‘Of course,’ the social worker said, ‘it’s mainly down to the medication. Finding out what works best together. It’s vitally important Mary keeps up with her regime, that goes without saying. What we need now is a period of stability. There’s a supply here, and you can get more from your GP when you run out. There’s various things I need to go through with you, Mr Hale, and some documents you’ll need to sign …’
‘Aidan,’ said Dad, ‘take your mum out into the garden for a minute, will you?’
I held Mum’s hand and led her outside to the green square of lawn with its borders of winter-sleeping plants and its ordinary garden shed. The sky was clear and blue, fading to purple already in one vast corner. An hour from now it would be dark and the moon coming around. But none of that mattered any more.
Steam poured from our mouths as we stood there looking at each other.
‘How do you feel, Mum?’
‘Tired,’ she whispered. ‘But different. Peaceful.’
‘I’ll make sure you take everything. All the pills and stuff. That’s my job from now on. To look after you.’
She smiled and touched my shoulder. Blonde hair, overweight in her grey cardigan and tracksuit bottoms. Beautiful. I thought of the photograph of us eating ice creams on the beach. How her eyes in that picture were clear and free of confusion. How they looked the same now.
‘Everything’s so quiet,’ she said. ‘I’d forgotten.’
She was right. I listened to the silence. There were no cars, no TVs, no neighbours. Just our invincible hearts pushing us on through the bare branches of an English winter. It must have been like this in the year when Haxforth’s brother was crowned, or when the man who wrote Beowulf first picked up his pen.
‘It’s the blue sky,’ said Mum. ‘Now there’s the same silence in here, too.’ She tapped the top of her head.
‘No voices?’
‘Not today.’
I heard the gate go. The social worker was leaving. I knew she’d be back, tomorrow or the day after. But that was OK because somehow I didn’t feel afraid any more about all those tomorrows.
Dad came outside. And all we did then was hold onto each other, the three of us, hold on really tight.
Blue skies forever.
Why I Went Back Page 21