The Sinner
Page 18
They did so quickly with no spare time to give to strangers.
I lifted my head up and walked
With a complete understanding and confidence
In the plan that Asmodeus had constructed.
I did notice that none of the servants spoke,
So I held back my tongue while in the courtyard.
We came to the main doors
Leading into the palace
Where two smaller guards resided.
My courage once again fled the scene
And buried itself deep in my stomach.
Fear and stress gladly stepped in to fill the void left behind.
The guards asked our purpose in the palace.
I kept silent and let Asmodeus handle the situation.
She stated that she was here to deliver a private servant.
She also said that I had served under her late husband.
The guards nodded in acceptance and
Allowed us entry into the palace.
The inside of the palace overflowed
With wealth and riches
That I had never seen before.
The amount of relics and statues
That aligned the main hallway
Was breathtaking to say the least.
The glistening marble that constructed
The floor and columns was enough to make an artist weep.
The surroundings were so magnificent
That I had a hard time understanding
How people could live like that.
The palace had so much
When regular citizens of the city had so less.
I had never been wealthy.
Even with my own business.
To witness that amount of wealth
Proved difficult for me to relate to.
It was as if I had entered into a completely
Different world or realm of society
Where the poor were no longer
Sleeping on the streets, but rather transformed into servants.
Everyone was clean in appearance
Regardless of their status in rank.
Just crossing the threshold
Onto the marble environment
Gave me a sense of purpose and prosperity.
I was so accustomed to the outer streets
That the inside of the palace felt odd to me.
I imagined that the maiden felt the same way
When venturing into the city each day.
Everywhere I looked there were priceless
Historical relics that dated before my time.
Although I wanted to touch them
In order to feel their power, I dared not
As they were worth more than my simple life.
Instead I merely followed Asmodeus
As we walked through an endless labyrinth of hallways.
My mind was so thoughtless
Due to my surroundings
That I paid no attention to where
We were going and how we managed to get there.
I began to have second thoughts
Regarding the plan
Once I witnessed how the maiden lived.
She had so much more compared to me.
I voiced my hesitation to Asmodeus
That prompted her forward progress to stop.
She turned to me with her kind face and told me not to worry.
She briefly eased my anxiety;
However my calmness would not last.
We rounded a corner and into a large banquet room.
Endless tables crossed over the marble floor
Holding a large buffet.
The amount of varying food was astonishing and
Would feed all of the poor in the city.
The seats around the table were occupied by large burly men
Who were engulfing the food at a high rate with no care.
As we passed one table,
I could not help but compare my statue to the men.
Their arms were perfectly etched with muscles
As if they were sculpted by God himself.
I saw muscles that I did not even know existed in a human arm
While they devoured full legs of lamb.
I felt so weak in their presence and not much of a man.
Even the legs of meat were bigger than my arms.
What little dignity I had left escorted me out of the banquet room
And into another larger hallway lined with various artworks.
My hesitation with the plan
Showed its ugly face again and
Was backed with the onslaught
On my manhood from the banquet room.
I must have sighed louder than I imagined
As Asmodeus turned to look at me without a smile.
She repeated that I had nothing to worry about, that
The plan was working exactly as we had discussed.
She was right in her words.
It was going very smoothly,
However my mind was plaguing me with delays and
Uncontrollable thoughts of indecision.
I do not believe she accepted my reasoning.
She ignored my words and continued walking.
She disregarded my feelings like a piece of fruit
At a barbarian’s table.
She had always been so accepting
Of how I felt until that moment.
I continued to follow her,
However my mind was flourishing with disappointment.
How could she ignore me?
Her plan was to benefit me not her.
What was she to receive from the plan?
I must have pondered the notion
For quite some time as Asmodeus
Announced that the maiden’s quarters
Were just up ahead.
Reality struck me
With such an intense power
That all of my confusion and
Hesitation were slaughtered.
