The Heart Between Us

by Lindsay Harrel

  “You should really open your eyes. It’s gorgeous up here.”

  “No, thanks. I’m good.”

  “I didn’t think you were afraid of heights.”

  “This isn’t just heights. It’s pure madness.” Trusting in a foreign country’s airborne transportation system had been an egregious error in judgment.

  “Come on, Crystal. Just take a peek. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

  Crystal groaned but popped one eye open. Below her, tiny people moved along the wall like bugs in an ant farm. The path rose and fell and went for miles. Mountains and greenery surrounded the wall on all sides. A slight haze covered the sky, but pockets of light shone through. “Maybe this isn’t so b—”

  The wind rocked their car and Crystal held in a squeal. Thankfully, the end of the line was coming into view. She closed her eyes as another wave of nausea passed.

  “Are you okay?” Megan’s voice sounded distant.

  Crystal nodded and held a fist against her stomach. “Just a little nauseous.”

  “You don’t think . . .”

  “What?” She opened her eyes and fixed her gaze on Megan.

  “I don’t know. Could you be pregnant?”

  “No, thank goodness.” The words popped out before she could consider what they communicated.

  “Oh. Sorry. I just assumed you and Brian wanted kids.”

  “We do, just not yet.”

  Brian would be thrilled if she’d agree to go off her birth control pills. But for some reason Crystal couldn’t muster enthusiasm for the idea. She’d told him—had been telling herself—she simply wanted to achieve certain career goals before bringing kids into the world, but deep down she knew there were other reasons. Ones she didn’t want to explore.

  She rushed on. “I think I might have a small ulcer or something like that. It’s probably nothing.” This morning as she’d looked in the mirror, she’d noticed how her eyes lacked any luster and puffy bags rimmed the underside of her lids. Headaches had come more frequently this last week, and she’d already gone through three bottles of TUMS since boarding that first plane to Peru.

  “What? You should go to the doctor.”

  “When am I going to do that, Megan? We’re constantly on the move.” If she’d been home, she would have made an appointment with her doctor at this point, no matter how busy she was. But neither she nor Megan could afford a delay.

  “We can surely find time for you to get checked out.”

  “I’m managing it fine. Sometimes I just eat something that irritates my stomach a bit.” She’d simply have to suck it up. Besides, how she was feeling was nothing compared to what Megan had been through. Crystal had no room to complain.

  They rumbled into the cable car station. Megan chewed her lip and turned away from Crystal. “If you say so.”

  The cable car swept toward an attendant, who opened their door and helped Megan out, then Crystal. It took a moment for Crystal to get her bearings and steady her legs.

  Megan led the way toward the exit. They ascended a few steps and found themselves in an arched doorway. Walking toward the sunlight, they emerged from the cable car station. A brick wall on either side of the path kept them hemmed in. Tourists of all nationalities roamed the walkway, some using the handrails along the edges of the wall to climb the steep path toward the highest point of this section. “Come on.”

  As Crystal trudged up the path, her nausea subsided. Directly in front of them, a Chinese mom held the hand of a young boy about five years old. He tried to drag his mother toward a viewing machine mounted at the top of a step across the pathway. The woman shook her head and said something Crystal couldn’t hear.

  What would it be like to be a mother? On the one hand, she’d have someone who adored her for no other reason than she was Mom. But children . . . They were so dependent. They required a lot of love and attention. And while Brian would be an amazing parent, Crystal couldn’t say the same about herself.

  After all, she hadn’t exactly been there for the other people in her life.

  “Crystal?”

  “Hmm?” Crystal looked up to see Megan standing there with a map, a questioning look on her face.

  “Are you coming?”

  “Oh. Yeah.”

  Megan led them to the nearest watchtower—there were twenty-something in this section—and they explored it fully. As they headed upstairs, Crystal caught sight of the mother and her son standing at a window and overlooking the gorgeous scenery below. The mom held the boy up so he could see, letting him stand on the lip of the window, nothing but her arm securing him.

