She paused for a moment. Since she’d been back in Hedworth, Nicci had been a right bitch to her. And after what Jess had gone through with Laurie, having to move back from her glamorous life in London to a shabby sweet stall in Hedworth, she didn’t want to see someone else being happy. Perhaps her brother would tell Nicci to cancel it all. And maybe he’d see her for what she really was too; a scheming, devious cow who was after his cash. She must be creaming money off their joint account at this rate.
Forty minutes later, the front door opened. Jess jumped up and stood on the chair she’d pulled across from the kitchen table in readiness, then reached up to the shelving where she’d put the notebook back. As Jay and Nicci burst into the kitchen, laughing, she made it look as if she’d slipped and knocked it off the shelf.
‘Oh, sorry,’ she said, raising her eyes to the ceiling. ‘Clumsy me. I was after a cake recipe. Thought I might do a little baking. You wouldn’t mind, would you?’
Nicci paled as the contents of the notebook scattered over the kitchen tiles like confetti.
‘Those are mine! She quickly dropped to her knees, trying to gather up as many as she could. Jay bent down to help her. He picked up a brochure, an invitation sample and a pile of handwritten notes, handing them to her before picking up some more. He was about to give her that pile too but pulled back his hand and studied the top piece of paper.
‘What’s this?’ he addressed Nicci as he held up a photo of a model wearing a wedding dress.
‘It’s a— it was going to be a surprise.’
‘A wedding dress?’ Jay flicked through a couple more. Nicci glared up at Jess, who was smirking.
‘Oops,’ she said all innocently. ‘Is that a secret notebook? What’s in it?’
Suddenly, Nicci realised that she’d been set up.
‘You bitch!’ she shouted before bursting into tears. ‘You’ve ruined everything.’
‘What are you talking about?’ Jess held up her hands in mock surrender. ‘I was only after a cake recipe. What’s that you’ve got, Jay?’
Jay was speechless. Flicking through the notebook, he became more enraged by the second.
‘Will you give us some space, Jess?’ he managed to say eventually.
‘Of course,’ Jess said sweetly as she got down from the chair and left the kitchen, inwardly congratulating herself. She hadn’t even got to the top of the stairs when she heard raised voices. She grinned, thinking,
Bang goes the secret wedding.
Downstairs in the kitchen, Jay yelled at Nicci. ‘You had no right to do this!’
‘It was a surprise!’ Nicci sobbed. ‘I was going to tell you as soon as it was all organised. I know how you’d hate all the planning so I thought if I did it for us then all you’d have to do is turn up and—’
She stopped talking. All colour had drained from Jay’s face, and his shoulders drooped. He looked like he was going to pass out. Panic set in. Had she read the signs wrong the other night? Was he only saying that he wanted to marry her to get her to stop talking about it? Men were good at that. They’d deny you’d said anything of the sort.
‘I thought you wanted to marry me,’ she whispered.
‘I do! But—’
‘There shouldn’t be a but!’
‘We don’t have the money right now.’
‘We can save it by Easter. I haven’t spent that much.’
‘Really?’ He chucked the book at her. ‘Have you added all that up? It must come to a small fortune.’
‘I had to pay more for short notice.’
‘Have you ordered everything?’
‘Not yet, but—’
‘Then don’t.’
‘But I—’
‘And see if you can get those deposits back.’
Suddenly, Nicci shook her head defiantly. ‘No,’ she told him, knowing that if she cancelled everything there’d never be a wedding this year. She’d have to call his bluff. ‘It’s all done.’
‘Then you’ll just have to undo it all.’ Jay threw the book onto the table and walked out of the room.
‘Wait!’ Nicci shouted after him but he kept on going, out into the hallway and through the front door.
Knowing there wasn’t any point following him, she let him go. Running upstairs to have it out with Jess, she stormed in her room to find it empty. So too was the rest of the house. She must have slipped out while they were arguing. Wait until she saw her. She wanted her out of their home now.
