“Wow, really?”
“LA?”
We both ignored Josh’s horrified question.
“It would be a big change for you, and there’s no guarantees this first job will pan out, but if you’re willing to work hard, I’m confident we can make you a star.”
“I am. I can work real hard.” My voice was quaking with excitement. I could barely think straight. My brain was buzzing like a beehive.
This is it, Mama. It’s happening!
“Can’t she just audition here then?” Josh’s cold-water tone made my insides deflate. “Rather than going all that way, just to be rejected.”
The agent shook his head. “He really needs to see her, and if she does get rejected, being in LA will make it far easier for her to get to auditions.” Mr. Stewart was looking at Josh like he was stupid, and I didn’t half-blame him. Of course I’d have to be in LA!
“It’s just…” Josh shifted in his seat. “LA’s a long way and we can’t afford to fly, so I’d need to find someone to watch the bar and…” He sighed. “You’d need to give us some time to figure all this out.”
“Well, I’m heading to LA tomorrow. As soon as my car’s fixed, I’ll be driving to the airport. I’m happy to take…”
“Rachel.” I grinned, sticking out my hand and laughing at the fact he was offering me an audition before he even knew my name. “Rachel Myers.”
“Miss Myers.” His smile was sweet as he clasped my hand and gently shook it.
“I can’t be asking you to pay for me to fly to LA.”
“Well, let me make some calls tonight. If I can set up a few auditions for you, then it’s actually in my best interest to ask you to fly with me. My company will cover the expenses.”
“Tomorrow?” Josh’s voice sounded small and so unlike him.
I glanced at his ashen face, and my happy buzz took another nosedive.
My grip on his arm softened to a light rub. “Hon, it’d just be for a short while.”
“Well, it could take a little longer…” Mr. Stewart gave Josh a kind smile. “I will take care of her, and you don’t need to worry about a thing. I’ve been doing this for years now.”
My confidence was boosted by his assuring tone, and I looked to Josh with a pleading grin. He’d never been able to resist my puppy dog eyes, not that I needed his permission, but his support would have been nice. He’d always been the most encouraging, loving boyfriend a girl could want, but as I sat there staring at his grim expression, I knew that was about to change.
*****
Josh had been quiet all night. We couldn’t have a proper conversation until everyone had left, and the vibe in the room was pretty somber. Of course everyone sided with Josh, and I instantly became the wench who was leaving him. It only got worse too, when just before closing, I got a call from Mr. Stewart telling me that his guy in LA was real keen to see me. He made me promise not to rush into the decision. I had to think it over and give him my final word in the morning. I already knew what my answer was going to be, and I couldn’t even shout it out with a whooping cheer. I got off the call, and the last three stragglers looked at me like I was betraying them all. Thankfully, they left pretty quick after that.
The second the floor was swept, I headed upstairs to check out Parker Stewart’s website. Josh stayed downstairs, doing the final lock-up and check of the kitchen.
Leaning toward the screen, I scanned the site. It was pretty fancy and slick…just like Parker Stewart. I was impressed. I didn’t recognize many of the stars he represented. They seemed to be working in more small-time soap operas, but they were definitely on the up-and-up. I saw one singer—Maddy Storm—had got herself a record contract and was working on her debut album. She was a pop singer by the looks of things, not really my thing, but Mr. Stewart seemed to represent a range of stars. My excitement reignited as I pored over the website and read his clients’ testimonials.
Josh clomped into the room, Duke following in his wake. The bloodhound trotted over to me and rested his chin on my lap, his tail going crazy as I patted his head. Josh glanced over my shoulder and let out a derisive snort. I stiffened, but held my tongue. I wanted to gush about everything I’d read but didn’t want Josh pouring cold water all over it. His lack of enthusiasm actually kind of hurt. He’d been telling me I could make it, and then when I finally get the chance, he turns into a cynical grouch.
“You can’t be serious about this,” Josh grumbled, kicking off his boots. “You’re not going, Rachel.”
