by Jason Letts
That’s it! He leapt at the idea, which rapidly took shape in his head. It would solve everything at once. Aoi, Mary, and Vern would learn what love really is, he’d get to have the kind of affection from Mira he desperately wanted, and she might finally appreciate him the way he needed.
“What are you thinking about?” she asked him. Chucky eyed her and smiled.
“I think I’ve got just the thing!”
“Well, what is it?” she begged to know, putting her hand on his shoulder and gazing at him.
“We’ve all been going on guesswork, not a clue about how people should behave in relationships. It’s up to us to show them why things like respect and honesty are important. We can be the example they need to find a better way,” he explained.
“But how do we do that?” Mira asked. Chucky cleared his throat, nervous about whether or not Mira would actually go for it.
“I know it’s difficult because most of the time people say these things in private, but we have to give them a window into what we have and let that be a shining example of how they should conduct themselves and what they need to strive for. It can start with something simple, like a compliment, and then we just express how we feel about each other back and forth, finally culminating in a kiss.”
Mira squinted and scratched her cheek, deep in thought.
“Let me get this straight. So we’re going to publicly demonstrate our affection, and that’s going to encourage them to calm down and treat each other with more respect?” she pondered.
“Yeah, that’s the gist of it,” Chucky agreed.
“That sounds…perfect!” Mira’s face suddenly lit up. “Oh, thank you so much. I feel so much better now. As soon as they see us, it’ll all become clear that there’s no more need for squabbling. Mary can accept that she’s crossing a boundary, and Vern and Aoi will be happily reunited. We’ll all put this mess behind us and move on!”
Elated that his idea was well received, Chucky started to laugh and Mira enthusiastically joined him. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, making him blush a little.
“See. I knew I’d be able to figure something out if you gave me a little time,” he said.
“Yeah, apparently so. I guess it’s why I keep you around,” she teased. “I’m kidding, but it does help.”
Chucky could tell Mira breathed easier and some of the weight had been lifted from her shoulders. As she snapped off a piece of the fire, popped it in her mouth, and puckered her lips from the sour taste, he hoped she had already started thinking about what she would say. He had so many nice things he wanted to say about her, but she was so reserved with her opinions about him he wasn’t sure what she really thought. Thinking about all the praise he would receive made butterflies spring up in his stomach.
Now all they’d have to do was go through with it.
They’d gotten an early start the next day, which happened to be even warmer than the day before. The desolate and dreary landscape encircled them, and Knoll kept them headed directly to the northwest. Having eaten through the firewood, they stopped at midday to consider which of their belongings would fuel them until sundown. The blankets seemed an obvious choice, but none of them could accept their path would take them some place warmer than where they were.
“Here, we can eat this,” Will said, tossing an extra t-shirt onto a small pile of edibles.
“Yeah,” Mira announced. “No more than one set of clothing a piece. This isn’t a fashion show.”
A few more articles joined the pile as people scrounged through their bags. Mira looked as far to the northwest as she could but saw nothing more than the flat horizon. How long would it be until they had eaten through their bags and gnawed on the flames from their uniforms? Their prospects continued to unsettle her until she noticed Chucky waiting to get her attention. His eyes on her, he reached into his bag and added one of his blankets to the pile.
Mira knew this was her cue to execute their plan. She’d start complementing him, and they’d make a scene. Everyone would be watching, and they would kiss. Mira felt squeamish about the whole operation, her mouth feeling clammy at the thought of showing off in front of them all. Responding to Chucky, she feigned a smile and jerked through a quick nod. When he winced, she could tell he was disappointed.
“I don’t think we’ll need all that for now,” Will said, handing the blanket back to Chucky. “It’s an awfully nice gesture though.”
“Just trying to do my part,” he demurred, shrugging.
