by Rae, Nicki
“I’m not arguing, read the rules, it states that you do plain as day.”
“That definitely sounds like arguing,” he laughs.
“No, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
“Can I ask you a serious question?”
“Of course.” Honestly, I don’t know what I’ve just agreed to. At this point in our relationship, his questions have a wide range.
“Where is Fenton and why did you feel the need to drive all the way to Ohio to get away from him.”
“I’m not going to talk about my situation with Fenton; it’s no one’s business but ours. Adding to that, I didn’t only leave because of him. I also wanted some time away from you. I didn’t know how to handle what you told me and coupling that with the situation I was already dealing with, I broke down and thought a change of scenery was necessary.”
“But here I am.”
“Here you are,” I nod my head.
“That has to say something that I am here and he isn’t.”
“Shane, I don’t think that’s fair. You have no idea what is going on with him.”
“Not this time but I do know he always has some kind of issue with something or someone. I also know you don’t need that in your life, Pipe. You are doing so well for yourself; you don’t need someone bringing you down. I know I don’t have a lot of room to talk but I’m working on my faults. Plus, we’ve known each other so long that we can get back to normal like nothing ever happened. That’s why I’m here, to show you what we are missing by letting this one situation come between us.”
“Shane…”
“Shh!” he places his finger over my lips. “I know it’s not just some small situation. I know I have a lot of work in front of me but trust me, when you told me we couldn’t be friends, it broke my fuckin’ heart. You’re my girl, you have my heart. Whether you want to hear it or not, you belong to me.”
He has a good point. We’ve gotten along very well today but that’s because we’re friends and friends have fun together.
“I told myself this morning when I ran into you I needed to put up with you while you were here and get you on your way but I have to admit, we’ve had a great day. I mean, it never gets old beating you at Monopoly.” I wink at him. He stands and my heart skips a beat with anticipation. He slides into the seat next to me and cradles my face in his hand. My eyes close and as much as I want to fight it, his hand brings comfort. Comfort I’m used to, comfort I’ve missed and comfort I don’t want to lose. He scoots in close and my breath hitches just before he brings his lips to mine. His kiss is gentle, tasting of mint from his gum. I give in, resisting the urge to fight against him.
“Pipe, I’ve never tasted lips so sweet. Please tell me you’ve forgiven me. I can’t stand knowing what I’ve done to you. I NEED you. I need your soft skin against mine, I need your beautiful eyes staring back at me when I wake in the morning and I need that beautiful mind of yours to get me through the day. I tried to stay away as you asked but I can’t. I love you so much and I need us to be back to where we were.”
“We’ve never been in a relationship like you’re offering, so it’s not fair to ask me to be normal with you again while telling me you love me.”
“Fair enough but are you willing to give us a shot?”
“I appreciate the effort. It means a lot to know you care enough about our friendship to drive all the way here.” I stop a minute to gather my thoughts. “I knew we were going to be friends the first time I met you. I could tell you were smart by the questions you asked in class and you seemed to shy away from drama. When I found out your mother had passed from cancer, I knew I found a kindred soul. Even when I didn’t know what I was feeling, you helped me through it. That’s what friends are for, Shane, being there for one another. We were that for each other for a long time. I would like our friendship to continue but that’s up to you. I’m sorry, I know this isn’t what you want to hear but my heart belongs to someone else. I can’t give you what you want. Can we be friends again? Possibly, but that’s all it can be.”
“Is it because of Fenton?”
“Partly. I just told you he’s my future but you had a hand in our falling out, please don’t forget that.”
“You’d be willing to give up our history for someone you only met a few weeks ago?”
“I thought you were changing? If you were, you’d accept what I’m telling you and take the friendship I am offering.”
“I have to keep faith you’ll change your mind. I plan to prove to you I’ve changed so you have no other option but to stay with me. You won’t even remember Fenton in a few weeks.” He smiles contently believing every word he just said. It kind of makes me feel guilty for not giving him a chance. I hope he is telling me the truth about staying clean, not just for me but for his own sake. He’s come too far in his life only to mess it up by becoming a junkie.
“It’s your turn, I just bought Reading Railroad,” he laughs.
“You asshole, you know I buy all of them!”
“Yes, but what fun is this game without a little friendly competition?”
“Haha! Look at that, sucker! Indiana Avenue, the last red I need to add to my pile. And guess what? I have enough money to add hotels. Booya!”
Begrudgingly, he takes my hard earned Monopoly money and hands me my hotel.
“Skipping right to hotels, huh?” he asks.
“Architect…” I remind him.
Piper
“So do you want to go to the movies or something later?”
“My plan was to relax while I was here. I think I’m going to lie out in the sun later and then take a nap. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve taken a nap?”
“I’d like to see you take a nap, you have too much energy for that. I’ll admit though, I’m very excited to see you in a bikini.” His brows raise and one corner of his mouth pulls up. I’m surprised when my stomach flutters at the sight of that smirk; that’s never happened before.
“I don’t wear bikinis.”
