by Marie Harte
His scowl proclaimed her victory. “What the hell am I?”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m a man.”
“Why yes, you are.” To add insult to injury, she patted his knee. “And a handsome one at that.”
She moved back and would have stood when Deacon suddenly loomed over her, pressing her back into the couch. “Come on, Solene. Stop being so stubborn.” He leaned close and feathered his breath over her lips. The scent of mint from the tea he’d been drinking stole her senses.
“Stubborn?” Her body came to shocking life. Stiff nipples, butterflies in her belly, an oversensitive sex drive. As usual, her thoughts went straight to the gutter with Deacon, wondering if tonight would be a good night for anal sex. She’d been thinking about it a lot, and also about what the act with Deacon might mean.
That teasing before, about the only way she’d let him take her that way would be if she loved him.
Well, damn it. She kind of did, but what kind of woman announced her feelings by letting a guy do her up the butt? Just thinking about it made her want to break down in hysterical laughter.
She sobered quickly, wondering how anal sex with Deacon would feel. Nothing funny about how hungry she was to have him. If he weren’t so freakin’ funny and kind, it would be easier to chalk up her attraction as mostly physical.
But nooo, the blasted man just had to cook for her all the time. He asked about her welfare, genuinely cared about her opinions, and had no problem calling bullshit on her attitude when she deserved it.
Who did that? Most men agreed to anything she wanted to make her happy. Those who didn’t argued on general principal, trying to dominate her into doing what they wanted. But Deacon somehow worked around all that, spending time with her doing what they both wanted.
Maybe because they liked so many of the same things, he didn’t have to pretend.
He snapped a finger in front of her. “Hey, Blondie, stay with me. What’s this about needing a man?”
“Nothing for you to worry about. I figure you’ll wrap this case up soon enough. Then you’ll be back doing that thing you do,” she said lightly, wondering what the frown on his face meant. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to start dating now, bringing strange men around or anything.” She laughed. “But it won’t hurt to make some online friends.” She perked up. “I know. You can vet them for me. If I see someone I like, you could run a background check on him. Let me know if he’s okay.”
She waited for Deacon to say something. To encourage her, maybe? He looked like he wanted to strangle her.
Good.
“Well, guess I’d better get started. I’ll leave you to the TV. I’ll be on my laptop if you need me.” She made it as far as the hallway before he jerked her into his arms and hauled her over his shoulder like a caveman. He swore, most creatively, as he carted her to his room, not hers. This man had a thing about carting her around.
She thrilled at his possession, loving his anger, because it showed he cared. At least, she hoped that was what it meant.
“Are you fucking insane?” he barked and set her down none too gently. He gave a small push and she fell back onto the bed, her knees buckling against it. “Going out with strangers is unsafe, stupid, and ridiculous. I’m right here.” He tapped his chest. “Your problem is you refuse to come to me. Come on, Solene. Ask me. Tell me how much you need me inside you. I’ll give you whatever you want. Some hard cock, fingering, maybe even some kink if you want it. Just tell me what I want to hear.”
“Oh, I see. You turn into this huge cock-tease to get me to admit I want you. How old are you again? Seventeen? Oh, no, that’s right. You’re thirty-five.”
“Thirty-two,” he growled as he stripped off his clothes.
Her pulse skyrocketed, and she watched every detail as he disrobed. “Right. Thirty-two. So why the song and dance to get some sex around here? I mean, if I wanted it, I could have it easily enough.” She wasn’t lying. “I have a lot of numbers I could call.”
“I have your number right here.” He stood with his hands on his hips, and she almost checked herself for drool. Dear Lord, he was cut. Talk about a ripped set of abs, thighs, and that thick flesh between his legs. It was hard and high and pointed right at her.
“What is your problem?”
“I have several, and most revolve around you,” he muttered. “Get undressed so I can fuck the stupid out of you.”
“Excuse me?”
“Oh man. When your eyes flash like that, I get impossibly hard.” He held himself and groaned. “Look, Solene. It’s easy enough to understand. Even for you.”
