Maddie thought she had drained her body of tears. But she was wrong. There were more tears, discovered the next morning when habit pulled her from sleep and tossed her cruelly into the harsh light of day. At first the dull pain in the pit of her stomach was undefined, and then, as her bare feet hit the floor, it all flooded back and the tears began again.
She pulled on sweats and ran along the beach, past fishermen and early surfers and strollers, her dog at her side and her heart crumbling like the sand beneath her feet. The sun came up, the fishermen fished, and the surfers surfed. But Maddie’s world had collapsed. And it would never be the same again.
There were days when Maddie almost hated Sam for the terrible pain that rested in the center of her soul. Her anger and pain and love all came together, a thick rope that was wrapped around her heart, strangling her.
“It isn’t right,” she told Joseph. “Love shouldn’t hurt like this.”
“Right means little in matters of the heart,” he said, his face a mass of tiny worry lines. “But I saw Sam a few days ago when I went to get Eleanor, and if it helps any, darlin’, he looks even worse than you do. And I know what he’s done was a gift of love on his part, nothing less.”
Maddie tried to smile, but it wobbled, then died. “I knew it would have to end, Joseph. Deep down, I did. He’s right—we don’t want the same things in life. So it could never have worked—” But the words were haphazard, tin sounding, and when the tears came, she knew she didn’t believe herself anymore. “But we should have tried to work it out together, Joseph,” she said through her tears. “We should have—” We should have what?
Joseph pushed the square box of tissues across her desk. “Here now, Maddie, use these, and when they are all gone, the tears must stop. I can’t have you smearing our contracts.”
She smiled through her tears and reached for his hand. “Dear Joseph, how do you put up with me?”
“I don’t know, I certainly don’t know.” He wrapped her in his strong arms and held her while wide damp circles stained his shirt.
That next night Maddie picked up the phone to call Sam. The sound of his voice, she thought, would soothe the pain, stop the tears. But the futility of it made her hang up without dialing.
But when a painting she had ordered for his beach house was delivered to the office the next day, Maddie refused Joseph’s offer to take it by the house. “It’s my job,” she said sadly. “I can do it. I can’t live this way. I have to realize that it’s over. Somehow I have to accept it—”
With her heart in her throat she drove up the familiar drive. No one was home, but the key was beneath the pot of geraniums as always and she slipped it into the lock. Maybe she should have let Joseph do it, shouldn’t have subjected herself to this. It hurt too much, she thought as she walked silently through the hallway to the back of the house. The picture was a painting of a sailboat by a local artist, one Sam had spotted at an art fair they’d gone to together. He had loved the colors of the sails, the motion of the water. Maddie hung it over a small table near the backdoor and then forced herself to look around the room. It felt different, remote somehow. And then she frowned.
A thick layer of dust coated the coffee table, and in the kitchen she spotted the glasses she and Sam had used the last time she had been there. And then she looked around the house more carefully. Sam hadn’t been there for a while. She forced herself to walk upstairs.
Sam’s bedroom was clean and crisp and cold. And no smell of his after-shave lingered in the bath. Sam was gone.
Maddie returned to the office, her heart heavy. But she couldn’t put logic to her feelings. What difference did it make? Having him there, having him close would only be worse.
But nothing could be worse, she knew. Nothing could be worse than the way she felt.
“Then do something about it,” Lily instructed after she had insisted Maddie sit down and eat a plate of pasta in her kitchen. “Lord, Maddie, you look terrible. If you love him this much, there has to be a solution, maybe some sort of compromise. Life’s too short to feel the way you do. But this isn’t like you at all, to accept this so easily. Where’s the woman I admire who has refused to be held back by life’s sh—”—she glanced at the twins playing in the corner, then amended—“by life’s little potholes?”
For the first time in an eternity, Maddie felt a ray of hope. It had begun in the middle of the night when she awoke and walked through her moonlit house, Eeyore dutifully padding behind her. She had thought about the old prayer her mother had clung to about accepting what couldn’t be changed, but having the courage to change what you could. Was she accepting this all too readily?
