by Mary Monroe
I glanced at my feet for a few seconds. My stomach felt like somebody had tied my insides into knots. I was going through all this aggravation because I hadn’t been able to keep my pants zipped up. If I didn’t watch my step, my stupidity and bad judgment would be my downfall. “I do declare, that’s a pretty nasty job.”
“Sure enough,” Aunt Mattie grunted, sounding just like a hog. “But somebody got to do it. It’s the best I can offer, and you ought to be glad I’m still nice enough to even let you do that. Rufus will be doing it until I can find somebody else or until Emmet recovers from his stroke.” She tilted her head and gave me a thoughtful look. “When you want to start? I can only hold the job open for another day or two. You want it or not?”
“I’ll let you know by tomorrow.” I started backing off the porch and as soon as my feet hit the ground, I took off running. I didn’t stop until I had made it back to my car where I had parked across the street in the next block. I got in and sat in the dark trying to picture myself emptying shit, piss, spit, snot, cum, and no telling what else. By now my stomach felt like something was crawling around in it. I didn’t care what I had to do or say, I was going to keep my job at MacPherson’s.
And I was going to marry Joyce. Just like I had planned.
Chapter 13
Joyce
I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT. I HAD NO IDEA what Mama and Daddy wanted me to do if they didn’t want me to marry Odell. I was too old to ship off to relatives so they could help hide my shame. Even if I had been a young girl, I wouldn’t have agreed to that anyway. I didn’t see anything shameful about an unmarried woman having a baby. I had been raised to believe that God didn’t make no mistakes, and if he’d allowed me to get pregnant, I had to look at it as a blessing.
I was concerned about how upset Mama and Daddy were, but there was nothing I could do about it now. I knew them well enough to believe that they would eventually come around. They’d dote on a grandchild the same way they had done with me. Another thing I knew was that they’d help me raise my child, but for how long? They were two of the oldest people in town, so they were not going to be around too much longer. I predicted that both of them would become disabled within the next few years, and have to be cared for like babies. That responsibility would be on my shoulders. It was one of the disadvantages of being an only child. I didn’t let my mind dwell on these disturbing thoughts too long. What was important now was my condition and my relationship with Odell. I prayed that my folks wouldn’t make me choose between them and the man I loved. That was a decision I would never be able to make and be happy.
Mama and Daddy hadn’t said one word during the ride to our house. As soon as we got inside, I went straight to my room and closed the door. But I could hear them in the living room mumbling nonstop. They were speaking in tones so low, I couldn’t make out what they were saying. And I was glad I couldn’t. I had a feeling they were saying a lot of things I didn’t want to hear.
I had been lying across my bed crying off and on for at least an hour when Mama opened my door and stumbled into my room. I sat up and swung my legs to the side. I was already in my nightgown and I had no desire to eat supper, so the only time I planned to leave my room this evening was when I had to use the toilet. This was going to be a long night for me. I would be lucky if I got any sleep at all. I didn’t want to think about what I’d have to face in the next day or so.
“Odell don’t make enough money to take care of you,” Mama said, sitting on the side of my bed, which was cluttered with some of the Gothic novels I hadn’t read yet. If things didn’t work out the way I hoped, I’d be right back to where I was before I met Odell. Then I’d have to order a bunch of new books so I’d have something to keep me occupied until I met another man. By then I’d probably be so old, I might not even want to get involved with another man. But at least I’d have my baby.
“I make enough money for us both,” I pointed out. “And why are y’all making such a fuss? I wouldn’t have even come to the store to meet him when I did if y’all hadn’t raved about him so much.”
“Yeah, we did do that. But we just wanted you to have somebody to go out with now and then. We didn’t figure on you getting yourself pregnant and now wanting to marry a stock boy,” Mama sneered.
“In case y’all forgot, before Odell came along, I hadn’t been out with a man since last year. I was getting tired of sitting around the house twiddling my thumbs and reading about other women’s romances. I thought y’all would be happy that I found somebody new,” I grumbled.