Duke jumped back as I swiveled in my chair and glared at my boyfriend. “You can’t tell me what to do.”
Josh yanked off his shirt and threw it on the floor, his sharp gaze hitting me right between the eyes. “I don’t trust him.”
“Oh, come on, you don’t trust anybody!”
“He’s got a dark smile, and I didn’t like the way he was looking at you.”
“You don’t like the way any guy looks at me.” I stood up and threw my hands in the air. “I can’t believe you’re trying to ruin this!” I slid my boots off, throwing them to the side and nearly hitting Duke. The dog yelped and scampered across to Josh. “Sorry, boy,” I muttered at the tenderhearted beast. He whimpered his forgiveness but planted himself at Josh’s feet.
Scratching his dog’s head, Josh huffed out an impatient snort…a sure sign that his temper was on the rise. I didn’t care. If we needed to fight this out then so be it.
Crossing my arms, I met his stony expression with a stubborn one of my own.
With a heavy sigh, Josh ran his hands into his hair and linked them behind his head. “I’m trying to protect you.”
“That is not your job.”
“What!” His hands dropped, his expression thunderous.
Okay, so that was the wrong thing to have said. I rolled my eyes as his grizzly bear began to show.
“Not my job? Yes it is! I’m your boyfriend!”
Pulling in a breath, I closed my eyes and tried to redeem my mistake with a calm, sweet voice. “Josh, honey, you know singing on a stage is my dream.”
“You were singing on a stage tonight.” He pointed at the door.
“That’s not what I mean and you know it. This is the chance I’ve been hoping for! I can’t spend the rest of my life in Payton—population eight hundred and fourteen.”
“We’re up to eight ninety-six now.”
“Josh!” I planted my hands on my hips and gave him an exasperated glare.
“Okay! I’m just saying!”
“Don’t just say!”
“Well, what do you want me to do!”
“Support me! Tell me to fly to LA and make all my dreams come true!”
I gazed at his tortured expression, my eyes traveling down to his heaving chest.
“Your mama doesn’t need you to go to LA.” His whispered words fueled my anger and maybe my guilt, but most definitely my hurt. Did he not get it?
Keeping my tone steady was a concerted effort. “I made a promise to her. It was the last thing I did before she died, and I ain’t going to let her down. I am being offered the chance of a lifetime. It’s being served to me on a silver platter, and you’re telling me to ignore it?” My voice pitched high, but I was on a roll. “All those times you told me I could make it. They were just lies, weren’t they? You could say it to me because you didn’t think it was ever going to happen, and now that it actually is happening, you’re trying to find reason for me not to go. Well, you know what, Joshua Clark? It’s happening, and I’m going! I’m gonna do whatever it takes to make this dream come true.”
After my flurry of words, the room fell into an awkward silence. My puffy breaths were met with a quiet swallow. Josh looked to the floor like I’d just slapped him in the face. My heart constricted so tight it actually hurt. Josh’s lips pursed to the side, his head bobbing like an old rocking chair. He still wouldn’t look at me, and it was a painful torture.
Finally he sniffed, snatched the pillow off the bed, bunched i
t in his hand…and walked for the door, Duke padding after him.
“I’m going to sleep in my old room.” He brushed past me while I blinked at my stinging eyes.
It was pointless trying to call him back. Josh liked to stew. That was his way. He’d come around in the morning…hopefully before I left.
Slumping onto the mattress, I fought the overwhelming urge to cry. Part of me didn’t want to leave, but I couldn’t tell him that. He’d just use it to make me stay and I couldn’t.
I could not stay.
“You have to go, baby. You have to get out while you can.” Mama’s voice was weak and breathy.
“I ain’t leaving you.” Tears were burning my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. I clutched my mother’s frail hand like it was the only thing keeping me alive.
“I don’t have much time left.” A cough rattled her chest, her thin body convulsing.
I waited it out, knowing she had more to say, and desperate to find out what it was.
