He goes stock still, and silence bleeds into the space between us. I give him time to gather his thoughts.
He locks his hand around the back of his neck. “Because no one was there to protect me.”
All the blood leaches from my face, and tiny goose bumps sprout up and down my arms despite the heavy blanket swathing me. Ky’s gaze darkens as he looks out to the lake, lost in clearly difficult thoughts. Tentatively, I touch his arm. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He shakes his head without looking at me. “I can’t.” He swallows audibly. “Not yet.”
I rest my head against his shoulder. “It’s okay.” I say it, but I don’t really mean it. He’s hurting much more than I realized, and it goes against the grain to give up without a fight, but I can’t push him. I have to let him talk to me about it, whatever it is, when he’s good and ready. “Just know that I’m here for you.”
His chest heaves as he pins hopeful eyes on mine. “What are you saying exactly?”
I hoist myself onto his lap, circling my arms around his neck. “I can let it go. I want to let it go. She’s not going to take you from me anymore. No matter what, from now on, I’m yours. I’m here for you now and always. I love you, Ky.” I press a kiss to his cheek. “Forever.”
Chapter Thirty-One
His heart is beating so fast underneath my palm as he looks deep into my eyes. “You mean it?”
“I do.” I weave my fingers through his hair and press a kiss to his forehead. “She’s already taken so much from us. I’m not letting her take anything else.”
His arms tighten around my waist as he brings my mouth down to his. The instant our lips brush, a calming sensation spreads over my body. Like that feeling you get when you step into your house from the cold and the warmth and comfort of familiarity, of home, envelops you in a welcoming blanket.
Kissing Ky feels like I’m home, and I never want to leave again.
His kisses are soft and gentle and so tender, as if he’s savoring each and every one. “I’ve missed this.” His warm breath caresses my mouth as he speaks in between kisses.
“I’ve felt so empty without you,” I whisper, trailing my thumb across his lower lip. “I want this with you. No more looking back.”
The look he gives me sets off fireworks inside my chest. He nips at my bottom lip, and I moan. “I’m sold, baby. I’m all yours.”
I mesh my mouth to his, pushing my tongue into his mouth and starting a new tango. Our tongues caress, and our lips move frenetically as our connection sends delicious sparks ripping up and down my body. My heart is hammering in my chest, and liquid lust ignites my veins. I grip his shoulders, moving my lips to his neck, sucking greedily on his skin. His hands sneak under my sweater, inching up my back, and I arch my body, pressing into him as my core pulses with raw need. I move my legs until I’m straddling him, and he lifts his hips, pressing his hard arousal against me. We moan together, before cracking up laughing, and I love how natural it is being with him like this. I run the tips of my fingers over his face, relishing the feel of his skin against mine.
He cups my head in his large hands. “I love you, Faye. So much the strength of it scares the crap out of me sometimes.”
I ease off him, lying back down on the blanket. Tugging on his shirt, I yank him toward me. His body covers mine in all the right places, and I grind against him, wet and needy. “I’m the same. That’s how I know this is right.” My eyes radiate with a combination of love and desire. “I want to feel you moving inside me. Take me here, Ky.”
He buries his head in my neck as his hips piston against mine. “You’re killing me, babe.”
He presses a light kiss to that tender spot on my collarbone, and I squirm underneath him. “Ky.” My tone is desperate and breathless. “Please.”
Lifting up on his hands, he stares down at me. “You know I want you. You’ve no idea how many nights I’ve woken up hard from dreaming about us like that, but I meant what I said in Nantucket. Our first time is going to be special.”
“It’s beautiful here,” I protest. “There couldn’t be a more perfect place. And there isn’t a sinner around. We’re all alone.”
He chuckles, tracing circles on my arm with the tip of his finger. I shiver all over, and fire blazes in his eyes. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but we can’t do it tonight. Not after the events of today. I don’t want anything tarnishing the memory of the first time we make love, and if we do it now, I’ll always remember this day for different reasons. I don’t want that for you. For us.”
