“Leia’s right,” Phaedra said.
Jacob was surprised by her sudden contribution to the conversation and looked at her with widened eyes.
“She is?” he asked.
Phaedra looked at him with an indecipherable expression and nodded.
“Of course, she is,” she said. “Not a single one of you know what it’s like to go through the things that I have, and I don’t know what it’s like for any of you. I don’t know what it was like for you to disappear during your excavation and spend five years in a place that you didn’t know and where you could barely survive. I don’t know what it was like for Samira to travel from Earth to be a part of an exchange program on a planet that she had never visited and barely knew anything about, and then to find herself a part of a war for the safety of a mate that she never would have met if she hadn’t taken that step. I don’t know what it was like for Leia to experience the horror that she did in that prison. But at the same time, the things that I have gone through have made it so that I can empathize with each of you, and I would hope that you would be able to empathize with me. We don’t know what Frederick’s gone through and how that might still be affecting him. We owe it to him to try to understand him rather than immediately thinking the worst of him. We don’t know what he is doing here other than helping us, and we should try to remember and appreciate that.”
“But that doesn’t mean that we should just put down our guard and not think about the possibility that there is something more going on,” Jacob said. “That could put us all in even more danger.”
“Of course, it doesn’t,” Phaedra said. “We have to continue to protect ourselves in every way that we can, and that includes staying vigilant and paying close attention to him and everything that he does. We can’t forget, though, that no matter what the circumstances behind it, he is a part of our crew, an important part of our crew, and we should do what we can to respect him as much as we respect each other.”
Jacob nodded. He understood what the women were saying, as much as his mind was trying to resist it. All of them came into this battle differently and with their own perspective. Though he was dedicated to doing anything that it took to protect Phaedra and their child, and defend the group that he was slowly beginning to trust and consider his own, he also knew that he couldn’t simply reject Frederick or assume that he was doing something that might hurt them. It would do more harm to the group and to the mission for him to keep suspicion locked within him and let it control and distract him from what he needed to be doing both for his family and the rest of those fighting on Penthos and beyond.
“Until Pyra, Maxim, and the rest of the crew come back for us or send word that we should join them, we agree to keep our eye on Frederick, but also to accept that he may actually be trying to help us.”
Chapter Six
Samira sat back in her chair and looked at the women gathered in the room with her. They all seemed to be staring at different points in the mid-distance, each lost in their own thoughts.
“Do any of you think that we made the wrong decision?” she finally asked.
They turned toward her and her mother looked at her curiously.
“What decision?” she asked.
“Staying here,” Samira said. “On the ship. Do you think that we should have gone with Pyra and the rest of them? Eden went and she has the baby that she is taking care of. Elianna went. Why did we decide to stay here rather than going with the men?”
“Did you really want to face the battle that is happening out there?” Valerie asked. “You know what they said about this planet and about the army that they are fighting. Would you want to see that and be a part of it, or would you rather be safe in this ship, knowing that when the time is right, you’ll be able to go out and do your part?”
“The men went and faced the army,” Samira said. “The other women went. They are fighting alongside their mates while we sit here and wait.”
“You know that Ty would want you to be as safe as possible. He is dealing with enough fighting the hybrids. He wouldn’t want to also have to worry about you and want to keep you safe. Doing that would only distract him from what he is supposed to be doing and could put him in serious danger. When you’re here, you’re safe. He knows that you are protected inside the ship and that when the battle is over and it’s safe enough for you to come out, he can come get you.”
Samira looked at her mother for a long moment, stunned at what she was saying. This was the woman who had just shown greater courage and bravery than Samira could ever imagine just by reclaiming her life and walking away from a man who had tormented and tortured her for years. She had been confident and strong for the first time in as long as Samira could remember, and even excited at the prospect of the new journey that awaited both of them. Now she was so willing to just sit around the ship, not knowing what was happening to the rest of the crew or seeming to even care what happened as long as she could remain within the ship and not have to face it.
“There are moments when I wish that I had gone along with them,” Leia said. “I stayed here because, like Valerie said, I know that Gyyx would worry about me if I was out there with him and I didn’t want to keep him from doing anything that he needed to do. I also remember all too clearly what it was like to be in that prison on Uoria and feel every second like I was only a matter of breaths from death, and I don’t put it past Ryan or the Valdicians to do the same thing or something even worse to those they get their hands on. But ever since they left, I’ve been thinking about them and whether we should have been there with them. I know that we could have been a distraction if we were there with them during the battle and they were trying to protect us, but what about when the battle was over?”
“What do you mean?” Samira asked.
“Fighting isn’t the only thing that they came here to do,” Leia said. “If it was, they would have been back by now. Fighting a battle doesn’t take this long.”
