He takes in a small breath before answering. “Remember when I told you my grandparents own a vineyard?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, I just recently found out my dad had them start a college fund for me. But since I had a full scholarship already, they made it so I would get it after graduation.” His eyes light up as he shrugs casually. “I got the check in the mail last month and wanted to surprise you.”
“Oh my god!” I squeal. “So all this time? All this time you thought they didn’t send money or help out, they were putting money away for you?” I ask in shock.
“Yeah…in a stock making a lot of interest.” He smirks a knowing smile, giving me all the information I need.
“I can’t believe it. How…I mean…how crazy to go all these years thinking that, and then to find out something like this.” I’m completely beside myself right now. I feel so happy for him, knowing that he at least wasn’t forgotten as I was.
“It’s going to be amazing,” he promises. “I know it’s much bigger than we need, but I wanted you to have some place special to call home. Something special that you’ve never been given before. Something that reminds you of how amazing and special you are.”
“I would’ve been content with a two bedroom flat, you know that, right? I’m not high maintenance.” I laugh, still stunned by this whole thing.
“I know.” He smiles devilishly. “What do you want to do first?”
I look around at the large space. There’s really nothing that needs to be done. I can tell he hired a decorator, as everything is so perfectly put together and accented.
“Well…let’s start over there.” I point to the sectional sofa. “And then I guess we can move to the shower.” I move closer to him, placing a finger on his chest and moving it down his stomach. “Then, perhaps the bed…or…”
His mouth captures mine before I can continue, making me giggle in eagerness. He grabs my hips and then my ass, picking me up so my legs wrap sensually around him. He walks us to the sofa and sits down, allowing me to straddle his lap and take control.
“Don’t think I didn’t pack Lily and all her friends,” he says slyly.
I laugh against his lips. “Good to know…”
I grind my hips against his hard bulge, forcing a moan out of him. “It’s time to christen this couch.”
I pull back and eagerly lift his shirt up and over his head. My eyes widen as I take in his new ink. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen—an owl.
I trace it with my finger, his eyes are on me the entire time. I notice tiny initials in the shading—CMW.
Carissa Mae Wright.
“It’s beautiful,” I say, practically speechless.
Instead of desperately wanting to fuck him, I find myself wanting to make love to him. He really is my everything, and I can’t think of anything else I want to do than show him that.
“I always want you close to my heart,” he explains, looking down at the tattoo. “No matter what.”
I kiss him, slow and sweet. I take my time tasting him, showing him how much he means to me, never wanting to let him go.
He grabs my hips and forces me down on the sofa. He leans over me, pulling my shirt up and my jeans down. He takes his time, kissing up my legs, stomach, and ends at my neck.
He gently eases inside me, making the motion much more intimate. We keep our eyes locked on one another, not releasing contact as we slowly make love. It’s sweet and needy as we explore each other’s bodies like it’s our first time.
Being with Drew never feels like it’s enough. I always want more. More of him. More of us. I can’t ever imagine wanting to let him go. Ever.
We christen the sofa…and every other room in the flat.
* * *
“Are you sure you’re ready?” Drew asks as I squeeze his hand in a death grip.
I nod anxiously, squeezing my eyes tight. “Yes. I want to do this.”
I’m laying flat on a tattoo bed. It’s cold and bright. I brace myself for the needle and pain that’s about to come.
The tattoo artist reminds me to stay still as he begins my drawing.
I breathe in and out slowly right before he starts. It’s not too bad, but I keep my focus on Drew and our connected hands. He rubs his other hand against ours, soothing me until it’s over.
Moving forward. Written below the Chinese symbol for forgiveness.
It was my idea to get the tattoo, and of course, Drew supported whatever I wanted to do. I needed something meaningful, something to remind me that it’s okay to move forward, to forgive.
It doesn’t take long and soon enough it’s done. I have it on my right hip, just below where my jeans lay, making sure to keep it secure and private.
The tattoo artist holds up a hand-held mirror, showing me the final result. It’s simple, yet beautiful. I absolutely love it.
“It looks amazing,” Drew whispers, leaning in for a quick kiss. “You did good. Didn’t even break any of my fingers,” he teases.