Sighing, he sits up, tenderly pulling me up with him. “We’ve waited this long. We can wait a little while longer.” He brings my palm to his mouth and kisses it. I try not to pout, but it’s difficult when my body is a writhing mass of hormones. He laughs again. “We’re stuck in some warped role reversal. Surely I should be arguing your point and vice versa?”
That raises a smile, and I can’t help it. “It’s the twenty-first century, babe. Get used to it!” I tease, sliding my hands all over his chest.
“How about this?” He snakes a hand around my waist, pressing his delectable mouth to my ear. “We’ll head home and I’ll take care of your needs in other ways, and then we can hold each other all night?”
My eyes sparkle as I peer up at him. “That’s a worthy compromise.”
“Come on then.” He climbs to his feet, extending his hand to help me up.
Alex and James make no comment on our conjoined hands when we arrive back in the house. I figure they’re just glad to see him home safe and sound. We missed dinner, but they saved us some. Ky plays footsie with me while we eat, situated across the table from one another, and the only thing on my mind is my other hunger—the one in my knickers that’s ready to slay me whole.
We sneak into my room when no one is looking, and I swiftly lock the door. Ky closes the curtains and then stalks toward me like a man on a mission. I squeal, flattening my back to the door when he reaches me. His hands cage me in as he dips his head and skims the tip of his nose along my neck. My legs wobble as he audibly inhales. “You smell amazing.” His tongue darts out, tasting my flesh, and I whimper. “You taste amazing.” I can hear the smile in his voice. One hand moves down my side, brushing against my breast and curving over my hips. “You feel amazing.”
“Oh, God.” Whimpering again, I’m starting to doubt my legs’ ability to hold me upright when they start trembling and quivering beneath me.
His hand welds to my butt, and he squeezes my flesh through my jeans as his mouth descends greedily on mine. His lips are fierce as he kisses me with all the pent-up passion and longing of the last few weeks. I grab handfuls of his hair, angling his head so I can kiss him more passionately. He groans into my mouth, and I grate my hips against his. His arms go around me as he pulls me away from the door, kissing me relentlessly, his mouth devouring mine. My hands grip his shoulders, digging in as a wave of hot desire crashes over me. I have never wanted any boy as much as I want him.
He groans again, holding me flush to his body, and my hands roam over his back and down to his butt. He thrusts me back against the door, and it rattles noisily. Growling, he moves his long, firm body against me as his tongue dips into my ear. Gasping, I lift my legs automatically, wrapping them around his waist. Oh, hell. This feels so good. More amazing than I ever imagined being with a boy could feel like. His hands slide under my butt, and he walks us to the bed. Easing me back on the mattress, he dots my face and neck with a slew of drugging kisses. I’m panting and writhing in need as he lowers himself down over my body, grinning up at me. “Do you trust me, baby?”
“I do. I trust you.” My raspy tone could be embarrassing with anyone else but not with him. I want him to see, to hear, how much I want him. I’ve never felt this much with anyone ever before. I never want to feel this with anyone else.
He removes my boots, tossing them fli
ppantly over his shoulder. I push up on my elbows, watching as he removes my socks before pressing feather-light kisses all over my skin. His hands creep up my calves and up over my knees, tracing tiny circles on my inner thighs as I all but die on the bed. He cups me there, and I almost jerk off the bed. “Is this what you need, sweetheart?” His finger moves up and down over my jeans causing an insane friction to build.
I can only nod and moan. He chuckles as he pops the buttons on my jeans and tugs them down my legs, taking my knickers along for the ride. “Take off your sweater and bra. I want you naked.”
My bravery deserts me the instant I hear his request. My naked body is no longer unblemished, and although I want this with him, I don’t want him to see the horrible disfigurement on my stomach. Because he knows me so well, he already understands the reason for my sudden hesitation. “It doesn’t change how I feel about you or how much I want you.” I gulp. “Let me see, baby.”
Summoning courage, I remove the rest of my clothes with trembling hands. Ky shifts back on his heels, his gaze transfixed on my scar. Instinctively, my hands cover the raised, jagged mark. We lock eyes and his pained expression confuses me. “It’s hideous, I know.” I squirm in embarrassment as a slight red flush darkens my cheeks. Unable to handle his intense gaze, I look away.
