by Amy Brent
“Nothing,” I say, taking another bite. “I’m just happy I finally get to visit both of you at work. Makes my day a bit better.” I am surprised he doesn’t dig for the truth.
“Yeah! It’s nice to finally see you.” Jasmina adds. She’s already finished her sandwich, even though Ryan and I are only halfway finished with ours.
“You’re all done?” I exclaim. She looks at the empty wrapper in front of her.
“Yeah, I guess I am,” she sigh, leaning back, relaxed. “This is the best feeling.”
Jasmina looks so happy, but I can feel Ryan’s presence lurking on me. He’s hiding something. We stare at another for a second, reading each other. He's trying to figure something out about me as well.
After we’ve finished eating, I stand up and say my goodbyes. They both walk me to the door, as the other workers start to head back from their lunch.
“I guess, I’ll see you both pretty soon then?” I say, hugging Jasmina.
“Yes! You should come over again to my place sometime this week for dinner.”
Ryan shoots her a look. I notice.
“Alright,” Ryan sighs, stepping forward and opening the door. “I’ll hit you up about going out this week with Mark.”
“Sounds good! See you.” I wave and walk out.
“Bye!” Jasmina calls out, sticking her head out of the door. I wave back and make my way to work again to finish my day up. The last five hours at work, the idea of Ryan and Jasmina eats away at me uncontrollably. I think about him entering her and feeling her. I let out a low sigh. There’s no way that this is happening, but I guess I should call him out and ask him if I want the truth.
When I arrive home, I don’t even get out of my car. I sit in the garage and pull out my phone and dial Ryan. It rings several times but then is put to voicemail. Maybe it's still too early to call him. There is a chance that he could still be at the office. Ryan is one of the hardest workers I know. I slip my phone into my pocket and go into my home.
After I have eaten dinner and am sitting on the couch watching television, I call Ryan one more. It rings several times. This time he answers.
“Hey, Christian,” he says cheerfully.
“How’s it going?” I ask.
“It’s going alright. How about yourself?”
“Just finished up dinner after a long day of cleaning teeth.” I sigh, flipping through the channels on the television.
“Fun. What’s up?”
I realize the idea of asking Ryan if he is sleeping with Jasmina sounds so ridiculous; when I finally have to say it out loud, I panic. I have no clue how I am going to approach this or clear it up. It is such a bold thing to say, and what if I am wrong and that I just look like the crazy one with the hots for Jamsina? Maybe everything was all in my head and nothing actually was going on except for my overactive imagination. I take a deep breath.
“It was great seeing you today.”
“You too man.” I can tell by his tone that I am annoying him. I am annoying myself right now.
“I was just wondering if everything was going alright with Jasmina?”
“What do you mean?” Ryan asks coolly. “Did she say something to you?” Ryan can be the most difficult person to read, as all good lawyers are.
“No. No. I just - you know - get worried about her since Mark has never been there for her.”
Ryan is quiet. I hope it's not too obvious a diversion. It was true though. I am very worried about her.
“She’s completely fine. She’s way better off than we were when we were her age.”
“You’re right.” I clench my jaw. This was telling me nothing.
“You can always call her and see how’s she doing,” Ryan says.
“I know, but sometimes she doesn’t always tell us if she's having any issues.”
“What do you mean?” Ryan clears his throat.
“She doesn’t want to hurt us. I don’t know.”
Ryan laughs.
“Christian, you have been reading too many of Oprah’s book club books.”
Shut up,” I chuckle. “Oprah is the best.”
“Alright - was there something you actually wanted to talk about, or were you just lonely and looking to jack off to the sound of my voice.”
Yes! I want to know if you are screwing Jasmina, I shout over in my head again and again.
“Oh nope, just came in my pants here. Thanks, bud.”
“You’re welcome,” he sighs.
“I’ll talk to you later.
“Bye, Christian.”
Click. He hangs up the phone. I hold mine in my hand. God, why did I have to be such a pussy sometimes. I should have straight up asked him. Ryan would have asked me. But I suppose that's why he is the lawyer and I'm the dentist. We both make people uncomfortable, but I try to make things better and he just -well, he is just looking for information that he can warp to his benefit. Whatever is happening, I am sure that it would be because Jasmina wanted it. I don’t think Ryan would ever do anything sexual to her, unless she initiates it first. I guess I may never know. I walk over to my fridge and take out a beer, cracking it open. Mark would kill him though if he found out. I smile at the mess it could cause. It would be the most epic shit storm that’s for sure.
Chapter 12
“It's so nice here, Jasmina,” Lizzie says, taking a long sip of wine on my couch.
“Aw thanks.”