In the kitchen again, she flopped into a chair, covered her face with her hands and sobbed. What had she done? Even though she had ignored the nagging voice inside that said she was getting carried away, she’d thought she was doing the right things.
Now it seemed as if she’d ruined everything.
Although Sam’s weekend hadn’t ended in tears, it had been a quiet one. And a lonely one too, even though she’d received a few text messages from Dan. He wanted to meet up with her again, despite her replying to previous messages to say that wouldn’t be right.
Reece had rung on Friday night and told her he wouldn’t be coming home that weekend, or the next, as he wanted to finish off the job he was contracted to do. Sam knew it was probably more to do with him needing more time to think, and that was fine with her. If he did come back, it had to be the right decision for both of them.
By the time Saturday evening rolled round, she still hadn’t shared the details with anyone. Luckily, Louise wasn’t begging her to go out that night. Earlier in the day, she’d grabbed a cheese topped bloomer and a large cream cake from Mr Adams’ stall. She took it home and gorged herself silly on toast topped with more cheese. Simple, stodgy comfort food was what she needed.
On Sunday, the usual routine kicked in – washing, cleaning and ironing. By mid-morning, her chores were done, her house was shining and her mind still refused to switch off. Would they be doing the right thing if they started again – was it what they wanted? Was it really going to work? She knew they’d never know until they tried, and she had missed Reece being at home. But people could still be lonely in a relationship.
After mooching around for the rest of the day, by Sunday evening, as she settled down to watch Downton Abbey, Sam had convinced herself that after three weeks apart, she’d be really looking forward to seeing Reece. She wanted to be part of a couple again. She wanted to experience the butterflies that Dan gave her, with Reece again. And that couldn’t be a bad thing, could it?
After a restless sleep, Nicci dragged herself into work on Monday morning. Jess had come in late the night before and gone straight to her room to avoid confrontation on her return. Nicci had wanted to charge upstairs and have it out with her but she needed to speak to Jay first.
He hadn’t come home until just before midnight, and then he’d gone to bed without a word too. She’d had the silent treatment that morning as well. She wasn’t sure what to do next – talk to him that night when she got home or leave it until he was calmer, after he’d had time to think things through. Either option was going to be a nightmare.
‘Morning,’ Louise greeted, as she got to the stall. ‘How’s the bride to be?’ she whispered as she took off her coat.
Nicci was barely able to hold back her tears. She had to tell Louise what had happened. She was the only one who she had confided in about planning the wedding. And she might be better doing that than waiting for Jess to come over later and blurt out the secret to everyone, humiliating her even more.
‘I don’t know what to do,’ she told Louise when she’d quickly run through it all. ‘Why doesn’t he want to marry me?’
‘I’m sure he does but I’m not sure he’d want to be tricked into it.’ Louise was always one to speak the truth.
‘What do you mean?’ Nicci frowned.
Louise hauled a sack of carrots up and began loading them into the display rack. ‘I mean, he’s not really been that keen before.’
‘You think I pressurised him into it?’ Nicci accused.
‘N
o, I didn’t mean that.’
‘Yes, you did.’
Louise rummaged for the dregs in the bottom of the bag and scrunched it up once it was empty.
‘What are you two bickering about?’ Sam shouted through from the back room.
‘Nothing.’ Nicci glared at Louise, hoping that she wouldn’t say anything to Sam.
‘We were discussing Wedding Belles, said Louise when Sam appeared in the doorway. ‘Aren’t we always? Nic’s mad about that show!’
Nicci left Louise and Sam chatting as she went off to the toilet. The weekend’s television was always the topic of conversation on a Monday morning. Usually it made her laugh, but not today. Not when all she could think about was this wedding and not anyone else’s.
What the hell was she going to do? If she cancelled the bookings she’d already paid deposits for, she’d lose all that money. It seemed a ludicrous idea. And she really wanted to get married.
She wrote a text message to Jay. Then she deleted it. Then she wrote another, this time adding kisses. Each time the words looked wrong, the tone too harsh. But she desperately needed to talk to him. In the end she settled on something and pressed send.