Lily’s words sank into her mind and a tiny beam of sunshine slid across her heart.
“I love you, Lily Thorpe,” she said as she got up from the table and put her empty plate in the sink, “… even more than your pasta,” and she hurried across the yard to her house to figure out her life.
Everyone had dreams. But dreams were just that. Reality was that she couldn’t live without Sam. Somehow they would have to work through this. There had to be a way.
She called Sam that night, but he wasn’t at home. And the next day the receptionist at the office informed her that Mr. Eastland wouldn’t be back in the office for two weeks and Eleanor was gone as well—off to Philadelphia for the birth of her first grandchild.
Sam was gone. Gone. The words echoed in the hollow of her heart. Not knowing where he was, was awful. There was no place to picture him, no grounding, nothing but the horrible emptiness inside of her.
But what was worse was that he had gone on with his life and left her behind. Maybe it was too late to change the course of things. Maybe it was time to accept.…
The next morning she was up before the sun, collected Eeyore, and drove to a remote part of the beach. Okay, so he’d left. She had to move ahead and pick up the pieces of her life; she’d done it once before, she could do it again. But her determination flip-flopped like a wet noodle, then fell flat, and her love for Sam swelled again and blocked out her thoughts, her fears, and reality.
“Oh, Eeyore,” she said, “what are we going to do?”
The dog responded by frolicking down the beach, and Maddie wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her sweatshirt and ran after him, hoping the endorphins would kick in soon and salve her soul.
A light fog had settled over the beach and they were a half mile along before Maddie slowed and realized where Eeyore had led her. Sam’s house was up ahead, just around the bend. Maddie sprinted over to a twisted cypress tree growing near the cliff. Eeyore had collapsed beneath it. “Oh, Eeyore—” she said, bending down on one knee and burying her head in his coat. “You miss him, too, you silly old dog.”
Eeyore twisted his head and licked the salty tears from her cheeks. And then he lifted his head and his ears perked up. “What is it, boy?” Maddie asked, then followed the direction of his pointing nose and noticed a figure in the distance, just rounding the bend near a jagged pile of rocks. And then, as he moved, she noticed another, smaller figure at his side. Maddie frowned. It was early, even for other joggers.
Still tense, Eeyore made a small whimpering noise. Maddie squinted through the fog. The figure was a man, tall and well built. Through the early-morning fog, the man resembled Sam.
“No, pal,” she said softly. “It’s not Sam.” She watched then while the man stopped and leaned over, picked something up from the beach—a stone? driftwood?—and handed it to the small figure walking alongside him.
It was at that moment, when her eyes were focusing on the movement, that Eeyore broke away and, in one mad dash, flew across the beach to the two people walking near the water’s edge.
Maddie opened her mouth to call him back, to scold him, but before the words formed, Eeyore leaped up on the tall figure. At first she thought he was attacking the man, and then her eyes focused more clearly and she saw Eeyore standing on his hind legs, his front paws resting on the man’s shoulders. The
dog was wildly licking the man’s face.
Her heart leaped into her throat. “Sam,” she whispered. “Oh, Sam—”
And then the man was looking her way, shielding his eyes against the sunlight that was starting to light up the sky behind her. And he started walking, slowly at first, then faster, running, until he was right there in front of her, his face bathing hers in that wonderful crooked smile she had missed so terribly.
For a second he didn’t say a word, just stood there soaking in the sight of her. “Come here,” he said finally, pulling her to him. His voice was ragged. He buried his head in her hair.
Finally Maddie pulled away and fumbled for the tissue in her pocket. She could barely see. She wiped at her eyes. “I didn’t think you were real. I see you when my eyes are closed, or open—I thought it was just another mirage.”
“No, Maddie.” He touched her cheek tenderly. “There’s someone I want you to meet.”