  “What are you looking at?”

  Crystal jumped to find Megan at her elbow. “The way that woman is holding her son. Mom never would have let us get so close.”

  “You’re right. Remember that hike we took during a camping trip when we were like six or seven? Dad took us out on that rock ledge overlooking the whole forest.”

  “Oh yeah. And Mom totally freaked out.”

  Dad had told their mom to calm down, that he was there with the girls and was making sure they were protected. But how had he really known he could keep them safe? As a child, Crystal had completely trusted him, known without question that nothing bad could happen so long as he was there.

  Still, the reality was that he couldn’t fully protect them. One wrong move and someone could have slipped, fallen right over the edge . . .

  Of course they’d been fine. That day. That time.

  But one or two years later, Megan had been diagnosed with something that had been completely out of both their parents’ control. She’d almost died, and there was nothing they’d been able to do to shield her from it.

  “You look pale.” Megan bit her lip. “Do we need to go back?”

  “I’m fine. Really.”

  But she wasn’t. Every time she allowed a new emotion through the cracks in her armor, it jabbed, rubbing her insides raw. Brian would say this was progress, and maybe it was. But it was painful, and Crystal almost missed the numbness.

  She straightened and turned from the mother and son. “Let’s get back to it.”

  That evening Megan took her laptop to the lobby to write her latest blog post and work on her article for the online publication, leaving Crystal behind to try to work on her proposal. Crystal’s body ached for sleep, but evenings and flights were her only times to work—and she’d received an e-mail an hour ago from Tony requesting another draft of her proposal.

  After she pressed a few buttons on her phone, Norah Jones’s voice spilled into the room, ebbing and flowing like the light rain that beat against the window. Crystal settled into the chair next to the window to brainstorm and lifted her hand to her notepad. She closed her eyes, considering all the things she’d seen so far on this trip, thinking about the James Lawrence building. What had she always dreamed of doing with it? How could she pull her recent experiences into this one? Her old art teacher’s voice echoed in her mind: “What is art about if you don’t put yourself into every bit of it?”

  That wasn’t as easy as it used to be.

  Focus, Crystal. Focus. She pictured the Egyptian pyramids. The Taj Mahal. The Great Wall. All amazing feats of architecture . . .

  Her phone rang. Brian. She answered. “Hey, babe.”

  “Glad I finally got ahold of you. It’s been a while.”

  The time difference had made it difficult to find time to talk. And even when they did, she had a hard time expressing her thoughts. After all the emotions she’d been keeping at bay lately, she felt like a hot mess. What husband wanted to hear about that?

  He cleared his throat. “So. How are you?”

  “Doing okay.” She slid the phone between her shoulder and her cheek and started doodling on the notepad. “How are things in New York?”

  “Pretty much the same.” Brian paused. “Except you’re not here, of course. I miss you.”

  “That’s good to hear.” Crystal drew a plane. She pictured herself gr
abbing hold of the wings and flying along, back to her husband. Back to the comfort zone of work, of progress she could see. “I miss you too.”

  When things felt awkward or strained between her and Megan—those times it didn’t seem like this trip would really change anything—she focused on Brian, on what he’d said before she left: “I’m not sure we can get us back until you heal.” He’d been certain that healing included patching things up with Megan.

  But she felt like she was failing him. Because she still hadn’t found a way to open up to Megan, to move past the surface and dive deeper.

  How could she, when there was a lingering elephant between them, one that felt like it’d settled there and would never budge, no matter how much she wanted to push?

  She was helpless once again. Incapable of fixing this mess.

  Her eyes began to burn and an impending headache put pressure on her temples. She slashed through the doodles on her page and closed the notepad.

  “What did you do today?” Brian’s voice pulled her from her thoughts.

  Facts. Those she could handle. She rubbed her forehead. “Today we saw the Great Wall. It was quite an experience.” She told him about riding the cable lift.

