I pulled her closer. She sat beside me, her back against the pillows as she linked her hand with mine. I wrapped my arm around her, trying to find the courage to tell her the truth.
“When I was about fourteen, something happened that made me feel like my life was spiraling out of control.”
She looked at me, and her grip on my hand tightened as her eyes widened in concern. “What happened?”
“My mother got sick.” I cleared my throat. I never talked about my mother, not even with my father. “She had lung cancer. She’d never been a smoker, but my father was, so she was exposed to it a lot. Back then, I don’t think people realized how harmful that could be.”
“That must have been hard for you,” she said softly. “You were so young.”
“I watched her get worse and worse.” She gripped my bicep when I drew a shaky breath, but when she leaned in to kiss my shoulder, I almost lost it. I wasn’t used to tenderness or affection. I wasn’t used to sweet women who wanted to take care of me or help heal my old wounds. “It went on for over a year before we finally lost her.”
“I’m so sorry, Blake. I had no idea.”
I rarely went home to see my family, mainly because they were still resentful that I hadn’t returned to Texas after graduation to help them run their small ranch. “I was angry for a really long time.”
“I can imagine.”
“I was angry at God for taking her away from me. I was angry with my old man for making her sick. Hell, I was even angry at myself for not forcing her to go to the doctor sooner about her cough that just wouldn’t go away.”
“You couldn’t have known,” she whispered. “Don’t beat yourself up about it. I’m sure she wouldn’t have wanted that.”
Tiana was right. My mother was the kindest, sweetest, most loving person I’d ever known, and she definitely wouldn’t want me to blame myself for her demise. “I started to act out, you know. I got into a lot of fights, drank too much, even experimented with drugs a bit.”
“Sounds like you were on a pretty self-destructive path. What helped you turn things around?”
“A promise I made to my mama.” I thought about the talk we’d had while she was lying on her deathbed. She’d made me promise that I’d live my own life on my terms, that I’d take chances, be fearless, and dream big. I’d done all of those things, but only because of the promises I had made to her that day. “I told her I wouldn’t take a single day for granted.”
“That’s wonderful advice,” Tiana said, brushing away a tear.
I didn’t want her sympathy, but I loved her even more for being such a warm, empathic woman. “But something happened to me when she died, Ti.”
“It changed you. How could it not, right?”
“I was afraid to love again.” I’d spent a lot of time over the years analyzing my behavior. I knew exactly why I behaved the way I did. “I’d lost my mama, and I never wanted to feel that kind of pain again.”
“You thought if you fell in love with a woman and she left you—”
“Yeah.” I kissed her knuckles. I’d broken all the rules for Tiana. I was already in so deep with her that it was too late to find a safe hiding place. “I thought it would destroy me.”
“That’s understandable. Everyone’s afraid of facing that kind of pain, even more so if someone you loved was taken when you were too young to really work through the grief in a healthy way.”
She got me. In a way no other woman ever had. That was why I wanted to take a chance on her, on us. I knew I may never find another woman who seemed to understand what I was thinking and feeling before I’d said a word.
“That’s when I decided I would be in control of my relationships. I would set rules. That way, I wouldn’t get too involved. My partners wouldn’t either, ‘cause we’d both know the score up front.”
“I don’t understand. What kind of rules?”
Tiana had no idea about the lifestyle or the rules that typically accompanied it, and I didn’t want her to know. It would change the way she thought about me, maybe even the way she felt about me.
“Let’s just say if I maintained control, I felt safe.”
“Safe?”
“I felt like I couldn’t get hurt.”
“I see.”
I didn’t know if she fully understood what I was telling her, or that I was referring to sexual acts that I didn’t want to spell out for her. They weren’t important. What was important was that she believed I wanted to change… for her. “Ti, when some people get into that lifestyle, it’s because they really love it. It excites them. They feel like they’ve found a missing piece of the puzzle or something.”
“Is that the way it was… is… for you? Does dominating your partners make you happy?”
“No.” Those kinds of relationships had made me feel safe and emotionally guarded, but never fulfilled. “I think I’ve just been waiting to meet the right person, sweetheart. Someone I could trust with my heart.” I turned to face her, struck all over again by how beautiful she was, in the purest sense. Taking her hands, I said, “You are so good, so sweet, and kind.”
She smiled. “Don’t make me out to be a saint. I’m not.”
“I know you’re not, but you’re so… thoughtful and compassionate. You give to people, expecting nothing in return. Do you know how rare that is, especially for someone who was raised the way you were?”
Tiana shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it.”
“Well, I have. A lot.” I felt a heaviness in my chest that I recognized as fear. I was afraid to tell her how much she meant to me, how much I’d thought about her over the years, but it was now or never. If I didn’t make her understand the depth of my feelings for her now, I may not get another chance. “I’ve thought about what makes you special, what makes you different from the other women I’ve been with, and I’ve realized it’s just… you.” I wasn’t doing a very good job of articulating my feelings, but I couldn’t remember ever being more nervous.
