What else was Megan going to do on this trip? What if her confidence turned into stupidity and she risked her health in a way that she couldn’t come back from?
Crystal understood Mom’s coddling a lot better now.
Not for the first time, Crystal considered calling their mother and getting her involved. But that might alienate Megan more and they could lose what little ground they’d actually made toward repairing their relationship.
So instead, she trudged onward inside this foreign airport, mulling how to move forward without losing her cool.
Next to her, Megan grew quiet. Together they walked past other tourists, some clearly on their way to enjoy the rest of the festival. One crowd of college-aged guys—American too, by the looks of them—whistled at Crystal and Megan as they went by.
Crystal ignored them and hopped onto a moving sidewalk. For a moment she leaned against the railing as they traversed without any effort across the airport floor. High glass ceilings towered over them, revealing a cloudless, crystal-blue sky.
“Are you going to be mad at me forever?” Megan chewed her bottom lip.
Crystal had tried disguising her feelings, but apparently she wasn’t as great at it as she once was. She placed her hand on her suitcase handle and started walking again, going twice as fast now. “I’ll get over it.”
They stepped off the moving sidewalk, and it took a moment to readjust to normal movement. They’d landed across from a food court, complete with a café, a bistro, and—hallelujah!—a Starbucks. Crystal eyed the menu. “I’m getting coffee. Do you want something?”
“No, thanks. But I’ll snag a seat at one of the tables.”
“Sounds good.” Crystal tugged her gaze away and led them toward the smell of wonderful bliss. She got into line and breathed in the scent of roasted coffee, letting it wash over her and cling to her pores and clothing. She ordered a mocha, waited for it to be made, and moved to the table Megan had chosen. They still had at least an hour before boarding, so she pulled out a chair and sat down across from her sister.
Megan fiddled with the napkin container. “Can we talk about it?”
Crystal took a sip of her coffee. It burned her tongue. “About what, exactly?”
“I just feel like there’s a barrier between us. One that wasn’t there before.”
Was she joking? A tiny sliver of Crystal’s control slipped away. “Come on, Megan. There’s been a barrier between us for a long time.”
“But we’ve been getting along on this trip so far.” Megan frowned. It was such an unnatural expression on her face. “I just don’t want to ruin that.”
“I’ll try to be less like Mom in the future. No worrying about you from here on out.”
“That’s not what I’m saying. You are obviously upset. For once, Crystal, will you just tell me how you feel?”
Conversations buzzed all around them, but Megan’s words had no trouble smacking Crystal’s ears. “You don’t really want to know how I’m feeling.”
“Yes. I do.” Megan grit her teeth.
Crystal had been so afraid of upsetting the delicate balance she and Megan had been keeping. But Brian’s words rushed back to her: “You know, it’s okay to have a knock-down drag-out. Sometimes that’s what’s needed to clear the air.” She didn’t want to have this conversation, but they needed to.
It was time.
“Okay, I was furious with you yesterday.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean, why? I told you. You could’ve had a heart attack. Or been gored. Or . . . died.” The last word shuddered from Crystal’s lips.
Megan’s eyes filled with compassion. “But I didn’t. I didn’t die. I’m here. I’m whole. I’m fine.”
“But you weren’t.” Crystal’s heart stampeded her chest. “I still remember what it was like, you know. Always expecting a phone call telling me it was over. Thinking I’d come home from school to a tragedy. Wondering if I could have done something different . . .” She trailed off when her voice turned raspy.
Her sister stayed silent for a moment. “I know I brought a lot of pain to the family—”
“It’s not your fault you were sick all those years. You didn’t choose that. But yesterday you did choose to run. This time you chose to put yourself in danger. It’s like . . .” No, she couldn’t say that. Could she?
“It’s like what? Tell me.”
“It’s like you’re purposefully being reckless because you have your life back, because you never got to be reckless before. But your decisions don’t just impact you. Don’t you ever think about how it affects the people who love you?”
Megan’s lips flattened, and a spark of something lit in her eyes. Oh man. She hadn’t meant for the words to come out so sharp, had only wanted to make Megan think. In reviewing them, she’d probably been too harsh. “I know this trip means a lot to you. But it was hard. Watching you run off. Having no control over whether . . .” Her voice trailed off.
Megan studied Crystal. “I’m glad you told me.” She inhaled. “But now I have something to tell you.”
“Meg—”
“Crystal, I need to say this.” Megan’s words were soft but decided.
Crystal’s fingers tightened around her coffee cup. She nodded.
“You knew this trip was going to be outside of my comfort zone. You knew it would involve many things I’ve never done before. Maybe even a little bit of adventure and danger. If you knew that, and now you’re balking at it, why are you here? Why did you come in the first place?”
Crystal wet her lips. “I wanted to help you.”
“Are you sure about that?”
No, that wasn’t the whole story. Of course Megan would realize that. “Fine, I wanted to fix what’s broken between us. What . . . what I broke.”
Tears leaked from the corners of her sister’s eyes and she was quiet for a few moments. “So you just want to assuage your guilt? If that’s why you’re here, it might be better if you left.”