  “I’m surprised you agreed to that. Remember that ski trip when we were dating? You promised you’d never go on another ski lift or anything of the sort ever again.”

  “Yeah, but Megan really wanted to go, so we did.”

  “That was nice of you. How are things going between you two?”

  “We’re getting along, if that’s what you mean. No knock-down drag-outs. Just the basic sisterly squabbles.” Although, not really even that. Maybe they were both too afraid of what even a small fight might lead to.

  “I know it can’t be easy.” Brian hesitated. “Is she treating you okay?”

  “Megan?” Crystal snorted. “She doesn’t hold grudges, even when she should.” Ah, there came the red-hot eyes again . . . and a single tear, burning a trail down her cheek. Crystal backhanded it away.

  “You know, it’s okay to have a knock-down drag-out. Sometimes that’s what’s needed to clear the air. Have you . . . you know, brought up the past?”

  “What do you think?” Her voice came out ragged, angry. Brian meant well, but he didn’t know what he was asking. “Sorry, I don’t mean to sound frustrated. There’s just a lot going on. Tony’s breathing down my neck with work stuff, we’re traveling a lot, which is exhausting, and the emotions I’m dealing with are more than overwhelming. Sometimes I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

  And suddenly she couldn’t stuff away the memories any longer. They were coming, curling up from within, bringing images of the day that things had gone from bad to impossible between her and Megan.

  There lay her twin, who should be identical in every way but couldn’t look less like her if she tried, kept prisoner in a hospital bed thanks to IV lines and monitors, looking nearly dead already. Her eyes had sunken into her pale face, yet somehow still flashed that hope Megan always kept shining. Her hair was dull, so thin and wispy against the pillow. She’d asked to see Crystal alone, so Crystal had left Mom, Dad, and Brian in the waiting room. Every step forward had been torture.

  “Crystal.” Megan reached out her hand. It looked like one an old woman might have—wrinkled, worn, bruised with splotches of blood just beneath the surface.

  Crystal took that hand in hers. A chill burst from it, from Megan. “You’re going to be okay.” Crystal squeezed, willing some of her own strength into her sister. This wasn’t the first time Megan had had to fight for her life. Wasn’t the first time Crystal had had to watch. They’d both do it again. Only this time Megan would emerge whole, with a new heart that could change everything—maybe even this distance between them.

  She had to. There wasn’t an alternative. Not one that Crystal was willing to accept.

  “I know.” Megan’s voice croaked, thick with emotion and weak from the medications she’d been fed through her tubes. “But if I’m not, you should have Nana’s ring. I know you always wanted it.”

  “Stop it.” With a firm shake of her head, Crystal stood, but Megan held on to her hand tighter than she should have been able to. She’d always been stronger than anyone had guessed. “Nothing’s going to happen to you.”

  “It might. And if it does, I just want—”

  But Crystal hadn’t stuck around to hear what Megan wanted. “You’re going to be fine. I promise.”

  She leaned over, kissed her sister on the forehead, and returned to the waiting room. She waited to hear Megan had made it through surgery and then fled back to New York like the coward she really was.

  Silent sobs racked Crystal’s whole body as the tears finally streamed out.

  “Crys?”

  Brian. He was still on the phone. “I’ve got to go.” She barely whispered the words before hanging up and slipping the phone onto silent.

  Chapter 15

  July 1

  Blog Post Title: Getting Schooled: Visiting the Great Barrier Reef

  Post Content:

  We ran into some trouble in paradise today . . .

  Three hundred dollars should have paid for a lovely outing on a reliable charter boat.

  “What was that clunking noise?” Megan shielded her eyes from the sun as she swiveled her head to the captain, a short man in his fifties sporting a deep tan and bleached hair. Next to her, Crystal sat on the boat’s front seat in a half-zipped black wetsuit and pink bikini top. The spray from the moving boat teased their faces as they sped along the Australian coast.