Mary removed something small from her bag. She held it in her cupped hands and shook it. If Mira hadn’t been so close to her, she might not have heard the rattling. Mira stared at Mary’s hands for a moment, overcome by curiosity and apprehension. In the moment her hands parted, she saw one of the tiny, square Makara dice Will had made. It rolled over in her palm, from fish to tree until it showed the face of Vern.
If Mira’s mouth felt clammy before, it had become dry as a desert in an instant. Mary clutched the dice in her hand and fidgeted. She was about to do something, make another play for Vern, and Mira was desperate to cut her off.
“Yes!” she blurted to Chucky long after he had stuffed the blanket into the bag. “You are always so generous and selfless. I…I just love that about you.”
The lightest shade of crimson took to Chucky’s cheeks. The way he smiled and shimmied off of his side made him seem as happy as a wallowing pig.
“I’m so glad you feel that way. It means the world to me. There’s nothing that matters more to me than you,” he said, extending his hand to her.
Already feeling thoroughly embarrassed, Mira took his hand. She could only guess how deeply she blushed, hoping nobody would realize how little it had to do with Chucky’s display of affection.
“What are you doing?” Mary asked as Mira got to her feet, but they had already started and it was too late to stop now. Mira looked into Chucky’s brown eyes and released a quivering sigh. This was when she had to teach her friends about all those things she knew nothing about to make them stop fighting.
“I’m so lucky to be with someone who takes the time to listen to me, who supports me in my endeavors, and who actively seeks my own best interest even when it comes at the cost of his own. I know you respect me enough to be faithful and honest to me.”
Mira swallowed, waiting to hear what Chucky would say in reply. He looked touched by her words and she thought his eyes had watered over. Glancing around, her friends had blank, attentive faces, making her feel nervous about what she was putting them through.
“I agree, absolutely,” Chucky began, drawing Mira a little closer. “I’ve felt this way from almost the moment I met you. I knew you were different, but I had no idea how wonderful different could be. Mira, you’re someone I look up to even though I’m a few inches taller. Everything you do always carries so much weight, even though I’m a few pounds heavier.”
“Wait, are you calling me fat?” she asked, and laughter sputtered from Chucky’s lips.
“No, not at all,” he replied.
“Chucky,” she said, pulling him a little closer. “You’re like the rocks that hold back the raging sea. You’re the collected moon chasing after the chaotic sun. I don’t know I’d be able to do any of this without you.”
But Chucky shook his head, appearing strangely confident. He peered into her eyes, happy yet curious.
“That took too much work to think of. Let it flow naturally. Quick—what’s the first thing that pops into your mind?” he asked.
“Just how wonderful you are.”
She hopped forward from his yank on her arm, her toes touching his. His arms wrapped around her shoulder blades, leaning her back and plunging in for a kiss. Somehow it had all worked and she gave into the moment and kissed him passionately. There were gasps and giggles from their friends, but it all sounded muffled as though she were under water. Her embarrassment resurfaced a moment later, and she pulled away, unable to stop herself from smiling.
“What was that about?” Vern asked, his arms crossed and a perturbed look on his face.
“Question, does it taste like oil? I’m just saying!” Will howled. Roselyn dug her elbow into his ribs and almost everyone laughed.
“Why can’t I have that?” Mary hollered, stamping to her feet. Mira jerked to look and witnessed her cold and contemptuous visage. All joy vanished from her in that instant, in which she realized it all had been a mistake.
“You can as soon as you find your own man!” Aoi screeched, standing up and sidestepping in front of Vern.
“She broke the truce! Kick her out!” Mary wailed, though no one seemed moved by her plea. She looked hysterical, torn apart, and Aoi wasn’t much different. Mira’s calls for peace didn’t register to either of them.
“You’re the one who needs to leave. All this is because of you!” Aoi shouted, storming up to Mary, who remained unfazed.
“Me? You can’t accept he cares about me more than you. Tell her, Vern. You know it’s true!” Mary spoke over Aoi’s shoulder, stoking her fury. Aoi displayed the same unhinged ferocity she had in her academy days.
