by Tara Taylor
“What were you like as a kid?” It occurred to me that I really didn’t know much about Paul because I hadn’t asked.
“Nerdy.” He laughed.
I punched him. “No, really. Tell me.”
“Okay,” he said. “I liked sports but never made the top teams. Although I was pretty good at soccer ’cause I could run fast. I never played hockey. My mother didn’t want me to get in any fights.” He laughed. “Then she puts me in karate so I can learn how to fight. Parents do weird things sometimes.”
I let our shoulders touch. “Were you … bullied?” I asked.
He chuckled. “I could talk my way through the bullies. Promise to give up my homework, stuff like that.” He took my hand in his. “What about you?”
“Quiet. Shy. In school anyway.”
Again he gently bumped me with his shoulder. “But I bet you were the girl every boy wanted to kiss.”
This time I laughed. “Me?” I shook my head. “I don’t think so. That was Lacey.”
I let go of his hand and took a bite of my pizza. “We better eat this before the cheese gets all gross and congealed.”
We ate in silence for a while. Finally, I said, “So tell me about this class you’re taking. Sounds interesting and not at all like school.”
“It’s so easy. All I have to do is watch movies and write reports on them.”
“What are we going to see tonight?”
“What do you think? Is there anything you really want to see?”
“It’s your class.”
“How about Simon Birch?”
I shrugged. “I’ve read a little about it.”
“Yeah, me too. From what I’ve heard, the kid is hilarious.” He stopped to pull another slice of pizza from the box. He chewed and sipped his drink.
Again, the air took on a silence, and I liked it because it was comfortable. Easy. No pressure to talk and say anything profound.
After a moment or so, he started back up again. “Has the ghost been back?”
“Nope. Not in our apartment anyway.” I took a piece of pepperoni off my pizza and popped it in my mouth.
“That’s good. I think it’s pretty cool that you got rid of her the way you did. Your roommates must be thrilled.”
“Yeah,” I replied. “Especially Natalie. Green Lady scared her.”
“Did she scare you?”
“Oh yeah. All the time. But that was before I knew about her past,” I replied. “Then I felt sorry for her.”
“Is Natalie still going to Queen’s next year?”
I dotted my mouth with the napkin before I said, “I think so. We are planning a trip to visit Lacey. We’re going next weekend. I think she might even have a gig lined up. She’s worked on a few songs.”
“Queen’s is such a good school. Are you going to join her onstage?”
I shook my head. “Nah. I haven’t been playing much lately.” I sipped my soda. My guitar was collecting dust in my room. “Sarah is going to school next year, too,” I said to change the subject. “In Toronto. She’s going to become a registered massage therapist.”
“That’s kind of cool. What will you guys do about your apartment? Will you move?”
“I don’t know,” I answered, thinking about the question. I got up and threw the remains of my pizza in the trash can, then came back to the table and sat down again. “I have no idea what I’ll do.” I said this as if I were talking to myself in my bedroom. Since the river party, I had kind of given up on all my dreams.
“Something will come to you. Maybe you can open a business. I’ve been researching, and some psychics make good money. You just have to be an entrepreneur.”
“Maybe I’m not that good at it.”
“Sure you are.”
I hung my head and glanced at him, but only out of the corner of my eye. “I hope so.”
More silence.
Paul took a newspaper out of his backpack and unfolded it to the entertainment section. “We should go if we want to make the seven o’clock showing,” he said, pointing to the movie. He stood up.
“You’re right,” I said, glancing at my watch. “It starts in twenty.”
I reached down to pick up the pizza box to put in the garbage, but Paul obviously had the same idea. Our hands connected, and for a moment, I let them stay like that. Warmth crept through me and a sense of peace pervaded. I glanced at him, and he looked directly into my eyes. He had these baby blue eyes that always crinkled in the corners when he smiled. They were like pools of tepid water, and I felt as if I could see through them to the bottom. I knew that what was below the surface was safe and that there were no monsters or demons lurking, ready to pounce.
