Losing Myself in You

by Heather C. Myers

  * * *

  "What am I doing here?"

  Bridgette glanced at her best friend from the corner of her eyes before looking at the familiar building in front of her. Although familiar, it was also foreign, considering that she had never stepped foot inside because, quite frankly, she never had to. It was just after one o'clock in the afternoon, and the agent's thoughts were in complete disarray. She tried to control them, or at least push them aside so she could concentrate on her job, but Marcus' face kept popping up at the most inopportune time. She wondered if he finally realized she had left and, if so, what he was going to do about it, if anything.

  Bridgette regarded the building once more, and felt herself take a step back. It was a tall and black, resembling one of those oak trees with a branch that always found a window during a thunderstorm. It could be summed up with one word: Creepy. The windows were tinted so no one could see in, and to even get in the building, one needed an appointment with someone on the inside so the inside of the building was a complete mystery. There was no indication of what type of business was conducted here but everyone just knew. To others, it was an asylum and the place NDS agents were sent for mental assessment. To Bridgette, it was plain hell.

  "You know you need to be here, Bridge," Kendall murmured, but she was unable to look Bridgette directly in the eyes. "Rules are rules. The NDS requires it, especially with everything you've told me."

  "You told them what happened?" Bridgette all but yelped, turning her head to stare at her friend.

  "Of course not," Kendall reassured her. "But they know you missed a couple of days of work, and after you told them that Marcus had basically kidnapped you, they were completely understanding. In fact, I think they were somewhat surprised that you actually survived, but that's beside the point. You know that anyone who has ever been in your position needs to be debriefed. Just because you're a star agent doesn't mean you get to sidestep the rulebook."

  Bridgette let a sigh slip past her nose as she regarded the intimidating brick building in front of her. "Should I tell this person everything?" she asked in a small voice, refusing to look at Kendall for the moment.

  "I think you should," Kendall replied, and then reached over to pat Bridgette on her back. "I know it's going to be awkward, but you need to be honest, especially to yourself."

  Bridgette rolled her eyes and playfully shoved Kendall's shoulder. "Don't go all Dr. Phil on me, okay?" she teased.

  "Did you know that Dr. Phil isn't even a real doctor?" Kendall asked, genuinely interested in the fact she had just shared. "I mean, can you believe that? But anyways, I'm getting off track. You have an appointment you need to keep, and remember, this weekend, you and me are going clubbing to get your mind off of this whole werewolf situation."

  "Do you think I'll be able to keep my job?" Bridgette asked, pushing her brow up as she regarded her friend with obvious hope.

  "I don't know, Bridge," Kendall replied. "But I know that no matter what happens to you or who you sleep with in your lifetime, I'll always be your best friend." She paused, as if to think about it. "Unless, of course, you sleep with a boyfriend of mine, should I ever get one." She flashed a smile to show that she was teasing.

  "I would never," Bridgette told her.

  "I know," Kendall said, squeezing Bridgette's hand. "But you should go now. I'll be out here to pick you up, okay? I promise."

  Bridgette nodded and allowed her feet to carry her inside the building and up to the second floor. She spared a quick glance around, trying to get a good look at the interior of the first floor. To be honest, it looked a lot like any lobby in any building ever: chairs and couches, coffee tables, a water and coffee station, and a cute, young secretary tapping away on her computer. She looked up when she saw Bridgette and offered her a small smile. There was even a security guard eating a donut by the elevators. What a cliché. She felt her fear ebb a bit, but still chose to take the stairs in order to rid herself of this excess energy. Her appointment with a psychologist – the paperwork said Dr. Priya Gupta – was to see if she was still eligible to work for the NDS, so it was something she had to nail.

  Dr. Gupta had smooth, coco-colored skin and dark brown eyes. She was incredibly petite, standing at five foot two, and though she was ten years older than Bridgette, she looked to be about Bridgette's age. Her wavy chestnut colored hair went down to the end of her chin, and she had subtle bangs that littered her forehead. When Bridgette walked through the door and into the doctor's office, Gupta looked up and offered Bridgette a warm smile. Everyone in this building was so smiley.

