That made me wince. I hadn’t been honest. And I know I’d teased her some last year but it hadn’t been that mean. Had it? She’d seemed fine with it so I didn’t know what had changed. “We can be honest now.”
She gave her head a violent shake. “It’s too late. I don’t want to hear it anymore.”
Then she just started walking away.
“Chlo, wait,” I called. My heart pounded as I took two steps toward her.
“No,” she shouted as she turned back to me. “I don’t want to talk to you anymore. I’ll drive you tomorrow because I said that I would and because I keep my promises, but then we are done.”
“What?” The knot of sick dread tightened. “Done?”
“You’re toxic,” she pointed her finger at me. “And I don’t want any part of that.” Then she turned and walked away.
I’d been about to go after her but her words stopped me dead. Toxic? I was toxic? My heart pounded in my chest. I knew that Chloe, just like Sarah, would decide she didn’t want me. But to say I was toxic? That cut deep.
I didn’t know how I could have ever thought I liked the girl. I hated her. I never wanted to see her again. But I did have to see her and soon. Tomorrow, in fact. This was going to be bad.
* * *
Chloe
How were we going to be trapped in a car together?
I swiped at the tears now leaking out of my eyes. That was actually the least of my problems, though one of the most immediate.
I was desperately trying not to be honest with myself but the truth was, he’d just crushed me. Because I liked him. A lot. It had come with startling reality, that while I only liked Alex as a friend, the jilt I always got around Drew was attraction. And the way we talked. That was affection. No wonder they called it a crush. And I’d had the classic camp crush. Like a fool.
Finally arriving at my cabin, I bolted through the door and charged over to my bed, tossing myself across it, face down. I used my arms to cover my face and then the sobs wracked my body.
It was ugly crying but I didn’t care. I hadn’t even checked to see if Melissa or Haley were in our cabin. I’d been too focused on making it to my bed. If they were, they didn’t say anything as I cried.
How could Drew have done this to me? I thought he’d cared. I thought he’d really shared with me and he liked me for who I was. Even if he didn’t like me the way I liked him, I’d believed we had a connection. I clearly didn’t know anything about love, or whatever this was. No matter how hard I tried, I kept getting it wrong.
I don’t know how long it went on for, and I only distantly heard the screen door when it opened. But after a few minutes someone’s weight next to me made the bed sink down.
“Please just leave me be,” I said, my head still buried in my arms.
“What kind of friends would we be if we did that,” Millie’s soft voice did little to soothe me.
I took a deep breath but didn’t show my face. “Honestly,” I said. “I don’t want to talk about it now. I just want to cry myself to sleep.”
“Do you need me to beat up Drew?” Alex said.
I sat straight up, my eyes blinking several times to clear the blurry lines that were making it difficult to see. Millie and Alex sat side by side on the end of my bed. “You’re not supposed to be here,” I hissed at him.
He gave his usual Alex grin. “Yeah, it would probably be best if you didn’t tell anyone I was in your cabin.”
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“You ran off,” he started, his eyebrows going up. “And Drew stormed off in the opposite direction. That was, of course, after all the yelling.”
“He looked really upset.” Millie bit her lip, her face scrunched in worry.
“Good,” I humphed. “I hope he is.”
She wisely ignored that comment. “What happened?” Millie asked.
I took a deep breath. I must already look terrible but I felt my face heat in embarrassment which could only make me look worse. For a second I considered not telling them but I didn’t know how to work through this one without some help. “He kissed me last night, in the dark.”
I heard them both gasp but they didn’t say anything and so I took that as an invitation to continue.
“I didn’t know it was him and he pretended he was someone else.” Humiliation made me sick to my stomach.
Millie gasped. “I can’t believe that. He tricked you? That doesn’t sound like Drew.”
My face heated and I wiggled in discomfort. “I guess he didn’t trick me. I kind of assumed but he didn’t tell me the truth either when he knew I was mistaken.”
Alex swore softly. “That sucks.” He inched a little closer. “But Drew probably had a pretty solid reason. He’s not a bad guy.”
“He does have a reason.” My shoulders sank. Somehow hearing their confirmation made me feel worse not better. “I don’t know why he hates me so much, but--”
“Drew doesn’t hate you,” Alex interrupted.
Millie reached for my hand. “He doesn’t. He likes you. A lot.”
My lips turned down. “Did he say that?”
“Yes,” they both said at the same time.
For a moment, a little hope made my back straighten but then it slumped back down. Of course Drew told them that he liked me. What else would he say? That he was tricking me for help and a ride to Boston? Yeah right.
I had come to camp so sure this was my summer. In just a few days, it was shaping up to be the worst summer of my life. “I appreciate you guys trying to help, but honestly, I think I am going to go to bed.”
“Are you sure?” Millie asked. “I feel like we should go raid the snack bar and eat-slash-talk all night.”
I smiled a little at that. Millie was a great friend. “I’m sure. I promised Drew I’d drive him up to Boston tomorrow. It’s going to be a long day.”
They both sucked in their breath. Their synchronized responses actually made me smile.