I smiled at him, then slowly withdrew my hand.
He backed away, too, and I saw a flicker of disappointment and perhaps even hurt cross his eyes, but it disappeared right away. “I’ll throw this in the garbage,” he mumbled.
We walked slowly to the car, and I reached for his hand. He squeezed my fingers, and I sighed. Why couldn’t I let him in?
In the movie theater, our thighs touched, and I didn’t move away. I think it was the dark of the room that made it easier to stay joined with him. The movie mesmerized me, and within ten minutes, I forgot where I was and concentrated totally on the main character, Simon. He was a boy who was small for his age and always in trouble but he was determined that God had a purpose for him. Did God have a purpose for me, too? Was that why we had picked that movie?
Paul drove me home, and we talked about the movie the entire way. Mostly we laughed at Simon and how mischievous he had been.
“So it’s a bit ironic,” said Paul when we were almost at my place, “that we chose a movie with that kind of theme after what we talked about earlier.”
“You mean because it was about having goals and dreams that you can accomplish? Like a purpose in life?”
“Yeah. Do you believe that?”
“I don’t know. I used to. I guess I’ll wait and see before I answer that.” I glanced over and smiled at him. “I guess I hope so.”
“Maybe you should look at what you can do with your visions like a sport or learning to play music. You have to practice it.”
I laughed. Paul was so practical all the time. “You’re cute when you’re serious.”
“Hey, just trying to help.”
When he pulled up in front of my apartment, I said, “Thanks. I enjoyed the movie.”
He held up his thumbs. “I’ve got so much info for my paper thanks to you.” He reached over and touched my hair. “Plus, you’re the best company ever.”
I lowered my head and let my hair hang in front of my face.
He lifted my chin. “I have to write about six movies for this course,” he said. “You want to be my movie partner?”
I playfully slapped his chest. “Only if I can pay for some.”
“Maybe one.” He touched my cheek with his fingertip. “If it’s a chick flick, you pay.”
I laughed, and the sound came from deep in my belly. Paul always made me laugh.
On Sunday night, I brought the Ouija board out to the living room on Sarah’s persistent request. We set it up on the floor and lit the candles. I had bought a bunch of new ones for the occasion. Natalie had bought wine, and Sarah munchies.
We set up the board and placed the little moving piece in the middle of it. Sarah clapped her hands, and Natalie giggled.
“Who wants to ask the first question?” I asked.
“I will,” said Natalie. Both Sarah and I looked at her, because it was so unusual for her to speak up and take the first turn.
“Must be important,” said Sarah.
“Will my mother ever get clean?” she whispered.
We put our hands on the little planchette and stared down at the board. When it started to move, I got this funny tingling in my arms, and it ran right from my shoulders to my fingertips. It was almost like a buzzing sensation.
The little block started to move below ou
r fingers, and it went right to the word no.
“I’m sorry, Natalie,” I said. I touched her arm.
“It doesn’t matter. I have my grandmother. I just wondered if she ever would. You guys can have a turn.”
“We don’t have to play anymore,” I said. I could see the pain in Natalie’s eyes.
“It’s okay, Indie,” replied Natalie. “I’ve had some long chats with my grandmother lately, and it has made me realize how lucky I am to have her. My mother has her issues, and they’re not mine.”
“Okay,” I said. “Sarah, you’re next.”
“Who will be my next boyfriend?” Sarah bopped her head when she said her question, and it was so obvious that she was trying to lighten the mood.
Again, we placed our fingertips on the little block. As it moved to the letter S, I again got the buzzing feeling in my arms. I wanted to shake them and get rid of the feeling, but I couldn’t take my hands off the moving block, or I would wreck the game. Suddenly, the buzzing seemed to crawl under my skin and into other parts of my body, like my legs and abdomen. The little block kept moving from letter to letter, spelling out the word Stephen, and it was all I could do to hang on until the end. When it hit N, I swiftly took my fingers off the block and pulled my knees up to my chest, crossing my arms around them. My body felt as if little worms were slithering just under my skin.