She smiled as though she was confused and slightly amused by my attempts to describe my feelings. “Just me, huh?”
“Most people who move in our circles do things because of what’s in it for them. You do things because you genuinely want to help other people.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s me, all right. The quintessential do-gooder.”
I knew she’d gone through life being labeled the nice girl, the good girl, and probably didn’t appreciate hearing it from me, but I was trying to pay her a huge compliment. “My mama used to tell me that what matters isn’t how much money you have in the bank, but how much joy you bring to the world.”
Tiana smiled. “I like that. Your mother sounds like a remarkable woman.”
“She really was.” I was so proud of her, so proud to have been her son. “She was so positive, so upbeat all the time. I didn’t realize how rare that was until she was gone and it felt like a light had gone out or something.” Shaking my head, I said, “A while after her death, I realized I hadn’t laughed or smiled in a long time. That’s when I began to appreciate how often my mother had made me laugh. She used to tell me laughter was the best medicine, and she was right. But I don’t laugh enough. Hell, I don’t even smile all that much anymore.”
I didn’t want her to think I was feeling sorry for myself. I had a great life by most people’s standards, and I hated people who whined about their lot in life even though they didn’t want to do anything about it.
“But you make me smile, Tiana. You make me laugh. Hell, you make me feel alive again, and the truth is, I haven’t felt alive in a really long time.”
There were tears in her eyes when she tipped her head up to look at me. “That may be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
There was so much more I wanted to say to her, but I didn’t want to overwhelm her, so I decided to lighten the mood instead. “Does that mean I can come with you to watch the mutt?”
Mia and Deacon were
going to visit Mia’s parents for the weekend, so they’d asked Tiana to babysit Mia’s dog, Rosie, since Eleni and Damon had gone to visit his daughter. Rosie had gotten car-sick on her last long drive, so they didn’t want to take any chances.
Tiana sighed. “I wish I could take you with me, honestly, I do.”
“But?”
“I’m not going to be staying at Deacon and Mia’s place with Rosie.”
“You’re taking her back to your place?”
“Um, no.”
She obviously didn’t want to share her plans with me, but after everything I’d just shared with her, I felt like she owed me the truth. “Ti, where the hell are you going today? Why all the secrecy?”
She slumped over, drawing her legs into her chest. “My parents are coming home today. I told them I’d come over for dinner.”
“I see.” It made sense that she wouldn’t want to invite me to break bread with them.
“And Christos is in town. I don’t know if I mentioned that he’ll be staying in my parents’ guest house?”
I felt my whole body tense as I swung my legs over the edge of the bed. “I got it. Your old man isn’t wasting any time trying to get you two together, is he? Has he already booked the caterers, ordered the wedding invitations?”
My gut churned whenever I thought about the possibility of Tiana marrying someone else. I couldn’t let that happen. But how the hell was I supposed to stop her if she decided her father’s lackey was the man for her?
“Blake, please,” she said, resting her hand on my back. “What happened between us last night meant something to me. You have to believe that.”
I wanted to believe that, but I needed more reassurance. I turned to face her. “Are you into this guy, Ti? The truth.” I was beginning to get a pain in my jaw from clenching my teeth so hard. “Well?”
Her gaze flicked up to the ceiling. “I can’t believe you’re even asking me that. If it’s not obvious to you by now that I’m into you, I don’t know what more I can do or say to convince you.”
“I can think of something.” I smiled, pulling her close to kiss her.
“What’s that?” Her lips curled against mine as she wrapped her arms around my neck.
“You’re taking care of Rosie all weekend, right?”
“That’s the plan.”
“Were you going to take her back to your place after dinner?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Why not come here instead?” I wanted more time with her, to convince her that any time she’d spent with that Chris guy would have been better spent with me. “You can spend the night, and we can take care of the little mutt together.”
Tiana laughed and poked me in the stomach. “Mia would not appreciate you calling her precious Rosie a little mutt.”
“You won’t tell on me, will you?” I smiled when she shook her head, running her fingers across her lips to indicate they were sealed. “So what do you say? Come back here, and we’ll hang out?”
“Sure, I’d love to.”
Not half as much as I’d love having her in bed for the second night in a row. If we could string together enough of those, she’d have no choice but to call this what it was—a relationship.
Chapter Five
Tiana
I listened politely as Christos tried to impress me with stories of his travels, friends, education, and hobbies, but I kept thinking about how Blake didn’t have to try to hold my interest—he just did. Everything about him fascinated me, and the more he opened up, the more I wanted to know about him.
I was venturing into dangerous territory by agreeing to spend another night in his bed, but when he’d asked, I couldn’t say no. After so many years of denying my attraction to him, it was getting harder to suppress it than it was to act on it.
“I’m really excited about my future with Starkis Inc.,” Chris said, smiling at my father, who was seated at the head of the table.
My lips curled into a reluctant smile when I heard Blake’s voice in my head calling my dinner companion a bootlicker.
“And we’re happy to have you on board.” My father gave me a pointed look. “Aren’t we, my darling?”