Carefully, he places two fingers under my chin, moving my head so I’m staring him directly in the face. “It’s not, and don’t be embarrassed.” He removes my hands, running his fingers lightly over the length of the scar. “This is a survivor’s badge. A constant reminder of how precious life is and how close you came to losing yours.” His chest heaves painfully as he dips down, planting a line of delicate kisses against my damaged skin. When he lifts back up, so much emotion is etched across his face. “I see all that when I look at you. I see how strong you are—strong, beautiful, and brave. But I also see my biggest failure. This will always remind me of the time I let you down in the worst possible way.” I open my mouth to protest, but he shushes me. “I reckon that’s a good thing. It’ll only ensure I never let you down again.”
Propping up on my elbows, I place a delicate kiss on his mouth. “You have to forgive yourself, and I know you won’t fail me again.” I palm his face. “If I’m not to get embarrassed over this scar, then you can’t get melancholy. That’s the deal.”
“I’ll try,” he whispers.
“Good.” I kiss him more profoundly this time. “So, where were we?” I tug on his jeans, biting my lip in a deliberate provocative move.
“Right about here,” he says, undressing quickly. He crawls over me, completely naked, and his hands roam over every inch of my skin. I shiver all over. “You are so beautiful to me.” His fingers move over my breasts, and I mold to his touch. He tweaks my nipple, and I squeak, grabbing his head and forcing his mouth back to mine. My hands explore his ripped chest and abs, snaking lower until I curl my hand around him. He jolts and I smile into our kiss, adoring how much my touch turns him on.
He smooths a hand over my hip and down lower, and his fingers hover exactly where I need them to be. My breath stalls in my chest. He pulls his mouth back as he slips one finger inside me. “I love you.”
I start pumping my hand up and down, diving in and grazing my nose along his neck. “And I love you.”
Our movements turn more frantic, our kisses more urgent, and things start building to a crescendo inside me. I’m thrusting against his hand and trying to smother my moans while I work him as fast as he works me. We both edge even closer to that heavenly ledge, and our collective breathing is ragged as we kiss like it’s the end of the world and we’re never going to get to do this again. I shatter, splintering into a million blissful pieces as Ky does the same. Our mouths disguise our moans until we fall back down to Earth.
After a quick cleanup, Ky flops onto the bed on his back, and I join him, giggling for no apparent reason except that I’m happy, euphoric, and on a complete and utter high. He twists his head to face me. “Nothing has ever felt as good as this. I can only imagine how amazing it’s going to be when I’m inside you.”
I cover my face with my hand as my core pulses with renewed need. I don’t know what is happening to me, but I’m like a Duracell bunny on Viagra when I’m with Ky. I’ve never felt as horny or as sexy before. “Not helping, jerkface,” I moan, swatting his shoulder.
He chuckles, lifting my hand away from my face. “Stop covering yourself up. I’ve gone long enough without seeing your pretty face.” He presses a delicate kiss to my lips, and I sigh contentedly. He smiles, a full, wide, genuine smile, the likes I haven’t seen on him in weeks, and my heart melts. “What do you want to do now? It’s too early to go to sleep.”
My mind instantly dredges up all manner of dirty things. He throws back his head, laughing. “Mind out of the gutter, babe. It’s got to be something outside this room. I only have so much self-control.”
I force him into watching Titanic with me. It’s my go-to movie whenever my emotions are heightened. It didn’t take much persuasion on my part, even though I can tell this is totally not his thing. Not that he’s following the story on the screen anyway. He spends most of the movie touching and kissing me, and we are locked in the midst of a steamy make-out session when Kalvin slips quietly into the room. We don’t hear him until he’s virtually on top of us. “I hope you’re giving her lots of tongue,” he purrs, right beside my ear, and I shriek. “Faye looks like she needs a good tonguing.”
