by Willa Hart
My heart stuttered when Max’s eyes flashed bright orange as he watched the door swing shut behind Rufus. He blinked, then looked down at me, and his eyes were their normal warm shade of brown.
What the hell is going on with me?
It had to be stress. The terrible flickering fluorescents must have cast some strange glint in their eyes or something. They certainly did bizarre things to my reflection when I tried on clothes at thrift shops.
Maybe it was the panic attack I’d had a few moments earlier in the back office. Maybe it was the fear of being sent away from the only foster home that had ever felt like home. Or maybe it was the leftover adrenaline from charging up to someone who could have tossed me across the room without raising his heart rate. Whatever it was, it hit me hard. A lump jammed firmly in my throat and tears burned behind my eyes. Before Max’s face could even shift into a sympathetic expression, I collapsed against his chest, sobbing like a little girl.
“I’m so sorry, Uncle Max,” I blubbered, my body shaking. “I don’t know what came over me, I just…snapped.”
Max draped a heavy arm over my shoulders and pulled me closer into him, while his other hand patted my head reassuringly. To my astonishment, the chest under my face gave a deep, hearty chuckle.
“Don’t worry about it, Favor.”
His voice was soothing, like he dealt with hysterical teenagers soaking his shirt with tears every day.
“It’ll never happen again, I promise,” I lied, peering up at him with watery eyes. I knew myself well enough to know I’d make another mistake — probably sooner rather than later — but I wanted at least a chance at a normal life with the Novaks. “Please don’t tell Aunt Shirley! I—”
“Favor,” he interrupted, smiling down at me. “It’s okay, I mean it.”
I sniffed back my tears and gave him a suspicious look. “Really?”
He grinned and ruffled my hair, like I was that five-year-old again. “You’re a good egg.”
My snort of amusement at his old-timey language came out a little juicy, which only made us both laugh. “Are you sure I didn’t screw things up between you and Rufus?”
His gaze softened with sadness. “I promise that you had nothing to do with it. Rufus and I have worked together for a very long time and shouting matches are nothing new. Besides, any damage done was caused by my nephews, not you.”
An ember of spite glowed red-hot in my chest for Max’s great-nephews-turned-traitors. “No offense, Max, but your nephews sound like douche nozzles.”
Max barked a loud laugh and clapped a hand on my shoulder so hard it almost pushed me over.
“Like I said before,” he said when he finally caught his breath, “you’ve got a lot more of Franklin in you than I ever suspected.”
My heart swelled up with pride, and I couldn’t keep a big, stupid smile off my face as I laughed along with him. My body still vibrated from the rush of everything that had just happened, but I felt good again, better than I had in a long time. And what Max said only doubled that.
Yup, I think I’m going to like it here.
Chapter Five
“Wake up, Favor dear. It’s okay. You’re safe. I’m here.”
I opened my eyes wide, at first seeing only more darkness, but then my vision adjusted to the dim light of the den. I was on the couch again, twisted up in the blankets and shivering, even though I wasn’t cold. In fact, I felt quite warm. Not just on the outside, but warm on the inside too. As though I had been lit up by some flickering fire from within.
I smiled up at Aunt Shirley, who sat tense and worried on the edge of the couch cushion beside me. She gave me the sweetest smile in return, then cupped my cheek and let her thumb brush my cheek lightly. I couldn’t remember the last time someone looked at me with so much love. Actually, I could remember, but that memory was what usually woke me up screaming in the middle of the night.
The remnants of my dream twinkled like fairy lights at the back of my mind, but I knew they were going to blink out and go dark in the next few minutes. Good dreams were like that. The nightmares hung around like bad house guests, hovering over my soul as dark as storm clouds, discoloring my waking world in shades of gloomy gray. But the rare good dream slipped away faster than water through a sieve, and the harder I tried to hold onto them, the quicker they vanished.
The one Shirley had just woken me from was the sort I wished I could hold onto forever, keep close in a little locked box beside my heart. It started out as the same terrible dream-turned-nightmare I always had, only when the great reptilian eye blinked at me outside the window of my parents’ car, it wasn’t yellow. It was orange. The color of a citrusy sunset streaking through the summer sky.
Gazing into that massive eye made me feel as if I were looking into the eye of an old friend, who knew my heart better than anyone else in the world. The dragon that flapped its leathery wings as it flew alongside us on that dark country road was familiar to me, somehow. I knew him, but he wasn’t some beastly enemy determined to kill us — he was a fierce and loyal protector. And instead of fear, I was filled with joy, a heady shot of serotonin and dopamine straight to the brain.
It was slipping away from me now, but that intense happiness still flowed through my veins. I remembered laughing at the orange eye. A peal of joyous laughter, and the eye glittered back with amusement and affection. I was relieved. Ecstatic. Made whole again by the presence of that great orange eye.
Shirley must have been poised to comfort me, as she had done every night since I’d arrived, and mistook my laugh as a cry. I got the sense she was eager — maybe even desperate — for someone to mother, someone to coddle. A seventeen-year-old orphan plagued by bad luck and bad dreams was the perfect substitute for a child of her own, a suitable candidate for her misplaced love.
“I’m fine,” I whispered, pressing my face into her warm palm. “Really, it was a good dream.”
Relief washed over her face, which was starkly lit by the hallway light. “Thank God! You should never feel frightened again, Favor. I know you must have gone through some truly terrible times. You’ve seen more grief and more pain in your young life than most people will see in a lifetime. My biggest regret will always be that I didn’t rescue you from that pain sooner.”
I pulled myself upright and pulled her into a hug. She gave the best hugs.
“Don’t think of it that way, Aunt Shirley. Let’s just both be happy we found each other, okay?”