“Don’t tell me you tan nude because I’ll lose my shit,” he says, shaking his head from side to side, as if to remove the image from his head. The heat returns and all of a sudden it’s a tad uncomfortable in here. I’m not sure how we got here.
“I wear a suit,” I assure him and he doesn’t respond. I’m sure he is disappointed he isn’t going to see me half naked.
“How about we make a bet?” he asks. “If I win this game, you wear a bikini. If you win, you can wear the full suit.”
“That seems a bit unfair. I should get to choose what I want if I win.”
“Ok, what do you want?”
I’m blank. I have no idea what I want. What I want to say is have the afternoon to myself like I planned but I don’t want to upset him. Admittedly, we’ve had a great time. He’s been on his best behavior, I couldn’t have asked for a better afternoon. I’ll take that back because I know who could make it better but with what I have, the afternoon has been great. Speaking of, I need to make sure Fent hasn’t called me.
“Hold that thought.” Running from the kitchen to my bedroom, I remove my phone from the charger and am disappointed when there are no messages. Sighing, I plop down on the edge of my bed. He must really be into finding Gibson’s killer or whoever demolished his bar. I can’t imagine what he is going through right now. I contemplate calling him but I’m sure whatever he is doing, he is stressed to the max and he doesn’t need me bugging him.
I guess I’ll try to get my friendship with Shane back on track while I’m here and hopefully when I make it back home tomorrow, Fenton will have his situation straightened out and we can move past all of this.
“You haven’t heard from him have you?”
I jump, startled by the sound of Shane’s voice. I was so focused that I didn’t hear him walk upstairs.
“He has a lot going on, Shane.”
“So much he can’t take the time to call you? I have to tell you, I don’t trust him.”
“Shane…”
“I know,” he says, raising his hands gesturing his innocence. “I just believe you deserve so much better than him, Pipe. I mean think about it. First and foremost, he is a drug addict and before you say anything, I’m well aware of the irony of that statement. I promise, I have put all that shit behind me. With him, it’s going to be something new every week, everyday maybe. Look, I don’t want to put him down as I believe he will do that himself. I just want you to be happy and I don’t think he can give that to you. Not in the long run anyway.”
“How about we don’t talk about Fenton? How about we skip the game of Monopoly and go lie in the sun?” I begin rummaging through my dresser for a suit. “I will wear one of my bikinis just for you but you have to promise not to make fun of me.”
“Piper, I’m certain you’ll be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in a suit before.”
I can’t look at him. The seriousness in his voice is too much. If you would’ve asked me yesterday if I would be spending the weekend with Shane in my childhood home, I would’ve told you you’re crazy. The way he left my apartment yesterday after I told him we could no longer be friends, the utter sadness on his face, I thought I would never see him again. Actually, now that I think about it, that makes me sound like such a shitty friend. I guarantee if the roles were reversed, Shane would be right there at my side the whole time and the minute he needs me, I bail. In my defense, my life has been a mess for the last few weeks. Why has my life been a mess? Because Fenton is a whirlwind and I allowed myself to step inside and be taken away. The part that surprises me the most is I’m happy I took that step and discovered a part of me I wasn’t aware existed. I’ve been so busy creating professional Piper that I haven’t taken the time to discover sensual, sexy Piper. Although I need to find her myself, Fenton makes sure I’m aware she exists. I know Shane tries but it just isn’t the same. I can’t explain it nor do I want to try.
I never pictured my life going in this direction. I have two men fighting over me; two very different men who have two very different places in my heart. How do I tell them apart? How do I tell them where they belong?
“You’re frowning, what are you thinking about?”
“Don’t mind me,” I say, waving him off. “I have a lot on my mind. Ready to go?” I try my best to sound convincing but he isn’t buying it.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
“What, you’re not going to give me a hard time?” I question.
“Why would I? That’s not why I’m here.”
I have to admit, he is trying really hard. Maybe he is changing for the better and that makes me happy. The corners of my mouth pull up and I have to fight tears from falling.
“What are you smiling about?” he asks.
“I’m just so excited to have my friend back! Now, get out of here so I can change.”
“Yes, ma’am!”
My heart stops. I’ve heard those words so many times before but never from Shane. They are words I long to hear every moment of every day as they bring me solace and comfort. Those words from Fenton represent commitment. They remind me how simple he really is and how sweet he can be, regardless of what people think of him. Hearing the words from Shane sounds foreign, they’re only an echo of the voice I long for.
“Why are you frowning?”
“I…um…I…I’m just ready for all of the stress to go away.”
“Oh, that’s an easy fix.”
“Oh, yeah? How do you figure?”
“Leave James. He’s the cause of all your pain. Let me take it away and keep it away. I can give that to you, Pipe. I won’t let anyone hurt you again.”
“Including you?” I ask, feeling more aggravated with each passing minute he is throwing Fenton under the bus. I understand why he is but you’d think if he really wanted to get on my good side he would try to do it a little more respectful.
“I promise, Pipe. I will never hurt you again while there is still a breath left in my body.”
