“Yes, I’m calling about Megan, but it’s not what you think. She’s okay. Physically, I mean.”
Relief coursed through Crystal. “You scared me.”
“I’m sorry, hon.” A pause. “But I need some reinforcements. Your sister is going on a trip and will be gone for weeks, maybe months.”
“Oh. That’s cool.” Crystal headed toward the kitchen.
“No, it’s not.”
“What’s wrong with Megan taking a trip?”
“Not just any trip. She’s going by herself to South America, Africa, Asia, Europe, you name it.”
“She’s wanted to travel for years. I don’t see the problem.”
“You don’t understand. This isn’t just a normal sightseeing trip.” Mom briefly described the purpose of the trip as Crystal pulled all the ingredients for stuffed bell peppers and a side salad from the fridge.
Crystal got chills when she heard about her sister’s mission. “It sounds like something she really wants to do. She’s got a good head on her shoulders. And she’s read a lot about travel. I’m sure she’ll be fine.”
“Maybe, but the emotional stress will be so difficult. What if it causes her to have a heart attack? Or reject her organ? She’ll be over there by herself and her doctor is here—”
“There are doctors overseas too. Don’t you think you’re overreacting?” Mom had always hovered over Megan, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that the idea of her being gone freaked Mom out.
“I just worry.”
Funny, she’d never seemed worried when Crystal went off to graduate school in New York City as a twenty-two-year-old. Crystal had agonized over the decision to move away from Minnesota when Megan was so ill, but ultimately knew there wasn’t much she could do for her sister anyway. Ever since high school, when Mom had started homeschooling Megan, Crystal and her twin had lived fairly separate lives.
Still, when she’d left for Columbia University, she’d expected more of a protest from her parents. But they’d been so consumed with Megan’s health at the time, they hardly seemed to notice she was over a thousand miles away.
Some things never changed. And Crystal was over it. Mostly.
Crystal rummaged in her cabinets and emerged with a cutting board. “You mentioned reinforcements. What do you want me to do?” As if anything she could do would make a difference when it came to Megan. Their relationship was beyond repair, and it was all Crystal’s fault. Things had been tenuous before Megan’s transplant surgery, but that day Crystal had shown her true colors. And facing Megan afterward had been too difficult.
“She won’t listen to me. And I know things are a bit rough between you right now, but maybe you could talk some sense into her.”
Crystal let loose a derisive snort. “Rough?” Sure, if that’s what you called it when twins who were once as close as peanut butter and jelly now lived in a state of limbo, talking or texting only when necessary—and never about anything important.
“Oh, darling, I do so wish you and your sister could work out whatever is between you. It breaks my heart to see how far apart you’ve grown.”
Crystal plunked the ground turkey onto the counter along with an onion, tomatoes, romaine lettuce, vegetables, and various spices. “I know, Mom.” What more could she say? Things were the way they were, and all a person could do was deal with it and move on. Acknowledging the pain only brought more pain.
“Could you just try and talk to her, sweetheart? This would give you a clear reason for talking. Who knows where the conversation could go after that?”
Crystal rolled her eyes. Did Mom really think she could make a difference, or was she using it as another excuse to try to fix what was broken between her daughters? “I doubt she’d listen to me. But maybe I can try.”
“I’d appreciate it.” A pause. “I’m sorry to have bothered you.”
“You didn’t.”
“It’s so good to talk to you.” Mom’s voice was soft now. “We don’t hear from you often. Have you had a chance to check your work schedule yet? We’d love to see you this summer. Or Christmas. Whenever it’s convenient for you. Or your father and I were thinking of catching a few Broadway shows. Maybe we can convince Megan to come with us and we can have a fun family reunion in the Big Apple.” Another pause. “If that wouldn’t put you out. We could stay at a hotel.”
“You absolutely would not—”
“Oh, Crystal, I’m so sorry. Megan’s boss is calling on the other line. Maybe between the three of us, we can convince Megan she doesn’t need to take this trip. We’ll chat soon, all right? Love you, sweetie.”
“Okay. Bye.” Crystal set the phone down on the counter and stared at it for a few long moments. Should she do what Mom asked and call Megan?
No, her sister wouldn’t want to hear from her. Not after what Crystal had done three and a half years ago and how she’d acted since.
Of course, things between them hadn’t exactly been stellar before that. An emotion—guilt? regret?—welled up, and for once, she let it linger. What would it be like to once again have the kind of sibling relationship that made talking to each other something to look forward to rather than dread?
But just as quickly, she hushed the question. Emotional what-ifs got a person nowhere.
After flicking on the radio, she started chopping the onion while Adele’s voice gathered and swirled around her. The onion’s juices rent the air and tears began leaking from the corners of her eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
She jumped at the sound of Brian’s voice, and the cutting knife clattered onto the counter. She turned to the right and took him in—his gym clothes drenched, hair tousled with sweat. “You scared me. I didn’t hear you come in.”
“Sorry.” He stepped forward and slowly, tentatively, reached out to wipe her tears away. “You’re home early. Are you all right?”
