by Jason Letts
“How can you say that to me? After all the times you’ve saved me, I never for a second thought you would hold it against me if I saved you!” she bellowed.
But her anger soon broke, and in its place came a flood of guilt and regret.
“No, I’m sorry. Just please don’t be mad at me. Let’s talk about it,” she cried.
“Look, obviously you’ve got some figuring out to do, and it’s a good thing you’ve got the time to do it. I’m going to go now and leave you to it. I hope you learned your lesson,” Vern said.
Aoi curled up into a ball, holding her arms close to her chest.
“Vern, I’m not invincible, you know,” she wept. “You don’t have to hurt me like this. You can take it back.”
Vern started to walk away, finally turning back before disappearing into the brush.
“But that wouldn’t be true to myself,” he spoke through his gritted teeth.
Left alone, Aoi inched her hands to her face and sobbed. She sometimes wailed her cries, letting them echo out across the water. The guard in the tower shook his head and stuck his fingers in his ears to block them out.
“Just let me fall. Just let it be over. Even this can’t last forever, right?”
Gradually she wore away her energy until there was nearly none left. That’s when she found out exactly how little energy it took to feel empty and alone.
Chapter 8: Reversal of Fortune
Will tossed and turned in his bed, which was nothing more than a mat on top of a wooden frame. Clutching his scratchy blanket, he shut his eyes hard and tried to force himself to sleep. It had been hours since he had gone to bed, but his guilt haunted him and clawed at the inside of his mind. The constant torment seemed inescapable, and he passed the time just lying on his side and staring out at his tiny room within the guards’ complex.
Striking Roselyn seemed like the most momentous mistake of his life. He had betrayed everything he cared about in the name of that which he despised. Every few seconds, he would silently beg for the choice over again. Just one more chance would allow him to finally lash out at the deplorable scheme he’d been caught up in and earn him the freedom from this crushing agony.
His walls were bare, except for a shelf that hung from chains much like the beds in the slaves’ bunkhouses. The shelf was just a little higher than the bed, but from where he lay he could see something right on the edge. It was the Makara dice with Roselyn’s likeness carved into it. The rest were scattered about on the shelf, minus one he had lost. He had created her curls and her singing mouth with such care, but now that open mouth seemed to cry out at him in shock.
Knowing he wouldn’t get to sleep until he did something, Will wanted to find a way to make amends for his mistake. Casting aside the blanket and setting his feet on the floor, Will grabbed the uniform and pulled it over his bare skin. He put his head to the door before he opened it, both listening to hear if anyone was up and trying to find the strength to overcome his self-revulsion.
Gloria’s room was right across the hallway. The guard who occupied it before her had an accident, and Will always wondered if she had caused it just to get a little closer to him. There was no proof though. It just meant he had to crawl even deeper into his small space to escape from her.
All was quiet, and he started to sneak down the hall. Instead of going to the common area to the left and its small pantry where he usually pilfered food, he went right for the exit. Knowing exactly which floorboards creaked, he crept around them and soon lifted the latch from the door leading outside.
Casting his eyes around the bright sun of a deep night, the coast looked to be clear. He could see the witch’s cabin back behind another shed but not a person anywhere. Leaving the door slightly ajar to make it easier for his re-entry, he finally slunk around the side of the building to the main larder.
This shed, which looked plump in accordance with its purpose, housed the work of the hunting parties and gatherers that searched the area. Even though Will didn’t understand how they were able to stray so far from the camp without falling victim to the witch’s ear-implanted trap, he knew why they couldn’t deposit the food into the larder themselves. Spying the innocuous-looking handle, he tried to remember how to bypass its snare.
It made Will think back to when he lost his mentor, Cybil, in the battle of Darmen. Part of why he mistook her for an enemy when she bent down to help Chucky and Roselyn was because a girl from Corey Outpost had stuck them together. Arent had coerced her, and after that she couldn’t distinguish his selfish intentions from his cruel ones. They sliced open her finger to make the blood run into the metal, and now anyone who touched this handle could never let go. The guards used to find people attached to it in the mornings, but the offense was punishable by death and the slaves quickly gave up trying to get in.
