“Out with it,” I’d said, and she’d tensed in arms.
“I . . . I lied to them.” She sighed, finally letting it loose. “To my friends in college. I’m such an idiot.”
I couldn’t imagine what she could have possibly lied about that made her this uneasy. “I know you didn’t tell them about the accident and your rehab. So what else did you lie about?”
“About Miles. I told them that I broke it off with him,” she said in a rush. Probably in an effort to get it all out. “I exaggerated about that ring he gave me—I know it was a stupid-ass promise ring, but I told them it was an engagement ring and that I wasn’t ready for that.”
I remembered how she wore it so proudly on a chain around her neck. I’d always questioned why the fuck you’d give someone a ring in high school. I’ll admit, it had made me wonder if Miles had bigger feelings for her than I suspected.
Until I overheard him one day in the hall after school. His friends had been ragging on him about it, asking him if Rachel had guilted him into giving it to her. And he’d just shrugged and played along. Didn’t even stand up for her or their relationship. Big pussy.
“And then I pretended that I was just having some wild fun after being in such a serious relationship,” Rachel said, snapping me out of my thoughts. “When instead I was just . . . doing whatever the hell I was doing with those jocks.”
My jaw tightened. It was hard to hear that. “What were you doing with those guys?” I had no right to ask, but somehow it slipped out.
“Mostly making out. Sometimes sex . . .” She trailed off and then looked up at me. “Safe sex. Always. It felt good to be the one in control. I decided who I wanted to get lost in and for how long . . .”
I tried to steady my reaction. I needed to be a friend. But wasn’t she essentially doing the same with me? I shouldn’t have been hurt. I’d known all of this going in.
“Please don’t look at me that way. You’re the only one who . . .”
“Who what?”
“You’re the only one who I can talk to. Who might understand.” Her eyes were timid and soft. “I’m sure you wouldn’t want me to question you about all of your . . . girls.”
“You’re right, I wouldn’t,” I said, tightening my hand into a fist. “And I do understand. And for the record, I’ve been safe, too.”
Little did she realize I hadn’t been with any girls since I’d laid eyes on her this summer. That’s why I didn’t want her to question me. Because I didn’t want her to know that she was the only girl I’d been thinking about. “So let’s go back to the thing you’re really upset about. The lie.”
“Yeah,” she said. “Everything was a lie. I was a lie. They knew I’d had a rough time, but after that one conversation, we never talked about it again. They didn’t know how dark it really was. How dark it still is. I’d hang out with them as the careless, fun one and then go back to my apartment and brood about everything else. I don’t know what the fuck was wrong with me. I just didn’t want to let anyone in.”
“Bet it’s hard, though, keeping up a façade like that.” My eyes flashed to the pained look on her face, and my heart expanded.
“It got old.” She shook her head as if clearing away that other part of herself. “Pretty sure I’m done.”
I wanted to ask if that meant she was done with other guys. If she was done with me. But the idea of that terrified me. Besides, our time together went beyond a hookup, because we had roots. Familiarity. Companionship. Didn’t we?
Even though the lines were all distorted and blurred, I didn’t want it to end.
Not yet. Not ever. But I knew it would, in a just few short weeks. So I’d rather pretend it never would, than to question it now.
“So fix it.” I lifted her chin with my thumb.
She had trouble meeting my eyes; hers were laden with guilt. “How?”
“By coming clean to them this weekend,” I said, kissing her head. “And with Dakota after that. You’ll feel better when you do.”
“And what if they’re done with me?” she said, worrying her lip between her teeth. “I mean, Avery and Ella.” One set of problems at a time.
“Then you didn’t have a basis of friendship after all,” I said, and I felt her shoulders grow rigid. Whether or not she’d admit it, she cared more for these girls than she’d been letting on. “They hung out with you for a reason, right?”
“They might have just thought I was good for a laugh. I was the ‘life of the party,’” she said, using her fingers as air quotes.
Who was this Rachel she was describing? Happy-go-lucky, not a care in the world?