“Unless they were defeated,” Valerie said nervously.
Leia shook her head.
“No,” she said adamantly. “If they had been defeated, we would know. The army would have found us here and would have tried to take over. The rest of the crew has not been defeated. But how are they doing? They’ve been out there for such a long time without us hearing any word of them. Was anyone wounded? Do they have the supplies that they need? Are they safe? Is there anything that we could have done to help them after the battle? Even if we weren’t able to actually help them in the battle, we could have been there to help them after.”
Samira let out a sigh of exasperation and dropped her hands to the top of the table in front of her.
“This is exactly like it was when we were on Earth,” she said. “Staying in that house while the rest were in the laboratory confronting Ryan. All we did was sit there and wait while we could have been doing something that was useful for them. Why did we do that again? Why are we just sitting here not doing anything, not helping?”
“We are helping,” Valerie said. “You have to remember that there is more to be done on this ship than just sit here and think about the men and what we could be doing there. There are still wounded hybrids and pregnant women who are here that aren’t able to take care of themselves and who need our help. What we are all doing here is so much more than just fighting against Ryan and the hybrid army. We also want to do what we can to fix the damage that he’s done and try to make sure that those he has harmed will be able to move forward in a life that is the best that it can possibly be for them.”
“I don’t understand,” Samira said. “You told me that you were happy to be on the ship and out here away from Earth.”
“I am, Samira,” Valerie said, “but that doesn’t mean that I need to throw myself into every conflict that we find. Sometimes stepping back and doing what seems like the smallest things in a situation is the most impact that you can make.”
“I just know that I hate the feeling of being so confu
sed,” Jane said. “I don’t know how we are supposed to handle this situation. We all have our reasons for staying here on the ship rather than going with the men, but now I wonder if they are suffering because we aren’t there to help them. I feel completely trapped here. Especially now that this pilot is trying to take over and control everything that we do.”
“We agreed that we weren’t going to judge him since we don’t know him,” Samira said, trying to calm her dear friend and reassure her.
Jane looked at her incredulously.
“Seriously, Samira?” she asked. “Are you seriously going to go along with that? When you came back to Earth, all I had in mind was your wedding. I thought that we would finally get to have this big celebration that we had been planning our whole lives and then you would go off and have your life. Instead, I fell in love with a man from a species that I barely knew existed and ended up on a ship on a war planet praying every second that that man hasn’t been killed. Right now is not the moment that I want to be scolded for judging someone.”
Jane stood up sharply and started out of the room. Samira took a few steps to follow her, but she turned to look at her.
“Not now, Samira. I just really need to be alone.”
Samira stopped and watched as Jane continued out of the lounge. She returned to the table and sat down, feeling deflated. Leia stood silently and walked out of the room, slowly followed by the others until Samira and Valerie were the only ones left in the lounge. She turned to her mother and let out a long breath.
“I’m sorry, Honey,” Valerie said. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
Samira shook her head.
“No, it’s alright. I know that you didn’t mean anything by it. You were just trying to help. I just wish that Jane hadn’t gotten involved in all of this. I feel horrible.”
“She has Simran now,” Valerie said. “She chose to come with him. She didn’t have to. She could have stayed on Earth. She could have decided that all of this was too much and sent him on his way. But she didn’t. She decided that he was worth the danger and the challenge that she is facing now. She’s angry and frustrated and probably a little bit scared, but she is also doing exactly what she thinks that she should be and what she believes in her heart is the right thing to do.”
“She’s never been someone who I thought would do anything like this.”
“And I am?”
Samira looked at her mother and laughed.
“No,” she admitted. “I guess not.”
“I guess everyone is full of surprises,” Valerie said.
Samira smiled slightly, but then felt the smile melt from her lips as she thought about what her mother had told her the last time that they sat alone together. She leaned forward toward her, hesitating slightly even though she knew that she wanted to ask the question that had been waiting in her mouth since that conversation.
Valerie stood and crossed toward the drink station against one wall.
“Mom…” she started.
Valerie glanced over her shoulder at Samira as she filled a glass. She reached for another and filled it as well.
“Hmmm?”
“There’s something that I wanted to talk to you about.”
Valerie settled back down in her chair and placed one of the glasses in front of Samira.
“Go ahead.”
Samira took a sip of the sweet, clear drink, giving herself a few more moments to think through what she was going to say.
“Will you tell me more about my father? About Martin?”
Valerie’s face paled slightly and Samira immediately felt bad for asking. She didn’t want to hurt her mother or put her through any more than she was already going through, but at the same time she was desperate to know more about the father she had never known. Ever since Valerie had started to talk about him, she had found herself wondering more about him. There were things about her that she had always felt were so different from her mother and had wondered how they were a part of her. Now that she knew how her parents met and fell in love, she knew that they were a true and tangible link to Martin, the man that was so far different from the stepfather who had been such a source of pain throughout her life.