“Yeah, but we don’t want you to be supporting no man.”
“If it doesn’t bother me, it shouldn’t matter. Don’t y’all want me to be happy?”
“We do.” Mama looked at the floor and shook her head. “But . . .” She stopped talking and just sat there staring at me.
“But what?”
“We thought that if you went out with Odell a few times, he’d pull you out of that shell you been hiding in all these months. He did, and I give him credit for that. Your disposition is a lot more sweet-natured on account of him.”
“That’s true. Odell brought me out of my shell and sweetened my disposition, so I don’t see anything wrong with us wanting to get married. He’s a good man and it’d be a shame if I let him get away. A lot of women would jump at the chance to marry him. Besides, we all need to think about what’s best for the baby I’m carrying.” I was close to tears again, but I refused to let Mama see me break down. If Odell changed his mind and ran, I’d break down in a way that I’d probably never recover from. And I wasn’t going to let that happen without a fight.
Mama blew out a loud breath and gave me a weary look. I was surprised when she smiled and reached over and rubbed my knee. “Me and your daddy been wanting to retire for a real long time. We need somebody who can jump in and manage the store for us.”
I racked my brain for a few seconds, but I couldn’t figure out why she had suddenly taken such a drastic detour in the conversation. “Don’t look at me. I told you and Daddy years ago that I didn’t want to keep working in the store. I love my job at the school and I’m going to stay there as long as they let me.”
“That ain’t what I was getting at. I was thinking about what me and Mac could do to help Odell.” Mama took another detour, but at least it was more related to me and Odell. She really had my attention now. I wasn’t going to get too excited about it because I had no idea what direction this one was going in.
“Oh?”
“With a little help from me and Mac, he could be a real good catch.”
“We’re not talking about a fish, Mama,” I said with my jaw twitching. “And I’ve already caught him.”
Mama exhaled and blinked several times. “Even though he didn’t get far in school, Odell is real smart and is better with numbers than me and your daddy put together. He wouldn’t have no trouble keeping our books straight and doing all the other paperwork we been struggling to keep up with all these years. He can read real good and he know the acceptable way to talk to white folks. Every time one of our regular white customers come in the store now, they go right up to him and start chitchatting like magpies about everything from the price of cotton to the best brand of doughball to fish for catfish with. Besides all that going for him, he ain’t shy about working hard, and ain’t missed a day or been late since we hired him.”
“Mama, I wish you would get to the point. I’m tired and I want to get some rest.”
“Me and your daddy had a long talk before I came in here.”
“About what? And what did you mean when you said you and Daddy could help Odell? Help him how?”
“If you really want to marry Odell, we know we can’t stop you. But we can make sure he’d be able to take real good care of you and our grandbaby.”
“What are you trying to tell me?” I knew the answer, but I wanted to hear it from Mama’s mouth.
“Like I said a little while ago, me and your daddy b
een itching to retire. We know you ain’t going to change your mind about managing the store. And Lord knows we can’t put more responsibilities on Buddy and Sadie. They’d run the place into the ground because if they was in charge, they’d spend even more time gossiping with the customers than taking care of business. Me and Mac will talk to Odell tomorrow and see if he would be willing to take over for us. He so smart, it wouldn’t take long to train him. I doubt if he’ll need a backup manager to assist him. We’ll let him decide if he do or don’t. Now you get some rest; I’m fixing to do the same.”
* * *
I wanted to get married right away, so we weren’t going to have a big church wedding. But the main reason I wanted to do it so soon was because I didn’t want to take a chance on Odell changing his mind.
We didn’t bother to send out invitations. Most of the people we knew showed up at weddings whether they’d been invited or not. Mama and Daddy told everybody they knew that I was getting married. Buddy and Sadie took care of everybody else. We had the ceremony in my parents’ living room a week after the conversation in my bedroom with Mama.