Alex gave me a long look. “I can lend him my car if you don’t want to do this.”
That was really, super nice. For just a moment, I wished that I had actually liked Alex. That we’d gone on our date and that he had kissed me. But I just didn’t feel that way about him. And as I looked at Millie and Alex, I noticed something. The way they didn’t touch. The way they kept giving each other side glances.
It was never going to be me and Alex, but he did make a great friend. “That’s all right. I promised and I will keep my word. But thank you.”
Then I leaned down and wrapped an arm around each of their necks, pulling them toward me and together for a group hug.
“If you change your mind, let me know,” Alex said in a muffled voice. Mostly because my hair was blocking his face.
I appreciated it. I really did. But as he got up to leave, I knew I wouldn’t take him up on it.
Because I had a point to make. How real friends treated each other. And Drew McCabe was going to learn it.
Chapter Thirteen
Drew
I’d made the band appointment for eleven in the morning. It seemed like it was late enough for band guys to get up out of bed, especially if they’d had a gig last night. But it was early enough that Chloe and I would have plenty of time to get back.
The drive was only two and half hours but we’d agreed to leave at seven thirty to have time to get breakfast and also, to find the place. Neither of us had ever driven into Boston on our own.
But as I stood by her car in the early morning mist, I had this sinking feeling that she wouldn’t show. I mean, who could blame her?
Even if she hadn’t thought I was playing some cruel joke on her, which she clearly did, I’d behaved like a jerk. Again.
Her kiss had been so spectacular. When she’d thought it was Alex and not me it had straight up hurt my feelings and that is tough for any guy to admit.
But instead of running off, I should have told her the truth. Or better yet, waited to kiss her when she’d
known who I was and I was sure she wanted me to rather than getting swept away by my feelings.
The crunching of gravel pulled me from my thoughts and as I squinted my eyes down the path, I saw Chloe coming toward me. She had on her customary jean shorts and hoodie, along with flip flops and a messy ponytail. I wanted to pull her in my arms and beg for forgiveness. But as she moved closer, I could see her normally sparkly blue eyes were puffy and dull. I’d done that. Guilt stabbed at my chest.
A million different words crashed around my brain, bumping into one another until none of them made sense and the only thing I was able to mutter was, “Dunkin Donuts?”
She gave a nod as she pulled her keys from her purse. She looked tired, her shoulders slumped and her head bent. “Sure, coffee sounds great.” But her usual perky tone was missing. My hand reached up. I wanted to comfort her, give her a hug even, but I didn’t dare.
Dropping my hand again, I asked, “Want me to drive for a while?”
Finally, she looked at me, her eyes wide with surprise. How could she be so shocked that I cared enough to make a simple offer of help? “That would be great, actually.”
“Chloe,” I started, wanting to clear the air. I felt terrible. I wanted to confess and move on but she shook her head.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said, her tone clipped.
I nodded. I did want to talk about it and I was going to try again but it seemed better to get some coffee in her first.
An hour and a half later, even after a coffee and a bagel, I was still trying to figure out how to bring it up. The radio didn’t begin to fill the silence between us. I was still driving, and I’m pretty sure she was pretending to sleep.
Swallowing, I wondered if I should ask. I really wanted to talk with her about the whole thing. Interestingly, I was so fixated on Chloe, I hadn’t had a chance to be nervous about the tryout at all. My priorities had never been clearer.
“Hey,” I said softly. “Are you awake?”
I heard her stop breathing and knew that she was. But she didn’t say anything, nor did she respond.
Scratching my neck, I decided to continue. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry I kissed you without asking. I wasn’t trying to trick you, I just--”
“I call B.S.,” she said as she sat up straighter. “You were trying to trick me.”
“Why do you think that?” I asked without really thinking it through. Often my problem, but that was an issue for another time. Right now I had to figure out what was in Chloe’s head. Because it had to be different than what was in mine for her to be so angry.
“If the kiss had been something other than a trick, you would have told me it was you,” she fired back.
I winced. “I was going to tell you. I was just worried about how you would react. You thought it was Al--”
“Yeah right,” she said then she slumped back down in her seat. “That is literally the worst explanation I’ve ever heard. ‘I was going to tell you.’” She imitated me in deep voice. Then she huffed a breath. “I don’t want to talk about this.”
“I do,” I moved into the right lane, where traffic was going slower. In a way she was right. It was hard to express my feelings while also trying to avoid being hit at seventy miles per hour. “I will admit to being a less than spectacular human being, but I was not, I repeat not, being intentionally mean. Chloe, I like you and--”
“I liked you too.” She drew out the word liked. Her use of the past tense left my head spinning. So, it was that bad.
“I see,” I said quietly. Part of me wondered if she meant by like what I had meant. Which was a lot more than friends. But I didn’t want to ask now that she’d made a statement like that. “So why even drive me up here?”
“I don’t hurt the people who are important to me. I help them. I wanted you to know how real friends act.” She said it so quickly that I actually pumped the break.