I mean, she was always fun, a blast, even. But she could also be serious, give good advice, and be a great friend. The persona she had adopted at TSU sounded exhausting. And meaningless.
But hadn’t I been doing the same thing? Carefree playboy, troublemaker, ready for a good time. Except she’d been actively participating and I’d been actively avoiding. Using pot as my crutch. Fuck, we were more alike than I’d ever imagined. Both of us needed to get our shit together.
“Maybe,” I said, knowing full well Rachel was charming in so many other ways. “Or maybe your friends see beyond the pretense and are just waiting for you to share more of yourself.”
“I hope so, because they’re really cool.” She settled into my chest again and let out a sigh. I pulled her closer, rubbed circles on her back, and soon enough her head went limp against my shoulder.
“Does this mean you’re not mad?” she said in her groggy voice. “You still care about me, Kai?”
I knew she meant it in a brotherly, best-friend way. But I couldn’t help taking a deep breath and squeezing my eyes shut at just hearing those words fall from her sweet lips.
“Of course I’m not mad.” Her fingers increased their pressure on my forearm. I leaned closer to her ear and whispered, “I’ll always care about you, Turtle.”
Ik houd van jou. Even after you’re gone.
She hummed into my neck, and we both drifted off to sleep soon after.
Thankfully, I woke before dawn. The sky was turning pink, and I nudged Rachel awake so she could return to her bed.
She sat up, wiped at her eyes with the backs of her hands, and then pushed her legs over the side of the bed. I knew I wouldn’t get to see much of her this weekend with our friends around, so I grasped her hand and tugged her back down.
There was no resistance as she cocooned into me again. I gently kissed her neck, and she ground her hips against mine. I had a raging hard-on like I always did when she was curled up next to me, and I tried adjusting myself in my shorts.
My fingers grazed beneath her shirt to touch her breasts. She wasn’t wearing a bra—she rarely came to my room with one on anymore—and her nipples hardened on contact.
“I don’t think we have time,” she whispered, and then moaned as I covered her gorgeous tits with my hands.
“I know,” I mumbled, pressing her down on the bed. I lifted her shirt and kissed the soft skin on her stomach. “I’m just giving you something to remember me by this weekend.”
I trailed my tongue up her torso to her chest as she panted and clutched at my hair. I sucked on her soft globe until it stiffened into a peak and then moved to the other side. I lightly bit her nipple as she wriggled her hips beneath me.
I kissed and licked the underside of her breast and then moved upward, positioned the skin between my lips, and began sucking hard.
“Ka . . . Kai,” she stuttered. “You’re going to leave a mark.”
After another long moment, I released her breast and then drew back to admire my handiwork.
A bright-red mark began to form on her chest, and she looked down at it in awe.
“That beauty belongs to me,” I said playfully, knowing full well it might’ve been the wrong thing to utter to someone who you were having a fling with.
“Oh yeah?” she said, pushing at my chest. “My turn.”
I didn’t even try to resist as she spra
ng up and then straddled me. She sucked my nipple ring into her mouth and then sealed her lips on my pec like a vacuum, attempting to leave a comparable mark.
I imagined her lips around my dick in a similar fashion someday and it almost sprang free on its own accord. “Fuck.”
“There.” She pulled away and looked down at my chest. “You are mine, mister.”
My entire body thrummed at her words.
I grasped her shirt and yanked her down toward me. My fingers traveled beneath the material and I cupped both of her breasts, my thumbs resting on her nipples.
My mouth hovered near her lips and my gaze pinned her with a long, unblinking look.
Her lips tentatively brushed across mine, and then she kissed me—slow, gentle, and sensual. I wanted to wrap myself up in her. Get lost for hours. Days. Years.
I’m yours, Rachel. I’ll always be yours.
Chapter Twenty-five
Kai
The doorbell rang and we buzzed Rachel’s friends up. Dakota was in the kitchen making a pitcher of Sangria, and Shane helped by cutting up some fruit. Rachel did little more than pace back and forth like a caged animal, pretending she was busy straightening up the condo so that Dakota wouldn’t question her about it.
