by Mikaela Bley
‘He says thank you for yesterday and writes that he liked your “slutty nurse outfit”.’ Philip patted her on the shoulder and laughed out loud. ‘There, you see.’
‘My God, you’re sick in the head. What does it say?’
‘It says that you should call him. Typical code word for him wanting to see you in a slutty nurse outfit.’
‘Strange, because I had on my slutty corn outfit.’
‘Slutty corn outfit? What’s that?’
‘It’s when you’re dressed up like a corncob. Although in a sexy way. A sexy dress that looks like corn.’
They laughed.
‘Is it awkward having to work with him?’ The atmosphere in the car turned serious again.
‘You know, it’s horrible. I don’t get it, why can’t I just forget him? I don’t even want to think about him. I’d moved on.’
‘Because you’re in love.’
She didn’t respond.
‘Do you know what I think? He managed to get close to you, and once you’ve let someone in that far it’s hard to let go of that person. That’s just the way it is. You exposed yourself to him.’
Ellen decided to change the subject. ‘You’ll have to come with me on a little trip to Sveavägen,’ she said, driving up Kungsgatan.
‘No, you’re out of your mind. I don’t go near those parts of town. Drive back to Östermalm. This is so out of my comfort zone.’
‘We’ll just get coffee, and then I’m going to drive you to Patricia, your favourite bar so you can feel right at home again — although Patricia is actually in Södermalm.’
‘Yes, but at least I can see Old Town and Östermalm from there. Aren’t you coming with?’
‘No, I have to go home and work. May I see the text?’
‘Ah, it was just a text he sent to the whole editorial staff. Ratings.’
Ellen tried to conceal her disappointment. ‘Listen, the stepmother, by the way — she was awful.’
‘In what way?’
‘Wary in some way. Frustrated and jealous. I don’t know. There’s something strange about the whole family.’
‘Oh, my God, it would be so juicy if the stepmother was behind Lycke’s disappearance. Mirror, mirror on the wall … No, ugh, sorry. I didn’t mean to joke.’
‘You know in the original version of Cinderella — and in Hansel and Gretel, too, for that matter — it was the real mothers who were the evil ones. But the stories were changed so that the stepmothers became the mean ones instead, to make the stories less disturbing.’
ELLEN
11.00 P.M.
‘Hello?’ she called out when the elevator doors to her apartment opened in front of her. The word ricocheted off the walls, reaching absolutely no one.
She tried to imagine what it would be like to be living with someone, who would now be walking over to her to kiss her tenderly on the lips, telling her how amazing she was and that he’d made spaghetti with meat sauce, had turned on the sauna, lit the fireplace, and rented a movie, bought cut flowers, and walked the dog.
Ellen started to regret that she hadn’t gone with Philip to the Sunday Club at Patricia.
A musty smell from the withered flowers on the dining room table struck her, and the only sound she could hear was the drumming of the rain on the roof tiles.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, she thought, taking off her damp jacket and shoes.
The floor creaked as she went around the apartment, turning on lights. She decided to light a few candles, and then looked at the open fireplace, which she hadn’t used since last winter. She wondered whether she had the energy to light that, too, and decided she did. She couldn’t just spend her life waiting for someone. Live for now, she encouraged herself, and put a few logs into the fireplace. They caught fire almost immediately.
Solitude had become her companion, and it would probably stay that way. According to her psychologist, at any rate. She maintained that Ellen was afraid to let anyone in. But how could she, an incurable romantic, be so afraid of love at the same time? It didn’t fit together. Or, at least, it was an unjust combination. Considering what had happened with Jimmy, she would never risk losing control again. She was scared to death of letting anyone get that close, of trusting someone, sharing her story with someone only to be disappointed, or even worse, lose them.
People often asked her why she was single. The answer always stuck in her throat. How did you respond to something like that? It sounded like an accusation. Or else like she had a disease.
Actually, she was just as much a ‘chapter-one person’ as Jimmy, but without any exciting sequel, just a dark past. Who would really want her when they knew what she’d done? Jimmy had made that perfectly clear. When she had finally gathered courage and dared to jump, he’d caught her, but then changed his mind when he realised how heavy the burden was. He didn’t want to deal with it — and she could actually understand that. After all, what would she herself have done?
So much for spaghetti and meat sauce ready on the table. She had to try to think of something else.
She opened the fridge and stared at the butter and cheese. Apart from that, there was only a corkscrew in there. She took it out and put it in its place in the drawer.
If there is no one to cook for you, then you have to solve it some other way, she thought, taking out her phone. Urban Deli in Nytorget made better food than anyone. They didn’t have home delivery, but she usually called a taxi to bring her order to her.
She had wine at home at least. Without looking at what she was choosing, she took out a bottle of red and uncorked it. The aroma from the wine along with the crackling fire filled the void somewhat at least. For the moment.
She poured a glass of wine and took a big gulp. While waiting for the food to be delivered, she drew a bath. She poured in all the oils she could find, lit the fruity scented candles lined up along the windowsill, and slowly sank down into the hot water. She closed her eyes. Did she have the energy to put on a facial mask? She should do that, but there were so many things she should do. She didn’t have the energy. Not tonight.