“That is such bullshit!” Sarah laughed so hard she fell backward.
Natalie laughed, so I laughed, but the sound out of my mouth was like a horrible chortle.
“It’s just a game,” I said.
“Your turn,” said Sarah to me.
“Okay,” I said, relieved that they were oblivious to my reactions. “I’ll make this easy, too. Who will be the next boy I kiss?”
“Oh, for God’s sake,” said Sarah. “You sound as if you’re in grade two.”
I was going home for a meal, and I would give my dad a kiss on the cheek. I would make sure the planchette would spell Dad.
We put our fingertips on the little block.
“Bet it goes right to P.” Sarah sang her words.
The little block started to move across the board, and it was so obvious that Sarah was pushing it toward the P. Natalie too.
“You guys are making it go there.” I laughed and tried to push it the other way, toward the letter D.
“Hey, stop forcing it.” Sarah laughed with me. And we played a little pushing game with Natalie and Sarah going against me.
All of a sudden, the block moved toward the letter J.
And it stopped.
“Okay, so that’s freaky.” Sarah pushed away from the board.
I also scooted away from the board, as I could feel a weird heat coming from it. “I don’t want to play anymore,” I said.
Natalie stared at me across the candlelight. “You don’t look so good.”
My forehead burned, and sweat seemed to ooze from every pore. My body started to shake, and I couldn’t stop it.
“Indie,” said Sarah, “are you okay? You said it yourself. It’s just a game.”
“I’ll get you some water.” Natalie ran to the kitchen.
When Natalie returned with a full glass of water, my body temperature had returned to normal, but I still felt shaky. I accepted the water, almost spilling it as I brought it to my mouth and took a big gulp.
Water dribbled down my chin, and I wiped it off. “Thanks,” I said.
“Maybe Paul’s middle name begins with J,” said Sarah.
“Let’s put it away for tonight.” I put the game in its box.
“Let’s have a pillow fight instead.” Natalie threw a pillow at Sarah, and she ducked so that it hit me. I tried to laugh and pretend that nothing was wrong. I picked up the pillow and threw it back, but my arms were like rubber, and it missed Natalie completely.
“Okay, that’s it,” said Sarah. “If you’re going to throw like a girl, we’d better blow out the candles or we might end up in flames.”
We blew out the candles and turned on the lights. The fluorescent shine gave me comfort.
“Let’s watch a movie,” said Natalie.
“And eat junk food,” said Sarah.
“Sounds good to me.” I took the board to my room and stashed it in the back of my closet.
All week I went to work feeling exhausted. Every morning I would wake up and wonder if today was the day I was going to start feeling better. And every day I came home from work and slept. For the most part, I felt as if I had heavy blankets covering me—not one either, but many—and they swathed me and dragged me down, making every step a plod.
If Annabelle noticed, she didn’t say anything—that is, until Friday. The day I was heading down to Kingston to see Lacey. Natalie and I were leaving as soon as I got home from work.
“Something’s not right with you,” she said. My shift was almost over, and I was getting ready for a fun weekend. I did not need her telling me this.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Your energy is off.” She walked around my body, keeping her hands about six inches away from me but doing this waving motion.
“What are you doing?” I moved away from her.
“Trying to feel your energy.” She stopped and backed away from me. “I have a good friend who is a Reiki healer. I want you to see her ASAP.”
“Not this weekend,” I replied. “I’m leaving for Kingston as soon as I get off work.”
“I think you should reconsider your trip.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“I worry that you don’t protect yourself enough.”
“I do,” I said.
“Indie, please, listen to me.”
Chapter Fifteen
“I love this song.” Natalie turned up the volume on the radio and the two of us sang along with Jewel’s song “Who Will Save Your Soul?”
