Road Trip

by Andie M. Long

  ‘Ha ha!’ I laugh, running ahead.

  I turn the corner and run into Japanese tourists that are clearly lost. Why the hell would you visit Harrow? I bat them out of the way, Harrow school in my vision. Once I get there I can straighten myself out.

  Something hits me in the centre of my back, temporarily winding me. I turn to see Felix running behind me lobbing apples at me. There’s a greengrocer running after him shouting about him being a thief.

  I fight against the stitch in my stomach and run through it, apples hitting me on the arms. Who knew they’d hurt so bad?

  ‘Stop cheating, you bastard!’ I scream back at him.

  He grabs my hair and pulls until I’m level paced with him. I push him into a pile of rubbish bags. He goes down like a sack of potatoes. Ha!

  He stumbles out and catches up to me in a second. He pushes me into a couple sitting outside a café. I fall onto the table, their coffees spilling and scalding my hand. Agh, that hurts like a motherfucker!

  I’m going to kill him.

  I grab the cup and run after him, lobbing it at his head. It hits him right on the ear.

  ‘Fuck!’ I hear him hiss.

  The doors to the school are in sight now and we’re at an even pacing. He keeps trying to push me away, but I shove him right back.

  We both squeeze through the door and rush to the receptionist.

  ‘I’m here,’ I wheeze, out of breath, ‘for the interview.’

  The receptionist looks over us in disgust. If I look half as sweaty as I feel I can understand why. I look over Felix. His shirt still only has two buttons done up; it hangs loosely over his trousers. His back is damp against the shirt as is his forehead which glistens against the sunlight. How is it he still looks hot? It's beyond annoying.

  ‘So, you’re Katy Cornish?’

  ‘Yes,’ I nod eagerly, attempting to straighten my hair down.

  ‘And I’m Felix Montague.’

  ‘Okay,’ she nods. ‘We’re tight on time today so we’re going to interview you together. I hope that’s okay with you.’

  Oh dear.

  ‘Fine by me,’ Felix taunts, looking at me with raised eyebrows, ‘Is that fine with you Miss Cornish?’

  I smile through gritted teeth. ‘Fine by me, Mr Montague.’

  ‘Would you like some drinks?’

  We both ask for a water and then are led to the interview room, Felix frantically doing up his shirt buttons. We’re sat down with our iced waters and told the headmistress won’t be long. As soon as the door’s shut I’m pulling my pocket mirror out and looking at the mess of myself.

  ‘You look hot,’ he jokes. ‘As in a hot mess.’

  I clench my jaw, refusing to bother with a witty comeback. He doesn’t deserve my response right now.

  ‘In fact,’ he continues, ‘you look really hot. Here, let me cool you down.’ He grabs the ice out of his drink, yanks my trousers to the side and throws them down my knickers.

  Ice so cold polar bears in the arctic would be forced to shiver, slides onto my lady parts, so cold I physically shiver. I open my mouth to let out a scream in an attempt to alleviate some of the discomfort but at that exact moment the headmistress walks in.

  ‘Hello, sorry to have kept you.’

  ‘Not a bother,’ Felix says, as smooth as caramel. The bastard. ‘Me and Katy here are old friends anyway.’

  ‘Oh lovely,’ she coos, looking at me.

  I try with every fibre of my body to appear normal, not like I’m living this agony and wanting nothing more than to stand up and shake until it goes down my leg. But I can’t do that. I’d look like a dog shaking itself after a piss.

  I force a smile though I’m sure my lips must be blue right now with the way she’s looking back at me. With wide, amused eyes.

  ‘You’ll have to excuse Miss Cornish,’ Felix says, ‘but she suffers a bit with social anxiety.’

  I cannot believe him.

  ‘I’m fine,’ I insist, leaning over on my right arse cheek to try to move the melting ice cube. To my absolute horror, icy water starts running down my leg, pooling loudly onto the floor.

  Everyone hears it. The woman’s eyes look like they’re going to burst out of her head.

  ‘She also has a problem with incontinence,’ Felix says, with a hand on my shoulder.