  "Well," she said, breathy and light. "It would seem somebody has had a very interesting past couple of weeks. Please, shut the door and make yourself at home." She gestured towards the luxurious couch that looked incredibly comfortable, and once the door was closed, Bridgette took a seat and felt her body sink into the cushions. "So, you need me to sign off on a rushed work release form because of the highly confidential nature and urgency of the case you’re currently working on, correct?” She didn’t even glance at Bridgette as the agent nodded. After marking a couple of things in her notes, Perry looked up and smiled. “So? Where should we start?"

  Bridgette felt herself smile warily and her shoulders shrug. "I'm not sure," she replied, glancing around the room.

  They only had two hours together before the psychologist made a decision whether Bridgette was well enough to go back to work. Her dark eyes lingered on Bridgette’s neck, and she felt herself heat up at the fact that it was even there. She should have covered it up with makeup, but she didn’t want to hide anything in case it hurt her chances of returning to work.

  "How about we start with your feelings?" Gupta suggested before scribbling something down in her notes. "What are your feelings about the situation, Bridgette? May I call you Bridgette? And please remember, you can share anything with me."

  Bridgette didn't think that was necessarily true because if she said something wrong, she might not get that very important signature. And without that, without her job, she had no idea what she would do. However, Dr. Gupta's voice was warm and her tone was inviting. It was hard to feel uncomfortable around her.

  "Conflicted," Bridgette finally admitted after much thought. Her back was straight and her palms were on her thighs. She was still nervous, still unsure of what she was feeling, let alone how to project those feelings. She was attracted to Marcus; he was the best sex of her life, and she liked him. He saved her life, and when he wasn’t growling at her or being just plain miserable, she found she enjoyed being around him. He saved her life, after all. But everything was happening so fast, and she felt as though she was in over her head. More than that, her acceptance of Marcus was wrong. She knew that. And yet, she couldn’t stop herself from feeling that way. Her stomach curled with shame, and she had to take a deep breath in order to steady herself. Kendall was right; she needed to be honest.

  "How so?" Dr. Gupta prodded after making an indication of Bridgette's answer in her notes.

  "Because I know that logically, Marcus Sterling is someone who I should not see socially," Bridgette replied. "I mean, the reason we first met is because I was going to arrest him on embezzling charges that were dropped due to lack of hard evidence. You see, he had us captured." She paused, craning her head slightly to the side. Her eyes flickered around the regular, completely unscary office. Educational awards hung up on the walls and pictures of Gupta’s family were in homemade frames on her desk. "But at the same time, I feel completely… I'm not sure what the correct word is, but my body reacts to his presence in a way that I can't control, and sometimes, I don't want to."

  "And this started happening since he bit you?" Gupta asked, pointing her pen at the mark in question on Bridgette's neck.

  Bridgette nodded in affirmation. "Yeah," she murmured. "I'm not sure if I'm reacting this way because of the mark or because I actually am interested in him."

  "Well, Marcus Sterling is incredibly handsome," Gupta pointed out.
"I wouldn't blame you for developing some sort of attraction for him. In fact, I would be worried if you didn't."

  "It's okay, even though he's what society calls bad?" Bridgette asked, still unsure. She felt herself hesitate at the possibility of actually being allowed to have positive feelings for the wolf.

  Gupta smiled. "Is he bad when it comes to you?" she asked. "Has he ever threatened you? Harmed you in any way?"

  Bridgette thought about it for a moment before shaking her head. "No," she said, a very small smile touching her lips. "Never. In fact, he saved my life."

  "And this is after he took you from your home and returned you to his?" Gupta asked, looking for some sort of confirmation.

  Again, Bridgette nodded. "Yeah," she said. "Like, his whole entire being is intimidating. Logically, I should be afraid of him because we are on different sides of the playing board, so to speak, but I'm not. He doesn't scare me and I don't think he wants to. I mean, he yells at me, but I think he's kind of an angry person, and I feel like he would never hurt me."

