I sank into Deacon’s chair and lowered my head. There was only one thing left to do: pray.
***
Blake
I knew Deacon would head to the office first, but I didn’t want to have this out in front of Damon and our staff. I told Damon to tell his brother that I’d be waiting for him at my place. He was pounding on my door exactly forty-six minutes after Tiana sent the text, which told me he’d called the office instead of going over.
I wasn’t concerned about Deacon’s fit of rage. This wouldn’t be the first time we’d mixed it up, and I was sure it wouldn’t be the last. He was an opinionated hothead. So was I. He didn’t back down. Neither did I. He was like lightning. I was like thunder. Together we were loud, explosive, and potentially dangerous.
I opened the door slowly, feigning a calm I didn’t feel. I was furious with him for making Tiana feel we were doing something wrong by exploring our attraction to one another. We were two single, consenting adults. What we did, or didn’t do, was none of anyone else’s business.
“You son of a bitch!” Deacon shouted, shouldering me out of the way. “You could have any goddamn woman you wanted, but it had to be her, didn’t it?”
“Yeah, as a matter of fact, it did,” I said, trying to remain calm. This could escalate quickly. I fully expected it to spiral out of control, but I wanted to at least try to maintain my composure and talk to my so-called best friend like a rational human being before we resorted to trading blows. “It was inevitable. I wanted her. She wanted me.”
“We’ve been friends a long time,” Deacon said through clenched teeth as he stared me down. “In all that time, I don’t think I’ve asked you for a single favor.”
He was right. I’d invested in Alabaster’s willingly. I’d needed something to focus on after graduation, and building a business with my best friend seemed like my best option.
“So?” I walked into the living room, forcing him to follow me. “What’s your point?”
“I asked you, warned you, practically begged you to stay the hell away from my sister. But you didn’t. Does my friendship really mean so little to you?”
Deacon was like a brother to me. I’d take a bullet for him. But there was one thing I wouldn’t do, not even for him—walk away from Tiana. “Not everything is about you.”
I knew if Deacon and his father shared a single trait, it was their enormous egos, not that I could claim to be much better. I supposed that was why we were so close. As different as we were, beneath it all, we were the same.
“She’s my baby sister,” he said, clenching his fists. “I know the way you are with women. It kills me”—he pounded his closed fist against his chest—“I mean, kills me to think of you doing that with her, to her—hell, you know what I mean.”
I knew exactly what he meant. He didn’t want me trying any kinky shit with his virtuous sister. I poured two glasses of Deacon’s favorite scotch at a bar tucked away in the corner of the room.
Handing Deacon one of the glasses, I said, “There are girls like Mel and Christie that you had a good time with, but there’s only one Mia. Once you found her, you knew the others would never be enough. Am I right?”
Deacon closed his eyes when the scotch hit his lips. “Yeah. So?”
“That’s how I feel about your sister.”
Deacon scowled before downing the rest of his scotch like it was water. “Not what I want to hear right now.”
I couldn’t convince Deacon today that I was sincere about my feelings for Tiana. It would take time, months, maybe even a year or more before he finally accepted that I loved her and didn’t want or need anyone else. “I’ve shared things with Tiana that I’ve never shared with another woman.”
I watched Deacon from over the rim of my glass before taking a sip. I didn’t need alcohol to get through this conversation—I’d already had it in my mind a hundred times—but the slow burn provided a welcome distraction. It wasn’t easy to be weak, especially in front of a man who valued strength, but Deacon needed to know how Tiana made me feel, especially if I had a hope in hell of eventually getting his blessing. I wanted him to accept me as a part of Tiana’s life, not just for her sake but for mine too. I didn’t want to lose Deacon, but if he made me choose between our friendship and having Tiana in my life, I’d choose her every time.
“Things with her are different. I’ve never been like this with anyone else.”
Deacon finally seemed ready to listen. He sat on the edge of an armchair, still looking tense and annoyed but no longer outraged. “Explain.”
His abrupt command pissed me off, but reminding him he didn’t deserve an explanation would only fuel his anger. This may be the single most uncomfortable conversation I’d ever had in my life, but I knew my exaggerated sexual practices were a big part of the reason Deacon was so opposed to this relationship.
“I let her take the lead…” I let my gaze linger on his so he could read my meaning. “Decide what she’s ready for.”
“You don’t try to force her—”
“Never.” My tone was clipped, warning him not to cross any lines.
“But that doesn’t mean you won’t try to—”
“Yes, it does.”
I downed my drink before reaching for his empty glass and refilling both. I hadn’t thought I needed alcohol to get through this, but I was wrong. Now that we’d clearly decided to talk it out instead of fighting it out, I was more nervous about the outcome. If Tiana found out she’d be losing not only her parents but her brother, she may decide I wasn’t worth the risk and choose to walk away instead of fighting for us. I handed Deacon his glass before I sat down. I had a lot of pent-up frustration, but I didn’t want to pace the room like a caged cat and let Deacon know how anxious I was.