Right when she felt her muscles were starting to relax, the bell for the elevator rang.
Already? she thought, feeling a pang of hunger in her belly.
She climbed out of the bath, pulled on her bathrobe, and wrapped her hair in a towel. She pushed the button on the elevator and waited.
The red doors slid open.
‘Jimmy?’ she said in surprise, pulling at her bathrobe. ‘What are you doing here?’ She cursed herself that she hadn’t checked who it was before she called the elevator up.
‘Home delivery,’ he said, handing over the food. ‘I ran into the taxi driver down in the entry and said that I could just as well bring it up to you.’ He gave her the bag. ‘Urban Deli? Really? From Söder? And here I thought you only shopped at the Östermalm market.’ He grinned.
Ellen took the bag and sighed.
‘Listen, considering the threats made, you should be more careful of who you let up.’
Ellen nodded. He was right.
‘So. Shouldn’t you ask if I want to come in, or do I have to stand here in the elevator?’
‘Sorry,’ she said, reluctantly backing up to make room for him to enter. She was clammy from the hot bath. The wine had done its job, and the thought that she was standing almost naked in front of Jimmy made her blush. He must be aware how it would make her feel, and yet he made no attempt to make her feel more comfortable. If there was even anything he could do.
She went over to the table and picked up the wine bottle that she’d opened earlier.
‘Would you like some?’ she asked as she took out a wine glass.
‘No, thanks. I have to go. I actually didn’t come here to deliver food or drink wine. I tried to call you, but … I realise you were in the tub.’ He eyed her fr
om top to toe. ‘I have a bundle of papers that were in the printer. You had asked Ann to compile similar cases.’ He dug around in his bag. ‘So, yeah, I thought maybe you wanted them this evening so you’d have time to go through them for tomorrow.’
‘Thanks,’ she said, taking the heavy bundle of papers from him. ‘You don’t want to help out?’ she asked, but regretted it instantly.
Jimmy looked around, and appeared, fortunately, not to have heard her question.
‘You have a really nice place. Lit a fire and everything. Are you expecting company?’
Ellen shook her head. ‘I thought you went home earlier today?’
‘Yes, I’ve been at home. But as I said, I thought you wanted the documents, so I took a little evening walk.’
‘Wait two seconds, I’ll just get dressed,’ she said, disappearing toward the bedroom before he had time to say anything else.
She quickly pulled on a top and a pair of jeans, and just as she was about to open the door she thought of putting on a little perfume.
When she came back, he still had his jacket on. He was standing by the coffee table, holding two DVDs.
It took a moment for her to react.
‘No!’ she shrieked, running over to him. ‘Put those back!’
‘Interesting choice of films,’ he said, laughing while he held the DVDs away from her so she couldn’t reach them.
‘A horror movie,’ he continued, inspecting one of the films. He let his gaze wander to the other one. ‘And a porno film.’ He laughed again and read the back cover out loud.
She struck at him and tried to get hold of the films, but he was too big and tall for her to have any chance of reaching them. She could feel her cheeks turning red. Giving up, she turned and in one mouthful drank down the whole glass of wine.
He looked at her and set the DVDs on the table.
‘What is this?’ he said, pointing at the wall above the couch where Ellen had put up the photos.
She shrugged and refilled the wine glass.
‘Honestly.’
‘I’m just trying to get clarity about the whole thing. That’s the way I work,’ she said, suddenly wishing he would leave.
He nodded, and they stood quietly for a moment.
‘Listen, well done with the reward and the exclusive interview with the dad.’ Jimmy patted her lightly on the arm. ‘How did you manage to get him to trust you?’
She didn’t answer, unsure of what he meant.
‘What was he like? Well-heeled?’ Jimmy continued.
‘Well-heeled?’
‘Yes, lots of money? Do you get turned on by that, too, or is it just porno films that work for you?’ He laughed again.
‘No, I don’t get turned on by that, but I can understand that women around him do. He probably knows how to charm a woman.’
‘Was he able to charm you, then?’
‘No, not really. There’s nothing as unsexy as a man who doesn’t pay attention to his children. He seems to me like a lousy dad. It feels as if he doesn’t know his daughter or take care of her properly.’
‘No, but it probably gets that way when you’re divorced. Maybe he doesn’t get to take care of her. Because of the mum, I mean. Maybe he only gets to see her every other weekend, and of course you have a different relationship then.’
‘Every other week actually, so he has exactly as much time as the mother.’
‘Well, I don’t know. But it seems to be hell. I have buddies going through that shit and, well, my God.’ He looked at the clock. ‘Unfortunately, I have to go now — but I would have liked to stay and check out at least one of those movies with you. Maybe another time. And you have a few other things to do tonight.’ He pointed at the bundle of papers on the table. ‘Call me if there’s anything.’
‘Will you answer?’ She couldn’t help it.
He looked at her, but didn’t say anything. It was probably easiest that way. For both of them.
‘See you tomorrow,’ he said stiffly, calling up the elevator.
