“The researchers said they were only observers. They weren’t authorized to interfere with anything that happened, no matter how horrible. They weren’t allowed to change what would’ve happened had they not been there. They said they had to collect complete, unaltered data. If doing so meant having to watch those babies die, then so be it.”
As she relived that horrible scene, disgust for the scientists had her shaking from head to toe. “I was horrified. The momma monkeys carried their dead babies around with them for a month. They never let them go, even after the little ones had mummified.”
Seeing the world through Jody’s eyes had him taking a deep breath. If Jared had watched the documentary prior to meeting her, he probably wouldn’t have thought twice about it. But being this close to her and feeling how it affected her, compelled him to open his heart. She’d forced him to comprehend the devastating message that people, even neutral scientists, could be a part of such an atrocity and have the ability to distance themselves from the ugliness. She humbled him.
She took a moment to gather herself. “All I could think about was the fact that they were there. They could have saved them, Jared.” The pain of her words cinched around his heart. “They were blinded by what they were supposed to do and what was expected of them. They never once stopped to think that maybe the real reason they were there was to intervene. Perhaps, since they were there at that exact moment in time, they had been put there to save those babies. All they had to do was give them some water. That one small gesture would’ve made all the difference in the world. Those small, innocent creatures would have survived.”
She sniffled and looked down at their joined hands. “It got me to thinking, maybe that’s what the spirits around me wanted. They wanted me to intervene on their behalf—to pass their messages along to their loved ones. To help ease the pain and grief and start the healing process so their family members could continue on with their lives. Maybe when I show up at a random place at a random time, it’s not so random after all. Perhaps, in reality, I’d been drawn there to help someone who needed help. How could I go on with my life knowing I could help someone heal and then choose not to?” She shrugged her shoulders as if what she did with her gift was no big deal. “So, that’s how it began.”
Moved by her revelation, he lifted her chin. Something within him had churned and rearranged how he looked at life. Jared wanted her to view for herself how deeply she’d moved him. He poured every ounce of compassion she’d made him feel into his gaze. He opened up his deepest, darkest places for her through nothing more than a glance.
Jared moved in slowly and kissed her tear streaked cheek. He pulled back just enough to look into her eyes as his lips gently brushed hers. He’d tested her to see if she’d push him away. Please don’t shy away from me. I need to touch you. When she didn’t back away, he moved in for a tender kiss. Her arms went around his neck, and he tucked her into his lap. A passionate sigh escaped her lips through the kiss, and he thought he’d go mad. Her tenderheartedness and sympathetic nature were the complete opposite of his. Those qualities within her made him melt inside.
The touch of her lips made him weak. The contented little murmurs she uttered as he kissed her filled him with power. As tender as the kiss was, it sent electricity shooting through him, making his body come alive.
He’d been hopelessly lost before he’d met her. With her in his arms, he felt as though anything and everything would be possible. For the first time in his life, the world around him made sense. His thoughts became clear and sharp.
As he broke the kiss, a sudden realization hit him like a ton of bricks. I didn’t want to go to the art show. I hated things like that and avoided them at all costs. I felt compelled to go as if something had drawn me there. Now I know just what that something was. Jody.
She nuzzled his neck as he gently ran his fingers through her silken, golden locks. Jody took a breath as if she were going to say something but remained quiet. He didn’t push her. He waited patiently for the words he’d expected to come.
“I can’t get involved with you, Jared.”
He squeezed her tighter, sharing his unwillingness to let her go. “I think we’ve moved past that, Jody.” She tried to free herself from him, but he refused to break his hold.
“Tell me why this won’t work,” he demanded.
Rather than fight face to face, a resigned sigh escaped Jody, and she relaxed back into him. It would be easier to tell him if she didn’t have to look into his eyes. If she did, he’d see how much he affected her, and she couldn’t bear that.
“Jared, I was engaged a year ago. He broke it off because he said I made him feel like he didn’t matter. Anytime we went out in public, a spirit would show up. I’d be distracted until I could get away and talk to the people the spirit needed to contact. It’s a part of me. It’s who I am. I think it would kill me if I stopped.”
Jody waited for him to tell her that he understood, and he’d back away from her. In her heart, she knew he would. She just hoped they could remain friends. Even though she’d only known Jared a short period of time, it wouldn’t be possible to give him up all together just yet.
“He was a fucking idiot.”
His surprising response had her body jerking upright, leaving their faces so close they were almost kissing again. She looked deep into his eyes questioningly, trying to figure out if this was his idea of a joke.
“Was he ever involved in anything like you and I were with Fiona and the Hintons?”
After thinking about it for a moment, she shook her head in response. “No. He never got close to me when I channeled for people. He always distanced himself.” She shrugged her shoulders to convey she hadn’t expected any more than that from him. “I think my gift might have embarrassed him, or maybe it was just me that embarrassed him.”
His sarcastic smirk had her doing a double take. “He was one stupid piece of shit. If he loved you, he would’ve seen you for who you were, not who he wanted you to be.” He shrugged as if that was all that needed to be said and squeezed her possessively. “His loss. My gain.”