Nate was the first to step through the door. We high-fived and gave one-armed hugs. Close behind was a striking girl with blue streaks in her hair and a sleeve of tattoos on her arm. “Hi. I’m Jessie.”
I wondered if Nate was dating this girl, except they weren’t holding hands or even making eye contact. Besides, they seemed as different as night and day.
“I brought an extra friend,” Nate said. “Her boyfriend was headed out of town and I thought she’d like to hang out with all of us.”
So it wasn’t his girlfriend. Was it a hookup or were they truly just friends?
Funny how my mind had immediately gone there.
“Cool,” I said as Rachel introduced herself to Jessie.
“Hey, Nate, come give your cousin a hug.” Dakota waved from the other side of the kitchen island. Shane was slicing limes to put into her red concoction.
Four other people entered the condo. Rachel gave them all brief hugs and then turned to introduce them to us. “These are my friends from college.”
The two girls, a blond and a brunette, were petite and pretty; the two guys they were with towered above them.
“That’s Ella and her boyfriend, Quinn,” Rachel said. The brunette stuck her hand up in a wave and the built dude wearing a TSU baseball cap nodded in our direction.
“And that’s Avery and her boyfriend, Bennett.” Rachel pointed to the blond standing next to a guy whose wavy hair almost matched the color of mine.
“Actually, its fiancé, now.” Avery leaned forward to show Rachel the ring on her finger as her cheeks brightened with a wash of pink. Her boyfriend’s hand curled around her waist in an intimate gesture.
Rachel’s jaw went slack, while Ella beamed.
Rachel finally recovered and then whacked Bennett’s shoulder playfully. “So you finally put a ring on it, asshat.” Bennett grinned.
I could see how easygoing she was with these friends, and they seemed genuinely happy to see her. I couldn’t help thinking that Rachel’s fears were unfounded. Despite the lie she’d told them, I figured they’d welcome her back with open arms.
“Tell them how it went down, Bennett,” Ella said, as her boyfriend, Quinn, slid his arms around her waist.
An emotion I didn’t recognize slammed into my chest. All I could think about was how I longed to be as openly affectionate with Rachel. To reach for her hand. Pull her into my chest and kiss her neck. Put an end to all the secrecy.
But then I looked over at Dakota, who seemed reserved while meeting these new people. My sister wasn’t judgmental—she just took her time letting people into her world. Her standards were high, and I could tell she was still deciding what she thought of this group.
She probably wouldn’t speak to Rachel and me for weeks if she knew we’d been fucking around with each other behind her back. But somehow I didn’t even give a damn anymore.
The tatted-up girl named Jessie said, “Dude, you were a helluva nervous wreck that day. Got the whole shop in on it.”
Bennett laughed and ran his hand through his unruly hair.
“Avery was coming in to get a new tattoo,” he said, scratching the back of his neck. “So I had the whole thing planned.”
The dude was a tattoo artist. Cool, my kind of people. And he obviously worked with Nate’s friend. Back in the day, I may have even hit on a girl like Jessie. There was something sexy about a tattoo on a girl. A piercing, too. I knew just where I’d place one on Rachel.
Fuck, I needed to rein in my dirty thoughts before I had to excuse myself.
Bennett grasped Avery’s hand. When he kissed her palm she closed her eyes with a sigh.
I sure as hell hoped we weren’t going to have to be around a bunch of fucking lovebirds all weekend. I got it now, though, I really did. When you loved someone it was hard not to want to show it. And if Rachel ever agreed to be mine, I’d show her every single damn day. But shit, right now I didn’t want it thrown in my face every five minutes how much I couldn’t have her.
I looked over at Dakota and Shane, who were now standing on the periphery of the room, listening to the proposal story. At least they were still single. Nate, too.
God, since when had I ever given a shit about any of this stuff? I used to think it was stupid as fuck. That guys just put on a show to get into a girl’s pants. I’d never understood it. Until I fell for Rachel. And now she had me pussy-whipped, and we weren’t even dating. How in the hell had my world become so twisted?