I barely suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. My dad, or Demi, as Deacon often called him, was trying so hard to force a spark between me and his new protégé that it was getting uncomfortable.
“I’m sure you’ll be an asset to the company,” I said, smiling politely.
“I’ve been looking forward to coming to the States for a long time,” Chris said with a suggestive smile directed at me. “For obvious reasons.”
I wanted to gag. He was a nice enough guy, but why couldn’t he see that neither one of us would benefit from this forced arrangement? “Well, I hope you’ll enjoy your time here.”
I was trying to send him a clear message that I hoped his visit would be a short one. Just because my father considered our nuptials a done deal didn’t mean I had to acquiesce.
“Of course he’ll enjoy living here,” my father said, frowning at me. “Why wouldn’t he?” He gestured around the massive formal dining room. “This is, after all, the land of opportunity where anything can happen, right?”
“I suppose so,” I muttered, reaching for my wine. I was still working on my first glass. Since I had to drive to Blake’s later, I needed to be careful not to overindulge. A stiff drink might have helped me get through this nightmare with a sense of humor though.
“How are you enjoying your position at Starkis Inc., Tiana? Is working for your father everything you thought it would be?” Chris asked.
I smiled sweetly at my father. “And more.” He didn’t have to know that was intended as a dig. I enjoyed my job, but I could have lived without my father looking over my shoulder and questioning every decision I made.
“It’s perfect for you,” my mother said. “Something you should be able to continue doing, at least part time, even after your kids are born.”
“Nonsense,” my father said. “Tiana will stay home with her children, as you did.”
“These are different times, Demi,” my mother reminded him. “Tiana may want a job outside of the home.”
I covered my mouth after taking a sip of wine, fearing I might choke. My mother was as traditional as my father. I’d thought she would insist I stay home after having a family—not that I intended to listen to either of them. I would decide whether I wanted to work outside of the home once my husband and I started a family.
“Are you okay?” Demi asked, gesturing to the wine glass I’d set on the table.
I offered him a tight smile. “Fine. I’m just surprised, that’s all. I thought you would share Mom’s opinion.”
“How do you feel about it, Christos?” Demi asked.
I wasn’t surprised he was deferring to another man for a second opinion.
“I think Tiana’s happiness is paramount,” Christos said, smiling at me. “Whatever she wants, she shall get.”
I took a deep breath, trying to rein in my temper. I hated being patronized by men who thought they were better or smarter or worldlier than I was. That was what I loved about Blake. He never talked down to me. He always treated me as an equal, someone he respected and admired.
“Oh, look at the time,” I said, pointing at my watch. “I really should be going.”
I glanced at Rosie, who was curled up in the corner, napping. I hoped she wouldn’t mind spending the night at a strange house. Mia said she adapted well and would be fine in a new environment. I hoped she was right. I wasn’t very experienced with pets, since I’d never been allowed to have one as a child. My mother had always said she didn’t want messes on the floor or fur on the furniture. Not that she would have been responsible for cleaning them up, with a household staff to tend to her every need.
“The night is still young,” Demi argued. “Why don’t you and Christos go out and enjoy a drink by the pool?”
I tried to think of some excuse while holding my hand over my glass so m
y father couldn’t refill it. “I have to drive home, remember?”
“You can leave your car here,” Demi said. “I’m sure Chris wouldn’t mine taking you home, would you, son?”
He grinned at me. “Not at all.”
“That’s very nice of you,” I said, holding my glass out of my father’s reach, “but I have to be at work early in the morning, and wine sometimes gives me a headache.”
“Since when?” Demi asked, looking skeptical.
“It’s a recent thing,” I mumbled, standing.
Christos wasted no time in rounding the table to take my arm. I wanted to argue about staying longer than I’d intended, but I figured this would be a good time to set him straight about us.
“You wouldn’t mind keeping an eye on Rosie?” I asked my mother.
“Not at all,” she said, beaming. “You two go on ahead. Get to know each other better.”
I knew my mother was as anxious to get me married off as my father was. Too bad I intended to throw a wrench into their plans.
I waited until Christos and I were through the French doors leading to the back garden before I said, “I’m so sorry my parents have put so much pressure on you, Chris. I feel terrible about that.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he said, curling my hand around his bicep. “I am thrilled at the prospect of spending my life with you.”
My mouth opened, but nothing came out. I tried to understand why a handsome, intelligent, well-educated man would want to marry a virtual stranger. I knew marrying me would afford him certain perks, but I was certain my father’s legal team would have him sign an iron-clad prenuptial agreement that would ensure my father’s estate didn’t part with one penny more than absolutely necessary, should the marriage fail. Which it would, if I ever agreed to marry him. Which I wouldn’t.
“How can you say that?” I asked finally. “You don’t even know me.”
“Not true.” He smiled as he waited for me to claim a cushioned lounge chair by the pool before he sat next to me. “I enjoyed our time together when you visited Greece last year.”
Tiana (Starkis Family #3) Page 6