“I know that feeling.” My voice was deep and husky. Her pain was so real to me. Rejection was a punch in the face from a mighty fist.
Her face bunched. “I have to be able to be around him without feeling like my heart is being torn in half. It burns.” She whimpered, pressing her fingers between her breasts. “How do I do it? How do I let him go?”
“I don’t know,” I croaked, reaching under the counter and pulling out my framed picture of Rachel. It used to be on display by the piano, but I’d moved it a few nights ago. I’d wanted to throw it away but couldn’t bring myself to do it. Instead, I threw it under the counter and just hoped I’d forget.
Ness sat straight, picking up the photo and running her thumb over Rachel’s face. “Wow, she’s beautiful.”
I couldn’t speak for a second, having to swallow a couple of times in order to find my voice. “She chose something else over me, too, and it hurts like no pain I’ve ever felt. It’s like walking around with this heavy burden weighing me down, and I don’t know how to get past it.”
Ness reached for me, slapping her hand over mine, her expression empathetic. “We can’t spend the rest of our lives like this. We cannot let them own us!”
Her fiery passion spurred me on and I bobbed my head. “I know.”
“We have to let go, no matter how raw we are.”
“Okay.” My head was still bobbing. “How do we do that?”
“Hell if I know.” She shrugged and then her eyes pinged wide, her fingers wrapping tightly around the picture frame. “Let’s burn ’em.”
“What?”
“They’ve burned us, it’s only fair.” Ness jumped down from the stool and headed over to the jukebox, her long curls smacking against her back as she walked. “We’re gonna need music.”
I still didn’t know what the heck she was talking about, so I just stood there like a confused idiot.
She glanced over her shoulder. “Well, go on. Take the picture out of the frame, find some matches.”
Realization finally dawned, and with a wry grin I headed back into the kitchen. I snatched a metal can from the recycling pile, plus a box of matches off the shelf, then walked back into the bar as “Picture to Burn” by Country Matters started playing.
“Nice choice.” I grinned, slapping the tin onto the counter.
“I thought so.” She jumped back onto the stool and grabbed Jimmy’s photo. Running her finger over his face, she gave him a sad smile before dropping his picture into the can. I took Rachel’s picture out of the frame, my stomach jerking as I folded it in half and slid it next to Jimmy’s face.
“All right.” Ness sighed. “Light the match.”
I did as I was told before I could go changing my mind. The match striking against the box sounded loud and ominous. I watched the flame dance at the end of the stick, uncertainty tearing through me.
“Do it. We have to.” Ness nodded. “They don’t want us and we’ve got to move on.”
With a soft sigh, I dropped the match. We leaned in together, lightly knocking heads as we watched the flames take hold. The pictures curled and bubbled, going black and finally turning to ash.
We didn’t say anything…just watched our loved ones burn in a feeble attempt to let them go.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Rachel
I played for a half-hour, fiddling with chords and words until I was happy. I doubted I’d ever have the courage to sing it to Josh. I doubted he’d ever have the courage to hear it. I knew what he was like. I’d burned him, and he would take a long time to get over that. As much as I wanted to see him, I was scared he wouldn’t accept my apology. If I went back to Payton and he didn’t take me in, I’d have nowhere else to go.
A knock sounded on the door and I laid the guitar down, turning in time to see Jody waltz in.
The smile on her face was so wide, her blue eyes so sparkly, my insides jumped.
She had good news for me.
“You’re free.” She giggled.
“What?”
She yanked on my wrist, pulling me off the couch and wrapping her arms around me. “We just got a call from Bobby. Aren’s terminated your contract.”
My insides jumped and skittered. “But what about the money I owe him?”
“Oh, please!” Jody let me go, flicking her hand in the air. “That contract had so many holes in it, he had nothing to stand on. When Bobby’s lawyer laid out the cost of legal fees he’d have to shell out, he dropped your debt on the spot, not to mention the fact he freaked out when it was suggested you might lay assault charges.” Jody shook her head. “Feeble little asshole. He, of course, doesn’t want you going anywhere near Club Liberation again, but as if you would, right?”
I shook my head, still too shocked to speak.
I was free?
I was free!
“So anyway, I thought you’d want to know right away.”
“Thank you.” I wrapped my arms around Jody again and relished her tight squeeze. It hurt my back a little, but I didn’t complain. At that moment, all I could think about was my mama. She was smiling down from heaven, I could tell.
Jody and I hugged until it started getting awkward and I had to pull away. Jody didn’t turn to leave so I rocked back on my heels, waiting.
“Leo told me you’ve got an amazing voice, and I heard some of it when you were singing to Angel.”
I blushed again. Those two and their compliments!
“I don’t know what your future plans are, but you’re welcome to audition for our production, or if you’re interested, Bobby has a lot of connections in the music industry. He could get you an audition somewhere decent, and we wouldn’t let you sign anything before running it past his lawyer first.” She winked and then squeezed my hand with a chuckle.
I couldn’t speak. I was too blown away by the fact that I was once again being offered an opportunity on a silver platter.