“No, that’s not—”
“Because I have to tell you, I’ve forgiven you, but I still can’t believe you did it. You left me. My own twin, my sister, my former best friend. I woke up after my surgery, and you know the first person I asked to see? You. And you weren’t there.” Megan’s hands shook and her cheeks were streaked with red. “You’d gone back to your perfect life, away from me, the only thing in your life that wasn’t perfect. Like I was an inconvenience to your schedule, your life, a blip that you were tired of dealing with.” She almost looked surprised at the words coming out of her mouth.
Crystal stared wide-eyed at her sister. Did she really think that’s why Crystal had left? “You couldn’t be more wrong. My life was—is—far from perfect.”
“Don’t say it like I should feel sorry for you.” Megan buried her face in her hands, and her elbows smacked the iron table, knocking Crystal’s coffee onto its side. The lid flew off and brown liquid burst from the cup, seeping through the holes in the table and onto Crystal’s white shoes.
“Oh.” Megan’s eyes widened. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I’ll be right back.” Crystal quietly stood and headed toward the nearest restroom, her head fuzzy, her heart zipping. Her footsteps echoed on the large tiles as she approached the sinks, grabbing a few paper towels, wetting them, and running them across the tops of her shoes. The coffee slid right off.
Too bad the past wasn’t as easy to wipe clean.
For a split second, she considered going home, leaving Megan in peace. But she’d already left once, and look where that had gotten them.
Would it be easy? No.
Could she make up for the past? No.
But maybe she could change the future. The only question was—how?
Never had Megan needed a friend more, someone who would listen and give her sound advice as she spilled her thoughts and emotions.
Correction: not just someone.
Caleb.
Surrounded by sleeping passengers, Megan leaned h
er head back and tried to get comfortable on the overnight flight from Spain to Ireland. A few overhead lights served as beacons for those who wished to read a book or magazine. The flash of a tablet screen flickered across the aisle as an American woman watched episode after episode of Once Upon a Time. To Megan’s left sat a tiny Greek woman with bushy eyebrows and a huge mole above her lip. The woman’s soft snoring joined the hushed chatter of the plane. The engine rumbled beneath Megan’s feet.
On her other side, Crystal slept with her head against the window. After their emotional talk in the airport, Crystal had come back from the bathroom, muttered sorry, and stuck in her headphones. Megan had replied with an apology. She hadn’t even known she really felt the things she’d said until they were flying out of her mouth. The shocked look on Crystal’s face had kept Megan from continuing the discussion.
She really needed some perspective, and she wasn’t going to get it simply by sitting here and replaying their conversation over and over again. Caleb was probably asleep right now, but maybe she could write him an e-mail.
A flight attendant walked up the aisle with a trash bag, collecting empty pop cans and bags of mini pretzels. Megan gathered her garbage from the protein pack she’d eaten and tossed it in as the woman passed. Then she leaned over and pulled her laptop from its case, powered it up, connected to the plane’s Wi-Fi, and navigated to her e-mail inbox. She opened a new message. Fingers hovering over the keyboard, Megan’s mind raced. Where in the world could she start? Her thoughts were so jumbled.
She sighed and closed the draft. This was something she needed to have a real conversation about.
It was a long shot, but maybe Caleb was awake. She headed to Facebook and clicked on Chat, scrolling till she saw his name.
Amen—a green dot.
She double clicked and a chat window opened. Biting her lip, she started typing.
Megan: I see I’m not the only one burning the midnight oil.
She watched the blinking cursor for a few moments. Would he answer? Maybe she’d interrupted something important. But then an ellipsis showed up. He was writing her back.
Caleb: Yep, I’m editing photos. They’re not due to National Geographic till Monday, but I’m heading out to Scotland tomorrow.
Scotland? They were visiting there next week. Maybe they’d be there at the same time. Crystal’s words rang in Megan’s ears: “Why don’t you see if he can meet up with us along the way?” And then her own thought that had followed—did she have a crush on her friend?
And if that was the case, did she have the courage to do something about it? She swallowed hard.
Megan: How fun!
Caleb: So . . . how was the run? Guess you made it outta there in one piece. ☺
Megan: I’ll admit I was scared senseless. But the pure rush, the freedom, the adrenaline—I can’t really describe it. Trust me, you’ll just have to experience it for yourself.
Caleb: I intend to. What’s up next?
Megan: We’re headed to Ireland. On the plane right now, in fact. Have to kiss the Blarney Stone, stay in some castle, and do a few other touristy things.
Caleb: Make sure you visit the Cliffs of Moher if you get a chance. They’re breathtaking.
Megan: That’s on the list!
Caleb: Sweet. How’s it going, having Crystal along?
Megan: We’ve had some good moments. But some rough ones too. In fact, we had a pretty big “discussion” just a few hours ago.
Caleb: What happened?
Megan: I finally got tired of her hiding her emotions from me, so I asked her to be honest. And boy, was she. And then I was in return.
Caleb: Sounds cathartic.
Megan: I’m not so sure. Maybe.
Caleb: What caused the “discussion”?
Megan: She got upset that I ran with the bulls. And believe me, I get it. I just had a heart transplant three years ago. I didn’t even think I could do this. But I’m surprising myself every day. Amanda’s heart is a lot stronger than my old one.