I almost piss myself laughing. “You are fucking disgusting,” Ky says, shoving him back. “And get out of our personal space. You’re breathing germs all over us.”
Kal smirks, dropping into a seat behind us and propping his feet up. “Just keeping it real, bro.”
Ky pauses the movie and turns up the lights. Swiveling in the chair, he nervously eyeballs his brother. “I’m so sorry, Kal. I’m sorry you got dragged into this. It should never have impacted you and Lana. I wish I’d never gotten involved with Addison in the first place.” The flash of guilt in his eyes is unmistakable.
Kal drops his feet, straightening up. “It’s not your fault. If I hadn’t gotten drunk that night at the party, she never would’ve been able to take advantage of me. And if I hadn’t hurt Lana so bad, Addison wouldn’t have been able to manipulate her into claiming rape.” Leaning over, he slaps Ky on the back. “I’ve spent weeks going over all the ‘what ifs’ and it’s pointless. It’s happened. It’s over. Time to move on.”
“I’m proud of you.” I jump out of my seat, move in beside him, and pull him into a fierce hug. “And I’m glad you’re back to your flirty self. I’ve missed you.”
He presses a kiss to the top of my head. “I don’t think I’ll ever be the same, but thanks, and for talking to her today.”
“I was glad to have the chance to talk to her.” I peer into his eyes. “Was the letter what you were hoping it was?”
A sorrowful look fills his eyes, and they lose some of their shine. “Yes and no.” He leans his head back, staring at the ceiling. “I know she loves me in the same way I have always loved her. That she wanted the same things for our future, but it’s all ruined now. She wants me to keep my distance. Not to try and find her.” He gulps, twisting his head to look at me. “I figure if I truly love her, that means I need to let her go. But it hurts, you know.”
His eyes grow glassy, and I hug him again. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too.” He kisses the top of my head, and we are all tongue-tied for a few minutes. “Enough of the heavy.” A mischievous glint appears in his eye. “Speaking of moving on.” He winks. “Judging by the sounds coming out of your bedroom earlier, is it safe to assume you two are all hot and heavy again?”
My cheeks flare red, and I bury my head in my hands. “Oh my God.” Kal splutters out a laugh and I hear the telltale sound of a slap.
“Stop being an ass. You’re embarrassing her.” Ky immediately jumps
to my defense.
“Nothing wrong with a little kissing-cousin action, or more.” Kal titters this time, and the slap is louder. “Ow, man. That freaking hurt.”
I lift my head up, leaning into Ky. “Stop hitting him.” I eyeball Kal. “Did everyone hear?”
“It was only me and Brad in the games room at the time, but he hightailed it out of there pretty fast.”
I massage my temples, wondering how the hell things are going to work out between the three of us now that Ky and I are back together. Brad has been a great friend these last couple of months, and he’s like a brother to Ky. Plus, he’s got his own shit to deal with, and he needs us, now more than ever. When I think back over the last few weeks, I feel like a piece of crap. All I’ve been doing is leaning on him, instead of offering support, and I’ve done nothing constructive to try to bridge the gap between us. That’s got to change, but I’m not sure how to pull it off with the weird vibe between us lately.
“I’m going to talk to him,” Ky says, as if he can read my mind.
“We need to fix this. He needs us.”
He bends down, kissing me softly. “I know. Let me smooth things over. Don’t worry, babe, I got this.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
The next week passes in a flash. News of Kal’s innocence and Addison’s game-playing is all everyone is talking about around town. Kal returns to O.C. where he’s treated like a king, or so Ky says. There’s no word yet on whether charges are being brought against Lana and Addison, and the witch is maintaining a low profile as Brad predicted. She hasn’t been in school all week much to Ky’s and Kal’s relief. Even Peyton is coming in for flack at our school, and she’s only her cousin.
The judgmental narrow-mindedness of small town living only fuels my desire to leave it behind someday. Although I’ve come to look on Wellesley as home, I’d much rather live in a big town or city where I’m merely a number and not fodder for gossip. I hate that everyone knows everyone’s business around here.
Losing Kyler (The Kennedy Boys Book 2) Page 29