Asmodeus always knew exactly
What to say to me in order to
Completely alter my outlook
On any given situation.
We neared the main door of the maiden’s quarters.
I instantly fell back in love with her.
The aroma of the freshly cut flowers
That stood on either side of the door
Heightened my desires.
They awakened the sleeping butterflies
Living within my stomach.
My chaotic nerves prompted
My hands to tremble
As I reached to touch the solid door.
Asmodeus plucked a single rose and handed it to me.
She also gifted me a small silk cloth tied with a golden thread.
I opened the cloth and revealed a petite golden dagger
That was so beautiful in design.
I was immediately grateful to my friend,
But disappointed in myself for not preparing a gift in advance.
She told me that she could no longer continue with me.
She said that she was able to execute the plan
To allow me access to the maiden’s quarters,
But her portion had come to an end.
She continued to say that I was to wait
In the room for the return of the maiden.
She also informed me that the choices
That I make within the room would be my own.
At that moment, I had no idea as to what
She was talking about as my mind was fixated
On my first physical encounter with my beloved.
Whatever it was that she said must not have been
Important as she did not stay long enough to get a response.
Instead she hurried down the hallway and
Left me alone standing in front of the door.
I reached for and felt the cool handle in the palm of my hand.
With an effortless push,
The room was everything I had imagined it would be.
The relics and treasures that were displayed
Added to the rich environment.
The chairs were draped with the finest fabrics.
Statues of what I assumed were her ancestors
Stood guard along the walls and
Watched me as I stared wide eyed at my surroundings.
Questions bombarded me as I waited.
Where should I be when she arrived?
Should I offer her the gift before or after we converse?
Not knowing the answers to the questions
Added to my confusion as my nerves took hold.
Being alone in the room did not benefit me at all.
The extra time to dwell in the plan and reality
Of where I resided only served to attack my senses.
The varying shifts of my emotions
Were enough to make any sane person go mad.
The only true satisfaction that I received
Was from the red rose that I held in my hand.
It served as a symbol of my passion and
Desire for my beloved.
The red pedals were perfectly shaped.
The green stem provided me with strength
During that crucial time.
In the land of free roaming thought and mental confusion,
The rose was my physical anchor
That kept me from being swept away.
By looking to the flower,
I was able to calm myself and imagined my maiden.
Her beauty soothed me
As it had always done in my time of need.
She was perfection in my eyes even if only a vision.
I was so excited to meet her that my breath become short
And my heartbeat became uneven.
My nerves sent me into a downward spiral.
My emotions ran wild like released farm animals.
I went into a labyrinth of panic and could not find my way out.
I dropped the gifts and raced towards the window.
The height would not allow me to exit that way.
I stood in the middle of the room praying for an answer,
But received none.
I was alone and felt trapped.
My desires had led me there and my conscious wanted me out.
I sat down in my self-made prison
And grasped the gifts as if they would provide me with answers.
The red rose once again calmed me.
It comforted me for the remainder of my isolation.
With my mind quiet,
I was able to hear the faint sound of footsteps
Approaching from the hallway outside.
The rhythmic patterns on the marble floor were my fate.
My heart fed off the rhythm and matched the pace precisely.
With the gifts clinging to my palms by a thin glaze of sweat,
I waited.
With my eyes wide open and my throat dry,
I waited.
The moment that I had envisioned
For such a long time was about to happen.
The only thing between me and my lady
Was a wooden door.
I wanted to leap up and swing open the door
To reveal myself, but my shaky,
Unstable legs would not allow that.
The door slowly opened and prompted me to stand.
The quick movement blurred my vision,
But graciously allowed me to remain vertical.
That moment of not knowing
What was to come was a time period
I wished I had back
As the choices I would make from there on
Would alter my fate.
The door opened to reveal a large man
Dressed in a white robe.
The image immediately shocked me
As I was expecting my beautiful maiden.
The vision of me also confused the man
As we stood there facing each other with
Our eyes full of astonishment.