Though the trick to opening the latch was known only to the witch, Will was confident he knew a way to open it. His power, a sharp gust of wind, seemed to come in handy for so little, but it would be the perfect way to operate the latch without touching it. Bending down to his knees, his face just inches away from the thin metal latch, he blew in a concentrated, sharp stream. On pins and needles about if this would work, he made the latch rattle and then lift into the air. Will’s cheeks became red as he expelled the air from his lungs, and finally he heard the metal bar clear its hold.
While it floated there, he dug his fingernails into the crease between the door and the wall, pulling it open. Catching his breath, he opened it with all possible silence. Ducking inside, he found the place brimming with mouth-watering edibles. He had eaten well as a guard, but he still couldn’t help but let the savory smells draw him toward the fresh herbs, sweet fruits, and flaky breads.
But he stuck to his plan, which was to offer some small atonement to Roselyn for the cruelty he had perpetrated against her. Maybe then she would know he still loved her and how sorry he was.
Cradling apples, sweet loaves, and cauliflower, he rushed to the exit. It would be just a short trip to the girl’s bunkhouse, but he couldn’t delay and he couldn’t be caught. Everything seemed quiet when he slipped outside and pushed on the wood to close the door. The latch caught, and everything was back to the way it was. Getting inside had been so easy; he would have to make a habit of it. Sneaking up the hill along a row of trees, he finally started to feel better about how things were going.
But as Will continued away, the light changed near one of the other sheds. It looked like a shadow trapped in the sunlight, growing denser and thicker until Neeko’s pale face became visible. He held his hand over his mouth to keep his chortling to himself. His eyes turned to the guard complex’s unclosed door, and then he again let the light pass through him.
Having deposited his presents and taken several moments to admire Roselyn’s sweet and blissful sleeping face, he hurried down the hill to get back to bed. The sleeping hours were vanishing rapidly, and the next day would be so much harder than it had to be without enough rest. Hustling to the complex’s entrance, he had a relieved smile on his face. This might not fix what he had done, but it was a start. Careful not to make any noise, his fingers wrapped around the edge of the door and he started to pull it open.
“What are you doing!” screamed Gloria.
She pushed open the door, knocking Will back down the small steps and onto the brown grass. He put his index finger to his mouth and tried to shush her.
“Keep it down!” he whispered. “I thought I heard something suspicious and I went to check it out.”
But Gloria wasn’t having any of it. She stomped out onto the steps with a ravenous look on her face, forcing him back.
“Don’t lie to me! You didn’t hear something suspicious. You were doing something suspicious!”
She had been hollering at the top of her lungs. It was impossible the other guards and even the slaves wouldn’t be woken up after this. Still, there had to be some way to calm her.
“I don’t know what you’re talking abou
t. Nothing’s happened. How about tomorrow we take that walk you were talking about?”
His eyes glanced at something strange in the doorway. As soon as the light started to blur, Will’s mouth fell open. Then he saw Neeko leaning against the doorway and looking down on him, a bloodthirsty, greedy smile on his face.
“I told you I’d get to the bottom of it, Will!” Gloria howled. “You knew I’d figure it out sooner or later, and it’s you. You’re the bottom!”
There was no other option now. They had him, and there was nothing left to do but beg.
“Please, Gloria, please. I just felt so bad for hitting her. You understand. I’ll do whatever you want. Let’s just let this go,” he pleaded even as doors in the hallway started to open and the other Sunfighters started to pile out. Neeko, shrugging, hopped out of the doorway to enjoy his triumph from closer up. He stood right by Gloria as she continued to rave.