I feel proud.
Proud that I’ve come this far when only a year ago I was a damn mess.
Proud that I was able to let someone like Drew in.
Proud that I allowed myself to love in return.
Proud of the person I’ve become, despite all the life-long obstacles I’ve been thrown into. Proud.
Epilogue
-Four years later-
It’s cold and windy the first week of October. Massachusetts has its familiar smell as it always does this time of year. The leaves changing color and falling to the ground are a welcome reminder that it’s fall and winter is soon approaching.
I’m kneeling on the cold ground, looking down at my mother’s grave. Written in script is her full name with birth and death dates.
There are no flowers or memorable gifts like the other gravesites have. It’s obvious no one’s been here. Not even my own father.
I decide to grab a few from the one next to it. She may not have been a good mom, but she at least deserves something. At least she does now in my eyes. I’ve let my past go. I’ve let it all go.
And I was too late.
Because she’s already dead.
And she’ll never know how I turned out.
I sit and allow myself to feel sorry for just a moment. I trace her tombstone with my finger, needing some kind of physical contact. Some physical connection to the fact that she’s really gone.
I dig in my coat pocket and take a picture out. I look at it for a moment before giving it a small kiss. I place it in front of her stone, standing it up against the flowers.
“It’s your grandchild, mom,” I say softly. “We’re really excited. I’m really excited.” I chuckle to myself.
“Surprise, right?” I look at the perfect tiny being on the ultrasound photo. I’m only a few months along, but I’ve never felt happier.
“If it’s a girl,” I pause to wipe the tears off my cheeks. “If it’s a girl, we’re naming her Hannah. And if it’s a boy, we’re naming him Matthew.”
I laugh to myself as I think of Drew’s owl shirt that I’m wearing underneath my jacket. It’s still my favorite shirt after all these years. It is just a shirt, but it means so much more than that. It reminds me of everything I feel for Drew and how it felt to think he was gone and out of my life forever. It taught me not to take people for granted, to not push away the ones we love, and to never lose who I really am—independent and smart—just like an owl. I never have to act like I’m someone else around Drew. I can just be myself, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted. For someone to accept me, for me.
Drew and I finally flew back to visit Julia and Kenna. We’ve spent the last four years focusing on school. Drew finished graduate school with a masters in counseling—specializing in couples sex therapy. He did double the internships, extending his schooling by two years. I graduated just a few months ago with a bachelors degree in business management. I hope to run my own business some day—hell, I could even run Drew
’s office in the future after he gets his Ph.D.
But since we are here, I wanted to make sure to say goodbye to my mother—one last time.
“I love you, Mom. I know we didn’t get a chance to bond or even be a family, and despite everything, I love you. You’re my mother. I will always love you.” I swallow, breathing out slowly as I brace myself for what I really came to say.
“I know you had a sickness, Mom. You were an addict. You needed help, and instead of staying to get you that help, I left. I should’ve known that instead of running away.” I wasn’t blaming myself for her mistakes, but I never tried to understand her before. “I forgive you. I really do. I hated you for a long time,” I admit. “But I don’t want to live like that anymore. I deserve more than that. My baby deserves more than that from me, too. So I’m moving forward, and in order for me to do that, I needed to tell you that.”
I close my eyes as the tears fall down my cheeks. I let myself cry, instead of choking them back. It feels good to release it all after all this time.
It feels really good.
* * *
“You okay?” Drew asks as he escorts me into Julia’s house.
I nod and smile at him. Because I am. I can honestly say it—I really am.
“Oh my god!” Julia squeals as she sees me. Kenna’s directly behind her, doing the same.
“You guys act like I moved to the moon or something,” I tease, letting them tackle me in a group hug.
“Well, you may as well have,” Julia scowls.
“We missed you, bitch.” Kenna smirks.
“Thanks.” I laugh. “ I missed you guys, too.”
They both flock to my belly as soon as Drew takes my coat. They move their hands around like the baby’s going to come popping out at them.
“Okay, stop groping me,” I joke, pushing their hands away. “There’s not much there yet.”
“I still cannot believe it.” Julia stands in front of me, shaking her head.