Maddie blinked away the tears and focused on the beautiful blond-haired girl who now stood beside Sam. She was smiling and her fingers were tangled in Eeyore’s fur. She was beautiful, with eyes as deep blue as the sky, as blue as the sea, as blue as Sam’s.
“Hello, Sara,” she said softly. “I’m Maddie. And your new friend is my dog, Eeyore.”
“Hello,” Sara said politely, frowning slightly at the tears running down Maddie’s face. Then her attention shifted to the dog and she broke again into a beautiful smile. “Eeyore,” she said, and smiled up at Maddie. “My father told me about Eeyore on the airplane.” She paused, as if confused for a minute, and then she added, “And he told me you were nice too.” Eeyore nudged her small hand then, bringing it to his head. And in the next minute they were both off kicking up sand, Sara’s slender young legs like a doe’s.
Sam took Maddie’s face between his hands, drinking in the sight of her. “My dear Maddie, my great love—”
For seconds neither spoke. Their eyes were locked together, silently spilling out the sadness of the past days. Finally Sam drew her down beside him on the sun-warmed sand. In the distance Sara and Eeyore played with a piece of driftwood.
“I’ve been to England,” he said finally.
Maddie nodded. She could scarcely breathe. She wanted to wrap her arms around him, to love him, to block out thought and hurt. But she sat still, waiting.
“I’ve been through a few epiphanies in the past week or so, Maddie.”
“I’ve been through a few things myself,” she said softly. “But you go first.”
Sam reached for her hand. “First and last, Maddie, is you. I thought I was doing the right thing before—” He tipped her chin up. “I did, you know. I love you so much, Maddie, I thought I was doing the best thing for you, that you’d be better off without me. And maybe you think you would, too, but you wouldn’t. Distance made me see things differently. You gave me things, you gave me a part of you, and I’m better for it.” He looked off toward the sea, followed his daughter’s playful antics on the sand.
“There was a lot more going on than just the luxury of loving each other. And now when I think of the future, there’s no sense to it, unless you’re there beside me. I can’t begin to imagine a life without you, Maddie.”
“Oh, Sam—” Maddie touched his cheek and her eyes stung with tears. “I’ve been calling, trying to find you. I need you, too, Sam. We’ll handle things somehow, make compromises—”
“Shhh, love,” he said, pressing a finger against her lips. “It’s still my turn and I don’t admit mistakes easily, so let me get this out. You were partly right about something, and it took leaving you to make me see it. I was copping out. I was forcing part of my life to stand still, just to make damn sure I didn’t make more mistakes.”
“I love you, Sam—”
Sam laughed softly. “You have a way with words, darlin’.” He kissed away the tears on her cheek. “So there I was with my epiphany—knowing there were two things in my life that I had to turn around. I needed to find you and convince you that we were destined to spend the rest of our life together. But before I could do that, I had to put my own life in order.”
“So you went to England, to Sara.…” Maddie said. The tears were falling again, but gently, a soft rain on her cheeks.
“I did. Elizabeth and the rest are going to the south of France, or wherever the hell they go, without Sara. She’s come with me. She’s staying here for a while.”
“Here—”
“Right here. For a few weeks. We got here yesterday.”
“And Sara is okay?”
Sam half smiled. “We’ll be fine. Time is all we need. I think Eeyore may be my secret weapon. But Sara does think I’m a great cook.”
“What!”
“She thinks my peanut-butter-and-banana sandwiches are ‘smashing.’ ”
Maddie was doodling in the sand with a twig, her heart so full she thought it was going to burst right there on the sugar-white sand.
“There is one problem, though—” Sam said.
“What’s that?”
“I have this bedroom, see. It’s at the end of a hall, has a window seat, perfect for a five-year-old.”
“I see.”
“But it looks like a den right now. Not good.”
Maddie shook her head. “Terrible. Sounds like you need help.”
“I was thinking the same thing. Know a designer? Anyone who knows about girls’ bedrooms?” He lifted her braid, breathed in the familiar soapy smell.