His eyes broke the weird pause
By gazing down at the rose and dagger.
I could see the anger in his eyes building,
But I had no idea who he was and why he was there.
We both spurted out a question at the same time.
He asked who I was and
I asked why he was there.
In the heat of the confusion
We each actually answered our own questions.
I stated I was here to see the maiden.
He answered with something that
Would devour my inner demon and
Alter it into something much more devastating.
He stated that he was her husband.
The words pierced my skull and
Allowed me to die inside over and over again.
I felt complete emptiness and hollowed.
My desires were all drained with his words.
Everything I had done for her,
All of the time I gave her had been stolen from me.
I did not know who I was without those desires.
The darkness consumed any light
That my heart leaked and forced my soul
Into a pit of despair from which it would not return.
I plummeted from the ledge
Without any hope of grasping the edge for support.
I allowed my emotions to rule my life
And for that I would suffer.
The husband went into a blind rage and lunged for me.
I was too distraught in my mind to avoid any such attack.
I felt every swing of his fist connect with my face,
But the pain did not compare to what my heart had experienced.
My vision went in and out with every strike,
But my mind portrayed visions of disloyalty and resentment.
I felt my body collide with the ground,
But it was of no concern to me.
My body became weak, but
My mind remained strong.
They were two separated entities and
Cared not for one another.
My body was only concerned
With the brutal assault it was receiving
While my mind only cared about
The emotional scars that it had received.
My body was bleeding, but my heart was bleeding more.
I felt the cool air combine with my open wounds on my face,
As the husband continued to beat me.
My mind shifted from thoughts of pity to thoughts of revenge.
My body was energized by my mind and
Allowed me the option of one swift motion.
With dagger still in hand,
I stood and stabbed the man deep in his heart.
The force of my attack allowed me to overpower
The weakened man and push him back towards the door.
His back slammed into the wooden door
With me and my dagger holding him up.
I twisted my weapon
As if to drain his heart of any love he had for his wife.
I felt the blood spill over my hand and
Drain the admiration into my pores.
His eyes glazed over,
But I was not done with him.
I dragged my dagger around his chest
And pulled his heart from its case.
His body crumbled to the floor
With no love or heart remaining for my beloved.
I had no time to contemplate what I had done
As more footsteps could be heard in the hallway.
I dragged the husband’s body away from the door and
Tossed his heart back on his chest.
It was not the idea first encounter
I had envisioned for her
As my face was bloody and bruised,
Plus her husband was heartless on the floor, but
She was tainted in my eyes now.
She had lied to me the entire time.
Every shared encounter,
Every dream and fantasy was all for nothing.
She tempted me with her beauty and false hope.
She had none of the traits
That she had portrayed for as long as I knew her.
She hid secrets from me; a marriage from me.
She would realize what she had done to me.
She destroyed me and forced me to do evil things.
She was everything to me and
Everything was what she took from me.
As the door opened, I hid to the side to allow her to enter.
She closed the door behind her and felt the blood-stained wood.
Her eyes widened as she looked to her red coated fingertips
And saw her lifeless husband on the ground.
She was so terrified
That she could not gather the breath
Needed to form a scream.
She had not seen me yet, but I was very close
And was able to smell her hair.
The scent was beautiful and relaxed me.
It was an aroma that would be with me
Long after my stay on earth.
Her lure was strong and overpowering to my senses.
I lost myself in her for a brief moment
Until she turned around and yelled.
She quickly stepped away from me in defense.
Her eyes were a brilliant shade of green,
But were overshadowed by the tears and strain from the stress.
Her lips were moist and quivering from the fear,
But were beautiful nonetheless.
She did not remember me,
Even after everything we had been through.
Every day we saw each other and shared so much,
And yet she had no memory.
She looked to me as if I was a stranger, a murderer.
If she could only look deep in her heart,
I believed that she would remember me and
The love that I offered her with every encounter.
How could she not understand me?