So, it would be angry sex, then. No problem. She knelt on the bed and yanked off her clothes as he continued.
“You badger me about what happens after this mission. I tell you I plan to hang around. Then you get all reluctant on me.”
“Not true.”
His gaze shot to her breasts and stayed there. “Oh, it’s true. The minute I said I was thinking about hanging around after we fixed Noel’s mess, you got all prickly. Like I’m invading your space as it is.”
“That’s not—”
“I know you’ve been burned before. I get it. This is your sanctuary, and you’re already dealing with some fuckheads making you feel unsafe. But that’s not me. I’m all about protecting you. Making you feel good.” He joined her on the bed, blanketing her before she could say anything. “Making you feel full when I’m inside you,” he added, his voice husky. “You like that, baby?” He ran his fingers over her belly and between her legs, resting against her folds.
Crap. She was wet, and now he knew it.
He gave her a mean smile. “You’re running scared. When I stay at the distance you want me to stay, we’re good. But the minute I cross that imaginary line, interfering in your life, you pull back. So, this time I pulled back. And you didn’t like it, did you?”
“Way to play hard to get,” she sniped, not liking how easily he seemed to read her.
Deacon leaned down and took her nipple in his mouth. He teethed the bud, then sucked and plumped her with his large hand until she was squirming under him, wet and needy.
She moved her hips, trying to force his angle so that he had no choice but to slide inside her. She ached for him, wanting him with an ugly desperation she wished she couldn’t feel.
“See, this I get,” he rasped. “You wanting me but not liking it. But I think it’s more than that.”
“Are you going to talk me to death or fuck me?” She glared up at him, so in lust—and in love— it hurt.
“Okay. The hard way.” He nudged her thighs wider then positioned himself at her core. He stared at her as he shoved hard and fast inside her, filling her in one pounding thrust.
She gasped, stuffed so full, and he rode her, just fucked her until she was mindless, sobbing as she came all around him.
But the bastard wouldn’t finish with her. He looked in pain as he stared down at her, his expression a mix of satisfaction, anger, and need.
“Yeah, that’s so pretty. God, you’re gorgeous when you come.”
She fought to catch her breath. “But you didn’t.”
“Not yet. Not in here this time.” He slowly withdrew, then shoved a pillow under her hips and angled himself to penetrate her ass. He waited, watching her.
“Oh, just do it.”
“My new slogan,” he murmured, and she found herself laughing.
“You’re such an ass.” She groaned when he withdrew and reached for the lube she hadn’t noticed on the bedside table. “You planned this.”
“Hey, I’m just giving you what you need.” He drizzled lube over his cock, making himself slick.
Excitement burned, especially when he mounted her again, staring into her eyes while he arranged himself, then surged forward, slowly penetrating her ass.
Deacon groaned. “Yeah, baby. You need a hard fuck, don’t you? But you need this even more.” He gave a mean grin and slowly withdrew, then pushed back in aga
in, lodging thick and heavy inside her. The burn she’d expected wasn’t there, nor was the pain. She felt a bit of discomfort at feeling so full.
And then he moved again, faster.
She jolted and cried out, overstimulated.
“That’s it. Show me what you feel. You need me—Deacon. Not some online douche.” He pumped, in and out, his breathing growing choppy, his words turning into grunts and groans of delight.
She found his rhythm and jerked when he put a hand between them to rub her clit. The extra pleasure had her mindless, and she squeezed her cheeks tight when he swore and came, jerking in her ass for some time.
“Damn, girl.” He kissed her, still moving, though slowly now. “I missed this. Missed you.”
“Me too,” she admitted. “So why did you wait?”
“Because I want you to feel it. You pretend I’m a temporary speed bump, something to get over because you have to. But this, this is more than a want. You and me together? It’s a need. A craving. And darlin’, I am buried up your ass and loving every second. Fucking you is so damn good.”
“How do you know what to say? ’Cause all that lovey talk makes me ill. But your bluntness just sounds authentic. Or is that part of your scam?”
