by Carol Lynne
“I know,” Cullen agreed, breaking away. He stood and held out his hand. “Let’s go lie down.”
“I brought stuff,” Joseph said, getting to his feet.
“Good thing because I don’t have anything here.” Cullen grabbed Joseph’s suitcase from beside the front door and carried it down the short hall to the master bedroom. He still wasn’t sure he’d gotten through to Joseph, but at least he thought he understood the sexual issues between Phillip and Joseph.
Cullen handed Joseph his suitcase. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to jump into the shower.”
“I don’t mind,” Joseph said in a hushed tone.
“Wanna join me?” Cullen brushed suggestively against Joseph.
“You sure?”
Cullen hated the uncertainty he saw. It was obvious by the way Joseph covered his cock with his luggage that he wasn’t yet comfortable being naked in front of Cullen. “A shower is one of the best ways to learn someone else’s body. I’ll let you wash every inch of me before I return the favor.”
Joseph slowly lowered his suitcase. “I think I’d like that.”
* * * *
Joseph studied Cullen as he moved around the small bathroom—gathering towels and getting the water temperature just right. He wondered if Cullen’s ease with his own nudity had something to do with his past or if most people felt confident enough to walk around naked in front of their partners.
“How hot do you like the water?” Cullen asked.
“I’m good with anything. I prefer a hot shower, but there’s rarely any left at the shelter by the time I get in.” Joseph held his hands in front of his erection. It didn’t seem to matter what he tried to think about, the darn thing wouldn’t go down.
“You won’t have that problem at the new place. I had them put in one of those automatic water heaters, so you’ll have as much of it as you need on a moment’s notice.” Cullen spread several towels on the floor beside the bathtub before getting in.
“What is there left to do on the shelter?” Joseph stepped into the shower. He wasn’t sure if he should feel proud of Cullen for taking over the decision making on the new shelter or ashamed of himself for not becoming more involved.
“Well, a few days for the plumbing and tile work to get done, then it’s really a matter of filling it with furniture. Although, I haven’t found everything yet for that. I still need to find a couple dining tables that will be large enough to sit everyone without being too big for the room.” Cullen positioned himself under the spray to wet his skin before changing places with Joseph.
“I could help with that while I’m here. Just give me a list of what you need.” Joseph took the offered shampoo and poured a small amount in his hand. He ached to touch Cullen’s body, but he was still incredibly nervous, so starting with Cullen’s hair seemed like the best thing. In all the years he’d been with Phillip, not once had they bathed each other, and for the life of him, Joseph couldn’t figure out why.
Cullen turned and tipped his head back.
“Why’d you cut off your hair?” Joseph asked as he worked the shampoo into a lather.
“To be honest, I never really liked it long. When I was on the street, it got me the attention I needed. Then, when I came to the shelter that first time, you told me to go in and take a shower. Afterwards, you made a comment about how pretty my hair was.” Cullen shrugged. “At that point, I would’ve done anything to get your attention, so I kept it.”
Joseph withdrew his hands. “You can rinse now.” He switched places with Cullen and watched as the suds ran down the length of Cullen’s muscled physique. He didn’t need to hear more. “So you cut it after I told you to move on,” he surmised.
“Yeah. It reminded me of you, and I felt it best to get rid of it.”
Joseph closed his eyes at the realization that he’d nearly lost Cullen for good.
His own hair rinsed, Cullen began to wash Joseph’s. “I didn’t say that to hurt your feelings.”
“I know.” Joseph opened his eyes and stared at Cullen. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a coward.”
Cullen moved Joseph under the showerhead. “The important thing is that you don’t push me away again.”
“But what if I don’t satisfy you?” It was Joseph’s biggest fear, and rightly so. Cullen was a very sexual man, and Joseph hadn’t even managed to please Phillip.
Cullen picked up the bar of soap and began to run it over Joseph’s chest. “That depends. Will you be too embarrassed to let me show you things that will feel good?”
Joseph shook his head. “As long as you won’t think less of me for doing them.”