  “Nothing to worry about.” The captain’s Australian accent showcased his nonchalance as he waved his hand in the air. “This old girl has never failed me once.”

  “Remind me why we didn’t book an excursion with a reputable company?” Crystal cocked an eyebrow in Megan’s direction.

  Her sister had been fairly quiet the last few days as they’d flown to and explored the Australian city of Cairns—ever since their last night in Beijing, when Megan had returned to their room after writing and found Crystal in tears. She’d rushed to her side, asked what was wrong, but her sister couldn’t seem to find the words to tell her.

  Couldn’t, or didn’t want to.

  Instead, she’d rushed to the bathroom and shut the door. When Megan had gently brought it up the next morning, Crystal had changed the subject.

  Maybe Megan had been a fool to hope things would ever change between them.

  Now she shook off what felt like rejection and ran her fingers through her damp hair. “Because if we’d booked an excursion, we wouldn’t have control over where the boat goes. And Amanda’s list said to ‘snorkel a remote part of the Great Barrier Reef,’ so we needed that control.”

  She’d spent time last week researching remote locations with amazing snorkeling and had discovered a small island that fit the bill. Because it was peak tourist season, they’d had to scour the docks to find a boat available for charter. It was a good thing they’d found Captain Donaldson when they did, because their flight to Greece was tomorrow morning.

  “How much farther until we reach the island?” Megan looked out over the turquoise water rippling against the boat.

  The captain steered with one hand and took a swig from his water bottle with the other. “Another twenty-four kilometers or so.”

  “Great.” The sky was completely cloudless, and there weren’t any other boats in sight. Megan couldn’t wait to get a peek at what lay beneath—

  Clunk, clunk, clunk.

  Crystal’s head shot up. “That did not sound good.”

  The captain cursed and banged something metal and hollow just as the boat sputtered to a stop. Megan turned her body again to face the captain. He fiddled with some controls, and the faint smell of gasoline rent the air.

  Megan bit the edge of her fingernail. “What’s going on?”

  The captain ignored her and checked a few more things on the boat. “I won’t know for sure until we get
back to dock, but I think something’s wrong with the engine.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means we won’t be going to your island.” The man picked up his boat phone and dialed. “Mate, we’re stuck . . . Yeah, stopped completely.” He gave their coordinates and hung up, then scratched his head. The crow’s feet around his eyes stood out with his grimace. “Looks like my partner can’t come pick us up for about an hour. He’ll haul us back to shore and we’ll get you a full refund. Sorry for the trouble.”

  “But we have to get to that island. Can he take us there?”

  The man shook his head. “We have to go a lot slower when hauling another boat so we’d never make it back before it gets dark.”

  But the list—they had to get to that island. “What are we going to do?”

  Crystal pulled a strand of hair over her shoulder and wrapped it around her finger. “Isn’t our flight early tomorrow?”

  “Yes.” It was only a balmy seventy degrees, but Megan was beginning to sweat.

  “Do you think we’d be able to switch to a later flight so we can snorkel in the morning?”

  Megan thought through their travel plans, trying to remember all the details. “The festival of San Fermín starts in five days. The travel agent has everything organized perfectly so we make it to Greece and Italy before we hit Spain.” The distant drone of an airplane reverberated overhead. “Plus, when we switch flights, it costs money. And our budget is tight as it is, even with the GoFundMe money.”

  “I hate to say it, but we might have to leave this item undone.”

  “We can’t.” Not when Amanda’s family was counting on her, had put up thousands of dollars to financially back her journey. And not when she now had blog readers following along, wishing her success. And especially not when she had another article due to Sheila Daily, who said her first one had hit a chord with readers and she couldn’t wait to publish more.

  Failure was not an option.

  But right now it seemed inevitable.

  “Okay.” Crystal fiddled with the zipper on her wetsuit. Her eyes narrowed in concentration. “From what you’ve told me about Amanda, she doesn’t seem like the kind of girl who’d give up easily.”