“Maybe,” she said slowly, trying to force the words around the lump in her throat.
“I’ll make it worthwhile.”
“Oh?” She traced a stick figure in the sand.
“Yep. Lots of benefits to the right person.” Sam took the stick and added another figure next to hers, its arm looped around the first.
“That so?”
“You interested?”
“If the price is right, who knows?”
“We can probably work something out. How about lifetime benefits?”
“Lifetime?” Maddie focused on Eeyore and the beautiful little blond girl who were running in circles a short distance in front of them.
“It’s a lifetime job, you see. Because there’re other rooms, like the one on the east side of the house.”
“I know the room.”
“I heard somewhere it was good to put nurseries on the east side because of the morning light.”
“Nurseries?”
“Well, you never know when you’re going to need one. Or two.”
“Sam …”
“And you need to know one more thing, Maddie. I never say things I don’t mean. I love you, with everything in me that’s capable of loving. And I want to share the rest of my life with you. I want to live with you, to marry you, to argue with you, to love you, and to have children with you.”
“In that order?” she asked, her eyes filling up again.
Sam shrugged. “Some of it is open to negotiation. But only some of it. Some is written in stone. I tell you it’s a hell of a job. It may be the best offer you’re going to get today.”
Maddie ignored the new onslaught of tears. And while a brilliant sun rose up behind them she wrapped her arms around Sam, lifted her face to his, and showed him her unique way of signing a contract.
Thanks to Aria, Kira, and Angela,
my Santa Cruz research crew
THE EDITOR’S CORNER
Welcome to Loveswept!
We have a wonderful treat for you next month: DEEP AUTUMN HEAT, the first book in Elisabeth Barrett’s sexy new Star Harbor romance series. In this sparkling and steamy story, a celebrity chef turns up the heat for a local café owner —and things start to sizzle. Featuring the wickedly handsome Grayson brothers, this story will captivate you to the very end. And don’t worry, we have the next Grayson brothers story releasing just two months after DEEP AUTUMN HEAT!
And don’t miss Adrienne Staff’s KEVIN’S STORY and Kristen Kyle’s THE LAST WARRIOR. These e
nthralling reads are also available next month!
If you love romance … then you’re ready to be Loveswept!
Gina Wachtel
Associate Publisher
P.S. Watch for these terrific Loveswept titles coming soon: In August, we have Sally Goldenbaum’s delectable FOR MEN ONLY, Karen Leabo’s tender CALLIE’S COWBOY, and Linda Cajio’s thrilling JUST ONE LOOK. Don’t miss any of these extraordinary reads. I promise that you’ll fall in love and treasure these stories for years to come….
Read on for excerpts from more Loveswept titles …
Read on for an excerpt from Debra Dixon’s
Midnight Hour
ONE
As soon as the little girl on his emergency-room table was out of danger, Nick Devereaux stripped off his latex gloves and allowed himself one small moment of celebration. He’d beaten death again. He smiled at the child.
“You’ll be all right, chère,” he said, his Cajun accent creeping into his speech.
His smile faded as he thought of the two hotshot paramedics who’d brought the girl in. Tonight confirmed his hunch that a pattern was forming. Those two boys kept turning up in his emergency room with patients they should have taken to another hospital. An official reprimand seemed a little too much like an arrogant power play from the new doctor in town, so Nick decided a little heart-to-heart chat was in order. As soon as possible.
Checking his watch, Nick frowned. Paramedics didn’t hang around hospitals very long, especially not in the ER staff lounge at Mercy Hospital. The lounge was a spartan affair, boasting only a lumpy sofa, two chairs, a tiny refrigerator, and a primitive coffee maker. No radio. No television. Just yesterday’s paper.
“I don’t suppose they hung around tonight?” Nick asked the nurse who’d come in to check the IV.
“Bobby and John? They might have. They just brought in Mr. Peterson. I think he really did break his hip this time. We’ve got an orthopedic resident who’s been working nights with him.”
Moonlight on Monterey Bay Page 16