by Eve R. Hart
I found out the next day.
Tank’s house had been blown to bits. His little boy had been inside and assumed dead by the blast. They hadn’t even started going through the rubble because it was still smoking. But there had been nothing found. Which wasn’t surprising because if the explosion was as massive as they made it seem, then there wouldn’t have been much left. Or if there was, it wouldn’t have been intact.
I broke right then. My heart ached and my soul cried for these people and especially that little kid.
How could this have happened?
Diesel and Tank had been outside. The little boy asleep in his bed. Diesel had managed to walk away with minor scraped and bruises. Tank had been knocked back and covered with blown out parts of his home. He was in a coma with second and third-degree burns covering nearly half of his body. He would have been dead too if he hadn’t been pulled out by Diesel.
For three months the club went mad. They buried the memory of a boy even when they didn’t have a body to put there. They fought. They raged. They even prayed in their own way. They tore each other apart then came together, stronger than I’d ever seen them.
The whole time, Tank remained in a coma.
And Savage ran free.
Though he didn’t do this directly, it was because of him. Because he needed to be number one. He terrorized and threw a fit like a child when he didn’t get his way. Only he handled it more like a deranged, evil man. He killed. He snuffed out beautiful life like it was nothing. All to prove a point and gain the upper hand.
Three months and I kept my pain to myself. Never letting on to Nadya or Clean on our short conversations.
“Ashburn Security,” he answered in his usual chipper tone.
“Where is he, Tristan?!” I barked, surprising myself just a little.
“Using my full name, you must have finally snapped,” he said unaffected by me. “I honestly didn’t think it would take you this long. He’s been under for what now…a little over a year?”
It was closer to two, but I didn’t bather to correct him.
“I need answers!” I all but screamed.
“Shit,” he said and his tone took me a little by surprise. “Yeah, okay. Alright. I don’t know a whole lot of what’s going on. But, just give me a minute.”
The hold music clicked on before I could say anything else. It grated on my nerves as I waited.
And waited.
And fucking waiting until the point that I wanted to throw my phone up against the wall and start chewing on my nails or something.
“Lucy,” the big boss said in an almost sigh. Like I was the problem here not the fact that I had been fucking blind for so long. I needed updates. I figured they would have understood that especially after I explained the circumstances. Fuck, I was getting pissed. “I’ll try to get through to him. It may take a few days. I hope that is good enough for you.”
And then all the fight fled my body. I knew I was about to turn crazy chick on him, but I also understood that he was in a tight spot. He was trying, or going to try, rather. I had no doubt that he wanted to help me but felt that his hands were a bit tied. He’d never do anything to put his men in danger, which was exactly what I was asking of him.
“Thank you, Harrison,” I said in a genuine tone.
“Yeah,” he said softly. “I get it, I do.”
Then he was gone. He gave me more time than I probably deserved.
I sat there for a long while, my phone gripped tightly in my hand like I was waiting for Burke to call me right away. I knew he wouldn’t because getting in contact with him would take time. They wouldn’t risk exposing him for anything. And that meant that I might not ever get the call that I was waiting for.
An alert popped up on one of my screens, distracting me temporarily. I pulled up the feed from the cabin that Nadya was watching. There was movement and I quickly picked up the phone and called Nadya to see if she’d seen it for herself.
“He’s there,” I said in a whisper, but I couldn’t tell you why. It wasn’t like anyone could hear us.
“Yeah, I see that,” she replied and I detected a light laughter to her tone. “Well, I did until I had to answer to talk to you.” And there was the sarcasm that I was used to at this point.
By the noise in the background, I could tell that she was down working in the bar. She’d gotten too restless from just sitting around and waiting that she ended up taking a part-time job at a locals’ bar there. She also rented the space above the bar and was, and I say this loosely, living there. There wasn’t much to the place and I knew she hadn’t really bought anything to make it look homey. And I knew for a fact that she slept on a cheap mattress that she had tossed on the floor.
“Oh, right,” I said in an almost ditsy laugh. “Sorry. But do you see him? He’s huge!” I had no idea why I was whisper-yelling now.
I was so shocked that someone had actually shown up that I wasn’t really paying attention to the screen. I was like an excited kid on Christmas, ripping through the wrapping paper but not realizing what I had in my hands until someone said something about it.
She came up with a sarcastic remark about how she couldn’t tell because he looked small on her screen. Which, I bet he did because she had been looking at the feed on her phone. So the guy probably looked more like a giant ant than the overgrown, hulking beast that I could tell he was. Oh, and hairy on top of that. I hadn’t seen what the guy looked like because the hair on top of his head hung over his face and looked dirty. And the glimpses of his front that I’d barely gotten, showed me that there was a huge, unkempt beard that hid a lot, too.
I think I made a noise as I tried to place the familiar feeling I was struck with.
“Do you know him?” I asked still in a bit of a lost daze.
“I’m pretty sure I don’t.” Her tone was pretty flat and I could tell that there was no recognition there. Not that I thought there would be.