“Seriously, if I had known about this apartment complex, there is no way I would have lived where I am right now.” She gets up and starts walking around. I am busy mixing paints. We always like to paint together; we haven’t done it ever since we were little. It was always our thing. Lizzie walks around the apartment and stops in the bedroom.
“Who helped you move in? I don’t remember hearing anything about it.”
I chew on the bottom of my lip.
“Uh, Christian did.”
“Oh really. That was nice of him. How is he doing?” she asks nonchalantly .
“He’s doing really well.”
“That’s good.” She turns the corner and comes back to the living room. “And tell me all about your new job.”
“I don't know it's pretty boring stuff, Lizzie.”
“Tell me about it!” She flops back on the couch.
“It's fine. I just organize articles and send emails. Pretty normal secretory business. I help set up meetings and keep track of clients.”
“Any cute guys?” she pops her head up.
“Yeah,” I shrug, smiling to myself. “There’s a couple.”
“Tell me about them.”
“I mean there just like the typical hot office guys. Nothing to exciting.”
I want to tell her. I want to let her know all about Ryan, but I have no clue how she will react. How do I explain the love I feel for Ryan and Christian right now? It would be impossible.
“You like one of them,” she eggs me on.
“What?” I chuckle.
“Oh, my god. You like one of them - “
“No - “
“Yes! You do! And a lot. Aww. Jazzy has her first real crush. It's about fucking time!”
“Whatever.” I roll my eyes and start painting the canvas. Lizzie gets up from the couch and stands next to the easel and stares at me.
“What?” I ask again through a nervous laugh. I hate when she gets like this.
“Tell me right now or I am leaving!”
“Oh my gosh, you brat!” I shout.
She gives me a malicious smile.
“Okay, fine,” I take a deep breath. My mind is racing to try and come up with excuses.
“What's his name?” she asks.
I shake my head.
“Come one tell me.”
“You’ll get all judgmental and then you won’t be accepting.”
“That’s not true!”
She rolls her eyes.
“I promise I won't
!” she shouts. We sit in silence for a second. “Okay fine. Just like - what’s he look like?”
“He’s jacked,” I say quickly, thinking about Ryan’s body.
“Have you hooked up yet?” she blurts out.
“Maybe,” I say, keeping my face focused on the painting.
“What?!” she jumps up. “Details. Details. Details!”
“I don’t know...its personal, Lizzie.”
“Oh, my gosh it’s me. You can tell me anything!”
“Still -”
“You are the worst person to get information out of. Do you know that?”
Lizzie sits on the couch defeated and turns the television on.
“Are you going to paint with me,” I ask.
“I don’t know. You have kind of killed my inspiration.”
“Oh, stop,” I roll my eyes.
She stares at the television, and we sit in silence.
“I just don't want you to get all excited. I don’t know where this is headed. I'm not going to be a secretary forever,” I say staring at her.
“You can be so lame,” Lizzie drags her voice out as she stares at her phone.
Just then, my phone begins to ring loudly interrupting us. I freeze when I see who is calling me. The ringer echoes in the tall room of the apartment.
“Are you going to answer it?” Lizza asks, impatiently. “Or is it the office guy?”
My palms are sweating, and my mouth has gone dry. I thought I would be able to handle this moment better or maybe I was more mature than this.
“I don’t know…” I say.
“Well, who is it. Do you know?”
“Its Mark.”
I wait too long and the ringing stops, but it starts again right away.
“Well, he’s calling you a second time. You should probably answer. It could be important.”
“Yeah. I guess you are right.” I stare at the phone. He could just leave a voicemail though. We haven't talked in about two weeks. I thought he wanted nothing to do with me and that he hated me. I would not be surprised if he was calling me to tell me that I was out of his will. I slowly reach for the buzzing phone and click the green talk button. I wait at first.
“Hey,” his voice says as it comes through the speaker next to my ear.
“Hi,” I say flatly.
There is a long pause. I glance at Lizzie. She is sitting up and leaning forward trying to hear what Mark is saying on the other end. That is the worst part of cell phones; the person next to me can usually hear the phone call. I stare at her, and she gets the memo. She shrugs and leans back in her seat. Why would he be calling me? What if he had found out about Ryan and I?
Ryan was so upset the other night. He was worried Christian knew everything and was going to call Mark. I didn’t notice anything strange, but I suppose they know one another best. My brain starts to race. What if Ryan was right? Well, at least we won’t have to sneak around, I try to remind myself, but it doesn’t help. I feel my throat tighten and finally take a breath.
“Why are you calling?” I finally ask. I hear Mark on the other line move. It sounds like he is inside of his car now, probably finally leaving the hospital.
“So, how are you?” he ask.
“Good. I am working with R-”
“Great. I was out the other night with Christian and Ryan.”