Jared’s cockiness had her giggling. Jody had to regain control of this situation. She gave him what she hoped would be her most compassionate expression. “Jared, I don’t want to hurt you. You don’t…”
He stopped her with his mouth. His lips caressed hers with feather-light kisses. His teeth nipped at her playfully, leaving all of her coherent thought in the wind. “I’m not backing away from you, Jody.” His confidence rang loud and clear through the kiss.
She wanted to believe him, wanted it badly, but being hurt in the past had her emotionally withdrawing from him. Finally able to gather her wits, she put her hand on his chest and pushed herself away before it was too late.
“Jared, we need to take this slow. You need to know what you’re getting into with me. You have no idea. Everywhere we go, we’d never be alone. There’d be constant interruptions.”
Just by looking at him, Jody could tell there wasn’t a thing she could say which would allow her to stomp on the brakes. She’d never be able to stop the momentum of whatever this was that had been happening between them. The determination she saw in his stance was clear. He might slow down for her, but she sincerely doubted he’d give up the pursuit altogether.
“Let’s make a deal. I’m willing to start out slow for you. We can date. We can get to know each other. I’ll be there to see for myself what it’s like being with you. Does that work for you?”
She was struck by a myriad of emotions—fear being the most identifiable.
“If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. I’m telling you that this feels right to me, Jody.”
She melted when he gave her a beautiful smile full of promises. “I think you’re my monkey.” It took a moment for the seriousness of his statement to connect in her mind.
“What did you just say?”
“I felt compelled to go to that art show. I hate those things with a passion, b
ut something told me I couldn’t miss that one. I was being drawn to you. You’re my monkey, Jody. I’m stepping outside of my box. I’m doing the unexpected. I want to give you water.”
His expression conveyed such intense sincerity that it left her stunned. Her only reaction was to stare at him with her mouth gaping open. He’d softened the moment by showing her a glimmer of humor at his comparison, which after some thought had her laughing harder than she had in ages. He’d used her own life changing moment against her, and it was working.
When she recovered from the giggles, she tried to school her body language so it wouldn’t scream how badly she wanted to kiss him again. Deep in thought and biting her lip, she walked to the other side of the lounge. She didn’t want to get his hopes up, but, God help her, she couldn’t let him go either.
“What are you afraid of, Jody?” He’d set all humor aside. She recognized the serious nature of his question in the timbre of his voice.
Unable to look him in the eye, her gaze moved down to her hands as she fidgeted with her fingers. She spoke in such a quiet tone, she knew he probably couldn’t hear her. Suddenly, Jared stood in front of her, tenderly lifting her chin up. “What are you afraid of? You can tell me. You can trust me with anything.”
Trying to gather the courage needed to open herself up to him, she took a deep breath and held it for a moment. Finally feeling as though she had the fortitude required to hold her ground, she looked deep into his eyes. Within those rich, dark black eyes she lost herself. She just couldn’t lie to him. If she were forthcoming about her misgivings, she’d decided he would surely back down.
“You could break my heart, Jared Bastion, and I don’t think I could recover from that.”
His eyes softened at her confession. “I’m asking you to trust me, Jody. If you can’t do that yet, then trust your heart. What is it telling you?”
With their gazes still locked, she looked for any indication of his emotions. “We’ll take it slow?”
A victorious smile crossed Jared’s lips. His eyes conveyed the truth Jody was looking for. “We will take it one day at a time, and only move as fast or slow as you want.”
Jody reached up and cradled his face in her hands. She pulled him down to her and accepted his offer with a tender kiss.
Chapter Nineteen
After Jared dropped her at home from the whirlwind trip to Dallas, Jody hardly had a moment to digest her all too brief time with him before Nathan arrived voicing his concerns. Weary from the one-sided bitchfest about Jared’s vastly different personality, she ushered him to the door and kissed him goodbye. She loved him dearly, but sometimes a friend had to learn when to stop preaching and go with the flow.
Just when she thought he’d finally be on his way, the front door’s momentum came to a stop as his hand shot out, putting a halt to closing the conversation. There’s nothing like beating a damned dead horse. She did her best to restrain her frustrated exhale but couldn’t quite keep it in.
“Please think about what I’ve said, Jody. You’re more important to me than anyone, and I don’t want you to get hurt. You know I love you, and it’s not my intention to cause you any pain. But I need you to think—really think about everything I’ve said before you make any rash decisions about J.D. The man I know is incapable of love. If you let him into your life, it’s not a matter of if he hurts you, but when he hurts you.
“For your sake, I can’t back away from this. J.D.’s actions have left me no choice in the matter. As your best friend, it falls to me to set you straight about the man and his ways. J.D. isn’t a long-term kind of person—hell, when it comes to relationships, he isn’t even a short-term kind of person.
“It’s common knowledge in the security industry that J.D.’s best attribute on the subject of interacting with others is that he doesn’t discriminate. Sweetheart, it doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman. It may take him some time, but he’d do everything in his power to bring you to your knees. Where J.D. is concerned, people are dispensable. He throws them away as carelessly as he disposes of garbage. He won’t even give it a moment’s thought.