I tried to brush off whatever was shaking me deep to my core. I ended the conversation with her as smoothly as possible, but I could tell that she’d caught onto whatever the hell was going on with me.
I watched as the big lug of a man shuffled around the cabin. His posture was slumped and defeated. Almost like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and no longer gave a fuck if he held it up any anymore.
He turned to the side and then it hit me. I gasped as I realized who I was looking at. Then I felt his sadness overtake my own heart.
Tank.
Shit!
Shit, fuck, God motherfucking dammit!
This was her target.
Tank. The man from Moon Hill that had just lost his son. By the hands of the man that I was out to get. Tank was Nadya’s next target. She was there to kill him.
I started to freak out and knew there wasn’t anything I could really do. I closed my eyes, counted to ten, and tried to slow my breathing.
Fucking Burke.
I couldn’t believe he hadn’t warned me about any of this. I was mad, though I knew I really didn’t have the right to be. He needed to fucking call me back. Now!
The lines were blurring. The ones that were between Nadya and me. The ones that tethered me to these people that didn’t even know me. And maybe worst of all, the ones that held me to Clean. My world was slowly tilting upside down. Or maybe it had been for years only now I was just realizing it.
It was driving me crazy. I needed to know who Nadya took the contract from, but I couldn’t come out and ask her. It became harder and harder each time I talked to her. I started to pull back and I think she noticed. I watched the cabin and what was going on with Tank, probably just as much as she did, but I didn’t let onto that fact.
Days turned into weeks and she still hadn’t made her move. I don’t know why, but part of me felt like I could relax a little at that fact. I could sense that there was something there every time I talked to her. I questioned why she hadn’t taken him out, but at the same time, I pretty much
knew why in the back of my mind. Then I called her out on it and when she didn’t have an answer for me, I knew. I fucking knew—even if she didn’t. I just had to sit back and pray that it would all work out the way it was supposed to and that she wouldn’t end up taking that shot. Sure, I may have tossed in a few things here and there to maybe set her mind on the right path. But I had a feeling I wouldn’t have been able to make her walk it if there wasn’t really something there to begin with.
Then it happened, I pushed. I asked. The question slipping from my lips when I had meant to hold it in. We didn’t cross that line. I didn’t know much about her jobs and I never asked for details on who she took a contract from. However, there was something nagging at me in the back of my mind. Like I already knew the answer but didn’t want it to be true. But there was no going back now that the question was out there, hanging thick in the air as the seconds ticked on. And then she finally told me who’d she’d taken the job from after a long pause.
Savage.
I shouldn’t have been shocked but I was. Of course, the man would take out a hit on one of the random clubs he’d been pressuring. And of course, he’d do it in the most sneaky way possible. Sending someone where they would least expect it.
The moment she said his name I gasped. There was no way she didn’t hear it, too. I couldn’t hold any kind of conversation after that and so I pretty much made up a vague excuse about having to go. She wasn’t an idiot and so, I knew I wasn’t fooling her in the slightest.
-9-
I'm About To Break
Lucy
The days turned into weeks. There was so much going on that time seemed to blend into itself.
There were things happening that sent me through a rainbow of emotions. The thing that really sucked the most was that in all of this I felt lost and even vulnerable at times. Those also seemed to be the times that my cleaner, in a way, took advantage of, though I was sure he didn’t mean it that way. Maybe he sensed something under the contorted, inhumanly disguise that made him want to find a way to take my mind of off things for a few minutes. Or it could have just been that we’d finally reached that boiling point. He felt comfortable enough and let the curiosity take over.
It started out simple enough, his request to talk to me. And I had refused at first. Maybe refused was the wrong word to use. I had been hesitant and not to mention, frozen scared. Even if I wanted to talk, the words felt like they were lodged in my throat. But eventually, I started to slip. Not just the walls I’d erected around myself, but my disguise too. I honestly couldn’t tell you if I did it on purpose or not, but it seemed almost natural that I turned the dial down just a bit with each conversation. I began to get a glimpse into the man I’d yearned to know everything about. In those moments, those short conversations, his smooth voice seemed to calm my soul, even if it was for just a minute or two. It became something I needed, but it also terrified me that I felt that way. With each conversation, I slipped more and more. Until finally, I began talking. Until I began asking the questions that had been in my head for years.
However, when the call ended, I was already moving on to something else. I had too many balls to juggle and too many things I was trying to keep track of. So, I couldn’t really hold onto that feeling for long. I wanted to, so badly. I wanted to replay his words over and over in my mind just to hear his voice. I would have guessed that it was my body’s way of keeping me focused. If I lingered on it too long then I knew I would end up in a crazy freak out. The more I thought about it, the more I ended up analyzing everything I’d said, which would have me snapping to the realization that I’d more than likely said too much. I couldn’t reveal myself to him. It just wasn’t something that would ever happen. I knew I needed to pull back, but like the most addictive drug, I just couldn’t. I let the conversations grow deeper. I let the silence between us linger like a comfortable blanket until one of us broke it by speaking.