He chuckled, moaned, and withdrew, leaving a mess. “Scam? Man, all your love talk is going to my head.” He left her to clean up and came back with a wash cloth he used to tend to her.
She didn’t feel strange letting him clean her up. She felt comforted, treasured. And as he kissed where the washcloth went, she grew aroused all over again.
He tossed the rag to the floor and drew her into his arms. Hugging her while they enjoyed some post-sex cuddling, he dominated the space while keeping her warm. Protected. A woman could grow to like that feeling. Maybe a little too much.
She groaned. “That felt good.”
“I know.” He smiled against her hair; she could feel it. They lay together for a while, and when he made no move to have her again, she started to drift into sleep.
“Tell me what you want, Solene.”
“A nap?” she teased. “Hmm. What I want… For just one day where my kids don’t have a meltdown at the daycare, maybe. Or to win that home and garden channel dreamhouse. It’s beautiful and in Portland this year.”
He chuckled. “Those seem like lofty goals, but I mean, deep inside.” He cupped her breasts, his callused palms light, warm. “What do you really want? What would make you happy? I can tell you what I want. A place to call home.”
She listened to him, hearing the heart of the man and hugging his arms around her tighter.
“I want a woman I can be me with. Someone I can count on, who’ll accept who I am, my work, and know I’m more than what I do.”
“Yes,” she agreed, captivated by the fancy hitman with dreams of domestic bliss. “That’s what I want. A man to want me for me. Not for my money or connections. Not for my looks. But for the real me deep inside.”
He kissed her again and stroked her skin with a feather-light touch. “I want to know what you want. What you need.”
“Why?”
“I’m writing a book,” he said drily. “Why the hell do you think, Blondie? I can give you those things.”
“Yeah, now.” She rolled over, resting belly to belly on top of him. “Until you go back to taking care of business around the world. I want a real relationship, Deacon. Not a long distance one. And not one that takes second place to a man’s career.”
She couldn’t read the expression on his face, but she didn’t regret telling him the truth. The sex was amazing, but perhaps it was time to come back to earth. What they had now was incredible, and a fantasy. Not close to being a reality.
“You should always want to come first.” That he agreed with her only made him that much more of a keeper. “You know, when I started with the Business, it was all I knew. But it’s been a long time, and the work we do wears on you. I see why Noel got out, and it wasn’t just because of Addy. It was because he was tired. Another country, another bad guy, another bureaucrat we have to worry about. All for the greater good. But it feels like nothing ever changes.” He paused, shook his head, and went quiet.
She wondered what he didn’t say. “You have a tough job.”
“I do.” He drew her down for a kiss, and the press of his mouth stole her focus. “Fuck, Solene. You get to me. A kiss and I forget my own name.”
“I’ll remember for you,” she said, kissing him back.
When they came back up for air, she was gathered up in his arms, her body once again surrounded by Deacon. Her mind and heart his to keep, if only he’d tell her he loved her.
Ten
The following Thursday, a week past her sexual détente with Deacon, Solene sat in her daycare, surrounded by toddlers, her teenage help, and Darcy, who seemed as if she’d been born for the job. The day progressed like any other, and as usual, dissatisfaction with the job weighed heavily on Solene’s shoulders. With all that was happening with Little Dee and Burleigh, the normalcy of running her business felt more like a dream. The piece that didn’t fit her puzzle of a life.
She couldn’t believe she’d told Deacon how much he meant to her in that hotel. Or that she’d had angry sex with him that had burned her from the inside out. Or that after finally having him in all ways, he only got better. No selfish lover, the man constantly saw to her needs first.
Freakin’ Deacon. He continued to act charming, to listen when she spoke, and to cook for her. He seemed to get such a kick from watching her eat. She’d teased him about it being some kind of kink over dinner last night, but his response had broken her heart.
“I guess I’m always feeding you because I had so little for so long. When I was younger, food meant care. Seeing you eat, it makes me feel good. Like I’m taking care of you.”