“We’ve already covered that.” Cullen dropped the bar in the dish before reaching between Joseph’s legs. He ran his soapy hands up and down the length of Joseph’s cock. “Do you need me to prove to you that nothing between the two of us should be embarrassing?”
Joseph had no idea what Cullen had in mind, but he did want to learn all the ways to please him. “Yes.”
Cullen turned off the water. “Don’t worry, I’ll turn it back on in a minute.” He handed Joseph the soap before bending at the waist. “Gather some lather in your hands then wash my ass.”
Shocked at the request, Joseph just stood there. “You want me to wash your butt?”
“No, what I really want is for you to stick your finger in my hole, but I figured it’d help get you used to touching me if you washed my ass first.”
Pushing aside his reservations, Joseph rolled the bar of soap in his hands several times before setting it back in the dish. He started with the cheeks and slowly worked his way to the crack.
“Oh, fuck, yeah, right there. Rub back and forth over my hole,” Cullen instructed.
Joseph turned his hand so he could slide just the pad of his middle finger over the tight pucker. He wondered how long it had been since another man touched Cullen but decided not to ask.
“When you’re ready, slide inside. It’s been a while though, so go easy on me.”
Joseph wrapped his free hand around his cock as he pressed the tip of his finger against Cullen’s hole. He’d tried making love to Phillip on several occasions, but Phillip never allowed Joseph to enter him with anything but his dick. He needed to talk to Cullen about it, but he wasn’t sure if Cullen knew about his early relationship with Nate. “I’ve only done this a few times, but that was years ago, before Phillip. Make sure you let me know if I’m hurting you.”
Cullen wiggled his butt. “Don’t worry. You feel amazing.” He glanced over his shoulder. “But I thought Phillip was your first.”
Joseph shook his head. “Before I took my vows, I had a brief relationship with Nate.”
Cullen’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Gills? As in the mayor of Cattle Valley?”
“Yeah. I was still a seminary student at the time, and it didn’t go well when our parents found out. Nate was sent away, and I begged God to forgive me for the transgression. I was told by my priest at the time that what I had done was morally wrong, and God may not cleanse me of my sin.” Joseph sighed as he remembered the awful words the priest had said to him. “Even though I eventually left the church to be with Phillip, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten past those words.”
Cullen reached back and stilled Joseph’s hand before turning around to face him. “I don’t think you have either, but you’re lucky because now you have me. I can prove to you there’s nothing more pure in this world than making love to the person who owns your heart.”
Joseph nodded. “I want that.” He wanted to feel like a whole person for a change. Reaching back, he turned on the shower. “Let’s finish this so we can go to bed.”
Cullen rubbed the bar of soap briskly between his hands. “Your turn.”
Chapter Seven
By the time Cullen had given Joseph a thorough scrubbing, Joseph’s body vibrated with need. “Now,” Joseph urged, climbing out of the tub.
Cullen threw a towel at Joseph. “Dry off. Otherwise, we’ll
have to change the sheets after we’re done, and believe me, all you’re gonna want to do is sleep after I’m finished with you.”
Joseph swiped the towel across his heated skin enough to absorb most of the drops of water before charging back into the bedroom. He opened his suitcase and removed his shaving kit. “How many rubbers do you think we need?”
Cullen pressed himself against Joseph from behind. “I haven’t had sex in years, and I’m clean. I have faith that you are, too, so unless it’s a sticking point for you, we don’t need condoms.”
Joseph picked up the small box he’d purchased before getting on the plane. “Just as well we don’t use them because there’re only three and the way I feel, we’d use them all tonight.”
Cullen chuckled as he peppered kisses across Joseph’s neck and shoulder. “I think you’re right about that.” He guided Joseph to the bed. “You said earlier that you wanted my dick inside you. Is that still the case?”
Joseph licked his lips. “If you don’t mind.”
“Mind?” Cullen pulled the blanket and top sheet to the foot of the bed. “That would be my preference as well.”
Weird. Joseph always assumed it was the other way around. “You didn’t let those men make love to you?”
Cullen’s spine stiffened. “First of all, I’ve never made love, so that part’s going to be all new for me. Secondly, there were a few occasions when I had to allow one of those pigs to fuck me, but most of them enjoyed my cock. Thirdly, please don’t ever ask me specific questions about sex with the men who paid me.”