I didn’t know why I kept it to myself, but I did. I hadn’t even toyed with the idea of telling Nadya, though she asked about him sometimes. I remembered almost too vividly, the conversation that I’d had with her on a night when I’d had too much wine. I’d let the stress and hurt seep in a little too much that night and decided to let Merlot be my best friend for the evening. Which led to spilling part of the things I kept locked up tight to Nadya when she called me to check in. However, it was hard not to blur that line that we tried so hard to keep drawn in bold, black, permanent marker. The line where we didn’t talk about work in great detail. I knew what she did. She had an idea of what my talents included. And that was about it. But I found myself talking about the guy that was such a mystery to me.
After that, she asked about him from time to time. And I did let it slip what had happened after the first time he’d tried to keep me on the phone with him. I think I just felt so stupid that I needed to tell someone. But since then, I’d kept it to myself. Besides, she had enough going on with the whole situation she was currently sitting in.
I was itching with the need to hear from Burke. I hated that I was so close but not really. They must have anticipated that I’d get antsy, because the Ashburn group not only upped their firewalls and security, they also made the wise decision to keep everything about Burke’s mission on paper. Trust me, I fucking worked for days worming my way through their systems and there wasn’t a damn thing to find.
While Nadya was falling for her target, I was falling into a hole of chaos.
And one night, when I felt like she was struggling with what was happening, I let it slip that Savage was the reason behind Tank’s son’s death. I was sleep deprived and not sure which end was up. I blamed that as the only reason I told her. I crossed that line so hard that I practically erased it. I knew I’d hit her with something big and I just had to give her some time to come to grips with it. I prayed that it would be enough to tilt the scales in Tank’s favor. That she’d let this job go. And it took a while, but I began to see that it had. And she fell harder for the big, pathetic lug.
When she called me freaking out that she couldn’t find him, I’d hoped that meant she’d turned herself over to her feelings. I could hear how much she cared in her voice and I wondered if she could as well. But Nadya being the stoic, emotionless woman that she was, tried hard to brush it off. When she didn’t return my calls later that night, I tried hard not to panic. I couldn’t even begin to explain the kind of relief I felt when she called me a few days later. It seemed that everything was working out for her after all.
“I have no idea what I’m doing anymore,” she told me with a heavy sigh. One that sounded resigned and confused at the same time.
I laughed, for the first time in a while. It felt good and I was truly happy for her.
“Not for nothing, honey,” I said with a kind of lightness in my tone. “But you haven’t known for a while now. I mean come on, this guy comes into your life and your world went all wonky, whether you want to admit it or not.”
And that was the damn truth.
“Okay, fine. Yes, killing him is not an option anymore.” Her words were just the thing I needed to feel the chain around my heart loosen a little. The past months had been so intense that I felt like I was being pulled in all different directions and being suffocated to death by a boa constrictor all at the same time. “So now I need to figure out my next move.”
I felt bad that I couldn’t help her with that. I tried, I really did. And because I had this strange thing going on with Mr. Clean, I couldn’t help but ask why she had this sudden change. I wanted to know what was that one thing that made her realize that it was okay to let this one special person in. Or perhaps, love wasn’t something you really let in. Maybe it just forced itself there until you had no choice but to accept it. Hell, I didn’t know because I’d never been in love before.
She opened her mouth to answer, but her words were that of someone who didn’t want to tell what had been the tipping point. I felt my cheeks heat and I got what she wasn�
�t saying.
“Oh my God! No,” I practically screeched in a way that was not right.
“Yep,” she answered because she knew there was no hiding it.
So sex was the key point here? One could only assume. And that led me to wondering about what it was about that sex that made her release herself to what she’d been fighting. Or was there something else? Something that was there hanging in between and around the act itself. I tried my best to bat all the questions away because I realized it was something personal and I had a good feeling that even if she understood what it was, she wouldn’t talk to me about it.
We continued to talk. She told me that she hadn’t pulled up the feed to watch him because it felt wrong now. So, of course, I couldn’t help but to do it myself. I wanted to see if I was able to notice a change in him. That maybe Nadya had been able to pull him up and out of his darkness.
Then it happened.
Savage reappeared on my screen.
Right in the heart of Nadya’s situation. He had Tank tied to a chair and I knew there was no saving him now. My heart threatened to beat out of my chest and I felt like I couldn’t get my limbs to move. Like someone had paralyzed me and I was once again seventeen and helpless.
“Oh shit!” I yelled. “You’ve got to go. Savage is there now. He’s got him tied to a chair.” The words rushed out of my mouth in a panicked tone.
“What’s going on? How many are there?” she asked. I heard her moving around and I guessed she was readying herself with the things she’d need to go into battle.
“I see five,” I said after I scanned each one of the feeds around the house. Only, I couldn’t see if there were any on guard outside. “Not sure if there are any out—”
A loud knock on my door cut off what I was going to say. It was more like a bang than a pleasant tap. My heart jumped in my throat and I prayed that I could suddenly turn invisible.
“Come on, Lucy.” That voice…I knew that voice. But I’d never heard it in person. “I’m a little exposed out here, doll,” he finished and I had never been so torn in my life.