  "And what were the two days you spent with him and his pack like?" the doctor asked as she continued to write.

  "The first day I didn't leave my room at all," Bridgette explained. "I wouldn't. I was just so mad and Marcus told me if I didn't eat with him I wouldn't eat at all. So I didn't. Later that night, this woman, her name is Julianne; she told me she was going to help me escape, but she didn't. She led me to a door and pushed me out, slamming the door shut so I couldn't get back in. Outside, there was a pack of hungry wolves waiting. I was scared; I should have died then, but Marcus came and saved me."

  "Did your feelings change for him at that point?"

  "I think so, yeah," Bridgette replied, looking at the rich, brown carpet. "I mean, I helped him clean his wounds, and they were bad. Really bad, and he did that for me. So the next morning I went down and ate breakfast with him and his clan. He doesn't know it was Julianne who led me to the wolves; I forgot to tell him because people kept talking about a marriage between me and Marcus. I know my Werewolf Sociology; don't get me wrong, Doctor, but I just didn't put it together that I would be marrying the guy."

  "Bridgette, I need to ask you a personal question and it is crucial that you answer honestly," Dr. Gupta said, locking eyes with the woman in front of her. "Did you have sexual relations with Marcus Sterling?"

  It took Bridgette a long moment before she finally forced herself to nod yes. "Why?" she asked, her voice low. Her heart was hammering against her chest so hard she hoped she would be able to hear the psychologist’s response.

  "The bond between you has been consummated," the doctor replied. "His senses are sharpened when it comes to you. Your scent is stronger to him. Your emotions are stronger to him. He can be in your head now. It is my greatest advice that you be careful, Bridgette. Who knows what will happen if somebody around you sets him off?"

  * * *

  Chapter 21

  * * *

  It was easy for Bridgette to fall into a deep slumber that night. She didn’t have any pressing concerns weighing heavily on her shoulders anymore, now that she had talked to Dr. Gupta. The psychologist deemed that she was fit enough to return to work (though she would be stuck at her desk for the next few weeks so her superiors could monitor the venom seeping in her body) and she hadn't seen or heard from Marcus, at least, not yet.

  The room was familiar in texture, but she had never visited it before. It was the type of bed found in a fantasy: Egyptian cotton sheets, a matching pure white room filled with nothing except space, a canopy surrounding the California King bed. Her eyes were so caught up in staring at her new environment that she didn't realize somebody was behind her, watching her. It was only until he wrapped his arms firmly around her waist and began to kiss her neck did she notice that she wasn't alone. She should have jumped or felt her body tense up, anything to tell her that she was surprised, but to be honest, she really wasn't…

  Bridgette tilted her head away from him, allowing his lips the full access he craved, and he wasted no time sucking on her skin, claiming it as his own once again.

  "Why did you leave?" The question was firm and demanding, but not harsh. The words vibrated against the column of her throat and descended until she felt a tickle of it between her legs.

  "I couldn't stay." She felt his fingers slip between the elastic of her pants and begin to trace mindless patterns into her smooth skin.

  A whimper escaped past her lips and as she pressed herself against him, she could feel that he wanted her as badly as she wanted him. This time, Bridgette wasn't going to rationalize anything. Her mind had already forgotten her psychologist's warning; this was a dream, nothing more, and she could do whatever she wanted in her dream. Right now, she wanted nothing more than to be connected to Marcus Sterling once again. Her body craved more than she would ever admit, and she highly doubted any other man, beast, or vampire could please her like Marcus could.

  Marcus slowly sunk his canine teeth into Bridgette's skin. She gasped but did not push him away and Marcus didn't sink them in any further. The pleasure the two felt over something as simple as that was undeniable and irreplaceable. His grip on her tightened and he began to lead her over to the bed – his bed – while simultaneously removing her clothing.