“I’m sorry.” Joseph was confident in every other aspect of his life. How he’d let one man destroy the one part of himself that should have come naturally to him, he still didn’t understand. Oddly, he wasn’t angry with Father Matthews because he knew the priest was only trying to be loyal to his beliefs. Nope, the only one Joseph could be angry with was himself for hiding his feelings for Cullen behind his fear of intimacy.
“Lie down.” Cullen soothed Joseph with a hand on his lower back. “Let me show you how much I love you.”
Joseph stretched out in the center of the bed and stared up at Cullen. Younger by a little more than twenty years, Cullen’s body was true perfection, and if Joseph thought too much about it, he’d probably throw the covers over his own nudity. He worked out regularly with the boys in the shelter, but nothing he could do short of surgery would give him the tight skin he’d once had. “Should I lie on my back or stomach?”
Cullen rested his right knee on the foot of the bed. “Back for now. I want you to watch me as I pleasure you.”
Goosebumps broke out on Joseph’s skin. “I’ve thought about little else for years.”
“Me, too.” Cullen lowered himself over Joseph and kissed him.
Joseph held the back of Cullen’s head as he opened his mouth. Damn. With each flick of Cullen’s tongue, Joseph fell further under his spell, and soon he forgot about being nervous.
“I want to taste every inch of you,” Cullen groaned as he broke the kiss and worked his way down Joseph’s neck to his chest. He lapped at both of Joseph’s nipples before venturing farther south.
The brush of a warm tongue up the length of his erection nearly had Joseph spilling his seed. He reached down and buried his fingers in Cullen’s hair, directing him lower. Although he’d never dared to rim Phillip’s hole with his tongue or ask his long-time partner to do it to him, he’d always wondered what it would feel like.
“Tell me what you want,” Cullen whispered, gazing up at Joseph.
“Your mouth. Down there.” Joseph hoped Cullen understood because he wasn’t sure he could say the words out loud.
Cullen drew his finger over Joseph’s balls to the puckered hole he’d washed so thoroughly. “Here?” he asked, drawing circles around the sensitive skin.
“Yes.”
Cullen sat back on his heels. “Hook your legs over your forearms for me.”
Swallowing his apprehension, Joseph did as asked, exposing himself fully to Cullen’s perusal.
“Fuck, you’re sexy,” Cullen leaned down and swiped his tongue across Joseph’s hole. Moaning, he grasped the cheeks of Joseph’s ass and spread them farther before burying his entire face in Joseph’s crack.
“Cullen!” Joseph cried when he felt the tip of Cullen’s tongue breach his opening. It felt even better than Cullen’s finger fucking in and out of him in the shower, and Joseph hadn’t thought that was possible.
Cullen continued his assault for several moments before backing off. “I’m sorry, but I can’t wait any longer.” He reached for the bottle of lube. He wasted no time sinking two slicked fingers inside.
Joseph squirmed under Cullen’s touch. “Never,” he mumbled. “Never thought it could feel so good.”
“Please tell me you’re ready?” Cullen opened the lube again and dripped several drops onto his erection. He scooted closer to Joseph’s ass and waited.
“Beyond ready,” Joseph replied.
Cullen fit the crown of his shaft against Joseph’s stretched hole. “If you need me to stop or slow down, just tell me.”
Joseph would swallow every cry and hide every wince because the moment was too important to screw up with fear, so instead of answering, he eased his legs around Cullen’s back and pulled him closer. He needed to remember that although Cullen was the expert at fucking, it was his first time to make love to someone. “Tell me what would make this more special for you?”
“You’re the only thing I need to make this special,” Cullen said as he worked his length inside Joseph.
Staring up at the man he loved, Joseph wondered why he’d ever doubted Cullen’s ability to deal with their combined demons. He waited until Cullen was all the way in before speaking from his soul. “From this day forward, I don’t want to live a single day without you in it.”
Cullen’s eyes filled with tears. He pulled out before sliding back inside. “Can you really forgive my past?”
