by Jamie Magee
Landen closed his eyes and shook his head, avoiding a sarcastic remark that he would regret as soon as he said it.
“Look, let’s just argue about this tomorrow. You all need your rest, especially if we’re going to Esterious tomorrow,” Ashten said, defusing the situation.
Marc charged toward the door, anger coursing through him. He had every intention of going to Esterious that night.
“Marc,” Landen said, halting him. “Rest…I know where you sleep.”
Marc’s face fell, then he turned and left.
The blunt prediction and threat that Landen had given left the room stunned.
“So, am I to presume that you two will not need me tonight?” my father asked.
“No, we’ll stay here,” Landen answered, staring at the ground.
Dane and Clarissa walked out after Marc. Before leaving, my father walked over to where I sat and kissed my forehead. Ashten hesitated, then followed.
We were now completely alone, and for the first time in my life, that was something I didn’t want. I could feel the tension between us. The pressure of everything that was happening to us made itself known.
Chapter Sixteen
Astrology is a language. If you understand This Language, the sky speaks to you. – Dane Rydhyar
Landen stood and walked to the mantle. He was staring at my willow tree. His anguish hit me like a ton of bricks.
“Willow,” he said solemnly, “we’ve made a big mistake.” His words were a dagger in the heart.
“Excuse me?” I managed.
He stared at the floor with disdain. “If that lore is right...then or now...and you can help those people,” he dropped his head. “That matters. It’s important. You should. Even if it means—."
I stood, stalling his words. I reached for his arm, but he shifted away. He wouldn’t look at me. The rejection burned.
“You can’t say that—”
“You haven’t seen what I’ve seen, know what I know. Donalt’s people— those people live a life that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.”
“Landen—”
He raised his hand to stop me. “No, listen to me. It’s a virtual hell. No color, they live in identical houses, inside and out, they eat the same food, wear the same clothes, work day in and day out. They’re executed if they break the simplest law. No one smiles or laughs. It’s dark, no life. No one has a will to live.”
“How is that your or my fault?” I shouted.
He paced the floor, his hands on his head, his eyes closed.
“I stole your heart. Perodine ensured you were born with the power to overthrow Donalt. But. You fell in love with me and never looked back, and now look—how many people do you think have died because we were too selfish?”
“I am not selfish.”
Landen turned and put his hands on my shoulders. “If you have to choose between me or saving those people. Save them.”
I jerked his hands off me and stepped back, angrier than I’d ever been in my life.
“Are you insane? What are you saying? You—you want me to be with Drake!”
“Willow—”
“No. Don’t ‘Willow’ me! One minute you’re telling me that you love me and you’re going to fix everything, and the next you’re telling me to go hook up with another guy. How dare you!”
“I am not telling you that!”
“Yes, you are!”
“Willow, I told you to save those people.”
“Which means I have to be with Drake!"
“Do you think this isn’t killing me? Do you not feel how bad it hurts for me to tell you that? We have to fix what we’ve done wrong. Chara will go to war with Esterious; they will never think twice about it. People will die, Willow. They have died because of us, and will die because of us.”
“Do you happen to remember what happened four million years ago, because I don’t. If you do, enlighten me. Tell me why I’m cold and selfish?”
“I didn’t say you were cold.”
“You did. I know that if those stupid charts are right and I’m back or whatever they mean, then I should be the same person, and I happen to know myself well: if I stayed here, I had a damn good reason.”
“You loved me.”
“And I still love you, and if that was my reason it was good enough then, and it’s good enough now.”
“Willow, neither one of us will let others suffer so we can be together.”
“You’ve lost your mind!”
He turned his back to me. I felt rage coursing through me. I took off the necklace with the charm and slid off the ring, then sat them on the table and walked to the front door.
“Don’t leave,” he said. “You just told me to be with Drake. To be a pawn in a game that I’m not playing,” I said as I opened the door.
“Willow—”
I stormed out of the front door and down the front steps. I couldn’t find my breath; my chest hurt so badly. I ran through the field. I ran as if the demons themselves were on my heels. I didn’t stop until my breath left me. I fell to my knees and looked up; the moon was almost full. I could see the outline.
I crawled the three feet between me and the base of the giant windmill, then leaned my weak body against it and raised my head to the heavens. My breath was coming back slowly.
I don’t know how long I sat there, questioning who I was before I felt someone coming toward me. I glanced up to see a small figure on the hilltop. It was Rose. Her emotions were so peaceful that I felt the emotion seep into my soul. When she reached me, she sat by my side.
“How did you find me?”
“Libby called me. She said you were sad.”
“Did you call Landen?”
“No, I could feel you. I knew you were alone.”
I glanced at her.
“My home is right there.” She pointed to the hill she had just walked over. I smiled at myself, realizing that I’d run almost all the way to her house. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“He wants me to be with Drake. There’s nothing to talk about.”
“You know that’s not true,” she said with a smirk.
“He told me to choose him.”
“Willow, I’m sure you only heard what you wanted to hear.”