‘Jay, please can we talk tonight? Nx’
Nicci washed her hands at the basin, the woman staring back at her looking frazzled and vulnerable. She pulled up her shoulders and took a deep breath. There was no point dragging this out. She would have it out with him tonight, as soon as she got home. Find out the real reason Jay didn’t want to marry her. And if Jess was in, she could either go to her room or get out of the house until they’d sorted things. She had no time for her now anyway. This was her fault.
For the rest of the day, Nicci clock-watched. She added up stock with Sam, cleaned down shelving with Louise, finished serving the last few customers and was out of the door the minute it turned five thirty.
When she got home, Jess was nowhere to be seen, but Jay was sitting at the kitchen table. His face looked as pale as it had been yesterday, when he’d seen her pink notebook. In front of him were a pile of envelopes.
‘You need to see these,’ he said. He pushed them towards her, not meeting her eye.
Nicci slipped off her coat. ‘What are they?’ she sat down across from him.
But Jay didn’t offer any explanation, just looked down at the table soundlessly.
She took the first letter out of the envelope and read it. Then she took out the next, and the next. Her hand covered her mouth as she saw the sums detailed on the statements. £2,000 owed on one. £792 on another. £3,000. £800. Then the final one: £8,263.47. Mustn’t forget the forty-seven pence.
Nicci glanced up at him for an explanation. ‘You owe all this money?’
Jay nodded, still unable to look at her.
‘But, how?’
‘It was before we met.’ He finally raised his eyes. ‘When Sharon left me, you know she took everything.’ Nicci knew that his ex-wife had met another man and left Jay suddenly, a couple of years before she had started to date him. ‘She also left me with a mountain of debt that was in both our names. She wouldn’t pay anything towards them and as the companies knew my address and not hers, they latched on to me for payment. And every few months they wanted more and more. When the house was finally repossessed, the building society wanted so much back per month that I couldn’t afford to pay off these debts too.’
Nicci picked up the first bill – Kitchens Unlimited. ‘You still owe money for a kitchen?’
‘Ironic, isn’t it?’ Jay sighed. ‘I still have to pay for what I no longer have. Since I’ve met you, I’ve been able to keep up with the payments if I did a bit of overtime. But I can’t afford to pay for a wedding too.’ He reached across for her hand. ‘That’s why I was angry yesterday. I want you to have the best of everything but I want to pay for it all.’
‘That’s a little bit sexist, don’t you think?’ Nicci remarked. ‘I go to work too.’
A faint smile appeared on his face. ‘You know what I mean. How can I get married again when I haven’t finished paying for mistakes from my first one?’
‘I still can’t see why you didn’t tell me about it all.’ She pointed to the pile of letters.
‘I was too embarrassed. I hate how I was left to fend for myself. It wasn’t my doing, it was hers. She always wanted the best of everything and I – well, I was always a soft touch. I tried my best to get out of the mess but I just got in deeper and deeper. I’m so sorry.’
Nicci smiled then. She couldn’t help it. Here she was thinking that Jay didn’t want to marry her and all the time it was because he had money problems. She leaned across the table and kissed him.
‘You big dope,’ she told him. ‘I’ve been worried that you were trying to get out of things.’
‘No. I really do want to marry you.’
‘It doesn’t matter.’ She kissed him again. ‘None of it matters as long as we’re together. Who needs a marriage certificate when they have what we have? I’m not giving that up for anything.’
Jay smiled then, and she knew this time it was with relief.
‘Jay, will you unmarry me?’ she asked.
He laughed, only stopping when he leaned forward to kiss her.
Jess couldn’t believe she could hear laughter coming from the kitchen when she got in. Really, were they so loved up that they couldn’t stay angry with one another for more than a night? If so, she’d seriously underestimated Nicci.
She walked into the kitchen to find her brother and what still seemed to be her future sister-in-law holding hands across the table, heads close together.
‘Oh, you’re not at it again,’ she said.
