“I know how to use the thesaurus app on my phone,” he said, his own tone light. Breezy.
She was comfortable with him in a way she’d never been with Harvey. And it was that, combined with her changing feelings for him, that was creating so much confusion in her life.
They got out of the truck. Lauren grabbed the blanket and Vic took the cooler. As they carried them up the walk to the house, Lauren looked past it to the corrals beyond.
“Is that Dean?” she asked.
Vic turned in the direction she was pointing, then abruptly stopped.
“That idiot is trying to get on that horse,” he said, dropping the cooler on the sidewalk. “He hasn’t tried to mount one on his own yet.”
Lauren set the blanket down on the cooler and followed Vic as he jogged around the house. He skirted the edge of his mother’s garden at the back of the house and headed to the corrals.
Just as Vic thought, Dean stood beside a horse that had already been saddled. His crutches leaned against the fence.
“Dean. Stop. Don’t,” Vic called out as he came closer.
Dean ignored him and, hobbling alongside the horse, led him to a box that stood by the fence.
“Let me help you,” Vic said, climbing over the fence.
“Leave me alone,” Dean called out. “I have to do this.”
Vic walked over to Dean just as Dean struggled to get on top of the box. The horse shifted away from Dean, turning his head as if to see what was happening.
“You’re distracting the horse,” Dean called out.
Lauren heard the anger in his voice. And something else she couldn’t identify. She was tempted to tell Vic to leave Dean alone, but she could also see from the way the horse was shifting around that Dean would need Vic’s help.
Vic caught the halter rope and, moving closer to the horse, managed to get it to move sideways.
“You can probably get on now,” Vic was saying.
But Dean didn’t move.
“Dean?” Vic said, frowning at his brother.
“Why do you always think you have to take care of me? Why are you always fixing everything?”
Dean carefully stepped off the box and tossed Vic the reins. “I don’t feel like riding now.”
“But it would be so good for you,” Vic said. “I think it’s great that you want to go riding. I can help you make it happen.”
Dean grabbed his crutches and fitted them under his arms. “I’m sure you can. But I need to do this on my own.” He shot Vic an angry look. “There are some things in life you just can’t fix.”
He limped through the gate, then past Lauren. He gave her a cursory look, added a tight nod and headed toward the house.
Vic patted the horse on the side and, without another word, turned it around and tied it back up. With quick, sure movements he undid the cinches, slipping the saddle and blanket off the horse in one movement.
A few moments later the horse was unbridled and released. It shook its head, then moved to the middle of the pen, lowered itself to the ground and then, with awkward and ungainly movements, began to roll.
In spite of the tension that still shivered through the air, Lauren had to smile at the undignified sight.
And, thankfully, so did Vic when he came back from the tack shed.
“You goof,” Vic said to the horse as he walked past it to open the gate. “You didn’t even get sweated up.”
“I’ve always wondered why they do that,” Lauren said as Vic returned to her and climbed over the fence. It seemed easier to discuss the horse than to address what had happened between him and his brother.
“It’s like scratching your back,” Vic said. “Feels good.”
The horse stood, shook off the dust, tossed its head at them and trotted off through the open gate to join the other horses.
Vic watched it a moment, his hands resting on the fence, then he looked over at Lauren. “Sorry about that. About Dean. I think he’s just...frustrated.”
Lauren nodded, acknowledging his comment but wondering if maybe Dean was right. She recognized the need to help. To jump in and try to fix. She had done it many times with her own sisters.
“You look like you’d like to say something more,” he said.
He was too astute.
“It’s okay,” he prompted. “I’ve got thick skin.”
“I’m an older sister and I know what you’re trying to do,” she said, choosing her words with care. “And it’s wonderful that you want to help him, but I think Dean was right. He needed to do this on his own.”
“He would have fallen and hurt himself,” Vic said. “He’s been doing so well with his rehab, I didn’t want to see him lose all his progress with one stupid mistake.”
“He was being careful,” Lauren said. “He’s a big boy.”
“But what if...” Vic shook his head as if he understood what he was doing.
“What if he fell? He would get hurt. But I don’t think he wanted to fall, so I doubt he would have taken any huge risk.” Lauren stopped herself, realizing she was lecturing him.
Vic seemed to consider her comment. “I think you’re right. I’m going to have to learn to leave things be with him.”
Lauren laid her hand on his arm and gave a gentle squeeze. “Remember, it’s not your fault, what happened to him. You don’t have to work overtime to make up for it.”
Vic gave her a grateful glance. “I suppose,” he said. He cupped her face in his hand and she thought he was about to give her a kiss when her cell phone rang.
She looked down at the screen and her smile faded away.
It was Amy.
“I better take this,” she said, holding up the phone.
She touched the screen, accepting the call as she walked away from Vic. But as she lifted the phone to her ear she heard nothing. She was too late.