I knew what she meant. I had hurt her. “Funny, you did just hurt me. A lot.” It was my turn to be silent. Maybe she was right. Maybe I deserved it. But those words affirmed all my worst fears. That I wasn’t good enough for Sarah or Chloe, or anyone else.
My hands gripped the steering wheel as I choked back emotion. I wouldn’t get upset in front of her but how were we going to get past this? She didn’t think I was a good person. And I probably didn’t deserve someone like her. Then there was the fact I was heading to a tryout for a band. I’d never been less confident in my life. How could I perform? I was pretty sure I couldn’t. Not like this. I’d bomb it.
Putting on my blinker, I got off at the next exit. We’d just crossed the Massachusetts border and I knew it was pretty late to ask to reschedule. But I just couldn’t do it.
“What are you doing?” she asked then.
I took a right at the bottom of the off ramp and pulled into the nearest gas station. “I’m gonna fill up your car and then I’m going to call and cancel the tryout or postpone it or something.”
“What?” she choked out. “You can’t do that. We drove all this way.”
I shook my head. “I’m all messed up. I’ll never do well like this. I’m sorry I wasted your morning. It was really nice of you to go on this road trip with me but I’ll find another time to try out or a different band or whatever.”
“You’re all messed up?” she asked.
With the car parked, I could finally look at her. She was staring straight ahead still but I could see she was biting her lip. I loved it when she did that. “I know I haven’t done a very good job here, but I really want to at least be friends.”
She made a choking noise and I thought maybe she didn’t believe me. She cleared her throat and said, “I do too.”
For the first time all morning I relaxed. “What I did, kissing you--”
But she cut me off. “Let’s talk about that after your tryout. Right now, let’s just agree to be friends. I’m sorry too. I said some mean stuff. I guess we can all act jerky sometimes.” She looked over at me then. “And maybe, we could practice a few songs with our last hour?” She turned to me finally and those big blue eyes met mine. The ones I loved so much. “I’ll drive. You can get out your guitar.”
I took a deep breath. On the one hand, it was a good plan. On the other, I was ready to just tell her that I loved her and kiss her until she admitted she loved me too.
* * *
Chloe
Don’t ask me why, but I could never stay mad. Maybe it was because listening to Drew strum and sing on his acoustic guitar was just so much nicer than the awkward silence that had filled the car.
I found myself singing along too and as we drove up Route 93 into the city, we were both belting out Ed Sheeran at the top of our lungs. It was more fun than I’d had, maybe ever. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was missing something. Some piece of information that would explain why Drew and I were so in sync sometimes and then I thought he hated me others.
The day had heated up and when we came to our first stop light by the Prudential Center, I pulled my sweatshirt over my head as Drew undid the clips to the convertible. Folding the top down, the summer sun beat down on us as we continued singing.
The streets were quiet. It was Sunday morning and, it turned out, The Conservatory School wasn’t too far off the exit so we made it with tons of time to spare. The address Drew had been given was an old brownstone and, by some miracle, there was parking right out front. There was also a large park across the street with a huge section of gardens. My breath caught. It was amazing.
Drew followed my gaze. “It’s the Fens.” He pointed down the park. “On the other side is Simmons. We’ve got time, want to go check it out?”
I looked over at him, trying to understand him. He should be thinking about his band tryout not my college tour. If he’d only wanted a ride, why was he being nice? Was he worried I’d leave him in Boston? I almost laughed out loud at the thought. “Don’t you want to rehearse some more?”
He slowly reached up his hand
and, very gently, the pad of thumb brushed down my cheek. It left a tingling trail in its wake. “I’m ready. Besides, you deserve to check out your new digs after driving up here.”
I started to protest but he cut me off.
“Having fun with you will relax me, let’s go.” He hopped out of the car and came around to my side. Opening my door, he reached his hand in to help me out. The whole scene reminded me of when I’d arrived at camp just a few days ago only everything was so different now.
I didn’t have a crush on Alex anymore, it was Drew who had crushed me. That thought made me swallow hard and, once I was out of the car, I pulled my hand away from his. I had to keep this in the friend zone or my heart was likely to be broken again.
After he stashed his guitar, we walked along the park, the summer sun still not hot enough to make it uncomfortable. In fact, it was beautiful. “Can you believe we’re going to be here in the fall? Live here?” I gushed, looking around.
He gave me a warm smile. “I’m so glad we’re going to all get to hang out.”
My brows drew together. Did he really see us hanging out next year? I wasn’t sure he’d want to past today. A large stone building came into view that I recognized from my interview. I sucked in my breath. “There it is.”
We stood there, looking at the building when his hand slipped into mine. It felt so right to be there with him, hold his hand that I leaned my head against his shoulder. He whispered softly, “I am so happy for you.”
“I’m happy for you too.” I looked up at him then and our eyes met, our gazes holding. For a split second, I thought he might kiss and I wanted him to. But then, he picked me up and twirled me around. My hands came to his shoulders and for a minute, I closed my eyes and just felt. The strength of him, the warm sun, the happiness.
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