“You know how you used to use sex to fill a void?” I was one of the few people who knew about Deacon’s treatment for sex addiction, and while we didn’t discuss it often, I understood what led him there.
“Yeah, but we’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you and my sister.”
Ignoring him, I swirled the contents of my glass, staring at the dark amber liquid before meeting his eyes. “Your addiction was all about maintaining control. My…” I cleared my throat. “My practices were about maintaining control too, but for different reasons. I didn’t want a relationship, so I was really clear about that from the onset. I just wanted sex, and I thought if I could control the kind of sex we had, I could control the nature of the relationship.”
“Go on.”
At least I had his attention and it wasn’t wrapped in a shroud of open hostility. I assumed that was progress. “I chose a very specific type of woman, the kind I wouldn’t become attached to. But five years ago, something happened that changed all that.” I hadn’t intended to tell him about my first encounter with Tiana, but nothing would make sense to him unless I did.
“What happened?” He set his untouched drink on the table.
“Your sister and I…” Several phrases ran through my head, but all seemed inappropriate. “Were intimate.”
“What did you say?”
I could tell by his labored breathing and narrowed eyes he was ratcheting up the crazy again. Not that I was surprised. I suspected he would react that way when he learned that I was Tiana’s first lover.
“She came to me.” I set my glass on the table beside his and leaned forward. In case he decided to lunge for me, I wanted to be ready. “We didn’t plan it; it just sort of happened.”
Deacon paled before running a hand over his face. “I don’t believe this. Was it…?”
“Her first time?” I nodded. “Yeah, it was.”
“I should kill you,” Deacon whispered. “Give me one good reason not to.”
I wasn’t afraid of Deacon or his threats, but I said the first thing that came to mind, the most authentic thing I could have said in that moment. “I loved her then. I love her now.”
Deacon’s face was tight, his brows drawn t
ogether, as though he was trying to decide whether or not to believe me. I’d never lied to him. Honesty had always been the foundation of our friendship. Even when it hurt, we told each other the truth.
“I don’t need to put all those conditions on my relationship with Tiana. It’s not about the sex for us, Deacon. It’s about the intimacy and trust, the kind of foundation we can build a future on.” I knew I had his attention, so I said the one thing I hoped would gain his support. “If you never believe another word I say to you, believe this. Your sister is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I want her to be the mother of my children, and you have my word that I would never hurt her. I would never disrespect her or give her cause not to respect herself.”
Deacon considered my claim for a long time. “This dance studio idea of hers—did you put her up to that?”
I wanted Deacon to support Tiana’s decision to find her own way, not because it would mean she would be out from under Demi’s thumb—which would be a definite perk—but because she would finally be calling her own shots. “I suggested it, but whether she decides to do it or not is up to her. I just hope you won’t discourage her if she decides this is something she wants to pursue.”
“I won’t discourage her,” he said slowly, obviously considering the possibility. “Tiana has as much of a right to start her own business as Damon or me, but this just seems to be coming out of nowhere. She’s never talked about that before. She seemed happy working for my father.”
“And you’re wondering whether I’m trying to manipulate her into doing what I want her to do because I don’t like your father?” It was a fair question, but I couldn’t deny I was offended. I thought Deacon knew me better than that.
“The timing just seems…”
“Too convenient.” I tried to see the situation from his perspective and had to admit it might seem to most people that I had provoked Tiana’s sudden interest in starting a business of her own. “Bottom line, I want her to be happy. I don’t care what she does for a living or who she works for as long as she’s content. But I don’t think she can keep working for Demi. You know how he treats people, especially your sister.”
Deacon’s lips twisted in a sneer. “And I guess you’re saying I haven’t been much better than the old man?”
“I think your motives are more altruistic. You want to protect her. Demi wants to control her. But you can’t deny that none of you have ever given her autonomy. Not even Damon.”
“You have to understand,” Deacon said, his expression grim, “Tiana’s always been a target for opportunists. She’s beautiful and sweet. She wants to see the best in people, and let’s face it, being from a rich family puts her at risk.”
“I do understand.” I knew Deacon and his brother had only been looking out for her, but that was my job now. I would die before I’d let anything bad happen to Tiana. “But you have to let her grow up sometime, man. And would you really trust someone like this Chris guy to take care of her?”
Deacon grimaced. “I don’t trust anyone who gets my father’s stamp of approval.”
“Exactly. Think of it this way—you know I’m not after your family’s money.” I dared a smile.
Deacon rolled his eyes before cracking a smile. “Are you sure you want to do this, Blake? Go up against Demi? Because that’s exactly what you’d be doing. I know I don’t have to tell you this, but this will be all-out war. He’ll pull out all the stops to make sure you don’t end up with my sister.”
“I don’t care what he thinks of me, but I don’t want to cost Tiana her relationship with her family. I know how important y’all are to her. Maybe if she knew you and Mia and Damon and Eleni supported our relationship, it would soften the blow of not having your parents’ approval.”
Deacon shook his head before running a hand over his hair. “God, I never thought I’d hear myself say this.”
“What?” I held my breath, waiting.