He shouldn’t make me feel guilty about wanting to be with Fenton. I’ve told him repeatedly that even if I weren’t with Fenton, we wouldn’t be together.
“Why can’t you still offer that while we’re just friends?”
“I don’t think James would appreciate me looking out for you while the two of you are together.”
“You can still be my friend, Shane. Just as I don’t expect you to understand my relationship with Fenton, I don’t expect him to understand ours. The only thing I want is for all of us to get along.”
“I don’t know if I can watch you throw your life away with him.”
“What are you saying?” I ask, almost reaching my boiling point with him.
“All I’m saying is we can still be friends but it won’t be like it was before.”
“Shane, it can never be like it was before, even if Fenton weren’t in the picture. I don’t think you understand how much you’ve hurt me. The moment you chose your drugs over me was the moment you changed our friendship. I’m trying hard to look past it but you can’t deny you don’t feel the change between us. It’s not natural anymore. I have to put forth the effort to make it appear effortless and that breaks my heart.”
“I didn’t know it was such a bother to be around me,” he says, standing. “All you have to do is say the words and I’m out of here.”
“I never said we couldn’t try to have our same relationship back. I’m just saying right now it’s taking more effort than I’m used to.”
“Do you want me to leave, Pipe?” his somber reply makes me feel guilty.
“No Shane, I don’t want you to leave. However, I would like for you to stop with the Fent bashing because it’s not going to win you points. It’s not going to make me think less of him because you do. It will only push me away further. That’s the truth, so I would appreciate it if we could enjoy the rest of the weekend.”
“I’m sorry. I really didn’t come all the way here to trash him. I only wanted to have a good weekend with you. You have to understand it kills me to see you so happy with him when it used to be me to make you happy and it used to be me who made you glow with happiness. I know what you’re asking of me and I will respect your wishes but know this, I will be there to pick up his pieces. There is no doubt in my mind he will break your heart and when that happens his ass is mine. Now that’s the truth and you can be pissed if you want but I won’t apologize for worrying about the only girl I have ever loved.”
As soon as the last words leave his mouth, he walks out of the bedroom. I don’t want to chase after him, I want to sit here and be pissed. But how can I? He is only worried about me. Like Phoebe, he has been there for me, so how can I disregard his concern? Sure, he has messed up but hasn’t Fent? He seems to be genuine in his apology and he seems to be secure in the fact that he isn’t going to touch the bottle or the drugs again. I’m here to find myself, so why am I fighting what my best friend is offering? He is a part of me and my life wouldn’t be whole if I didn’t have the piece of me he holds. Why am I trying to demonize him for committing the same acts as others? I don’t know why but what I do know is I want my best friend back and he is here offering that very thing. He’s offering in a round-about way but offering his friendship nonetheless.
I quickly throw on my yellow suit and run down the stairs after him. I fly through the kitchen only to see him already across the gravel drive and making his way across the field.
“Shane, you have to give me a piggy back ride,” I scream as I take off after him. Right before I get to him he kneels down so when I reach him, I can hop on. I stop behind him and begin to wrap my leg around his side when he stops me.
“Just lean against my back and wrap your arms around my neck. I will lift us both.”
“Ok,” I say, doing as he instructed.
My arms wrap around his neck and I let him take all my weight before he stands wrapping my legs around his waist.
“You are perfect, Piper Adams,” he
says as he kisses my arm. I push away the anxiety his touch creates. I’m through acting like a scared little girl around him. I’m putting faith back in that he is going stick by his word and do the right thing.
“You’re pretty perfect yourself,” I reply, wrapping my arms around him tighter. He brings his hand up and rubs my arm without saying a word. The anxiety is slowly dissipating and I’m feeling one step closer to having my best friend back.
“I’m sorry, Pipe.”
“Shh!” I say, cupping my hand over his mouth. “No more negativity. We’re going to have fun the rest of the weekend.”
“I’m down for fun. I can’t remember the last time we had fun together and it didn’t involve the night ending in disaster.”
“Me either but that’s not going to happen tonight. We’re going to lie out and enjoy the sunshine for a while. Then, we are going to dinner with my dad and Elizabeth. After that, I’m not sure. Maybe we can check out the concert hall that is across the field from the house. They usually have great live music on the weekends.”
“That’s where I parked. My GPS told me your house was where the building is. I pulled in but that obviously wasn’t the place. I got out to stretch and saw you run around the edge of the brush. I had to do a double take as I’ve never known you to be a runner. Sure enough it was you. Instead of driving over, I decided to walk. It was such a long drive that I needed to stretch my legs. Anyway, that’s why I came walking up like a creeper,” he chuckles quietly.
“Where are you taking me,” I question. He is walking us toward the tree line like he has been here a million times.
“When I was walking over here, I saw a pond I thought we could sit by. I love the sound of the water. It’s very calming.” I nod in agreement.
My family and I have spent quite a few afternoons there for that reason. My mother made everyone picnic lunches and we would spend the entire day here together. We would fish and at some point my father set up horse shoes. We would have such a great time and only be a few yards from the house.