  I storm out of the school, leaving a trail of dripping water in my wake. He’s done it again! We’re never going to get a fucking job at this rate. In fact, we’ll be placed on a banned list if we’re not careful.

  We have a hundred pounds to our name. Time to get a job is running out and I’m starting to get worried. Although right now I’m too angry to be anxious.

  “Now what are we going to do?” I yell.

  “Look, let me go back in there and explain, and see if they’ll interview us again.” Felix says.

  “Okay.” I sigh. “Well, be quick.”

  He isn’t quick. He’s gone for twenty minutes. In the meantime, my temper has built to astronomical proportions.

  He finally reappears.

  “Well?”

  “Sorry, they made me wait ages and then said no. I tried.”

  “After all this time in the cold, I’ve probably got chapped lips.” I snarl, “and nothing a Chapstick is going to do anything for.” I begin to storm down the drive.

  “Slow down, Kitty Kat. We ran here. I’ve not got the energy to run back to the car.”

  “Screw you.” I flip him the middle finger as I carry on power walking.

  “Oh, is that an offer? I’ll hurry up for that.” He quips.

  I stand still, glaring at him. If my parts weren’t already frozen from the cube attack, I might have the energy to attack him. Is there a hot water bottle for vaginas? I bet one of those handheld ones would work, thaw my poor tuppence out.

  I begin walking again, though at a slower pace as my legs are starting to ache. Spying the flower bed display sign near where I left the car, I stare but the car isn’t there. Oh, they must have sponsored more than one flower bed, makes sense. We’ll just have to keep on walking. Although I felt sure it was just here, I remember knocking that gerberas head off.

  “Felix?”

  “Talking to me now, are you?”

  “The car’s gone.”

  Felix stares at the flowerbed and starts walking around.

  “It’s not hidden under a pile of poppies, you dickhead.” I shout. “Someone’s stolen my car.” I screech. “Phone the police.”

  After telling me to calm myself down and making me sit on the grass, Felix calls the police where he finds out that actually my car has been impounded for being parked illegally. Great, just great.

  We’re given the address of where to collect it from and get a taxi there as we’ve no idea what buses run there. That costs us a tenner and then we’re charged ninety quid to get my car released. NINETY QUID. Leaving our combined funds as ZERO.

  “We have no money, Felix. I’m already putting petrol on my credit card with no idea of how I’m going to pay it. I’m not getting any further in debt. What are we going to do?”

  “We’re going to pack and leave, get in the car and start the unbearably boring, long drive to Scarborough. It’s almost half-eleven, so we can go back to Mum’s and raid the fridge. Stuff our faces and then get in the car and on our way.”

  “Where are we going to stay, Felix?” I feel completely flat, like there’s no point to this shit anymore.

  “We’ll figure something out. For now, let’s make the most of the fact we have food and drink.”

  We head back to his house where his mum makes us a lunch spread and leaves us to it. There are sandwiches, crisps, chocolate biscuits, and tea. You’ve got to hand it to her, the woman might be a racist, but she sure knows how to put on a spread.

  'Your mum is such a star,’ I say, stuffing a sandwich in my mouth. I sound depressed even to my own ears.

  ‘Come on, cheer up, Kitty Kat.'

  I sigh. “Maybe a Dairylea Dunker
might just make me feel a little better.”

  I grab one, stuffing it in my mouth. We eat in companionable silence. I really enjoy the taste of a tuna sandwich and let out a satisfied moan. Unfortunately, it sounds very similar to one of the sex noises I made the other night while bringing myself to climax.

  “You okay there?” Felix says, a smirk appearing on his face.

  I feel my cheeks heat. “Just enjoying my food.”

  “Ah, that’s your enjoying yourself moan. Of course.” He winks at me, “making a mental note.”

  “Stop it, Felix, please. I’m not in the mood. Not after the day we’ve had. We’ve not got yet another job and we’ve no money. I can’t be cheery Katy all the time. I’m fucked off, and to be honest I’m thinking about just driving home.”