“You’d better be good to my sister, Blake. Or I swear to God I’ll—”
“You don’t have to worry. Making her happy is my top priority.”
Chapter Thirteen
Tiana
As hard as it was, I was determined to face challenges head on from now on. I’d been hiding behind my family for too long, and that was about to change.
I walked into my childhood home, hoping that I could have a few minutes alone with my mother before my father came home. I’d called ahead, and she said she was expecting him home for lunch, so I’d purposely arrived early to give us a chance to talk.
“Hello, Tiana,” my mother said, meeting me in the foyer with a hug and a warm smile.
“Hi, Mom.”
My mother was still a lovely woman, her hair artfully enhanced to hide the strands of gray. She was trim, thanks to her active lifestyle, and her skin was always a warm bronze, a blessing of our heritage and my parents’ desire to escape the harsh New York winters.
“We will be having lunch soon. Can I get you a drink in the meantime?”
I hadn’t come to break bread with my parents, and I doubted my father would want me to stay when he heard what I had to say anyway. “No, I’m fine, thank you.”
My mother linked her arm through mine as we walked into the less formal sunken family room. “Tell me about work.”
I suspected my father had already told her about our argument, and I wanted to cut to the chase. “Before we get into that, you need to know that I have no interest in pursuing a relationship with Christos.”
My mother sighed before leading me to two chairs set in front of wall-to-wall windows overlooking the elaborate gardens that enhanced their five-acre spread. Her cold hands clasped mine as we sat. “Tiana, why are you doing this? You know how much your father wants this to work.”
My father’s wishes had always been paramount to my mother, more important than even her own.
“What about what I want? Doesn’t that matter?”
“Of course it does, but we only want what is best for you. Christos would be a wonderful husband and father. His family—”
“I don’t care about any of that,” I said, withdrawing my hands from hers. My mother and I had never had the kind of relationship where I could confide in her. I knew her allegiance was to my father and anything I said to her would go back to him, regardless of whether I’d asked her to keep it a secret. “I could never love him.”
My mother sat back, curling her bejeweled hands around the arms of her chair. “How can you say that? You don’t even know him well enough to—”
“I could never love him because I’m in love with someone else.” I looked into her dark brown eyes, watching the play of emotions intently: disappointment, concern, and fear. Fear of how my father would react to the news that I was determined to oppose him and dare to choose my own partner.
My mother closed her eyes before whispering, “Please do not tell me you are talking about—”
“Blake. Yes, I am.” I sat up straight and met her gaze when she finally opened her eyes. “He’s the one I want to be with. I’m sorry if that doesn’t make you and Dad happy, but it’s time I start living my life for me, and that means I have to make some changes.”
“What kind of changes?” she asked, looking even more alarmed.
The front door slammed, and my father stalked into the room. He stopped to glare at me before crossing the room to pour himself a drink. “What are you doing here? I heard you weren’t at work today.”
“That’s what I’m here to talk to you about.” I still didn’t know if my business idea would be viable, but even if it wasn’t, working for my father would be impossible as long as I was determined to maintain a relationship with Blake.
If looks could kill, my own father would have slain me. It hurt to see revulsion in his eyes. I’d seen him look at others that way, but never at me. I’d always been the good girl, the one who did as he said and never questioned his authority. Until now. The speech I’d rehearsed would forever change the
dynamic of our relationship, but I was ready. My father loved me, but only his actions would determine whether his love was conditional or not.
“I’m listening.” He downed the single shot of scotch in one gulp before pouring another, the only indication that he was as anxious about the conversation as I was.
“You were right about Blake and me. We are involved.” My voice sounded a little shaky, but at least I’d gotten the words out.
“I knew it!” He thrust a shaky finger in my direction. “You will end it! Right now! Today. That man has no place in your life.”
I took a deep breath, trying to remain calm in the face of my father’s rage. I could never shout him down. My only hope of getting my point across was to remain composed and allow him to vent until he ran out of steam. “That’s for me to decide, and I’ve decided he does have a place in my life.”
My mother ran a manicured hand over her smooth forehead, wincing as though she was in pain. My mother suffered migraines, which seemed to surface only when one of her children defied her husband.
“He’ll use you for sex—”
“Demi,” my mother admonished, “please. The staff.”
“I don’t give a goddamn about the staff! That… swine wants to take our daughter away! Do you want that to happen, Vaso?”
“No, of course not,” she said, flattening a hand against her chest. “But Tiana is a smart girl. She would not allow someone like that to take advantage of her.”
“Someone like that?” I asked, unable to mask my annoyance.
My mother had never bothered to get to know Blake, even though he was her eldest son’s best friend. Because he was Demi’s enemy, that made him her enemy too. I was standing up for myself because I was determined to fight for my relationship with Blake, but also because I didn’t want to end up like my mother, someone whose self-esteem was so low she didn’t even believe she was entitled to her own opinion.
“I’ll have you know he’s an amazing man,” I said. “He lost his mother when he was barely a teen and still managed to graduate with an honors degree from Harvard.”
Tiana (Starkis Family #3) Page 14