The gesture was so gentle, so sweet. An ache tore through her, and she stuffed it back inside. He must have forgiven her for forgetting their anniversary. “Of course.” Crystal picked up the knife again and resumed cutting. “Onions make me cry.”
“You’re sure it wasn’t something else?”
“I’m fine.” Crying never did anyone any good. What was the point? She rose up on her tiptoes and planted a kiss on his lips. “Go shower. Dinner will be ready soon.”
“Crys.” His voice was a whisper, even though he stood close. “You can talk to me, you know.”
She hesitated. “I just talked to my mom.”
“How did that go?” Brian snagged a baby carrot from the counter and took a bite.
She explained Megan’s trip and her mom’s request as she finished chopping the onion.
“Why don’t you call?”
“You know why.” The onion done, Crystal opened the ground turkey and dumped it into a skillet. She added the onion and some garlic salt, then clicked on the burner.
Brian leaned against the counter to her left. “Your sister loves you. I’m sure if you’d just talk more often, you’d be able to work things out.”
“That’s what Mom seems to think too.” Crystal broke up the meat with her spatula. Raw meat flung out of the pan. Oops. Too much force. She grabbed a paper towel and cleaned up her mess. “But it’s more complicated than that.”
“You can’t avoid your family forever.”
“I’m not.” Anger rose in her, but no, that didn’t do any good either. She stirred the meat, and it started to sizzle as the burner heated up. This isn’t how she’d envisioned the evening going. “Can we talk about something else, please? How was your day?”
“It was good.” Brian sighed. “Babe, you have to stop avoiding things when they get hard.” His hands encircled her waist as he came up behind her.
Crystal continued to stir the meat and onions together, getting all the pink out. “Things with my family are fine. Yeah, we don’t talk that much, but it works for us.” Because it was too hard to watch her parents fawn over Megan like they always
had and think about the disappointment they inevitably felt toward Crystal and the poor excuse for a sister she’d been. “And like I’ve told you, we’ll plan a trip out there to see them all soon.”
“But when? You’ve been saying that for the past year or two.”
“When everything settles down.”
“From what I can tell, that doesn’t seem likely anytime ‘soon.’ ”
Crystal focused on stirring the meat. Nice and steady. “We’ll figure it out.” Yes, life was crazy right now, but eventually . . . Well, maybe that wasn’t true. But she didn’t know how to stop the carousel without jumping off completely.
The meat was finally cooked, so she eased out of Brian’s arms, then grabbed a glass jar from beneath the cabinets and carefully drained the grease into it.
Brian folded his arms over his chest. “Do you think maybe you go-go-go so hard because . . .” He furrowed his forehead. “I don’t know. Because you don’t want to stop and feel? You never really dealt with what happened to your sister and what happened to you as a result.”
No, I ran.
Memories socked her in the gut. Crystal put the meat back onto the stovetop to stay warm, then grabbed a green bell pepper and began gutting it. “There’s nothing to deal with. Everything turned out okay.” Megan was fine now.
“You can’t tell me that her being sick your whole lives didn’t affect you. That it didn’t matter to you that she got all the attention. That you never felt guilty over being perfectly health—”
“I don’t feel guilty.” Crystal jabbed the knife through the bell pepper, taking off its head and exposing the seeds beneath it.
“Crystal, your sister was on the brink of death when she finally received her transplant. I’ve seen how the constant fear of her dying took a toll on you, even if you never talked about it.”
“But she didn’t die.” Another bell pepper lost its head. With a firm yank, she pulled the pit from inside and flung it and the seeds into the garbage. “It’s pointless to dwell on that now.”
Brian groaned. “I’m probably not expressing my thoughts very well here.” Then he paused and snapped his fingers. “Crys, why don’t you go on this trip with your sister?”
Her head shot up and she stared at him. “Are you crazy? First, no way could I get the time off work right now, especially after what happened with the Hoffman project. Second, I haven’t spent one hour in my sister’s company in over three years, and you want me to go on a trip with her around the world that will last weeks?”
Megan would never want that. A weekend back in Minnesota was one thing. But being with her sister for an extended trip around the world . . . It was a recipe for disaster.
“You haven’t taken a vacation in years, so I’m guessing you have plenty of paid time off stored away. And this could be the chance to make things better between you and Megan.”
“Things between us are fine.” As good as they were going to get. They could never go back to being those innocent eight-year-old best friends who didn’t know what the words hypertrophic cardiomyopathy meant.
“There’s that word again. Everything’s always fine. Even if you never talk to your family, work eighty hours a week, and are physically exhausted all the time.” Her husband’s voice didn’t rise, but the intensity of it increased. “I suppose you think things are ‘fine’ between us too, don’t you?”
“Of course.” She heard the lie in her words. But all couples had their issues, and she was trying to make things better. “I got off work early today. Planned a nice dinner for you. Even laid out a . . . Forget it.” She turned toward him again. The look in his eyes shoved guilt down her throat. This conversation needed to be over. She was having trouble keeping her emotions in check.
“I appreciate those things. I do.” Brian came closer to her. “But one time doesn’t change all the times in the future that you’ll have to choose between your job and our family. It’s bad enough now, but how do you see your demanding career fitting in with our life when we have kids?”