Wiping her brow with the damp cloth by the bed, I sniffed and pulled her hand to rest against my cheek.
“Once I’m gone, you know Daddy and the boys are going to work you to the bone. You have to get free,” she whispered. “You have to go and live the life that you deserve. Baby, you are so talented. Your voice cannot be hidden away. It needs to be heard. You take that guitar and you do whatever it takes to become a star. You fly, my angel. You shine your light and you touch hearts like I know you can.”
I couldn’t hold back the tears then. They trickled out my eyes and ran down my cheeks, kissing the edge of my mouth with their saltiness.
“You promise me, baby.”
“I promise, Mama.”
“Whatever it takes.”
I nodded.
A weak smile touched her lips. “I’ll be watching you, always.”
“I love you, Mama.”
Those were the last words she ever heard me say. She fell asleep after our chat, and the pneumonia took her that night. I’d stayed for the funeral and she’d been right—the day her body was buried, Daddy and my three older brothers turned me into their housemaid. I no longer had caring for Mama as my excuse, and I was expected to do everything. I hated them for it, but I hated my father more for letting Mama die. Something that started out as a common cold turned into a vicious flu. He couldn’t afford no medical bills, and I blamed him for her unnecessary death.
In spite of all that, fear kept me put and I lasted for two more months. But then that night happened, and I couldn’t take it anymore. With nothing more than my guitar and a small bag of essentials, I split town and never looked back.
I was sixteen years old and homeless, but I was determined.
My sights were set on the big city. Nashville, originally. I’d planned to busk my way there…do whatever it took to make it, but things didn’t go according to plan. I never expected to end up near-dead on Clark’s back door, but I guess it was a blessing in disguise. Josh and Amos took me in, helped me get better. I had pneumonia—ironic, right? I don’t know why I deserved to live when my saint of a mother was taken before her time, but maybe it was because I had a promise to keep.
Josh had gifted me something I’d never had—a safe haven. He’d made me fall in love, but…
But…
I could never shake my promise to Mama.
I couldn’t turn my back on this chance, no matter how much it hurt Josh.
My mama was watching and she’d want me to go.
So…decision made.
Chapter Seven
Josh
I couldn’t sleep. My old bed was lumpy and uncomfortable. I missed Rachel’s head on my shoulder, the way her small body fit against mine, a fragile bird that I wanted to cherish forever.
Why’d she want to leave me?
I tossed over to the side, gazing down at the spot on the floor where I’d slept for months while Rachel slept in the narrow little bed I occupied. She’d been sick with the flu when I’d first found her. Fever had ravaged her skeletal body for near a week before it finally broke. I’d worried the whole time¸ wondering if she was going to pull through. Duke had sat by her bed, the perfect guard dog while I worked down in the bar. I’d popped up to check on her whenever I could.
She was a fighter. Her petite frame hid her strength, but I saw it. She was determined to live.
“To live for this chance,” I muttered into the darkness, feeling like dirty pond water.
I couldn’t deny her this opportunity. I couldn’t tell her not to go, but boy did I want to.
I didn’t care what she thought. That pretty boy still made me uneasy, but what if I was wrong? What if this was her chance?
The very idea of her walking out my door made my gut clench. I hated the idea with every fiber of my being. It took me back to the last time my father left. He hugged me goodbye, told me he loved me and then went off to war. I wanted to hate him for leaving me again. My ma died when she gave birth to me, and my old man joined the Marines a month later. It was like he couldn’t stand to be around me or something. Although, when he was home it was great, but then 9/11 happened and everything changed. He was gone all the time, and I spent my days worrying that I’d never see him again.
I didn’t want to go through losing someone else, but if Rachel left…I would.
Sure, she wasn’t going off to war, but she was going away. She was leaving me, and I couldn’t make her stay.
“Stay,” I croaked, feeling more nervous than I ever had.
Uncle Amos had gone out of town for the weekend, and I was in his bed for the night. It was a nice change from the floor.