“It’s just not fair…it can’t be that black and white.”
“It’s not.”
“Then why is everyone telling me I have to choose?”
“Who is ‘everyone’?”
“Perodine, Landen—”
“Did Perodine tell you to choose between Landen and Drake?”
“She just said that I had to choose again…Obviously, I chose Landen last time, and Landen thinks it’s our fault that the people in Esterious are suffering, that Monica is de-”
I couldn’t even say the word before tears hit me like a flood. Rose wrapped her arms around me and let me cry, rocking me back and forth.
“It’s not either of your faults. Everything has its reason, and you need to take this grief and use it as your weapon.”
“Why am I being punished for the day I was born?” I asked, trying to dry my face.
“Why do you think you are?” Rose asked, genuinely surprised.
I sat up straight and shook my head in frustration. “Ever since I came to Chara, all I’ve heard about is the stars and moon alignments; it decides how you learn, what your insight is, and apparently dictates what your fate is. What is the purpose of living if it’s already chosen for you?”
Rose let her shoulders droop; she understood why I was so angry. She shifted in front of me on her knees and gently placed her hands on my shoulders.
“You’ve misunderstood why Chara looks to the heavens,” she said softly.
I looked up at her and brushed my hair out of my eyes.
“Chara’s foundation is love. We learn about our planets to help us understand who we are. If you love yourself, then you can love others more powerfully.”
“Then why am I asked to pay
for something that was done so long ago?”
“You chose this path. You were chosen by this path,” Rose said with certainty.
“Rose, you aren’t making any sense,” I said, lowering my head.
“Yes, I am. You’re just not listening to me,” she said, a little louder than I expected.
I looked up at her.
“At any moment, you can change your destiny. Your thoughts lead the way. Your soul is old, and you’ve chosen this path so often that it has now come to you at a younger age than ever before. So, it’s natural for it to feel forced upon you.”
“Are you telling me that it doesn’t matter that August is walking around with a birth chart that says that I’m Aliyanna? That I selfishly left others behind to suffer?”
“I’m telling you that you are Willow Haywood, and Willow Haywood decides her fate, not the stars,” Rose said, lowering her head and looking up at me. “Listen to me; you have the strength to do this.”
“I have to have Landen. I don’t care if he doesn’t want me. That means I’m as selfish as he said I was.”
Rose reached for my face and ran her hand across my cheek, then stared at me, smiling, pride coursing through her.
“You have the heart of a woman, and a woman’s heart is the strongest thing in any dimension. We love without reason, and we can turn a heart of stone into water.”
“What am I supposed to do?”
“You follow your heart. When you do that, everything will find its way. The woman who began this world knew that, and so do you.”
“I didn’t go back. I stayed here, and so many have suffered.”
“Do you honestly believe that your soul didn’t have a reason for staying in Chara at the start of time?”
I tilted my head and let my mind try to conceive what would have stopped me. Rose smiled as she felt me calm down.
“Today, you do not have one. Go back with Landen and right what is wronged, side by side.”
“He doesn’t want me. He wants me to be with Drake.”
“Now, I doubt that,” Rose said, standing. She smiled over her shoulder at me as she walked over the hill in front of her house. I sat stunned for a moment. What was my reason? A moment later, I felt a strong emotion of love and knew Landen was coming to find me, and he was coming fast.
In the distance, in the light of the moon, I could see Landen running in my direction.
I was so mad at him.
So freaking in love with him.
I ran to him.
I was running home, where I belonged.
When we reached each other, our bodies collided with dominant force. His lips found mine; you would've thought it was the air he was breathing. He was holding me so tight, it almost hurt.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. I love you, and I would die before I let you leave me for anyone. I love you, Willow. I’ve loved you from my first breath.”
“I love you.”
We fell to the ground, holding one another. In the field of beautiful flowers surrounded by darkness, under a moon that was nearly full, we loved each other. At that moment we owned the night. The flowers were our bed, the warmth of the summer air and the stars were our blankets, and the rhythm of our passion was serenaded by the distant sounds of nature.
I wanted to crawl inside of him and hide there for the rest of my life. I wanted to forget who I was, who I am, and what was still left to be done.
Once back at our house, in our room, Landen reached into his pocket and pulled out my necklace and ring. He clasped the necklace around my neck. I felt a tingle as the medallion touched my chest. He gently reached for my hand and slid the silver ring on. It hummed and brightened as it rested on my skin. He looked deeply into my eyes; my window to his soul has opened again, and the blue was breathtaking. I lost myself. If it were possible, I think I fell deeper in love with him.
“We’ll do this together, you and me,” he said softly.
I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes, knowing that I’d never chosen anyone above him. I wouldn’t let anyone get hurt because of us, either.
After drifting to sleep, Landen made good on his promise, and we went to Marc’s house. We found him pacing the floor in his room, wanting to go, daring to see if he would be able to get away with it. Landen walked over to his bed pulled back the covers, and Marc jumped with a startle. I reached for the light and turned it off. He sauntered to his bed and laid down stiffly. We sat against the wall and watched him stare at the ceiling.
