by Elena Aitken
She definitely had feelings for him, that much was certain. There was really no harm in telling her daughter anything. Besides that, it’s not as though she was a baby.
“Okay,” Julie relented. “I’ll tell you this much…” Shay leaned in, no doubt ready to get some juicy details. “We went for a sleigh ride.”
“And?”
“And it was really romantic. It was snowing, there was a blanket and hot chocolate and…”
“And?”
Julie laughed. “There’s really not much more to say. It was a nice night.”
“And did he kiss you?”
She tried to hide her face before Shay could see what was no doubt written all over it. It didn’t work.
“He did, didn’t he?”
Julie lifted her head and was about to answer when Shay blurted out, “Or you kissed him. That’s it, isn’t it? You kissed him?”
She shook her head and sighed. “There was a kiss, yes. That’s all the detail you’re getting.”
Shay jumped up in the bed and pounded her pillow. “I knew it! I totally knew it. It’s all over your face and you look so happy. It’s about time. All you needed was just a little push. I knew it was a great idea. Damn, I’m good.”
The smile fell off Julie’s face in an instant. “What?”
“What, what?”
“What did you just say?” Guilt flashed on her daughter’s face as she realized her slip. Julie pushed herself up to a sitting position. “Shay? What did you just say? I needed a push? It was a great idea? What was?”
She shook her head. “I didn’t say anything. It’s nothing.” She started to move out of the bed but Julie grabbed her arm and pulled her back.
“Shay?” Her stomach flipped. She knew there was something to know, but she was pretty sure she didn’t want to know it. At the same time, if Shay knew something, she needed to know it, too.
Her daughter froze and reluctantly turned around.
“What do you mean by damn I’m good? What did you do?”
Shay pressed her lips into a thin line and shook her head. “Honestly, Mom, it’s no big deal. I was just trying to give you a little push in the right direction. That’s what I did and now look, you’re happy. That’s all that matters.”
“That’s not all that matters. What kind of pushing did you do?”
Shay sighed and crossed her legs. “Okay,” she started. “I told you it’s nothing, but remember when Ryan came snowshoeing with us?”
Julie nodded, not liking where the conversation was headed.
“Well, he was there because I kind of suggested to him that you might like his company and maybe he should spend some time with us and do some festive things with us. I thought it might be nice for you is all. It’s no big deal.”
“Wait? You asked him to spend time with me?” It felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach. “So he wasn’t with me because he wanted to be?” She shook her head and didn’t wait for an answer. “No,” she continued. “It was because you told him your mother was some sad charity case that needed a companion.” She flashed back to the kisses they’d shared, the private moments. The laughter, the easiness between them. It wasn’t real? It was because her daughter had asked him to. As if she were some kind of charity case. The ache in her stomach was too much. She couldn’t look at Shay. She couldn’t sit there. She had to move.
“Mom. It’s not like that. Don’t be upset.”
Julie didn’t answer, just moved out of the bed and headed toward the bathroom. She needed space. Time to think. A hot shower. She’d woken up feeling so good. Like a woman in love. But it was a lie. It was all made up. He didn’t care about her. He was just doing a favor for her daughter. It had nothing to do with her at all.
“Mom,” Shay called after her. But she couldn’t turn around. Not yet. She just needed a few minutes to process. It wasn’t Shay’s fault; she was just a kid trying to do what she thought was right. But Ryan—he was a grown man who’d been playing with her heart. It wasn’t right.
Her chest ached and it took her a minute to realize that what she was feeling was heartache.
* * *
It had been a perfect night and Ryan was determined it would be an even better day. But he couldn’t sit still. He had a million things that needed his attention in his office, but it could wait. He wanted to be outside, in the fresh air, looking at the sun and sky. Now that he’d met Julie, and things were going so well, the sky just seemed a little brighter. Even with the clouds coming in over the mountains threatening a snowy Christmas Eve, things still looked bright. He laughed at himself and the ridiculous cliché he’d become in such a short time.
But it didn’t matter. He’d never met anyone like Julie before. Someone who not only made him into a cliché, but made him want to be a cliché. He’d happily be a sappy fool if it meant spending more time with Julie. Sure, it was early to be having the feelings he was having, but he didn’t care.
He left the main lodge behind and headed to the small grouping of stores in the village. He had gifts to buy, and he wanted to make sure they were special. Or at least as special as he could manage with the limited selection of shops available to him. He’d do better later; for now, he needed something to wrap up.
Ryan found what he was looking for in the very first store. For Shay, a journal and pen set, along with a new phone case with the words “Dream Big” emblazoned on it. And for Julie, a canvas shoulder bag that had been hand-painted by a local artist. The scene portrayed was the view of the mountain valley from the Lodge. The perfect gift for her to remember where they’d met.
He paid for the gifts and arranged for them to be gift wrapped and delivered to his office so he didn’t have to haul them back with him. He didn’t plan on going straight back to work. No way could he wait until evening to see Julie. She’d said something about spending the day with Shay doing festive activities, which probably meant they planned to participate in the snowman-building challenge out behind the Lodge in the courtyard.