“I should’ve known you couldn’t let go of that little wretch. You’re just as bad as she is. I never should’ve trusted you. I never should’ve cared…”
Gloria trailed off, becoming emotional. Her aggressive stance still made it clear who was under the knife, but Will tried to sway the onrushing guards.
“There’s nothing going on here. It’s a misunderstanding!” he shouted, trying to sound authoritative yet calm.
“I caught him hauling stolen food to the bunkhouses. Probably handing it off to the garbage girl and the wood stacker,” Neeko crooned.
“I’ll go check it out,” someone said, and Neeko took some satisfaction that he had given an order to the Sunfighters even though he was still so far beneath them.
As people crowded around them, running this way or that and shouting questions, Will tried to keep his eyes on Gloria, who just stared at him in shattered disbelief. Even though she had the temperament and inclination to attack him with deadly force at any moment, he took her heartbroken expression as evidence he had hidden himself well.
In the midst of the frantic investigation, they dragged Will into the clearing and threw him onto the wet ground amidst rotting scraps of food. They formed a circle around him in front of the witch’s cabin, and the slaves started to trickle down from their bunks. Gloria was nearby, crossing her arms and fuming. Neeko seemed to be basking in the uproar and enjoying the unusual camaraderie he shared with his superiors. The rabble was deafening, anger all around, and the guilty verdict had already been rendered.
Lifting his head despite a lingering pain in his back, he saw the witch emerging from her cabin. The door swung open as if by magic, and the old woman, cane in hand, broached the doorway and feebly stepped onto the porch. Though one eye was sewn shut, the other carried enough diabolical cunning to give Will goose bumps.
Wincing and looking away, he saw a guard dragging Roselyn down the hill and Mary not far behind. They trudged sleepily, but their worry and pain were unmistakable even from so far away. Will thought about how it had all been for nothing. He didn’t know if they would let him live through the hour.
“Is it true, young one? Have you lost faith in our cause?” her hoarse voice murmured. The crowd quieted as soon as her mouth opened.
There could be no lying to her, Will knew as he got to his feet. There was only the decision of how to admit his guilt. The most likely path to self-preservation meant begging for forgiveness after his momentary lapse. The weakness of sympathy had overcome him, he would reason. Quoting the prayers, he could plead for her to show him strength. He could once again bury his true feelings for a chance to salvage his standing.
“No, it’s not true. I haven’t lost faith in the cause. I never had any!” he screeched at the top of his lungs, straining his neck.
He was done failing to make the tough decisions to show how he really felt. Roselyn could not be allowed to see him compromise himself again. He couldn’t let Mary see him chicken out on what they stood for in the vain hope it would somehow help them later. Even if everyone there save two hated him for it, he would make his true feelings known.
“People aren’t meant for this! We shouldn’t be so covetous of what other people have that we must all live with nothing to coexist. We shouldn’t have to greet each other with greed and envy, and I won’t let you drive me to look down on everyone around me!”
The roaring crowd muffled his outburst, and he finally let it drown out his voice. Though the witch was unmoved, Will looked to Roselyn and Mary on the hillside just above the raucous circle. He hoped his words, which he had carried for so long, would bring them to tears, but he couldn’t see any such display from them. It only incited more rage among his former peers and the slaves who were eager for a little vengeance.
“For that,” the witch began, instantly silencing the crowd, “we deserve the life you never gave us.”
Taking her words as judgment enough, Gloria stalked out into the circle hands first. Will saw her coming over his shoulder and he shied away, though he didn’t have far to go. She ducked into a squat in preparation for her deadly pounce.
“Stop!” the witch continued, and Gloria instantly obeyed.
“Let me! Let me, please,” she wheezed, her livid face almost as red as her hair.
“But we know you will suffer a much greater punishment alive. Make no mistake that you will die for your betrayal, but it will be long after every single person here has had a chance to exact their toll from you. We cast you down to work amongst those you would embrace. And finally, girl, your turn will come.”