“I still feel her,” Marc said into the room. “I’m not crazy. I will find her one day,” he finished.
I could feel the words hit Landen like a ton of bricks. “Why is Marc alone?” I thought.
Landen stared at Marc with compassion. “The urge to look doesn’t come until at least the age of twenty, but for some, it comes much later. Some say it’s because those have a purpose to fill,” Landen explained.
“You think he hasn’t looked because he’s still looking for his mother?”
“He remembers her more clearly than Chrispin. I can see how his search for her would cloud over the urge to want to find his soul mate.”
“Doesn’t he realize when he finds her that she’ll make him stronger?”
Landen glanced at me letting that sinful grin emerge before wrapping his arms around me. “He knows we’re not meant to be alone. He just needs his time.”
After Marc drifted to sleep, we made our way to my father’s house to check on Jessica and Hannah. They were both in the guest room, sound asleep. There were no demons; our plan to protect them had worked.
Before leaving, we checked in on our little princess, Libby. Her eyes were closed as they fluttered back and forth. I pulled the blanket up over her shoulder. Just as we went to leave, she said, “How many?” We glanced at her to see her still sleeping. “What color?” she said, a little louder.
We passed a curious look, careful not to move or wake her. “What do I say?” Libby said turning in her bed.
“Will Willow come home with Landen?” Her face squinted together; then she lay silent.
Stunned, we didn’t move, waiting for her to say anything to answer the questions she’d asked.
Libby never moved again, but we rested our souls in her window seat, watching her sleep, waiting for her to say or do something, knowing she could very well hold the key to every question we’d ever had.
At daybreak, a knock on our front door woke us. We heard footsteps coming down the hall and up the steps; we knew it was Marc. Landen grudgingly pulled the covers over us, letting our bodies wake up before arguing with him.
“Ahh…so how does it feel having someone come in your room and scare the hell out of you?” Marc said as he walked in our bedroom door.
Landen threw a pillow at him. “It was for your own good, and you know it,” he said, wiping the sleep out of his eyes.
“Look, as I was lying there last night, I realized something,” Marc said.
“What? That I was right?” Landen said.
“No,” Marc said, throwing the pillow back at Landen. “You said you could control where you go, right?” Landen nodded, squinting at Marc through the sunlight. “So you could beam yourself right into that palace and take that star back, couldn’t you?”
“Jason thinks they’d be able to hurt us,” Landen corrected.
Marc’s enthusiasm faded as he walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.
“Hey, do you mind? Can we have a minute here?” Landen said, pushing Marc off the bed with his foot. Marc looked at me and blushed a little before leaving the room, giving us a chance to get dressed. Landen looked at me and shook his head in disbelief.
“The best part about getting through this is the idea of having you all to myself.”
Even though I knew he meant it, I still laughed at his new observation.
Downstairs, Marc had laid out breakfast for us, and he stared at Landen and me as we ate. Every once in awhile, he would start to say something,
then hesitate and look out the window.
“Say it,” Landen said as he finished his breakfast and pushed his plate away from him.
“This doesn’t freak you out?” Marc said with a burst of air coming from him.
“What part?” I asked, making light of his perspective.
“I just think, Landen, you and I have seen a lot of crazy stuff over the years, but nothing like this, like the two of you,” Marc said.
Landen shifted in his seat, giving Marc a stern look and a sideways glance at me before he answered.
“I don’t know why you’re so surprised. I’ve known you my whole life. You knew about the dreams and the intent I could see.”
“That doesn’t mean that I knew that you were out walking around with Willow somewhere. Where did you guys meet anyway?”
We glanced at each other; we’d never even tried to figure out where we went.
“We don’t know,” Landen said as he stared into my eyes.
“We’ve been to a lot of places, you’ve never seen the place awake once?” Marc pushed.
Landen leaned back in his chair and stared forward as the memories danced across his eyes. I felt him remembering all the places that had brought him joy.
“I’ve never been there awake. I’m sure of it,” he said finally, staring at me again.
“Are you ready for this? I’ve watched that world tear my father apart,” Marc said, calling Landen’s attention back to him.
“It doesn’t matter if we’re ready or not, it’s here,” Landen answered, reaching over and squeezing my hand.
Marc leaned back in his seat, seeing that he wasn’t going to talk us down from whatever we faced. “You’re my purpose,” he said.
“What?” Landen said, surprised.
“My purpose…is to keep you safe,” Marc said in a hushed voice.
“Marc—”
“No, Landen. Seriously, I know what I’m talking about. I remember when you were born, looking at you and knowing that I was supposed to protect you.”
“You were just a good ‘brother’…you feel the same for Chrispin.”
“No, that’s just it. Chrispin is my baby brother, and yes, if I was there and he needed me, I’d keep him safe, but with you, I feel like I’m supposed to make sure that I’m there to protect you,” Marc argued.