  'Katy.' Felix smiles kindly, his forehead wrinkled in concern. 'You have nowhere to live back home,’ he reminds me softly.

  Oh yeah. He’s right. My parents will have moved by now. I’m basically an orphan.

  ‘Besides, teaching is what you love. We need to carry on and do the rest of the interviews. Let’s promise to behave and go to the interviews as professional as possible. If one of us gets a job, maybe we could help the other out until they do? We’ve spent all this time together, we could flatshare or something, if it comes to it?'

  How can he be so sweet sometimes, when the rest of the time he acts like a total plank?

  'Thank you.' I answer.

  'You’re welcome. See, things aren’t that bad.'

  'No, thank you for showing me that if I don’t get a job, my option will be having to spend even more time with you. I’m totally getting this next job.'

  'Well, thanks, mate.' Felix turns away in a huff. 'I thought we were friends.'

  'Friends don’t put ice cubes down their friend's pants.'

  'Well, friends don’t try to drive off to an interview without their friend and then get their car impounded and lose all their money.'

  I sit with my head in my hands and start to sob. Once I start I just can’t stop. Proper wailing, snot running down my nose, hysterical crying.

  'I’m fucked. My life is ruined. My sister has won. She has everything, I have nothing. I’m a joke.'

  Felix rushes over to me and lifts up my chin with his hand. 'Look at me.'

  I look and sniffle. I can tell my eyes are puffy, they feel five times their normal size when I wipe my tears.

  'Your sister has not won. She has your reject. You know he’s an idiot and you’re better off without him.'

  I sniff.

  He gets up, goes to the bathroom and returns, handing me a pile of toilet paper. 'Now clean up because green bogeys make me squeamish and you have a huge one on your top lip. Then let’s get out of here. The sooner we’re at Scarborough, the sooner we can prep for the next interview.'

  I hastily wipe and blow my nose. How glamorous I am.

  'But how are we going to prepare and look professional when we’re going to have to sleep in the car? How will we iron our suits?'

  Felix goes in his pocket and draws out three twenty-pound notes.

  'My mum gave me an emergency handout last night.'

  I sit there stunned for a minute before I find my voice, and my temper.

  'You let me get all upset and you had money all along? You’re sick, do you know that? Sick. I bloody hate you.'

  And with that I run to the bathroom to clean myself up and then get packed and head to the car. Felix follows along silently and clambers into the passenger side as I start the engine.

  Felix

  I’m a shit. A total shit. Because I went back inside the Harrow school and begged them to interview me—and they did. And I can’t tell Katy that right now because this, whatever it is, would all be over—and I don’t want it to be.

  Being back in my hometown reminded me how much I love it. I knew I could connect with all of my old mates again. Plus, my parents aren’t getting any younger and no matter how much they drive me insane, I would like to be closer to them.

  So, I really wanted that job. It’s possible I told the interviewers that I’d had to rush because I’d been assisting Katy who had medical issues and that’s why I looked so hot and harassed and well, they said it showed what type of person I was that I’d abandoned the interview to look after her when she’d had the incontinence problem. They offered me the job on the spot and I accepted.

  I. AM. A. TOTAL. SHIT.

  I watch Katy now as she’s driving. Her pretty face staring at the road straight ahead, her lips in a pout. She’s not spoken to me for thirty minutes. Instead she put her CD on loud and has subjected me to Taylor Swift for the last half hour, with Shake it Off repeated several times.

  'Please talk to me, Catherine.'

  'No. And don’t call me that, only your mother calls me that.'

  'You just talked to me. Yeeasss, Kitty Kat is talking to me again!'

  'God, you are so annoying.' She says.

  'Look. I didn’t want to tell you about my mum’s money because I’d decided that if we managed on our budget then we’d have a slap-up meal on the final evening, but then you got all girly emotional and so I thought I’d better fess up. Plus, we were penniless. So, no posh dinner but at least we can get a hotel for the night and even better there’s an offer on the budget hotel, £29 a night.'

  'Oh good, and so then we’ll have thirty quid left.' She says.