‘We are indeed,’ said Nicci. ‘Nothing – or no one,’ she looked pointedly at Jess, ‘will stop true love.’
Jay sniggered. ‘I think that’s a bit too lovey-dovey for me.’ He smiled at Jess who was scowling. ‘But I am happy we got things sorted.’
‘Well, that’s wonderful news.’ Not. Jess forced out a smile before leaving the room. She made her way upstairs and pushed open the door to her room – the box room, that tiny room that everyone saved for their first addition to their family. It was only big enough to fit in a single bed and wardrobe but how she wished she had a man and a house and a box room right now.
Tears welled in her eyes as she heard the laughter from downstairs. Why couldn’t she be that happy? Why couldn’t she be in love with someone who loved her back in just the same quantities? What sort of future was she going to have now?
Chapter Fourteen
After Louise had constantly badgered Sam all week about another attempt at a girlie night out, Saturday evening at nine thirty found them both in Atmosphere, a popular wine bar in the centre of Hedworth. The place was packed and it was standing room only.
Even though Sam didn’t really want to be out on the town, she liked it in Atmosphere. It had the feel of a retro American bar, with embossed steel plates advertising such things as tea and peanut butter, adorning the walls along with posters of Marilyn Monroe, James Dean and a young Elvis Presley. World War Two pilots’ uniforms and memorabilia could be seen displayed behind glass cabinets. There was even a Harley Davidson motorbike situated in an alcove above the stairs.
Here, Sam could enjoy herself, have a conversation because the music wasn’t hurting her ears, and she could actually see people who were older than her. In most of the places Louise usually dragged her to, she wouldn’t have been surprised to see Charley and Sophie lurking in the background. How did she get to be so old and, well, past it, when it came to going out on a Saturday night?
‘So, come on. Spill the beans,’ said Louise, after they’d got a drink each. ‘Are things okay between you and Reece now?’
Sam froze as she knew she hadn’t told anyone what had happened between them.
‘What do you mean?’ she asked.
‘The last time we went out, you spent most of it moaning that you wished Reece would come home for good, so that you could f
eel like you were still a couple. Then there was this thing with Dan and since then, you’ve hardly mentioned either of them, come to think of it.’
‘Reece and I are fine,’ Sam nodded fervently, moving forward slightly as someone wanted to get past them. ‘And I ended it with Dan.’
‘What?’
‘Oh, come on, Louise,’ Sam protested. ‘It was wrong what I did with him and—’
‘What do you mean, what you did with him?’ Louise gasped, her eyes widened. ‘Did you do more than snog Dan Wilshaw, you dirty cat?’
‘No!’
‘Then what?’
‘Just nothing, okay?’ Sam almost shouted.
‘Okay, okay. Keep your hair on.’
They sat in silence for a while. Louise knocked back her drink and went to the bar for another round, Sam cursed herself inwardly for slipping up. Despite his constant efforts to get in touch with her again, she hadn’t told anyone what had happened between her and Dan. But if Louise got wind of it, even though she had her fair share of secrets, Sam knew she’d be livid that she hadn’t told her and then she would be worrying that Louise might slip up. She’d spoken to Reece again last night. He was coming from Sheffield to see her tomorrow for a couple of hours and she was looking forward to it.
Not wanting to mope on her night out, she watched as Louise chatted to some man at the bar. She smiled as she saw them laughing together. Louise was good to be around, most of the time. It wasn’t that Sam didn’t want to share things with her best friend. Usually she would, and gladly. But if she told Louise what she and Dan had done, and then that Reece had left, she’d put two and two together and make four which, unfortunately, would be the right answer. And Sam didn’t want anyone to know how disgusted she felt with herself, especially if Reece decided to come back. So the fewer people who knew about it the better, as far as she was concerned.
Louise returned with their drinks and she and Sam clinked glasses. The wine flowed and before they knew, it was nearly midnight.
‘I’m bushed,’ Sam told her later when they were re-applying lippie in the loo. ‘Shall we grab a kebab and head off home?’
That's What Friends Are For Page 12