  It was only when her knees brushed against the foot of the bed did Bridgette finally turn around and lock eyes with him. She felt like a different person in her dreams, someone entirely sexual and comfortable with the amount of sexuality that was consuming her. Maybe it was Marcus that had turned her into this. Maybe it was the mark that was causing her body to act the way it was. Bridgette could care less; she wanted him and she wanted him now.

  With incredible speed, she reached up and slid his motorcycle jacket off his shoulders before pulling anxiously at his wife beater and getting rid of that as well. Her fingers, as they always seemed to crave to do, began to caress the muscles that composed his body; feeling them twitch underneath her touch gave her a sense of empowerment, and it wasn't long before his belt clattered to the floor.

  Marcus reached out and circled her waist once again, pulling her even closer to him before his lips descended and captured hers. Bridgette kissed back with as much fervor as possible, and sooner rather than later, both of them were completely nude, adjacent to the bed but not yet occupying it, caressing each other's bodies as though they knew them like the back of their hand. And they probably did.

  Suddenly, Marcus pulled away, but his presence didn't exactly leave her. Instead, he locked eyes with her, searching for something, though he couldn't say as to what he was searching for. "Do you trust me?" he asked her, raising his eyes slightly to indicate that he was serious in getting a response from her.

  The question caught Bridgette off guard, but it didn't take her too long to nod the affirmative. To make sure he took her answer seriously, she murmured, "Yes."

  Marcus stared at her long and hard for another moment before leading her onto the bed silently. With certain resolve, he positioned her so that she was on her knees, and she let him, wanting nothing more than to aide his pleasure. He knelt behind her, placing his hands firmly on her hips, admiring the gentle sway of her back, before pushing into her from behind.

  He wanted to bury himself as deeply as he possibly could, and he knew that by entering her from this angle, he could feel the center of her core. Her breath hitched, and at first, he thought that maybe he had hurt her.

  It wasn't until Bridgette urged him to go faster did he realize she wanted him to touch her in this way just as badly as he wanted to. And so he did.

  In and out, in and out, as his hands tightened around her. He could hear her breathless and whimpering, wishing he could see her face and look into those eyes. That was the only problem with this particular position.

  "Don't stop," she begged in a whisper. "Please don't stop."

  There it was; he felt her muscles constrict tightly against him and he knew she had reached her climax. He continued his
ministrations, harder and faster, wanting to feel her lose control around him. Soon, he, too, joined her, releasing himself into her as he felt his body involuntarily twitch with ecstasy.

  When he finished, he collapsed on top of her, though he was careful to ensure she wouldn't have to endure the majority of his weight. For a moment, neither of them spoke. Marcus brushed her hair away with his hand, and then softly began to kiss Bridgette's shoulder blade as she felt herself slowly start to drift off…

  Bridgette immediately shot up in bed, panting with sweat droplets rolling down her face. She glanced out her window and realized she should be getting up soon anyways, but instead of doing so immediately, she let everything sink in as she tried to catch her breath. She wondered if the reason for her erotic dreams were because of Marcus, or maybe it was her subconscious mind telling her she desired him. Maybe she missed him and needed to feel… complete in order to function, and to do that in her current predicament, dreaming was the only way to release such desires.

  Did that mean Marcus felt the dream as well? Did he have the same sorts of dreams? She didn't know, and she wasn't willing to drive outside of Somerset to ask Marcus himself.

  After another few moments where she managed to get a grip on her emotions, Bridgette finally stood and started getting ready for work. She was frustrated as she began to dive into her closet because due to the fact that she couldn't go out into the field anymore, she had to dress somewhat formally. She managed to find a somewhat nice outfit - black slacks with a pink and white collared shirt – and after throwing on some mascara and pulling her hair into a bun, she ate a rushed breakfast, brushed her teeth and left the safety of her home.

  The dream continued to haunt her all throughout the day at work until she finally told Kendall about it. She didn't exactly go into detail, but she made sure that she stressed the fact of just how real it seemed, that in her dream, she was conscious and could feel everything, even now…