A momentary reprieve, she thought, noticing that a text message had come in while her phone was ringing.
It was from Alex Rossiter.
Events and decisions were crowding in on her. She needed to make choices soon.
But as she turned back to look at Vic, she knew she couldn’t put off her decisions any longer.
Chapter Twelve
“So, how was your date?” Jodie asked as Lauren dropped onto the deck chairs Jodie and Finn had found tucked away in one of the garages.
From her seat Lauren could look over the flower beds that now held splashes of red and purple, yellow and blue.
There were buds on the lilies, and though Nadine at the greenhouse had told her to cut them off, she had kept the flowers on. Next year they would bloom even more.
Next year.
I want to be here next year.
“You’ve got your thinking face on. Was the date that bad?” Jodie sat up, dropping her bare feet onto the wooden deck with a thump, her blue eyes wide. “Don’t tell me—”
“The date was fantastic, if you must know, and that’s all I’m going to tell you.” Lauren held up her hand to forestall any further questions from her sister.
“So, what’s making you look so serious?”
Lauren kicked her shoes off and tucked them under her, leaning back in the chair, her eyes sweeping over the yard. Beyond the barn she saw fields rising to hills rising to mountains, purple edged against a sky slowly turning pink as the sun set.
“It’s beautiful here, isn’t it?” she said.
“Yeah. It is.” Jodie inhaled a deep breath, then blew it out. “And you’re thinking of moving back to the city. Living the dream.”
“I don’t know if I’ve ever thought of it as the dream,” Lauren said. “I think owning my own business with Amy was a means to an end.”
“The end being independence.”
> “Sounds kind of empty now, doesn’t it.”
“It is. Independence is overrated. You can’t tell me that you’d prefer to own your own business, live in an apartment downtown and head off to work in an office every day. Wearing high heels? Every day?”
Lauren chuckled at the disgust in her sister’s voice. “I can wear flats, too.”
“Is that what you want? Compared to this?” Jodie swept her hand out, encompassing the view.
Lauren shook her head. She didn’t.
“Then can’t you stay?”
“I want to,” she whispered, thinking of Vic and what they had shared. His love for his brother. His solidity. “But what would I do here? I wouldn’t have my own life.”
“I know that’s important to you.”
“You have your music, your composing. You have your own place and a future with Finn.”
“You could start an accounting business here.”
“Maybe. But I would have to start from scratch.”
“Would you want to do it? For Vic?”
“The idea of making that kind of sacrifice for another man scares me to death. I did it with Harvey, and while I know Vic is nothing like Harvey...”
She let the sentence drift off, knowing that Vic was ten times the man Harvey was.
“I know exactly how this works,” Jodie said, pulling her chair closer and taking Lauren’s hand in hers. “Finn made me nervous, too. But I learned to trust him. Vic is a good guy. I know you can trust him.”
Lauren nodded, her head doing battle with her heart.
“What’s going on behind that cool, calm facade of yours?” Jodie pressed.
“Obligations. Promises. And the fact that what Amy and I are planning gives me control over my life.”
“You know that none of us ever can control our lives,” Jodie said. “I had to learn that lesson long ago. So many things come along that can toss over that particular apple cart.”
Lauren heard the wisdom in her words.
“But here, in Saddlebank, you have a community you can be a part of. A church that’s dynamic and welcoming. You have me and you have a man who, I believe, truly cares about you.”
“Maybe,” was all she said.
“I’ve seen a real change in you since you’ve come back,” Jodie continued. “You seem more relaxed. Less uptight. You’ve lost that frown line between your eyebrows, and your mouth isn’t as pinched. I’ve seen you smile more the past few weeks than I’ve seen in a long time.”
“I am happier,” she admitted, giving her sister one of those smiles that did come easier than they had before.
“And you look happier now than you did with Harvey.” Jodie gave her a pensive look. “I sometimes wonder if you really loved him.”
“I’ve wondered the same thing.” She toyed with her sister’s engagement ring, turning it so it caught the sun, emitting sprinkles of light. She’d had a ring just like it. In her mind it represented success and security, but it had all been a lie. “I think Harvey became a habit after a while. It was easier to stay with him than to think about what my life would be like if I left him.”
“And Vic? How do you feel about him?”
Lauren’s heart turned over in her chest as thoughts of Vic overshadowed the vision of independence she’d carried with her since getting laid off.
“I care about him more than I want to think about,” she said. “He makes me feel like I want to be a better person.”
Her phone rang, and with a feeling of anticipation she reached for it. Vic had asked her to text him when she got home. Just to make sure she made it safely, he had said with a teasing grin.
But as she glanced at the screen, her heart dropped. It wasn’t Vic. It was Amy.