It turned out to be a big wedding anyway. There was standing room only. People I didn’t know, or couldn’t remember, showed up. Mama and a lady from our church had spent the day before cooking up all kinds of dishes for our guests to gobble up at the reception. But Mosella also brought several platters of food straight from her restaurant. “Since you one of my best customers, the food I brung here today is all on the house,” she told me. Winking her lazy eye she added, “I closed down my restaurant today—for the first time since I opened thirty years ago—because I had to come in person to see this wedding with my own eyes to believe it.” If I hadn’t been so happy, Mosella’s words would have hurt my feelings big-time. I knew most of the other guests had come for the same reason. But I didn’t care.
My head was so high up in the clouds, I wasn’t going to let anything faze me. Not even when I saw Aunt Mattie among the crowd with two of her sleazy prostitutes in tow.
Chapter 14
Odell
JOYCE LOOKED LIKE A PRINCESS IN THE OFF-WHITE, FLOOR-LENGTH dress she had bought for the wedding. I wore the same secondhand suit I’d wore on our first date. It was the only one I owned, but now that I’d be making more money, I planned to upgrade my wardrobe. Everybody else was also dressed to the nines. Buddy was decked out in a lime-green pinstripe suit; one of the most popular items MacPherson’s sold. He’d brought his current girlfriend. But he was flirting with a dozen other women, including Miss Kirksey, the attractive teacher Joyce worked with. Daddy had such a bad cold, he refused to get out of bed. Ellamae had to nurse him, so they couldn’t make it to the wedding. Sadie was the only other person I knew who hadn’t been able to make it because she had to attend her older brother’s funeral.
Aunt Mattie showed up in an outlandish gold-trimmed maroon ballroom gown. The only reason I didn’t go up to her and give her a piece of my mind for bringing her sorry ass to my wedding was because the preacher was still in the house. And besides that, this was a special day for Joyce and her parents, and me too for that matter, so I didn’t want to cause a commotion.
I got sure enough disgusted when I noticed how Aunt Mattie and her whores was roaming from one side of the room to the other getting too friendly with some of the men. I didn’t want these men’s wives and girlfriends to act ugly, so I had to say something after all. But I had to wait almost thirty minutes before I was able to talk to Aunt Mattie in private. She went to the bathroom, and when she came out, I was standing by the door. “What you doing here?” I asked. It was the same thing she’d said to me when I’d tried to get her to give me another job last week.
“Pffft!” She waved her hands in the air and snickered. “You kidding? I came for the same reason everybody else came. Nobody wanted to miss this sideshow.”
“You the last person in the world I expected to show up at my wedding.”
“I can say the same thing about you,” she sneered, talking out the side of her mouth. “I figured something was up when you didn’t come back the next day for that job I offered you.”
“Humph! That wasn’t no job, it was a insult! And for your information, Mac and Millie promoted me to a much better job than the one I had. They retired a couple of days ago and now I’m in full charge,” I said proudly.
“Full charge of what?”
“Everything! I’ll be managing the other employees, doing the books, paying the bills and writing out the paychecks, and I’ll oversee all the orders.”
“Well, I do declare. I’m sure enough impressed! You a better trickster than I gave you credit for. Now I’m sorry you didn’t come back to work for me. I could have groomed you to help me make some serious money.”
“The only tricksters up in here is you and your girls,” I said, getting madder by the second.
Aunt Mattie gave me a sympathetic look and shook her head.
“Why you looking at me like that, Miss Pimp?” I asked.
“Because I feel sorry for you and I’m going to pray for you because I think you’ll need it somewhere down the road. You done got on too high of a horse too quick and when you fall off, you going to hit the ground real hard. Even after what you tried to do to Mongo, I still like you, Odell. Your daddy used to be one of my best customers, even before your mama died.” This news almost made me lose my breath. I even stumbled back a few steps. “Don’t act so surprised. Your daddy ain’t no different than no other man.”