My heart is pounding. It is impossible to tell what kind of mood Mark is in. He is the most difficult person to deal with. Oh man. I hope I haven't just ruined Ryan’s friendship or life. I would feel absolutely horrible if I am the cause for anything like that. I don’t know how I would bare it. How could I make it up to him?
“Okay, nice,” I say.
I can feel Lizzie’s eyes watching me intently. She can probably feel my anxiety. It’s pretty obvious.
“Anyway, we were talking about how I haven’t been on a vacation recently, and I was thinking that I deserve one coming up here.”
“Okay?” Why are you telling me this?”
“Well - Ryan suggested to us the other day we go one of our camping trips. I want it just to be the three of us, but both Ryan and Christian suggested that you come.”
I smile. Of course, they would. When I was younger, every year we would go on a family camping trip. Family being Ryan, Mark, Christian, and I. We would just stay at the campground nearby in tents and enjoy the weekends surrounded by nature. This was all back when my dad couldn’t get much time off. It became a tradition, but when I started going to high school and college, the tradition started to fade off. I was the only reason why they had started it.
“And you want me to?” I ask skeptically. I am not surprised that Ryan and Christian want me to attend, but my dad? That was not adding up.
“I don’t really have a choice. They are set on this.”
“Oh…” I trail off. I think about it. I don’t really want to spend the weekend with Mark. That does not sound good to me at all. I knew we would have to reach out to one another soon, but I didn't know it would happen this fast. I figured Christmas or Thanksgiving.
“Let me think about it,” I respond with.
“Look, Jasmina. I don’t care if you come, but I suppose it's important to Ryan and Christian.”
“Okay.”
“Alright.”
“Bye.
“Goodbye.”
The phone clicks, and the call ends.
I look at Lizzie and then back at the phone.
“Well, that was weird,” I say softly.
“What did he want?” Lizzie asks.
I sit down on the couch next to her.
“To go camping.”
“Like how you used to.”
I nod.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
Lizzie thinks it over.
“I don’t think you should.”
“Why?” I ask confused.
“I think it's weird. It was like cute and stuff when you were little, but for a young woman to go camping with three adult old men. I don’t know. What will you guys even do?”
“Hang out, talk...camping things.”
Lizzie shakes her head and gets herself another glass of wine. I know she can’t understand the relationships I have with my father's friends. It's obviously a unique situation. I should call Ryan and see what he says. Was he just playing around with Christian by saying that I should come? I know for sure that Christian would have said he would want me there. He always defends me. I smile. Perhaps Ryan is worried if we go then the others would find out, but then why would he ever suggest it to my father. It just doesn't seem like him at all.
Lizzie comes back into the living room and plops down onto the couch.
“So what are you going to do?” she asks.
“I think I may go. I haven't decided yet.”
I know if I go how much it will mean a lot to both Christian and Ryan to have me there. I mean- it all started for me. Would it be weird for Ryan if I was there though; would it be weird for him to be around them after all that we have just been through. Our relationship is different now.. This could be the last time I get to be with them both at the same time, especially if I go off to get my masters in art. I hate for us not do something special. I take a step back from my painting and sit next to Lizzie.
“I think you should only go if Mark apologizes.”
“That’ll only happen if hell freezes over. Mark could literally run someone over and it would be their fault for being outside on the road that day.”
“Well, then. Is it worth it?”
I shrug.
“I don’t need to know now.”
“Or how about you just go and invite the guy from the office?”
“Maybe.” She has no clue. I almost laugh at aloud this situation is so crazy. But instead I bite my tongue and slip deeper into the sofa.
“Whatever, girl. It's obviously up to you.”
“Yeah…”
“Are you drinking more wine?” she asks pointing to my empty cup which is sitting on the coffee table. “Cause I haven’t seen you refill it in a while.
“Oh, yeah. I’m not done!” I get up and take my glass to the kitchen. I want to so badly talk to her about Ryan and let her know how good it feels to fuck him, but I'm afraid his name might slip out or she would catch on. Hopefully, one day it won’t have to be one big secret.
“I think I’m going to go,” I say.
“Huh?” Lizzie grunts through a sip of wine.
“I’m going to go on the camping trip. Fuck, Mark.”
“Fuck Mark,” Lizzie cheers.
“I want to go. I love camping. This could be the last time I get to do it for a while.”
“I mean you could always just quit art school and become a hobo. Then you could camp forever!” she laughs. “I’ll go along with you, and we can become hobos together!”
“Yeah, that’s not happening.”
Though that could happen if Mark found out about Ryan and me, then I would for sure end up on the streets if it was the last thing he did. I think about Ryan and Christian, and how much they mean to me. It is so worth the risk.