julian doesn’t deny his playboy past. “Maybe, but I never broke up anyone’s marriage and I don’t sleep with people I work with.”
Oh. So he does know some personal information about Diego. I’m not even going to ask although I’m curious. I have to work with this man and it’s a better idea for me if I keep my opinions strictly professional. So, I try to lighten the conversation. “Well that’s another reason for me not to work with you. I’d hate to stop having sex with you.”
“I’m serious.”
“Julian, I don’t want to diminish your somewhat biased opinion of me, but men aren’t beating down my doors trying to get in my panties.”
“You weren’t wearing any today, baby, and trust me, you’re more desirable than you give yourself credit for.”
I climb over into his lap, take his face in my hands and kiss him.
“You’re forgetting the most important thing. I don’t care. I love you. I only want you. Solo tu.”
That comment gets me picked up, carried to the bedroom, and assaulted by Julian’s tongue. He promised and he delivers.
We don’t talk about Diego again. Not that night and not the next day when Julian drops me off at work. He has made his opinion known and I did what I could to let him know it didn’t matter who walked into my life. We’re together and that’s that.
Chapter Eighteen
I’m not going to lie. For the first time since the first time, I’m scared to go to my session with Ellen. I walk into her office and she greets me with a smile. I don’t sense any tension so that makes me relax a little. I sit down on my chair, take a deep breath, and go on the offensive.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”
“You’ve put me in an awkward situation, and I didn’t realize it until last week. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. Do you think you’re okay with hearing what I have to say?”
I laugh nervously. “Um, do I have a choice?”
She isn’t laughing. “Yes, you do.”
Her seriousness is making me uncomfortable and I really don’t know if I want to hear what she has to say but I’m not sure we can do anything productive unless we get this over with.
“Go ahead. I’m good.”
She leans back in her chair and takes a deep breath.
“You aren’t the one who needs to apologize, I do. I’m so incredibly sorry we have spent the last year working together and I didn’t get this. The signs were all there. I have plenty of experience working with rape survivors, and I missed this. I’ve thought about it, and it’s so obvious now. I knew there was more to your story but I truly thought it had something to do with Brady’s death; like maybe you were using with him when it happened, or that you bought the drugs for him. I speculated that was why you felt so guilty, and why you blamed yourself. You did such a good job of not acting like a victim that I didn’t think you were, if that makes any sense.”
I start to object and she puts up her hand to stop me.
“Please let me finish. I’ve spent the last week questioning my abilities as a therapist and we, or I, need to clear some things up.”
“Please don’t do that. You’re amazing at what you do. I wouldn’t be here, where I am, if it wasn’t for you. I didn’t want you to know.”
She smiles a little. “There are a lot of things people don’t want me to know. I’m trained to see them anyway. I’m supposed to see what isn’t obvious. I failed you on this and I can’t apologize enough.”
“Sometimes it’s hard to see things people don’t want us to see, even for professionals.”
“It’s funny you use that word, professional. I think that’s where the problem is. I haven’t been completely professional with you.”
“I don’t understand. Why would you think that?”
“Because you, and your life, have become personal to me. I don’t just look at you as a client. I look at you as a friend, or a family member, and I’ve had a really hard time separating my personal feelings about what you shared last week from my professional opinion on how to move forward. That’s what’s awkward. I’m not sure I can be your therapist anymore.”
I don’t even try to hide the shock on my face. “What? That’s ridiculous. You’ve done nothing but help, Ellen. I said I was sorry for not telling you everything. I want to continue this. I need to continue this. Please don’t do this.”
She sighs and I can tell she’s con
flicted.
“If we continue, I need you to promise you’re going to be open about what’s going on with you. I can’t help if you aren’t and it becomes detrimental to both of us.”
“I promise. You know everything now anyway.”
“I doubt that.”
“No more secrets, I swear.”
We sit in silence for a few moments as Ellen seems to process what it is she wants to talk about. I came in prepared to talk about the rape, because I figured that would be right where she wanted to pick up. I’m right.
“I’m not sure where we should start. You shared so much last session and made a point of saying you didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I have a hard time with that, seeing as we haven’t really discussed anything from a therapy standpoint, but I don’t want to push you into talking about anything you aren’t ready to, at least right now.”
She smiles a little and I know we’re going to be okay.
“I’m not sure what else you want to know. I told you exactly what happened between Brady and me.”
“It’s not about what happened. It’s about how you dealt with it and how you’ve been able to move forward. I’m interested in knowing about how you feel about it today; a year later.”
I can’t help but cough up a sarcastic laugh. “It’s ironic you would use the words deal with it. I never really dealt with it. I just pretended it didn’t happen. I’m pretty stubborn.”
“I’d agree that keeping this to yourself wasn’t a wise decision, but you’ve managed to move forward, Lexie. You’re in a relationship, a very intense relationship, and despite some bumps, you seem to be doing well.”
“Are you asking me how I’m able to be with Julian? Because that’s what it sounds like.”
“I’m not sure it’s Julian-specific, but yes, I guess I am.”
I shrug my shoulders. “What everyone, including Julian, fails to remember is that this happened a year ago. It isn’t recent. I didn’t date or sleep with anyone for almost a year. I couldn’t. And I didn’t want to either. You know how uncomfortable I was with Julian when I met him. This hasn’t been easy for me.”
“Yes, we’ve talked about how emotionally uncomfortable you’ve been throughout, but never how you felt physically. I don’t ever want to compare your experience to anyone else’s, but your ability to be so intimate with Julian, isn’t necessarily the norm. From my experience working with rape survivors, it takes a very, very long time to be able to feel comfortable with any level of intimacy.”