“What my daddy done ain’t had nothing to do with me,” I shot back. “And I don’t know why you telling me this shit—especially on my wedding day.”
Aunt Mattie shrugged. “I just thought you might want to know. Some folks ain’t what they appear to be, if you know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t know what you mean and I don’t give a damn. Please don’t bother to tell me nothing else unless it’s something that’ll benefit me in some way.”
“I’m glad you said that. See, I’m a little on the psychic side. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to tell you what I’m fixing to tell you.”
“Whatever it is, keep it to yourself.”
“Uh-uh. I want you to know what I know. It’ll benefit you.”
“All right then. Go ahead and spit it out and get it over with,” I growled.
Aunt Mattie pursed her lips and squinted. “Right after the preacher told you to kiss Joyce, I got a real bad feeling about y’all. A cold chill shot through me like a bullet. The same way it did a month before my mama died, and a few months before one of my used-to-be boyfriends got bit by a rattlesnake and died. It was a sign. Things might be hunky-dory for you and Joyce for a while, but don’t count on it lasting. That sign I got was proof. When the shit hit the fan—and it’ll be some real big turds—you come see me. I got a few tricks up my sleeve that’ll straighten things out for y’all. I know you done probably heard about my hoodoo candles and all the folks’ lives they done restored.”
I laughed and waved my hand in her face. “Woman, you crazier than I thought! Don’t worry about me and Joyce. We don’t need no witch doctor to keep us happy. Save your prayers, hoodoo bullshit, and everything else for somebody that needs it!” I blasted. “Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to go mingle with my other guests. And I advise you not to say nothing crazy to my wife. If you do, I’ll have to ask you to leave.”
Aunt Mattie’s eyes got big, and she rolled her neck so hard, I was surprised it didn’t break in two. “W-what? Well, I never! Look, black boy, you ain’t got to ask me to do nothing. I’m already gone!”
I’d finally taken her down a few pegs, and it felt good.
* * *
Mac put up the money for me and Joyce to spend a few days in a motel near Mobile. We bought every one of our meals to go from one of the nearby restaurants and we made love for hours at a time. Between sessions, we talked about our future.
“I hope I get pregnant again right after I have this baby,” Joyce told me a
s she lay in my arms. The mattress on the bed sagged and the springs creaked, but that didn’t bother us. The cheap motel’s walls was so thin we could hear the people snoring in the rooms on both sides of ours, so I knew they’d heard us making love. But we didn’t care about that, either. I was feeling so good, you would have thought that we was lounging in the presidential suite at the most expensive white folks only hotel in the state.
“I’ll do my best to make sure that happens,” I told her, giggling as I squeezed one of her breasts.
“And I hope we stay this happy for the rest of our lives.”
“We will,” I said as I recalled that crazy shit Aunt Mattie had told to me about the “bad feeling” she’d had about me and Joyce. “I’m going to make sure of that.” I meant what I said, and I hoped it was true. Even with her ordinary face, big feet, and long, strapping body—which now resembled a gigantic sausage because of her pregnancy—she actually looked beautiful to me.
As much as I cared about Joyce, I never thought I’d end up with a woman that looked like her. I had always been more attracted to petite, fair-skinned women with good hair. If it was long, that was a bonus. A redbone was the kind I had wanted to marry and raise children with. But every time I seen one I liked, some other man had got to her first. I didn’t marry no beauty queen, but I was going to pretend like she was one. I frowned at the thought of that because there was nothing in the world that could change the facts. My thoughts was bouncing around in my head like rubber balls. I was glad when Joyce brung me back to her attention.
“Baby, are you all right?” She sat up and looked at me with a worried expression on her face. Even with her makeup smeared, she still looked good to me. I knew that if I told myself this often enough, I would forget all about the pint-sized redbones I used to fantasize about.