Caleb: What do you mean? Your old heart, your new heart—that doesn’t matter. You’re still you, Meg.
Was that true? She’d always imagined getting a new heart would change her, make her braver, give her wings to fly. But even now, after facing down the bulls in Pamplona, she couldn’t seem to get past the fear that she’d never be enough on her own.
Megan: I guess I’m figuring out who that is.
Caleb: I know who that is. And I think she’s pretty awesome.
Megan: Thanks. ☺
Caleb: I still feel really bad I wasn’t there for your heart transplant or right afterward. If I’d known about it . . .
Megan: I didn’t want to bother you. You were finally living your dream.
Except she’d tried to contact him. His mother said he was unavailable in some jungle somewhere. But Caleb would feel worse if she told him that.
Caleb: Meg, you know I would have been there in a heartbeat. No pun intended. ☺
Megan: I know, Caleb.
Megan stared at the screen. They’d gotten way off topic. She’d meant to get his perspective on her talk with Crystal. Instead, they’d delved much deeper into the past than she’d let herself think about for a while.
But that’s what they did—go deep. He was someone she could totally be herself with.
What would it be like to explore something more than friendship with him? The thought seared her. She didn’t have to think about that now, or decide anything. Maybe she could start by continuing to renew their friendship.
And that started by keeping a promise she’d made a long time ago.
Megan: Let’s not let it be another five years before we see each other. I know it’s short notice, but how about we make that London trip happen like we always planned? Crystal and I plan to be there July 14-17. Could you by chance meet up?
He didn’t answer for a moment. Across the aisle, the American woman shut off her tablet, folded her arms, and closed her eyes. Megan stared at her screen, eyes burning with exhaustion. What was Caleb thinking? What was she thinking, inviting him to hang out in London next week so last minute? People didn’t do that.
She started to type something new, to assure him he didn’t have to, that it was just a whim. It wasn’t like she’d been thinking about seeing him again for days on end. But that was a lie.
Her fingers stilled. Then his reply popped up on the screen and relief whooshed from her lungs.
Caleb: Absolutely! I can move some stuff around in my schedule. I’d love to see you again.
Megan bit her lip, feeling brave here in the privacy of Facebook land amidst an airplane full of sleeping strangers.
Megan: The feeling is very mutual.
She paused.
Megan: I’ll e-mail you our itinerary and you can let me know where you’d like to meet us.
Caleb: I’ll check it regularly till then. Listen, I’ve gotta run soon—have to catch a little sleep. Big day tomorrow. But one thing?
Megan: Yeah?
Caleb: Don’t be too hard on Crystal.
Megan rubbed her neck and sighed. She glanced at her sister. Even in her sleep she seemed fitful. Megan could sense she was unhappy—but about being here with Megan or life in general? Work was frustrating, she knew, but what else was going on?
Megan didn’t understand her one bit. But she wanted to. Oh, how she wanted to.
Megan: It’s hard not to get frustrated with her. For years, she didn’t seem to care. And now, when I’m finally on the edge of a huge emotional breakthrough, she gets really desperate to stop me.
Caleb: Try to see it from her point of view. She’s lived almost her whole life with a sister who was sick.
Megan: I know that. But on the flip side, she doesn’t know what it was like being stuck in that hospital bed while she got to do everything I always wanted.
Caleb: That’s true. But—hear me out here—you don’t know what it was like for her either.
That’s what Crystal
had said: “Your decisions don’t just impact you. Don’t you ever think about how it affects the people who love you?” Her sister carried wounds from Megan’s sickness too, wounds that ran too deep for Megan to see. Or maybe simply wounds that Crystal refused to let anyone see.
Caleb: Put yourself in her shoes. If you had a sister who had been sick her whole life, wouldn’t you steel yourself against the fear that you might lose her?
Megan: Yes, of course. I’ve just always seen Crystal as so strong. Nothing seems to scare her.
Caleb: Everyone’s scared of something. Except me, of course. ☺
She couldn’t not smile at that.
Megan: Right. The Invincible Caleb Watkins.
Caleb: Ha-ha, I wish. I actually am afraid of something. That we really will stop talking again. I need a little Megan in my life.
Her cheeks warmed.
Megan: And I need some Caleb in mine.
Caleb: ☺ I’d better go. Glad we got to catch up.
Megan: Same here. Bye.
Caleb: Bye, Meg. See you soon.
Megan stared at the blinking cursor, her heart in her throat. She and Caleb were meeting up. Would it be awkward? Chatting just now had been as easy as ever. But what would it be like to wrap her arms around him again, see him flash a smile her direction, catch the sites of London with him? Possibilities welled in her mind and a grin overtook her.
But just as soon, the grin disappeared. What he’d said about Crystal, could it be true? Could the sister she’d always thought of as stronger really be afraid?
Megan snuck another glimpse at Crystal. Her hands were wrapped around her arms, where goosebumps popped along her skin. Megan closed her laptop, put it away, and snatched her jacket from beneath the seat in front of her.
She gently settled it over her sister, and the tension in Crystal’s body disappeared.
The Heart Between Us Page 15