“I’ll figure it out.”
“Don’t you see, Crys? You will never be able to figure out any of this if you don’t fix things between you and Megan.”
“What in the world does one have to do with the other?”
“All I know is that ever since we came home after Megan’s surgery, you’ve been a totally different person. Sure, you were driven before. But that trip, that experience, broke something in you. You’ve lost your why, and I’m not sure you can get it back until you heal.” He paused. “I’m not sure we can get us back until you heal.”
Did he really think it was that easy? Things had been wrong for far too long for healing to be a real possibility. And they’d gone wrong long before Megan’s surgery. That had just been the straw that broke all their backs.
Crystal picked up the last bell pepper and rammed it through with the knife. A sharp pain penetrated her finger and she yelped, dropping the vegetable and the knife. Blood gushed from her index finger.
Brian leaped forward and pulled her finger under the sink. Her blood mingled with the water flowing from the faucet, turning it pink as it swirled down the drain. He brought her finger closer and examined it. “Doesn’t seem that deep.” He grabbed a paper towel and wrapped it around her finger, stemming the flow of blood for now. “We can grab a bandage and patch this up quickly.”
If only everything were as easy to fix.
She turned her face from his intense gaze.
“Crys.” His whisper penetrated her soul. “I just want my wife back.”
“I don’t know where she went.” It was the truth. Brian was right. Something had changed in her three and a half years ago. That day in the hospital, she’d finally come face-to-face with who she really was—and the reality of her utter selfishness, her cowardice, had slapped her full force.
So ever since, she’d been living her life the only way she knew how, the only way experience had taught her to: in survival mode.
Brian seemed to think the answer could be found by taking time away from everything. By facing Megan. Making amends, if it was even possible.
She let herself dream for a moment . . . What if?
Her inner workhorse denied the possibility that leaving behind all her responsibilities could do any sort of good. But given her lack of inspiration at work and the state of her marriage, maybe she really did need to do something drastic. Not that she could totally escape work. She’d have to work on the Lerner proposal from afar . . . and that was only if Tony let her take the time away from the office. Besides, the Lerner project was still something her soul yearned for—and not just because of the possible promotion that came with it.
But even if she overcame the obstacle of getting time off work, there was a larger potential barrier at play. “I don’t think Megan would want me to go with her.” Crystal’s finger throbbed with the pressure Brian applied.
“All you have to do is ask her.”
But what about Brian? She couldn’t leave him, not when they clearly had issues they needed to work through. “I’m afraid of what will happen if I go away for a month or two, especially right now.”
The look her husband gave her was so sorrowful, she could barely breathe. “And I’m afraid of what will happen if you stay.”
Oh. She squeezed her eyes shut. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
Maybe Brian was right. They couldn’t keep going on like they had been. And if it took this trip to figure things out with her job, her marriage, her family—to figure out what had happened to the Crystal she used to be—then that’s what she’d do, if she could get the time off.
Still, how would Megan react to her request?
Only one way to find out.
Chapter 6
Talk with Mom and Dad. Check.
Talk with the Abbotts. Check.
Plan trip.
Megan stared at her woefully inadequate to-do list. Crystal had always been the organized one, Megan the dreamer. Who was she
kidding? She had no idea how to plan a trip around the world when she’d only been outside of Minnesota a handful of times. She could ask Mom for help, but given her strong opposition to Megan’s plans the day before, that probably wasn’t the best way to go. And Dad’s rare business trips were arranged by his secretary, so he probably wouldn’t be much help.
She tore the piece of paper from her notebook and crumpled it in her hand. Megan aimed at the wastebasket next to her bed and tossed the paper inside. Her eyes flitted to her bookcase. Of course. She’d collected her own miniature library of travel books over the years. She’d start there.
Megan climbed from the bed and crouched next to the bookcase’s bottom two rows. Her fingers skimmed the rim of the book spines touting all the places she’d dreamed about visiting. And now she was really going to do it. Her pulse quickened. She pulled books for Peru, China, Greece, Italy, and France from the shelf, stacking them on the floor next to her. Then her eyes froze on the last book: The Sights of London.
A memory surfaced.
It had been 11:00 p.m. Mom had already gone home from the hospital, ending her two-night vigil, but said she’d be back in the morning. Megan couldn’t sleep, thanks to the constant beeping of monitors and the cold hospital room. Even with a pile of blankets on, she’d been freezing. Caleb had wheeled himself into her room—like he could sense she was awake, even from down the hall.
He pulled to a stop next to her bed, where a small lamp lit the book in her lap. In his own was something wrapped in brown paper. “Thought you might be up.”
Megan laughed softly, then coughed. She snuck her hand out from beneath her blanket and grabbed her cup of water, took a sip. The icy liquid rolled down her throat, making her even colder—if that was possible. “Why are you awake?”
He shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep.” Though Caleb was usually hooked up to monitors, he was doing a lot better than he’d been when he’d checked in two weeks ago. He was supposed to be getting out tomorrow. Who knew when he’d be back? Who knew when any of them would? “Here.” He handed the package to her.
The Heart Between Us Page 6