“There’s nothing to forgive. It was my issues that kept us apart, not your past.” Joseph cupped the back of Cullen’s neck and pulled him down for another kiss.
With each thrust, Cullen set Joseph’s fears at ease. “You were right,” Joseph whispered. “There’s nothing dirty about what we’re doing. It’s beautiful.”
“Yes, it is,” Cullen agreed. “Can you handle more?”
“Much more and I’ll come,” Joseph confessed.
“Good,” Cullen panted. He sat up and gripped Joseph’s hips. “Because I’ll last a lot longer the next go ’round.”
Longer? For years, Joseph had worried their age difference would be a detriment to their relationship, but he was starting to understand there were benefits to falling for a younger man. He wanted to say something about it, but before he could spit out the words, Cullen slammed in hard. “Fuck!” Joseph howled.
Cullen’s jaw dropped. “Did you just say what I think you said?” he teased.
Joseph chuckled. “Just shut up and fuck me.”
“Such language coming from the man in black.” Cullen reached for Joseph’s cock. “Say it again for me, and I’ll make you come.”
Cussing had never come naturally to Joseph, and Cullen knew it. The fact that he’d said the F word twice was highly unusual, but Cullen made him forget himself. More importantly, Cullen made him happy. “I’ll say it when you make me come,” he countered.
“Then you’d better get those vocal chords warmed up.” Cullen began to screw Joseph so hard, Joseph was forced to put his hands over his head to keep himself from bashing into the headboard.
When Cullen countered the assault with a soft touch to Joseph’s balls, the words spilled out of Joseph’s mouth as he came. “Oh fuck. Oh fuck.” He sucked in a sharp breath. “Jesus!”
Cullen buried his cock inside Joseph and went rigid before bucking his hips. “Best ever,” he ground out between clenched teeth.
Although struggling to catch his breath, Joseph couldn’t take his eyes off Culle
n. Had Cullen meant what he’d said? Was it possible that Joseph had actually pleased him? Joseph pulled Cullen down and into his arms. He wanted to ask, but he didn’t want to sound like an insecure bastard. “Wow.”
Cullen chuckled. “Shit, babe, you almost ruined me.”
Joseph felt as if he couldn’t breathe. He squeezed his eyes shut and pushed against Cullen’s chest, needing to get away. “I told you. I’m not good at this part of a relationship.”
“Wait. What?” Cullen wrapped his arms around Joseph, preventing Joseph from getting out of bed.
Joseph sighed and shook his head. He didn’t want to give up. “I’m sorry. I can learn to be better if you don’t mind teaching me.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Cullen asked.
“You said I ruined you.”
“Yeah. You’ve ruined me for any other man,” Cullen said, sounding confused.
Joseph spun around to face Cullen, the breath finally returning to his lungs. “You mean it was good for you? I was good?”
Cullen tackled Joseph before climbing on top of him again. Joseph expected to see humor in Cullen’s expression but was surprised to see a mixture of hurt and anger. Damn. Once again, Joseph had screwed things up between them. “Talk to me,” he begged. “Tell me what’s going on in that pretty head of yours.”
“For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt alone. I’m not sure why my parents even had children unless it was to have someone to take their anger out on between bible meetings. When I was five, they caught me watching a television program they didn’t approve of, so they tied me to a chair, taped my hands together in a prayer position and set me in front of a picture of Jesus. I sat there for two days before they released me.”
Joseph’s blood boiled. There was nothing he hated more than people who abused their children in the name of God. He wanted to tell Cullen how he felt, but he had the feeling Cullen wasn’t finished. For years, he’d tried to talk to Cullen about his past, but Cullen would always change the subject.
“Unfortunately for them, my parents’ determination to save their kids had the opposite effect on me. My brother, Adam, drank the Kool-Aid and had started doing their bidding by the time I was eight.” Cullen shook his head. “Needless to say, the people who should’ve loved and accepted me the most became my tormentors.” He broke eye contact. “After that last beating, I stole my father’s wallet and ran.” He glanced at Joseph. “My real name isn’t Cullen. It’s Isiah. When I stepped off the bus in DC, I wanted to forget my past and be reborn in a different life.”