“No shit,” Kenna snorts.
“Shut up,” I fire back at them. “Just because you girls don’t want to settle down…”
My eyes shoot past them as I see Landon and Zen, Drew’s old college friends, walk up behind Julia and Kenna.
They yell out Drew’s name and give each other shoulder pats and half guy hugs.
“What are they doing here?” I whisper to Julia and Kenna.
They both smile and stay silent. I look at them and then I know. Of course.
“Nice.” I grin. “You two are up for dishing next!”
We all laugh together as we walk into the living room together. It’s nice being with them again. It’s familiar and comfortable, bringing back tons of memories that we share together from working at the bar for so many years. I really do miss them, but I wouldn’t trade my life in London with Drew for anything. Because right now, it’s perfect.
And my life has never felt like that before.
It's funny how you just meet this one person, and he makes you laugh, and gives you hope, and shows you the true meaning of happiness. He makes you realize that there's so much more to life, and when you're with him, you forget how empty you’ve ever felt before.
And before Drew…
I was a lost soul.
It’s like I had suddenly been woken up—letting him into my life, into my heart. I didn’t know I was lost, but he woke me. He woke me up from the life I thought I wanted. The life that wasn’t worth living anymore. But he made everything worth it.
He made me see…
…that he wasn’t just a flame.
He was my future.
My everything.
* * *
Books by Brooke Cumberland
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The Riverside Trilogy
Kitchen Affairs, Book 1
Kitchen Scandals, Book 2
Kitchen Promises, Book 3
* * *
The Spark Series
SPARK, Book 1
BURN, Book 2
FLAME, Book 3
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About the Author
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Brooke is a Midwestern gal, from the cheese state of Wisconsin! Go Packers! She's a stay-at-home mom of three beautiful children (one daughter & two stepsons) and a black furry dog. She studied Psychology in college, and counseling and education in graduate school where she found her passion. Most days you can find her reading or writing, or just hanging out with her family! She loves movies, cooking, and shopping! She's addicted to Starbucks, Coach purses, and wearing yoga pants.
Find Brooke
http://www.facebook.com/brookecumberlandauthor
www.brookecumberland.com
Twitter @blcumberland
Follow on Pinterest – bcumberland8
Follow on Instagram – blessedmama26
Please consider leaving a review! I’d appreciate it very much! Thank you for reading!
Brooke
xoxo
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Brooke’s Signing Schedule
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Wicked Girls Book Weekend, March 7-9, 2014
Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Authors in the City Signing, March 15, 2014
New York City, NY
North Shore Author Signing, April 12, 2014
Boston, MA
Cleveland Author Event, April 26, 2014
Cleveland, OH
Tennessee Valley Author Event, July 12, 2014
Knoxville, TN
Indie Mashup, July 26, 2014
Springdale, AR
Penned Con, September 12-13, 2014
St. Louis, MO
Rebels & Readers, November 8, 2014
Huntington, WV
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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
My wonderful, wonderful, wonderful betas. This book would not exist without you all. Well, it would, but it wouldn’t be any good. You have pushed me, motivated me, taught me, and showed me so much. It’s amazing how a group of people I’ve never met in real life before can become my family. It’s not just how you help me, rather it’s the interaction, the socialization, and love that surrounds me. It’s incredible. And it warms my heart every day I get to speak with all of you.
To the amazing readers who fell in love with Carissa in Spark and Burn, thank you for coming back to read her story! To the amazing readers who took a chance and read her for the first time, I hope you enjoyed her story.
To the wonderful writing community—there just isn’t enough to say about it. Authors supporting authors, readers supporting authors, bloggers supporting authors. It’s seriously the best community to be involved in. So many other authors have rescued me in a pinch or ‘writing crisis.’ This isn’t meant to be a competitive community, rather come together and bring our readers the absolute best books we possibly can. To my friends in author support 101 group. You’ve become my cyber family, and I can’t possibly go a day without you. Thank you for all your wisdom and support.
To the readers who continuously support me and my work—thank you! Thank you for chatting with me, screaming at me, tagging me, telling your friends about me, and for reading anything I publish. You’re all amazing!
Hugs and kisses,
Brooke
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