“J.D. has never been interested in anyone’s company but his own. If he is interested, you can bet your ass there’s an ulterior motive behind it. The man never goes out socially, not even with his office staff for a quick lunch. He’s proven time and time again to be a secretive bastard at heart, the polar opposite of you.”
She’d had enough. To her way of thinking, there was no one more secretive than herself when it came to those around her. Her angry expression spoke volumes.
“Don’t give me that look. I know you have your secrets, but other than your gifts, you’re an open book. I can assure you, there isn’t a living soul who could give you five personal facts about J.D.
“Baby doll, he’ll only end up hurting you. When that time comes, as your best friend, I’d be obliged to step up and give J.D. the ass-whuppin’ he so richly deserves.”
Jody knew Nathan’s intentions came straight from his heart, but that fact didn’t make them any easier to swallow. She loved him because he’d always been honest with her. He’d never do or say anything to deliberately hurt her. But she was a big girl, and he had to understand that she couldn’t allow anyone, not even him, to make those kinds of decisions for her. Just as he wouldn’t permit that type of interference if it were his life they’d been discussing.
To take the sting out of their conversation, Jody walked into Nathan’s arms and squeezed him in a tight hug. “I love you, Nathan. I value your opinion, but you have to let me see this through in my own way. I’d like you to do something for me.” Continuing to hold him, she patiently waited until she felt the nod of his head.
“I’ve listened carefully to everything you’ve said. The man you’re talking about is J.D. Bastion. The man I know is Jared Bastion. Before you make any rash decisions, please get to know him as I do. Get to know Jared.”
After a few moments of tense silence, Nathan kissed the top of her head and moved Jody far enough away to look into her eyes. “I’ll respect your wishes as long as you promise me you’ll come to me and talk to me about anything. No matter what happens I’m still your friend, and I’m here for you.” He tugged her securely back into his body for another quick embrace before turning to leave.
****
After Nathan left, Jody couldn’t sit still. The next several hours were spent keeping her mind occupied by puttering around her home doing laundry, ironing and watering plants. She should dust, but decided to put that particular dreaded chore off until next weekend.
Jody sat down heavily on the chair. Unable to think of anything other than her conversation with Nathan, she absently chewed her fingernail down to the quick. She loved and respected him, but couldn’t help herself. Her mind kept circling back to Jared.
She stared at her phone as if it were taunting her. Should I call him? Reaching for the phone, she stopped herself in mid-motion. Settling back into the chair, she struggled with the internal war going on between her head and heart.
She couldn’t dismiss Nathan’s advice lightly because he did, after all, know Jared better than she did. Jody just preferred to trust her heart in this matter. Following that logic had gotten her in trouble before with men, but some kind of unexplainable momentum had been drawing her toward Jared at every turn. She felt compelled to give him a chance.
Jared had introduced a side of his personality to her which he’d obviously kept close to the vest with everyone else. That being said, she’d become acutely aware of his secretive side through their discussions. When the topic of conversation would turn to him, he would flawlessly manage to steer the dialogue in a different direction. As Jody thought back on it, he’d camouflaged the maneuver so well she’d never realized their conversation had been redirected.
She thought, perhaps, over a lifetime, he’d erected a hard, outer exterior to keep people at arm’s length. If time was on her side, Jody felt certain she’d be able to break t
hrough whatever barrier Jared had erected, and hopefully get him to open up about himself. That thought brought a smile to her face. She could be a real pest that way.
Jody glanced at her phone again. It wouldn’t be weird if I called him, would it? Musing over Jared, she absently picked at her cuticle which now came dangerously close to drawing blood. Was he missing her as much as she missed him? He’d only just dropped her off at home this morning. It hadn’t even been a full day. No, I’m not going to call.
“I have to stop this.” She stood and crossed the room to the closet, assuring herself she’d be able to put Jared somewhere in the back of her mind for a while. The door creaked as Jody flung it open to pull her vacuum cleaner out. Before plugging it in, she pivoted to glance at the phone which hadn’t rang once in the hours since she’d been home. I could call him. What would it hurt?
Lost in the thoughts of hearing Jared’s voice, Jody jumped when the doorbell rang. Expecting another round with Nathan had her spouting a curse. To keep her favorite, comfy house shoes from slipping off as she walked, she dragged her feet on the floor as she crossed the room. Ready to let her friend feel the brunt of her anger, she growled as she swung the door wide open only to be startled when a stuffed monkey holding a beautiful, long-stemmed rose greeted her. Peering upward, she saw the face of the man about whom she couldn’t stop thinking. Her heart did a little happy dance.
Jody knew the broad smile that lit her face would be a sure sign she’d been thinking of him, but she didn’t care. She wasn’t one to play coy. For the first time in well over a year, a man she couldn’t stop thinking about was standing on her doorstep, and that pleased her very much. She wouldn’t run from this relationship. She couldn’t. When all was said and done, there’d been one determining factor she just couldn’t deny—Jared made her feel too good. She hoped her heart didn’t get broken in the end, but she just couldn’t think like that. For the here and now, her heart was too busy falling in love to care, and there wasn’t a thing in the world that could be done about it.
Troubled Spirits Page 16