At the witch’s words, Gloria slunk back to the circle, looking disappointed but not wholly aggrieved. She cast one last menacing look at Will, clutching her hands together so that her toxic discharge puffed through her intertwined fingers.
Immediately, two others grabbed him from behind. Handling him roughly, he could feel the zipper of his uniform come undone. They tipped him over and dumped him out of his suit, naked as the day he was born. He couldn’t resist them, just as he couldn’t resist the feelings of shame and humiliation as he fell naked onto the damp ground.
They tossed the uniform next to him. He could see the seams in it that Cybil had made after they found it in the river together. Then she died after he had mistaken her for an enemy when she was helping his friends. After all that had happened, so many unconscionable terrors, he couldn’t help but wonder if he would’ve been better off without it.
He got up, covering himself as best he could and trying to retain some scrap of dignity in the eyes of his love. Unable to imagine what would come next, he hoped they would just disband rather than subject him to more. The witch though had another matter to attend to.
“It seems we have a vacancy in our ranks. Pale boy, you have been the cause of it. Step forward.”
Tickled at the attention, Neeko nearly danced out into the circle. It seemed even more of a reward might come his way, and he stood in the witch’s presence just a short ways from Will and his discarded uniform.
“Son, are you a believer?” she asked, but Will whispered urgently to Neeko before he could answer.
“We stood for something back in Darmen, man. We fought against this!” he said.
“And now it’s gone,” Neeko snapped back at Will. “This is our life now, and you’re the last one who can tell me we shouldn’t take it for what it’s worth.
Neeko finished his seething growl and then turned to answer the witch with untarnished excitement.
“Yes, I’m a believer!” he crowed to the cheers of both the Sunfighters and their willing captives.
While Neeko stripped off his ragged and dirty clothes, making himself transparent from the waist down, Will wondered if this wasn’t how Arent converted all of his followers. He took on the desperate and the pitiful with promises of shackling their fates to the more fortunate, wrecking everything in the process. Neeko flung his clothes at Will in a clear act of contempt and then grabbed the black uniform bearing the symbol of the sun and the clouds.
“It’ll be a stretch, but I can make it work,”
he snickered.
The empty legs became full and stiff. Neeko drew the fabric around his sides and slipped his arms into the sleeves. At the same time, Will put on his newfound apparel, which had a fish-like stench to it and scratched against his skin. Neeko stretched as high as he could with the zipper still undone and a wide sliver of his side showing. Will noticed one of Cybil’s seams give way a bit.
“Somebody show him to his new home,” Neeko ordered after casting his eyes around at his new peers. The witch had already returned inside, and the tired assembly started back to bed to try and reclaim the last hour or two of sleep.
A sharp shove hit Will in the back, knocking him toward the hill. A couple of guards escorted him, and Will turned to them in the hopes of garnering some small degree of sympathy. But their faces were stony, just like his had been and just like that of their savior, Arent.
Will felt so sullied and demeaned. He couldn’t tell if his face was red from embarrassment or from some new rash festering within his clothes. Was this how Roselyn and Mary had felt for so long? Maybe he’d never really understood their position until now. He passed them on the way up, the guards making it clear they couldn’t come near. Their sympathy was obvious, but it just looked like he had brought more sadness upon them.
The guards marched him into the boys’ bunkhouse. It was much like the girls’, boards chained to the walls and a fire pit in the middle. They parked him in front of what had formerly been Neeko’s bunk. It had the same strange smell, a blanket made from the same material as his clothes, and a flattened pillow made from a sack stuffed with leaves.
Will sighed as the guards left, leaving him alone with the other slaves. Furtively looking over his shoulder, he saw Kevin giving him an unsettling stare. A few others were coming in, and Will decided to try and hide in the bed in case they got the urge to confront him. Pulling the blanket over his head, leaving his legs exposed, he braced himself for the first blow. He’d never been bad to them, he thought, not nearly as bad as the others. And that’s when he realized he’d be paying for everyone’s mistreatment, not just his own.