“You say another word and I’ll sew your mouth shut!” she threatened.
“Like you know how to sew!”
An angry cry erupted from Aoi, and she exploded forward, arms outstretched to attack Mary. All it took was one touch, and Aoi had knocked Mary onto her back. Mary’s head smacked against the ground, the whiplash making her writhe and curl into a ball. Horrified, Aoi looked at her hands and slowly pulled them to her chest.
“I’m sorry,” she shuddered.
Without looking back, Aoi stalked out into the desert, hunched over as though she were freezing cold. Leaving his seat, Vern raced after her. Mary couldn’t get up, and her whimpering cries echoed throughout their small camp. Roselyn and Will had rushed over, but when Will motioned to follow Vern to Aoi, Roselyn grabbed him by the wrist and snapped him back.
“OK, OK,” he moaned, and together they tried to inspect Mary’s injuries.
“I’m fine,” Mary said through gritted teeth. She clutched her shoulder but began to recover.
That left Mira and Chucky standing next to a small pile of forsaken clothing. They watched their divided friends attend to the aggrieved parties. Aoi continued to storm away, Vern hustling to catch up. Feeling like her own heart had been split, Mira turned to Chucky.
“We made a terrible mistake,” he said before she could say anything.
“Is it just me, or was that the absolute worst thing we could’ve done?” she said, sliding down until she sat on the sand. Holding her legs, she pinched her eyes closed. When she opened them, Chucky was sitting next to her. “I give up.”
Rather than feeling defeated, it was strangely liberating to let go of the situation. She had focused so hard on how to control everyone, thwart conflicts, and create peace between them that it had ruined any enjoyment she got from their friendship. She had fought so hard and gotten nowhere. There was nothing left to do but sit back and offer guidance where it was wanted.
“Things are going to work out the way they will,” she declared. “I love them all, but I can’t solve their problems or make them do what I want them to do. Only they can make those decisions for themselves.”
Chucky nodded and sighed.
“I’m sorry about how this all turned out. I was trying to help,” he said.
“You said you were going to get everything wrong,” she mused, resting her head against his shoulder. “And you weren’t kidding. But that’s the funny thing about mistakes, over time they might turn out to be something very different than what they seem at first. We’ll have to wait and see.”
Laughing and shaking his head, Chucky put his arm around Mira. Mary sat up some distance away, and Vern and Aoi had disappeared behind a sand dune.
“I’ll still try and avoid them if that’s alright with you,” Chucky said to Mira.
They sat in silence for a moment, enjoying the peacefulness of it even though absolutely nothing was peaceful. Knoll had wriggled out of his blankets and was crawling out to Roselyn and Will. He would try to stand on his legs and totter before falling into the sand. The unusually warm weather even made that seem perfectly fine.
“So much has happened,” Mira recalled. “It’s all happened so fast too. Tell me, tell me something that’s been swept under the rug. What have we forgotten? What have we never known? Soon the end will come, and I’d hate to think I missed something.”
Chucky clicked his tongue against his teeth and put his hand to his chin.
“Let me see. Do you remember the helmet you made for me for the Final Trial back in the academy?” he asked.
“How could I forget?”
“Well I didn’t just leave it somewhere or give it away. I brought it with me to the farm when I became a shadow. That helmet and your birthday invitation were the only things I had from you. I’d eaten the cookie, of course. But anyway, the farm was pleasant, and my mentor was a kind man, but it became lonely over time. I found myself thinking of you and wishing you were with me. One day I took the helmet and filled it with dirt, planted violets inside, took good care of them, and they grew into the most beautiful flowers you could ever see. That’s what you are to me. When it came time to return to Corey Outpost, I couldn’t bear to dump them out, so I left them there to enjoy the sun and the rain after I’d gone.”
“That’s sweet,” Mira said. “Thank you. They sure did get plenty of sun, didn’t they?”
“Probably more than they wanted. But that’s OK too. It made me happy to think of you when I saw those flowers, but I was even happier to see you again…even when you were being moody,” he noted.