“I…I’m…” I swallowed.
Jody giggled again. She had such a melodic, merry laugh. “There’s no pressure, I just wanted you to know that you can stay in LA if you want to. We could set you up, and you could really make something of this dream.”
She shook my arm and I squeezed her hand back, managing a shaky smile. She grinned at me and planted a swift kiss on my cheek before turning to the door. “Dinner’s in about an hour.”
I nodded, held in my spot until she’d closed the door.
Audition for them. Work with nice people under a legit contract that would keep me safe. It was mighty appealing.
I spun on my sock-covered heel and headed for my room, still a little dazed. My mind was working like a Ping-Pong ball, bouncing from one side to the other.
Part of me yearned for the chance to redeem myself…to make it all right again and show Mama that I could make her proud.
But another part of me was consumed by thoughts of Josh. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t take me back, but what if he did? What if I spent the rest of my life regretting not at least taking the chance to find out?
I didn’t know what to do.
Either way, I was walking away from something.
One could potentially lead to bright lights and the life I always thought I wanted.
The other could lead to certain disaster…or home.
That word scared the heck out of me. I never wanted to be tied down like that, but I couldn’t deny the slight flutter in my chest when I thought of Payton and my blond grizzly bear.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Rachel
I made a pros and cons list for staying in LA. It was the only thing I could think to do. Snatching a pencil and blank sheet of paper from inside Leo’s piano bench, I got to work jotting down everything I could think of. It was a painful exercise and I didn’t do too well.
Scratching my curls, I tapped the pencil on the wooden table and scanned my points. One list was way longer than the other, but…
A hint of music caught my ear. I stopped tapping and looked o
ver my shoulder. It was coming from next door. I thought I recognized the song, and it was the perfect excuse to walk away from that dang list and have a breather. Maybe a little dinner conversation would help me make a more definite decision about what I wanted to do.
The pros list for staying and letting Jody and Leo help me chase after my dreams was pretty long, but I couldn’t quite buy into it, because there was one word on the cons side that I couldn’t move past.
“I Love You” by Martina McBride was blaring when I tapped on their front door, so they didn’t hear me.
I tried one more time before giving up and reaching for the handle. The door was unlocked as always and I eased it open. The sight in front of me disintegrated my pros list and had me making a decision right there on the spot.
Jody was singing along with the words, dancing around the kitchen and flirting up a storm with her new husband. Angel was in her highchair, clapping and grinning at the lovesick couple. Leo chuckled, grabbing Jody into a hug and kissing her soundly on the neck. She giggled but kept singing, draping her arms over his shoulders and running her fingers through his fine hair. They gazed into each other’s eyes, and she sang about being totally in love with him.
I could only see his profile, but there was a wide grin on his lips, and you could feel the love pulsing between them.
JOSH.
It was the only word I’d written on the cons side of my page, and it was now the only word that mattered.
Jody held the final high note, and Leo spun her around. That’s when she saw me standing there.
“Hey.” She grinned, her face flushing pink as Leo pulled her against him and kissed her shoulder before letting her go.
“G’day, Rach. How’s it going?” Leo winked at me.
I nodded, smiling at Angel as I approached the kitchen counter.
“Hi, day-dee.” Angel waved, her chubby arm pumping up and down wildly.
“Hey, sweetheart.” I tinkled my fingers at her, making her giggle.
“You ready for dinner?” Jody placed some cutlery on the counter before turning for the stovetop. “We’re having nachos tonight.”
“Actually, um, I’m not sure I have time for dinner. I need to get going.”
“Excuse me?” Jody’s head snapped back to face me, her expression crinkled in confusion.
I scratched my shoulder and flicked my curls away. “I’ve been thinking a lot about your offer and I really do appreciate it, but the thing is, I got someone I have to see first.” I swallowed, tears making my voice thick. “He may not want to see me, and there’s a real strong chance he ain’t gonna take me back, but I’ll regret it for the rest of my life if I don’t try.”
Jody glanced at Leo, a soft smile cresting over her disappointment.
“It’s time for me to go home.” My voice wavered on the last word. I’d never called Payton home before—not out loud anyway. But it suddenly felt like the only home I’d ever really known, and I wanted to get back there as fast as I could. “Don’t suppose one of you could drop me at the bus station.”
“Of course we can.” I relished Jody’s warm smile, nodding my thanks as I turned away to go pack up my stuff.
*****
Less than an hour later, Jody was dropping me at the station. I bought my ticket and was scheduled to leave forty minutes later.
“You don’t have to stick around.” I pointed at the parking lot. “I know you got things to do and family to take care of. Thank you so much for everything you did for me.”
I lurched into her arms, wrapping her into a breath-stealing hug.
She squeezed me back, her fingers digging into my shoulders as she whispered, “Of course. I’m just so glad we were there to help.”
“I’m sorry for smashing that window.”
She giggled. “Don’t you worry about that.” Pulling away from me, she held me at arm’s length for a minute, her blue eyes going misty as she gazed at me. “He’d be a fool not to take you back.”