She hadn’t complained about one thing he’d made. Or the fact that after the meal they’d snuggled on the couch before she’d fallen asleep in his arms.
She’d woken up alone and in her bed, but she swore she could smell him on her pillow. All man with a hint of citrus from sharing her shampoo and soap.
The intimacies continued to grow, and she wondered if she was insane for not cutting her losses now. Each minute with him drew her deeper under his spell. She, the woman who liked to think of the glass as half empty, had fallen in love with a man more shadow than real.
It was like she wanted to hurt herself, so she had to get as tight with Deacon as she could before he pulled away, taking her heart with him when he left.
“Solene, can we talk?” Darcy asked and sat with her while Annie put the children down for naptime.
“Sure.”
Darcy looked nervous, spiking Solene’s concern.
“What’s wrong?” Solene knew Hammer was watching her from the small storeroom she’d turned into a tiny security room, full of monitors watching the place. From there, Hammer could keep an eye on everyone around the building and in it, while still being able to do whatever research kept him busy. He’d traded off with Deacon this afternoon due to some errand Deacon had to run.
“Is everything okay, dear?” Darcy asked.
Solene blinked. “Yes. Why do you ask?”
“Well, you seem a little…jumpy.”
Solene decided to stick to the cover story the guys had prepared in case anyone asked. “I’m fine. It’s just, I had a bad breakup with a guy a few days ago, and I keep thinking he’ll turn up here. Am I happy or mad about that? I don’t know.”
Do I want Deacon to stay with me, get down on one knee and proclaim everlasting love? Or would I laugh at him if he tried? Part of Solene wanted to be strong and reject any potential hurt that might come her way. But the hopeful part, the side of herself she’d sworn she’d buried years ago, continued to pray for a happily ever after.
God, she wanted to slap herself for being so naïve. She was turning into Addy—her best friend, whom she hadn’t confided in yet. They hadn’t talked much in weeks, not with
Addy and Noel so busy together and Solene and Deacon enjoying each other. With so much going on, she hadn’t had a real chance to sit down and bounce her concerns off her friend.
“Oh good.” Darcy blushed. “I mean, not good for you. I was afraid I’d done something to put you off.”
“Nope. It’s all me.”
“Because these children are just angels.” Darcy beamed.
Solene got a sick feeling in her gut. Anytime someone mentioned angels she thought conspiracy.
She had to stop feeling that way. And she had to stop cringing at the thought of Deacon leaving her. So what that they’d discussed a possible menu for her future sandwich place? Or that they seemed to enjoy arguing as much as they enjoyed making up? Deacon loved serving her breakfast in bed, mostly because she ended up becoming the main course. They talked about upcoming events, their friends, when they thought Noel and Addy might get married. Everything but the fact he’d be leaving soon.
She sighed. At Darcy’s look, she shook her head. “Men.”
Darcy patted her hand. “Enough said.” The older woman smiled. “But if he drives you crazy, he’s one to watch out for.” Darcy said something else, but Solene missed it, thrown by a surprising yet familiar face appearing in the hallway behind her.
“Oh, ah, Darcy? Excuse me for a minute. I’ll be right back.”
“Sure thing. I’ll keep an eye on the little ones with Annie.”
Solene hotfooted it down the hallway, then nearly yelped when a hand pulled her into her office and closed the door. “Vi—?”
The dark-haired woman who had served as Noel’s nurse, courtesy of the Business and Big Joe, held a finger to her lips and shook her head. Then she lifted what looked like a transmitter from under Solene’s desk and smashed it.
“Okay, this has to be fast.”
Solene was confused. “What are you doing here? I thought you had a new assignment in Europe or something.”
Vi shook her head. “We don’t have a lot of time. You’re bugged. You have someone on the inside watching you, reporting to Burleigh as we speak. Your new babysitter? Darcy Fitzgerald? She’s working for him. Listen to me. I need you to go back in there, make up some excuse about working in your office for a while. Then we’ll slip out. I don’t want her to know we know.”