“What do you want to know?” Valerie asked.
“I don’t know,” Samira said. “Anything. I’ve just been thinking about him. Now that Randall is out of the picture, I feel like we’re…”
“Free,” Valerie said.
Samira nodded.
“Yes.”
Valerie took a sip of her drink and sat back in her chair.
“Martin was the most incredible man I ever knew,” she said. “He was unlike anyone I had ever met and from the very beginning I just couldn’t get enough of him. He made me see the world in a different way, see myself in a different way. I was never a person to think of myself as being smart, or even having the capacity to learn any of the complicated concepts that other people talked about. Your father changed that. He had a way of being able to explain things to me so that I was able to understand them. They didn’t seem so frightening anymore, and even though I never caught on to them, or even cared about them, as much as he did, just having him talk to me about things made me realize that I am much smarter than other people would give me credit for in my life.”
“You talked about science a lot?” Samira asked, the thought of her father having the same passion for her field that she did warmed her heart and sparked her love for what she knew and wanted to know even more.
“Science, yes,” Valerie said, nodding. “He loved science so much. It thrilled him. Every time that he figured something out or learned something new, every time that he found out that I didn’t know something and was able to introduce me to it, he got so excited as if he just couldn’t wait to share it with me. But that wasn’t all that we talked about. We did everything together. We went on trips, we visited museums, we saw historic sites and art. My whole world opened up because of him.” She smiled at her daughter and shook her head slightly. “You are so much like him. It’s like getting to see a part of him again. There were times during my marriage to Randall when seeing that little glimmer of your father was the only thing that kept me going. It was the most painful thing in the world, because I knew that he never would have wanted me to experience what Randall put me through and would have hated all of the pain, embarrassment, and shame that we both suffered, but at the same time it was the only thing that reminded me that there was something in life that was worth living. Martin had made me feel special and strong and capable of doing anything that I could possibly want to do. He gave me you. I owed it to him to make sure that you kept going, that you knew that there was something more than just life in that house. I don’t know if I did a good job of that.”
“Of course, you did,” Samira said. “If you didn’t, I wouldn’t be here right now. If you hadn’t made sure that I thought that I could handle school and go through it at the speed that I did, I never would have tried. If you hadn’t made sure that I knew that I could make decisions for myself and go to live with Zuri rather than dealing with Randall, even if you never said it, I never would have and I might not have survived. If you hadn’t made sure that I knew that I was strong enough to handle challenges and that I should follow what was in my heart, even if you did it by never following your own heart, I never would have gone to Uoria with Zuri and Ero, and I never would have met Ty. All of this is because you kept me going, even when you didn’t think that you were.”
“I know that your father would be so incredibly proud of you. He already was. You were such a dream for him and I have never seen a person as happy as the day that he saw you for the first time.”
“Did he hold me?” Samira asked.
“Of course, he did,” Valerie answered. “He held you every minute that he could. There were times when I would find him sneaking over to your bassinet and picking you up while you were sleeping just so that he could cuddle with you for a little longer that day.” She laug
hed softly, and Samira saw a veil of tears form over her eyes. “I used to get so upset with him. I just knew that he was going to wake you up and that you’d be up for the rest of the night crying.”
“Did I?”
“You know,” Valerie said, “you didn’t. I can only remember one time when him picking you up woke you up. You had already had a really hard day. You had croup and had been coughing all night the night before and then all day. Nothing that the doctors had told us to try would work and you were just so miserable and tired. You had finally fallen asleep and then he came home from the lab. He had been working late for a few days and said that he had been missing both of us a lot that day. We ate dinner and I went to take a shower and when I got out, he had gone in and was picking you up. I asked him not to, but he did and you immediately started crying. I thought that I was going to absolutely fall apart. But your father was so amazing. He didn’t complain or even look upset for a second, even though I knew that he was exhausted too. He held you and bounced you and talked to you.”
“What was he saying?”
“I don’t know. He kept his face close to you and whispered. It was like he was telling you secrets that were meant just for you. Whatever it was that he was saying, it calmed you down. He told me to go on to bed and get some sleep. He had already asked for the next day off because he wanted to spend some time with us and so he could stay up with you. I was so grateful. As I was heading into the bedroom to get in bed, I heard him singing to you. I woke up a couple hours later, and he was still singing. I don’t know how long he walked with you that night, but when I woke up in the morning, he was lying on the couch with you on his chest, sleeping so peacefully. That was the only time that he ever disturbed you, but I think that he made up for it.”
The Alien's Clue (Uoria Mates V Book 3) Page 7