  'Yeah, about that… after tomorrow, we’ve no more interviews until Monday in Skegness, so how about we book two nights in the budget hotel and enjoy the seaside a bit? We’ve still got some food from my mum’s.'

  'What are we going to do Saturday? Where are we going to stay?'

  I shrug my shoulders, although she doesn’t see it as she’s driving. 'Let’s worry about Saturday on Saturday and just enjoy the next two days. There’s no point us being miserable and what-iffing. We know if it comes to it we’ll have to sleep in the car for a night. After Scarborough, I have a uni friend who lives in Newcastle, so I might give them a call.'

  She lets out a huge exhale.

  'Okay. You’re right. And I love the seaside. Two days in Scarborough it is. Unless I get a job and then you’re on your own.'

  When she says things like that I don’t even want a job.

  The other night when she was making herself come and she forgot herself, I saw a whole new side to her. I’d felt her move and so I’d looked over my shoulder and seen her laid on her back. The outside light shone on her body, one hand caressing a pert tit and then she’d gone to town down below.

  Completely unbeknown to her I’d turned around, fisting my cock in my hand as I watched her bring herself off. I’d closed my eyes and imagined that I’d come all over those pert tits and then I’d waited, clutching my dick as she finished, my mind jealous of it being her own fingers inside herself instead of me.

  I’d had to rush into the bathroom, and after cleaning up, splash my face with cold water. When I returned, and she was pretending to be asleep, it made me smile. She’d found a bit of confidence in herself and was trying to hide it again.

  I like Katy for herself, but I know that she needs to gain more confidence, that by doing so she could have a great life. Only now my stupid body and brain have decided they want to be in that great life. In fact, right now I have a raging boner. I’m glad her eyes are on the road.

  If Katy fails to get a job, I’ll offer her a flat or house share with me in Harrow. But for now, I’ll keep everything to myself. I don’t want to think what will happen if she gets a job in another area and she’ll be gone for good.

  After two and a quarter hours driving, Katy pulls in at the edge of a petrol station.

  'It’s your turn to drive the rest of the way,' she tells me.

  Oh, I like it when she gets all dominant.

  Katy

  After driving for over two hours it's been lovely to close my eyes while Felix takes over. This morning has just been a tipping point for me. I’ve had enough of everything.
But Felix was right—we don’t know what’s going to happen on Saturday but we’re okay for the next day or so and that needs to be enough for now.

  Fly by the seat of your pants girl. I tell myself. Let yourself have some fun.

  We walk into the budget hotel and Felix goes about booking us in for two nights. I’m tired and hungry by this stage and can’t wait to stretch my legs out and have a cuppa.

  'You so owe me,' Felix says as he walks over with our room key, a beaming smile across his face.

  'Why?' I ask.

  'I got us an upgrade, Kitty Kat.'

  My jaw drops. 'How did you manage that?'

  'Well, they didn’t have any budget rooms left so I put on my best doe-eyed expression, said we needed two nights and our budget was extremely limited and with you being pregnant and the hellish day we’d had this was the icing on the cake. The receptionist took one look at you, said "Oh wow, she does look pale and tired, I remember that stage well", and booked us into a bigger room for the £29 a night.'

  I don’t even care about the diss to my appearance. I’ve come to accept it from him now. Upgraded room whoo hoo.

  'So what do we get extra?' I ask.

  'I don’t know. Let’s go find out.'

  Following him, I feel eyes staring at me from behind the reception desk. I give the receptionist a friendly wave and she nods at me like she’s every sympathy for my plight. Fake exhaustion isn't required because I am. I add in a belly rub for good measure. I’m so going to hell.

  When Felix opens the door, I almost manage the energy required to jump for joy. The room has a king-sized bed, a separate seating area, and as I look on the desk there is a complimentary small bottle of wine, two bottles of water and two packets of kettle chips!

  There’s also a note stating that two towelling robes are hanging in the wardrobe. I immediately shrug off my coat and pull mine out and wrap it around myself before cleaning a glass in the bathroom (has to be done), pouring half the bottle into my glass, grabbing the kettle chips and climbing inside the bed.