“I’ve got to take this,” she said as she got up. “I missed her last call. Please excuse me.” But as she walked into the house, she realized that at one time texts and calls from Amy about their plans had created a sense of excitement.
Now they created a sense of dread.
* * *
“Well, I guess that’s the last of it.” Vic leaned back in the office chair, tamping down his fear as they set the file containing Keith’s personal papers aside.
Though nothing had emerged from the last few times he was here, he’d felt an urgency to try one last time. The problem was now he wasn’t only looking to protect his interests in the ranch—he was hoping to give Lauren a reason to stay.
After their last date, he felt even more strongly than before that Lauren belonged here. He just wished he could convince her of that.
“I’m sorry we couldn’t find anything,” Lauren said, reaching over and turning the computer off.
“Me, too.” He glanced at his phone lying on the desk as the time registered. “And I gotta go. Dwayne is coming to pick up your dad’s truck.”
“It’s still at your ranch?”
“Yeah. Since your father’s accident.”
He pushed up from his chair, fighting to resign himself to that reality. He held his hand out to her to help her up and she took it. She stood in front of him now and lifted one hand, resting it on his shoulder.
He studied her features, wondering what she would say if he asked her to stay, knowing that if he did, he was heading down a one-way path himself.
Because asking her to stay meant sticking his neck out.
The last time he had done that, with Tiffany, the results had been disastrous.
That wasn’t your fault.
And yet, he felt as if his pushing Tiffany away had been the flashpoint that turned his and Dean’s lives around.
He didn’t want anything to happen with Lauren. He wanted her to decide for herself.
“You look like you’ve got heavy things on your mind,” she said as her phone buzzed yet again.
It had been ringing all morning, but she’d ignored it. He knew things were coming to a head.
“Are you going to get that?”
She shook her head.
He fought down a sudden beat of frustration. “I’m sure Alex doesn’t appreciate being strung along like this.”
She gave a noncommittal nod.
“Are you going through with the ranch deal with Alex?”
“I don’t know.”
“What about us?”
“Us?” Her frown wasn’t encouraging, and it didn’t help his growing frustration, either.
“I thought there was an us. I though we were moving toward that.”
“I think we are—”
“Think?” He took a step back, the words he wanted to speak clogging up his throat. “You think we are? After all what we’ve shared? I know we have something special.”
The anger in his voice masked the fear that she was considering leaving.
“I did. I really did.”
“Did.” He pounced on that word. “So what happened? I thought we were creating a relationship, you and me.”
“I’m sorry,” was all she could manage.
His fear grew, which only stoked his anger more. “Sorry. What does that mean?”
“It means I’m sorry.”
“For what? For spending time with me? For leading me on? For making me think that something was happening between us?”
He knew he should stop, but he rushed headlong, heedless, afraid.
Then he saw a spark of anger kindle in her eyes, saw her lips thin, her hands clench.
And he knew he had pushed her too hard.
* * *
His anger was a surprise and, at the same time, it ignited hers.
How dare he accuse her of leading him on?
She straightened to her full height. There was no way she was going to let him have the advantage of height, toweri
ng over her in his anger.
Though in spite of that, she still had to look up at him.
Still had to look up into those eyes, which only a few moments ago had looked at her with such affection, but now were narrowed in antagonism.
“I was never leading you on,” she shot back, still trying to figure out how things had shifted so quickly.
“So something was happening between us.”
“Is happening.” The words slipped out and she could see from the way his expression shifted, he had caught it, as well.
“Then why is Alex still texting you? Why are you taking a job I’m sensing you feel obligated to? Is it the money?”
“That helps.”
“So that’s what this all comes down to?” He released a short laugh and her back stiffened.
“You know, it’s so easy for you to judge me,” she said, trying to keep her own rising emotions under control. “You have a mother who cares about you. People who you matter to you. You’ve probably never had to scrabble for your next dollar.”
“I can’t imagine you doing that,” Vic said. “You’ve had a good job for many years. Don’t tell me you haven’t managed to save up.”
In spite of her resolve, her anger grew. “Okay, I won’t tell you how Harvey smiled at me, all the while bilking thousands out of the joint business account that took us years to set up. An account that he emptied in days. How I thought I trusted him and as soon as he had a choice between work and me, he chose work and he took our money. You know, he not only left me at the altar. He left me flat broke. It’s not something I’m proud of. Not something I let anyone know. I’m supposed to be so smart, so good with money, and some lying, sneaky...man took everything from me. You talk about buying this place, and while I’d love to sell it to you, I told you that I can’t afford to. I need every penny of it to pay for this business.”
“Which you’re still leaving to run.”
How could she explain to him what this meant to her without making it look as though she wanted to leave him? She wanted the security and independence of her own business, but she wanted him, too.
But she couldn’t have both. Choosing the business meant losing him. Choosing the ranch meant losing herself.
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