Rachel stood in my doorway, looking like an angel in one of my old shirts. I could see right through the white fabric, and I knew I had to have her.
I’d resisted for months, quietly falling in love with her and not saying a word. She didn’t need some pervert making advances on her. In the still darkness of the night, she’d told me everything. I knew what she’d had to do to survive those homeless winter nights. I ached for her, but it’d made me behave.
I even waited until the day after her eighteenth birthday—the whole time wondering if she’d still be there. As each month passed, talk of the big city grew less frequent and my hope continued to grow.
I kissed her lips for the first time on July fourth, sixteen months after I’d found her, and we’d been playing boyfriend and girlfriend ever since.
The fall leaves were turning red now, and I could no longer resist.
Her eyes sparkled with a cheeky grin as she took in my, no doubt, desperate expression. “You want me, Joshua Clark?”
“I want you.” I could barely breathe out the words.
Those supple lips of hers pulled into a giddy smile, her fingers tucking a springy curl behind her ear. “I want you, too.” She swallowed, gliding toward me. I drank in her body until she stood at my feet. The top of her head rested just below my chin. I palmed her curls and tipped her head toward mine.
She rose up to meet me, and that night I had my first real taste of heaven.
I fell in love with that girl…every inch of her…and I promised myself I’d never let her go.
But how did you keep someone who wanted to leave you?
“You can’t,” I mumbled, squeezing my eyes shut and willing the pain at bay.
*****
The sun rose a few hours earlier than it should have. I stumbled out of bed, kneading my aching temples. I used the bathroom and then peeked into Uncle Amos’s old room. Since he’d left, Rachel and I had moved in there and our bed was empty. A suitcase sat on the floor beside it, packed and ready to go.
It felt like a knife was being driven straight through my stomach. Flicking the hair out of my face, I pulled it into a ponytail and clomped down the stairs.
Indistinct conversation was coming from the main bar and I frowned. We didn’t open until lunchtime on a Thursday, so who the hell was Rachel talking to?
It was probably Pretty Boy. Th
e anger in my belly stirred just thinking about it. Stopping on the final step, I forced myself to take a slow breath. I couldn’t let her leave in anger. As much as I wanted to cuff her to the bar and never let her go, I couldn’t do it. What was the point of keeping someone if they didn’t want to be there?
Peeking my head out of the stairwell, I took in the sight of Rachel chatting to Duke. His floppy jowls sagged as if he was frowning.
“Now, don’t be giving me your sad face. I’ll come back to give you kisses soon enough.” She grinned, planting a kiss on his head. She was sitting in a chair while he was parked on the floor between her legs. He looked massive beside her.
Snuffling and letting out a little whimper, he bowed his head.
“Please don’t be like that. I need you to be happy for me. I need you to look after your daddy. He thinks I’m leaving him because I don’t love him anymore, but that could never be true. He owns my heart, that boy, and I’ll be calling and sending songs that I’ve recorded. It’s not over.” Her bright smile died, her expression crumpling a little before she could catch it.
I closed my eyes, cursing myself for spending our last night in a single bed when I could have been making love to her, kissing every inch of her skin and giving her all the reasons in the world to return.
Her voice dropped to a quiet whisper, which I had to strain to hear. “I love you. Don’t you ever forget that.”
Duke howled, making Rachel laugh before wrapping him in a tight hug. I gripped the doorframe, resisting the urge to walk into the room and disturb them. If I did, I’d drop to my knees and beg her to stay…and she didn’t need that from me.
Heading back up to the bathroom, I turned the shower to scalding and then shoved my head under the hot spray. All I could do was pray I’d have the courage to watch her leave me.
Chapter Eight
Rachel
I hadn’t seen Josh all morning. Leaving him alone had been real hard yet also a relief. I couldn’t handle another battle, so I didn’t want to see him, but I’d missed him in my bed and craved his touch, his kisses, his loving gaze. I needed to know we were okay. I didn’t want to leave under a dark cloud.
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