I rolled down my window to let the breeze flow through the car, and it whipped my hair everywhere. Everything in me had shifted, and I felt free and alive, buzzed and ready for a good time. Sure, my stomach was a bit queasy because of what Annabelle had said before I left, and my nerves were crackling for some strange reason, but I wasn’t going to let any of that ruin my trip. My tiredness had been replaced with this crazy electrical energy, but that was a good thing, seeing as it was the weekend.
I sang as loudly as I could until the song ended. When the ads came on, I turned down the radio.
“I called Lacey on her new cell phone,” I said. “She’s excited. We are hitting the university pub tonight.”
“Lacey has a cell phone?” Natalie switched lanes as we drove down the 401 Highway.
“She’s my only friend that does.” I loved the wind flowing through the car.
“She’s so lucky.” Natalie looked relaxed in the driver’s seat. “I want one, but they’re stupid expensive.”
“She’s always had the best phone before anyone else. When we were little, she was the first of us to have a phone in her room.” I turned down the radio even more because the DJ was still talking about what was happening in Ottawa this weekend. I didn’t care! I wasn’t going to be there.
“So you excited for the open mic at the coffee shop?” I asked.
“Nervous is more the word.”
“You’ll be great. I feel it with every fiber of my being.”
When we arrived at Queen’s, I felt as if I’d stepped into another time in history. Built in the mid-1800s, the main limestone building at the center of campus stood like a majestic statue. With our weekend bags slung over our shoulders, Natalie and I walked down the concrete path, in awe of all the other heritage stone structures, modeled after old British universities. The entire campus had a back-in-time feel to it. A tingling and buzzing raced through my body, starting at my head and moving down to my toes. I could barely keep my feet on the ground.
We found Lacey’s dorm building, and inside, it had a bit of a musty smell, but that was dorm living, or so Lacey had told me, especially in a
university that was well over 100 years old. As I walked down the hall, I felt removed from time, and it intrigued me, made me want to time travel.
Lacey’s dorm room was one-quarter, if not one-eighth, of the size of her room at her house in Ottawa, and I burst out laughing. “Where are all your clothes?”
She yanked open the closet door. “Voilà.”
Every inch was jammed with sweaters and T-shirts and skirts and blouses and winter jackets and everything else she could cram in there.
“And look under here.” Lacey dropped to her knees by her little single bed and pulled out a canvas bag that had a zipper on the top. “This is where I keep the stuff I occasionally wear. You know, like scarves and belts and crap like that.”
I sat on her bed and bounced up and down. “I’m so excited to be here. But where are we going to sleep?”
“On the floor. We’ll put your bags on my desk, because I’m not doing any work this weekend. I’m borrowing a foam mattress. I can’t wait for you to meet my friends.” Then she leaned over and whispered, “Did you bring your cards?”
I tugged them out of my bag. “Sure did.”
She clapped her hands. “Come on, let’s go find everyone.”
Natalie and I traipsed down the hall, following Lacey, and the spring in my step was almost surreal. Students passed us, and Lacey seemed to wave at everyone.
“Trust you to know a ton of people already,” I said.
“Frosh week was soooo fun, Indie. I met so many people there. We had tug-of-wars and toga parties, and it was such a blast.”
I thought about how fun it would be at a school like this, in a dorm, hanging out until all hours of the night with people my own age who were going through the same stuff I was. We took the stairs up to the third floor and walked down the hall and around the corner until Lacey stopped at a door and knocked.
A girl yelled, “Come on in. Door’s open.”
We walked into a room that was bigger than Lacey’s, but there were two of everything, so that made it the same size.
“Kristen and Paige, these are my friends from Ottawa.” She slung her arm through mine. “This is Indie, my bestest friend ever, and Natalie. Natalie wants to come to Queen’s next year. They have the cutest apartment in Ottawa.”