* * *
That was exactly where he found them. And half the other guests at the Lodge. It was the first annual snowman-building competition, and by the looks of it, it wouldn’t be the last. People were everywhere—laughing, shouting, throwing snow, and even in some cases, actually building a snowman. Christmas carols played over the whole scene from hidden speakers, and the festive spirit hung in the air. It was the perfect holiday scene.
Through the crowd, he spotted Julie and Shay, rolling a ball of snow into what was probably going to be the head of their snowman. His mood only improved as he made his way through the field of people and snow people. He commented on each of the creations, and joked with the guests, even throwing a few snowballs as he made his way to his target.
It was all he could do to stop himself from pulling Julie into his arms and kissing those sweet lips, but he restrained himself because he was in the presence of Shay, although something told him she wouldn’t mind as long as it meant her mother was happy.
“Good morning, ladies.” His smile was so wide, he knew he must look ridiculous, but he didn’t care. “Having fun?”
Julie didn’t turn around; in fact, she rolled the ball of snow farther in the opposite direction. It was Shay who responded. “We’re having fun, aren’t we, Mom?”
Julie didn’t answer, nor did she turn around.
What the hell? What was going on?
“Julie? Having fun?”
When she didn’t respond, Ryan looked to Shay, who bit her bottom lip and shook her head slightly. There was definitely something going on. But what? How could her attitude to him possibly have shifted so much in only a few short hours? It’s not as if he’d done anything. He hadn’t even seen her.
“Julie?” He took a step closer to her, but there was still no acknowledgment from her. He turned back to Shay. “What’s going on?” he asked her.
The teenager gestured for him to move back.
“What’s going on, Shay?”
he asked again. “Is she okay?”
Shay shook her head. “Not really,” she whispered. “She’s pissed.”
“At me?” It was a guess, but judging by her behavior, a good one.
Shay nodded, confirming his hunch.
“Why?” He turned to look at her, but Julie’s back was still to him. “What did I do? Or not do?” he added as an afterthought.
“It’s me,” she said. “It’s my fault.”
Ryan was starting to get concerned. “What’s your fault? What did you do?”
She jammed her boot into the snow in a move that reminded Ryan of a little kid caught doing something bad. “It’s not really what I did,” she said slowly. “More like what I said.” She looked up quickly. “Or really, more that she found out what I said.”
“What did you say?” He had a feeling he knew the answer, and he didn’t like it, but he needed to hear it from Shay’s mouth. “What happened, Shay?” He glanced toward Julie, who stills steadfastly ignored his presence. She was still rolling the snowball of what looked to be the head of the snowman they were building.
“It’s no big deal.”
“Something tells me it is.”
She let out a long sigh and finally told him. “Remember when I was talking to you about maybe spending some time with us while we were here?”
He nodded, his suspicions confirmed. It was not what he wanted to hear.
“And remember how I said she needed a man in her life?”
He nodded again.
“Well, somehow my mom got it in her head that I was trying to set you up with her or that…” She waved her arm in a way that was likely supposed to come off as nonchalance. “Maybe you were just hanging out with her as a favor to me.”
She spoke so softly, it took Ryan a second to process what she’d said.
“She thinks what?” He spun so he faced her head on. “Shay, look at me.” She did. “Why would your mother think that?”
“Well, it’s not like I really said that exactly.” She blinked hard. “But it might have been more of the way I said it.”
He shook his head and ran his hand through his hair as he turned to find Julie again. She’d moved on to construction and was attempting to lift the large ball to the top of the snowman. Be damned if she didn’t want to talk to him. He wanted to talk to her. And that’s exactly what he was going to do. Without another word to Shay, he crossed the small distance between them and bent down across from Julie. He put his gloved hands on the ball. “Let me help.”
She shook her head and turned away, but not before he saw the look cross her face. Her eyes were full of sadness and hurt. And that was his fault. Well, not really, but still.
“I’ve got it,” she said.
“It’s heavy.” He tried to help her lift. “Let me help, Julie.” He used his knees and lifted right when she let go. The ball fell and cracked into the snow. Julie stood and glared at him. “It’s no big—” She turned and started to walk away before he could finish. “Julie! We can put it back together.”
She spun around so quickly she almost hit him. “We can not put it back together, Ryan. I’m not a charity case. And I don’t need your help. Not with anything.”
It was intensely clear that they weren’t just talking about the snowman anymore. “It’s not like that, Julie. It was never like that.” He glanced around, all too aware they were making a scene.
“Just go.” She sighed. “I just want to spend time with my daughter. That’s all I really want.”
He opened his mouth to object again, but he couldn’t find the words to say that would make it better. There was no other option but to go and leave her alone the way she wanted. At least for the moment. He glanced at Shay, who smiled sadly. He’d been hoping for something from her, but she simply mouthed the words, “I’ll fix it.” And that had to be good enough for him.
At least for now.
7
The Christmas spirit of the day before was a distant memory for Julie as she prepared herself for the Holly Berry Ball. It was hard to believe less than twenty-four hours ago, she’d been excited about the holidays, and more than that, the possibilities for the future.