“That’s a nice way of putting it. I was moody, wasn’t I? Even all this has made me a little moody. Let’s see if we really can lead by example and just be the good friends they need.”
“Aoi! Wait up!” Vern called after the short, dark-haired girl. Her hands wrapped around herself, she trudged away, oblivious to him until he caught her by the shoulder. Even his gentle touch felt like she’d been stabbed. Begrudgingly, she twisted around, catching him off guard.
“It’s true, isn’t it, Vern, what she said?”
“No, no,” he shook, but she couldn’t see any conviction in it.
“Why did you even come after me? We shouldn’t be here!” she hollered.
“Look, listen,” he begged, but she shrugged away his hand.
“Please, leave me alone.”
He looked handsome, but she couldn’t bear to be near him. Turning away, she left him standing there and plodded under a steep dune that hung in the air like a long ocean wave. The weight on her mind made each step feel heavier than the last, and she only made it about half way across when she collapsed to her knees and fell over frontward. The sand felt soft to her face and hands. Grasping at it, she squeezed it through her fingers as the tears fell from her face and made moist spots in the dry sand.
It was true Vern could’ve put to rest all this hardship if he’d just made a simple choice. Even declaring that he’d rather be with Mary would’ve spared her the torment of guarding someone she knew wasn’t hers.
Flashes of anger and self-pity streaked across her mind. It frustrated her that she couldn’t have what she wanted, then it depressed her to feel so angry. Livid, she detested the raw, emotional weakness that had stricken her. A hollow sensation of melancholy accompanied the realization of how much of what she’d learned she’d lost. She imagined how disappointed the rancher would be in her.
He had known what she was but had refused to tell her even when she held him dying in her arms. It had been his plan for her to wield her gift with wholesome intentions and thoughtfulness, but she had managed to scrape away every last bit of them. Attacking Mary was the last straw. She was no match, and yet her hateful words and selfishness had bled like a poison into her. Mary was not to blame; she’d only shown how weak Aoi’s constitution had been.
Pulling he
r legs under her, Aoi struggled to regain the seated posture the rancher had taught her. It felt uncomfortable and constricting, though she had retained it until the sun set on the day she tried to cross the straw bridge. The rancher had tried to prepare her for the responsibility of being a Special, and she would not fail him. The two bald men had demonstrated to her the kind of sacrifice it took to uphold the responsibility of their gifts. Her heart skipped a beat when she realized what would happen to her when she became like them. There could be no avoiding it, and only because she had seen what it was like to lose all control could she embrace it.
The timelessness of the truth of it passed through her. The unavoidable certainty of what she would have to give up reverberated down to her very core. She would miss her friends, but it was for the best.
The helping hands of Mary’s oldest and most trusted friend restored her to her feet. Though Roselyn couldn’t say a word, Mary knew she supported the pursuits of her heart. Feeling stiffness and throbbing in her shoulder and neck, Mary wrapped her arms around Roselyn for a hug.
“Thank you,” Mary said. “And you too, Will.”
He scratched his neck, nodded a little, and looked back at Mira and Chucky. Mary knew he didn’t support her, guessing it had something to do with being a faithful friend to Vern. What a fickle thing friendship can be, Mary thought. The value of it depends entirely on who the friend was. Sighing, she hobbled back to their camp, each step a painful reminder of Aoi’s stubborn refusal to give up her lost cause. Roselyn scooped up Knoll and followed behind.
“What are we going to do now?” Will asked Mira. He folded his arms and plopped down into the sand.
“We’re going to wait,” Mira declared. “Not all of us are here.”
“What? Why are we waiting?” Will asked, surprised. “Aoi and Vern could be halfway to the moon by now. They’re not coming back.”
Mary was well aware of where Vern and Aoi were. They had stopped some distance away, though they were no longer close together. This gave her hope. The last thing she wanted was for them to spend lots of time next to each other making up.