Avery turned to Rachel. “I wanted to get a tattoo of that one quote I told you about a couple of months ago.”
“The one with the roots?” Rachel asked.
“Yeah.” Avery nodded. “It wanted it on my hip above the heart.”
“Cool,” Rachel said, taking a seat on the couch, followed by Ella.
“So I got the transfer paper ready to be applied to her skin,” Bennett said, smiling down at his girl.
“Dude, I would have been trembling at that point,” Quinn said, adjusting his cap. “Nervous as fuck.”
“Oh, I was definitely shaking in my boots,” Bennett said.
“Hold the phone,” Rachel said. “I don’t get that. You obviously know that the person you’re dating loves you, wants to be with you. Why do guys always get so nervous about popping the question?”
“Probably because we’re putting it all on the line. Our feelings, our pride,” I said, wondering where in the hell this foreign line of thinking was coming from. “When you ask someone to be yours, you’re talking about the rest of your freaking life.”
The whole room went silent and all eyes fell on me. Shane’s, Dakota’s, and Rachel’s, especially.
“Sorry. I guess that’s just how I imagine it would be.” I shrugged and shoved my hands deep in my front pocket. “Not that I know a damn thing about it.”
“Yeah, really, bro. How in the hell would you know?” Dakota said, laughing. “Your love life consists of bringing a girl home and then making sure she leaves by dawn.”
I felt heat crawl up my neck. Fuck, Dakota. Was I really as bad as she’d just made me sound? Normally I would have laughed right along with her. But today her lame-ass joke irritated the shit out of me.
“Leave him alone, D,” Shane said, coming to my defense. “He hasn’t brought any girls home since he’s been living here with you guys, has he?”
I could feel Rachel’s gaze on me like a wall of heat. I was afraid to turn in her direction. Afraid that my eyes would somehow betray me.
“The way Kai described it is pretty close, actually,” Bennett said, skating right over the awkwardness in the room. I could have kissed the dude. “So maybe he does know what that feels like.”
“Nah, just guessing,” I mumbled. “So, let’s hear the rest of this
story.”
“Yeah, c’mon, I’m dying over here,” Dakota said, and I glowered at her.
She just glared right back. I was so going to slice into her when I got her alone.
“Anyway,” Bennett said. “I placed the transfer on her hip and then handed her the mirror to take a look.”
“I should have known just by how unsteady his fingers were,” Avery burst in. “Instead of the quote I was expecting, it said, Will you marry me, in bold black letters.”
Bennett bit his lip and looked down at his feet. Like he’d heard the story told a zillion different times but was still uncomfortable sharing it.
“Holy crap, asshead,” Rachel said. “Did you fall over or what?”
“To say that I was shocked would be an understatement,” Avery said, kissing Bennett on the cheek.
“Whoa, dude. Nice one,” Shane said, giving Bennett a fist bump.
“So then he dropped to one knee,” Avery said, grabbing for her guy’s hand. “And the rest is . . . private.”
“Yeah, so private, they didn’t want anyone disturbing them for the next hour,” Jessie said.
Everyone laughed.
Rachel propped her feet up on the ottoman, looking more relieved than she had all day. “So, when’s the big date?”
“We haven’t decided any of that yet,” Bennett said.
“We’re just hanging out, going day by day.” Avery sat on the other side of Rachel on the wraparound sofa. She pushed down on the cushion and looked around at the space. “Nice place, by the way.”
“Thanks,” Dakota said, handing out plastic cups. Shane went around the room pouring everyone a glass of Sangria. We did a toast to Avery and Bennett and then to new friends.
We spent the rest of the hour talking and getting to know one another. Bennett asked where I had my piercings done and whether I had any tattoos. I told him about the tattoo shop in town I frequented and the body-modification expert I trusted to put holes in my skin. He asked whether I’d ever considered getting ear gauges and I told him it wasn’t my thing.
“I hear you,” he said.
Dakota looked at the kitchen clock and said, “Are we ready to head out?”
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