You’re so stupid, Julie. She chastised herself as she stared into the mirror. What had she been thinking? That maybe the magic of the Lodge would actually find her. As if there was any actual magic and that love could be found just by being in the mountains.
But she had found it.
Or at least she thought she had. For a moment.
Seeing Ryan earlier had stung. More than she’d expected it to. She’d only reluctantly agreed to build snowmen with Shay, but she’d swallowed her annoyance at her daughter and rallied because after all it was Christmas, and ultimately she wanted to spend time with her and make memories. Besides, Shay’s heart had been in the right place and she was only a kid. Ryan, on the other hand, was a full-grown adult. He should have known better than to even have such a conversation with a teenager. It wasn’t right. Worse than that, she’d actually thought he might be falling for her, too.
He is falling for you.
That incessant voice in her head wouldn’t shut up. Last night, she would have absolutely believed he was falling for her. You couldn’t fake chemistry like they’d shared. And there had definitely been chemistry. Or at least, she thought there’d been. But now, knowing what she knew, how could she be sure? She couldn’t. That was the entire problem. And if she couldn’t be sure about him so early on, there was no hope for a future.
It hurt.
A lot more than she thought it would.
After she’d gotten over the initial shock of Shay’s admission, she’d done her best to let it go. They were there to celebrate the holiday. She needed to focus. That was the goal. Spending the holiday with her daughter. Period. A man never should have entered that equation. It was only a distraction anyway. She’d done her best to put it out of her mind and she’d mostly succeeded. At least until he’d shown up.
Now she couldn’t seem to stop thinking about him. Maybe he had more to say? Maybe he could explain his side? Maybe she was being unreasonable by not letting him tell his side of the story?
“No.” She glared at herself in the mirror. “Focus on Christmas. That’s all that matters.”
That’s all that matters.
Christmas with Shay.
Her life as a single mom had always been enough before. There was no reason it wouldn’t continue to be that way.
Except now things were different. She was different.
Meeting Ryan had changed things because he had changed the way she felt. She’d never before wanted to spend time with a man. Not like she had with Ryan. Not even with Shay’s dad all those years ago. Ryan was different. And that’s why it hurt so much.
Julie blinked hard to prevent the tear from slipping down her cheek.
She wouldn’t cry. She couldn’t. She needed to finish getting ready and go have the best damn Christmas Eve she possibly could. And it shouldn’t be hard. Not with the beautiful ball that was waiting for them. She’d popped in to see whether Eva needed any more help, and the room was even more magical than she’d first seen. If anything could help the heartache she was feeling, it would be a magical Christmas Eve.
A knock on the door jarred her and she turned just in time to see Shay, dressed in a stunning silver strapless slip dress, step into the room. Her daughter took her breath away. She was gorgeous and way too grown up. When had that happened?
The tears that had threatened earlier once again made their presence known. Julie sniffed and dabbed at her eyes with a tissue.
“Mom.” Shay groaned. “Seriously?”
“What?” She forced a smile. “You just look so pretty, Shay. I can’t help it. You can’t blame your mom for getting a little emotional. After all, it’s the holidays.”
Shay came closer and wrapped an arm around her mom for a quick squeeze. “Are you sure that’s the only reason, Mom?”
Julie wiggled
out of her daughter’s arms and refocused on the mirror. She dabbed a bit of lipgloss on and smoothed her hair, ignoring Shay’s question.
“You look beautiful, Mom.”
She smiled and pulled Shay into an impulsive hug. “I guess I take after my daughter.”
“Whatever.”
Julie was eager to get going and start immersing herself in the Christmas spirit, if only to avoid her own feelings for a while, but it was easy to see that Shay wasn’t ready. She knew enough about her daughter to know when she needed to talk. She also knew not to push her. “Come look at the tree with me.”
Shay followed her out to the living room, the way she knew she would, and together they just stood in front of the tree. They hadn’t cut it down, or selected it at a lot, the way they did every year. In fact, Castle Mountain Lodge had provided the tree for them. And even most of the decorations. But they’d put a few of their own on the boughs, including the little wine-deer they’d made at the craft night. It might not be their usual tree, but it was still theirs. And all that really mattered was the people who stood around it. Julie reached out for her daughter’s hand and squeezed.
She squeezed back and then in a quiet voice, asked, “Are you mad?”
Julie’s first response was to say yes. To tell her daughter that she’d crossed a line and not only was she a little mad, she was hurt. Really hurt. They’d always had an honest relationship. She’d always been able to tell Shay exactly what the problem was, when and if either of them crossed a line. It was one of the things Julie was proudest about her parenting. And she was mad. No. She had been mad. Now, the feeling that overwhelmed her was sadness.
She shook her head honestly. “No.”
“Really?”
“Really.” She stared into the tree, letting her eyes blur with the twinkling lights. “I was at first,” she continued. “But I know what you did came from the right place and actually, you might be surprised to know that I agree with you.”
“You agree with me?” Shay tugged her hand away. “About what?”