She stood as if frozen and looked at him. When the elevator doors closed, she threw herself on the couch and pressed her face into one of the pillows.
A little later, she was sitting in the bay window. She looked up at the sky, which was completely dark, though she could still see the clouds rolling across it. On her lap sat the bundle of papers.
She didn’t need to browse very long before she found what she was looking for. It was there already in the second case in the pile. The girl in the picture looked at her with a determined expression. Ellen shuddered and turned her eyes away, staring down at the few cars moving along the street below.
Then she remembered the eraser, and retrieved it from her jacket pocket. She pressed the heart-shaped strawberry eraser against her nose. She almost winced, as if she was smelling something considerably more pungent. In her pocket, she also found the picture of the dog.
Ellen took a few pins out of the junk drawer and poked them into the wall so that she could set the eraser on top. Beside the picture of Lycke, she hung up the picture of the sweet-looking labrador that looked just like Tessin.
There was more wine left in the bottle. She took a few sips, knowing she should stop drinking now, otherwise she would be a wreck tomorrow.
Her fingers started to tingle. She set down the glass and took out another pin. One by one, she began sticking the pin into her fingertips, to get the tingling to stop. She’d only made it to the ring finger before she was interrupted by her phone beeping. She went over to the coffee table and picked up the phone. She tried to stop the flow of blood from her fingers by sucking on them.
The display said ‘Jimmy’.
What movie did you choose?
Once again, she felt embarrassed. She just wanted to delete the whole evening. Actually, maybe she should put on one of those movies to distract her mind, she thought to herself.
She tossed the phone on the couch and, just as it landed, it beeped again.
Just give up!
But this time the message wasn’t from Jimmy. It was from a number she didn’t recognise.
Ellen opened the message, along with an attached image. The phone slipped out of her hands and fell to the floor. She tried to breathe slowly. Looking at the wall, she told herself that she must have seen it wrong. She collected herself and picked up the phone. The picture in the message and the picture on her wall were the same.
Why? She didn’t understand. Who would do this sort of thing?
The room was spinning. Eventually, she was forced to take hold of the couch to keep herself from collapsing. She stared at the wall.
‘Why?’ she screamed out loud. ‘What is happening?!’
MONDAY, 26 MAY
ELLEN
7.00 A.M.
Ellen was awakened by the feeling of something being laid over her.
She opened her eyes and looked around. It took a few seconds before she realised where she was.
‘Did you sleep here?’ Jimmy adjusted the jacket he’d just placed over her.
Ellen pulled it up further so that almost her whole face was hidden. She recognised his scent and loathed what it did to her.
‘Yes, I think so,’ she croaked. She hardly dared think about what state she was in. She tried to stretch, to bring the blood and oxygen back to her legs after having been curled up on the hard armchair in the little conference room for so long. ‘What time is it?’
‘Just past seven,’ Jimmy answered, sitting down in the chair across from her.
Ellen sat up and tried to bring some life back into her arms, which were completely numb.
‘Why did you sleep here? I was at your place last night …’
Ellen leaned her head against the chair’s neck support and closed her eyes. She didn’t want to talk with him, didn’t want to think abo
ut last night. She felt completely slack and hollow.
But what did it really matter? Hesitantly, she retrieved her phone from her bag, which was on the floor next to the armchair. She didn’t have the energy to care any more. She opened up her messages and handed the phone to Jimmy. ‘I got this message from a blocked number yesterday after you left.’
Jimmy took the phone, pausing briefly before looking at the display. Silently, he studied the picture for a long time. ‘Is that you?’
Ellen shook her head and bit her lip, hard. Breathed slowly in and out. ‘Is that me?’ The blood rushed through her body and she couldn’t stop herself. ‘Are you joking with me? Don’t you remember a thing?’ she shouted, throwing off his jacket so that it tumbled to the floor.
Jimmy looked at her phone again. ‘This is the same picture you have up on the wall at your place —’
‘Elsa. It’s Elsa! Don’t you remember what I told you about my sister the night you dumped me?’
Jimmy looked at the picture again and then nodded slowly. ‘Yes, I remember.’
‘Some sick bastard sent me a picture of Elsa yesterday. A picture of my dead twin sister.’
Jimmy stood up and paced back and forth in the small room.
‘Read what it says,’ she demanded.
Jimmy shook his head.
‘Give me the phone!’ She got up and yanked the phone from his hand and read the message out loud. ‘If you don’t stop what you’re doing you’re going to meet the same fate as your sister.’ She looked at Jimmy. ‘Who is doing this? Is it someone who wants me to die?’ It was impossible to hold back the tears. ‘As if all this wasn’t enough. I didn’t dare stay home, but I didn’t know where I should go, so I came here.’ Her mouth was completely dry and her legs wouldn’t hold. She collapsed on the floor.
‘Let go of me,’ she said, as Jimmy tried to take her hand. ‘Isn’t it strange that I’ve been sent a picture of Elsa, when you’re the only one I’ve told about her?’
Jimmy turned toward her. ‘What do you mean? Yes, maybe it’s strange, but it could be from someone you knew when you were younger. I don’t know, Ellen,’ he said.