My forehead wrinkled with a sharp frown. “I’ve given him every reason not to.”
“Well, when you get back, you’ll just have to give him every reason to fall in love with you again. Either way, I think you’re really brave, and I wish you all the happiness in the world.”
I couldn’t talk. My throat was too swollen with tears and the gushy words just couldn’t break free.
Jody seemed to understand my dilemma and smiled at my silence. “Before you go, Leo asked me to give you this.”
“Another gift? You’ve already bought me a guitar!” I pointed to the shiny new case at my feet.
With a sweet chuckle, she pulled a small iPod from her pocket and handed it to me.
“What’s this?”
“It’s a playlist.” She rolled her eyes but was grinning like a monkey. “He always has a song for every moment, and the bus ride is like twenty hours or something, right?”
I nodded.
“He wanted you to have some tunes.”
I rubbed my thumb over the screen. “He’s a good man.”
“He most definitely is.” She beamed. “You take care of yourself, Rachel. No matter what happens in Payton, you’re always welcome back here.”
“Thank you.” I pressed my lips together and gave her one more tight squeeze before swiftly turning for the door.
I stopped and waved one last time before finding a quiet spot in the waiting area. I tucked the guitar between my legs and balanced my bag on my lap before putting my earphones on.
“Coming Home” was the first song on Leo’s list. I didn’t know it, but the girl’s haunting voice captured me, and the words seemed perfect. Closing my eyes, I let the tune sink in, even enjoying the rap part, which wasn’t usually my style.
I grinned and checked the rest of the playlist while Diddy rapped for me. A huge chunk of the songs included the word ‘home’ in their title. I shook my head with an impish grin. Talk about driving the point home.
By the time I hopped on the bus, I was listening to “Home” by Johnny Swim. I slumped into my seat and gazed out the window as we drove from the station. I did need me some home, and the thought that I’d finally found it made me feel so warm on the inside that it outweighed the frosty reception I’d no doubt receive.
Chapter Forty
Josh
The beeping alarm jolted me awake. I hadn’t slept well. I kept on dreaming of Rachel’s face bubbling and warping as the flames turned it to ash. My soul hurt with a heavy ache that I was hoping to be rid of after my previous night.
I rubbed my face and sat up with a groan. It was only six, but I wanted to get to Little Rock and grab some supplies. That could sometimes turn into a half-day affair, and I wanted to be back in time for lunch.
Scratching Duke’s back, I briefly lamented the fact he was a poor bed companion. At least I had someone, I guess. That girl, Ness, who’d been wallowing in my bar the night before, had no one. When she left, she mumbled something about having a place to stay already, but I couldn’t help worrying that maybe it’d been a lie and I should have offered her the spare room.
It was too late to do anything about it, though. Swinging my legs over the bed, I shuffled through my morning ritual of showering and shaving before pulling on my jeans, boots, and a checkered shirt. I tied my hair in a ponytail and pulled my cap on before thumping down the stairs.
I skipped breakfast, wanting to hit the road quickly. Duke would usually be at my heels begging to come, but he’d no doubt been kept awake by my restless dreaming and was still upstairs and out for the count. With a soft chuckle, I closed the door behind me and phoned Brock, asking him to swing by and let Duke out on his way to work.
With that done, I headed out of town, stepping on the gas in a bid to make the trip a quick one.
Ten minutes later, I was slowing at the main crossroads out of Payton. Left would have taken me back to LA. I scowled down the road and shook my head, turning right and fiddling with my radio as I started my journey east. I too
k another right about a mile down, preferring to take the quiet road that only locals knew about. It was narrow and bendy in parts with a steep bank along the left side, but with hardly any traffic it was easy to speed. I pressed a harder on the gas, easing up a little as I took the first corner.
That’s when I saw it.
A cloud of steam rose in the near distance. I couldn’t figure out what it was until I crested the rise and my stomach jackknifed.
I slammed on my brakes to avoid the upturned pick-up blocking the road and pulled my truck to the side. Flicking on my hazard lights, I snatched my phone off the dashboard, threw my cap in the passenger seat, and raced toward the black vehicle.
“Hello! You okay?” I crouched down beside the shattered window.
A male passenger who looked to be in his late-fifties hung upside-down, a large gash ripping his forehead open. The blood that had gushed from the initial wound was now dried and caked to his face. I grimaced, reaching into the cab to feel for a pulse. I struggled to find one, my heart rate tripling as my fingers scrambled for a feeble beat. After a fair minute of trying, I closed my eyes and pressed my head against the hard metal of the truck.
Nothing. I couldn’t find a pulse or feel any kind of breath coming out of his mouth.
My hands were shaking as I stood. Brushing the glass off my pants, I stumbled away from the truck, about to call the police when something caught my eye.
With a sharp intake of breath, I lurched around the back of the vehicle, jumping over the motorcycle and dropping to my knees beside a small body. It was a girl. She was sprawled on her back, her left arm trapped beneath the heavy bike.
“Are you okay?” I gently shook her shoulder.
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