She pushed me to arms-length and studied my face. “You really are okay, aren’t you? Of course you are. You’re a strong young woman. But I want you to know, Max and I will do everything in our power to keep you safe. You have nothing to worry about, just focus on healing up those old wounds. And I will do whatever you need to make that happen.”
A stab of guilt burst the happy bubble inside me. I wasn’t accustomed to people fawning over me like that. Despite all of the fosters who had tried to fill my head with false promises of love and protection, I’d always managed to keep my heart locked up. I’d set the bar so low, it was hardly an inch above the floor.
One of my social workers told me it was a defense mechanism and that it was a pretty grim way to look at the world. She could call it whatever she wanted, I only knew it kept me safe and on my toes. And the foot attached to those toes was always firmly out the door. It just seemed smart to be ready to bolt if things turned ugly.
As I sat there smiling into Shirley’s earnest face, I wanted to rebel against those instincts. I wanted to believe her. I wanted to trust her. But it was hard to break a twelve-year habit.
“We’ll fix this, Favor,” she said, glancing around the den.
I followed her gaze, confused. “Fix what?”
“The den, silly. It simply won’t do for you to sleep on the couch like some sofa-surfing transient.”
I couldn’t hold back a snicker. “Aunt Shirley, I think the term is ‘couch surfer’. Besides, I don’t mind.”
“Nonsense. Maybe I can s
teal you away from Max tomorrow for a trip to Ikea.” She stopped and blinked a few times, as if she were surprised by her own words. “That is, of course, if you’ve decided to stay with us. If not, we can wait as long as you want.”
The dim light filtering in from the hallway hid the heat rising in my cheeks, but probably not the way I shifted my gaze away from hers. “I-I don’t know what you mean. Of course, I’m staying.”
Even I heard the hesitation in my tone. Shirley gave me one of her patented kindly smiles and patted my cheek, which only made me feel more guilty for leaving my options open.
“No need to be coy about it, dear. I could tell from the moment Max brought you home that you’ve been trying to decide whether to leave or stay. I get it. You’re almost a grown woman, and after a lifetime of living with strangers, you’re probably itching to live life on your own terms. Believe it or not, I can still remember what it’s like to be seventeen.”
It was almost as if she could read my mind. Or maybe I simply wasn’t as talented of an actress as I thought I was. So much for becoming a famous movie star. Zoe would be crushed.
“It’s your choice, of course, and we’ll support you whatever you decide, but here’s the thing.” Shirley stopped and swallowed hard, then examined her cuticles closely before continuing. “This may sound lame or dorky or whatever you kids are calling it these days, but I would like to get to know you, Favor. We’re family, and of course we will always love you and be there for you, but having you here, in our home, just feels…right. Like you’re the missing puzzle piece that completes our family. We’ve only just found each other. Do you really want to give all that up before even giving it a chance? We certainly don’t, if that makes a difference.”
It did make a difference, mostly because I knew she was telling the truth. Unlike my other fosters, Shirley and Max really wanted me. I had no idea how much I’d missed that until that moment.
“I’m not going to lie, I’ve been thinking of bugging out since I stepped off the bus. Don’t get me wrong, I love the sunny weather, especially after growing up in Oregon, but it’s sort of like a different planet. I’ve…seen things.”
She didn’t ask for explanation, she just smiled and nodded, as if she had a clue what I was talking about. “Boy, I know how you feel. I see weird things all the time here. That’s one of the perks of living in L.A., as far as I’m concerned. Don’t worry, you get used to it. But I can tell you that the weird things life throws at you are much easier to handle when you’re not alone. Strength in numbers, and all that.”
She had a point. I couldn’t count how many times I’d run away to Zoe’s house over the years. Until she moved down to L.A., I’d be on my own, and that didn’t sound like a ton of fun.
“Favor, you just need to ask yourself one question. Do you want to stay? We want you to be happy, regardless of where you live. If you really want to leave, we’ll support that decision. We’ll even help you get started, if you want to strike out on your own. But you haven’t had a real family in so long, wouldn’t it be fun to try that on for a little while? See how it fits?”
My heart swelled up so much I thought it might burst right out of my chest. And that’s when it hit me. I loved her. And Max. All my life, I couldn’t wait to become an adult and move out on my own. I hated relying on others, mainly because they couldn’t be relied on. But that wasn’t true with Max and Shirley. I knew deep in my gut they’d never abandon me or send me away. They’d always love and care for me, no matter what. Before I could make sense of my own conflicted feelings, Shirley broke out the big guns.
“Promise you won’t tell Max I said this, but you’d actually be doing us a service. Ever since the boys left Max to work for Drakonis, he’s fallen into a deep depression. He’s good at hiding it from most people, but I know him better than anyone, and I can see it plain as the nose on his face. He’s overworked, trying to do it all himself, and he doesn’t have the time or energy to meet new clients. Your uncle is too proud to admit it, but he needs help. He needs you. I won’t be angry if you say no, but I really hope you’ll say yes. Will you stay and help us, Favor?”
I knew my answer. It was as clear as the sunny day that was about to dawn across the City of Angels. No one had ever needed me before, and even though I knew it was just a ploy, the effect was the same.
“Absolutely,” I said, breaking into a grin.
Shirley pulled me into a fierce hug, and for the first time since I was five, I knew I was home.
Chapter Six
An hour after Shirley went back to bed, I still couldn’t fall back to sleep. I didn’t even feel drowsy. All I felt was excited. And happy. Happier than I’d been in a very long time. Max and Shirley legit wanted me. I still couldn’t quite wrap my head around it, but understanding wasn’t nearly as important as feeling. And at that moment, I felt awesome.
I still needed sleep though, so I got up and tidied my room, hoping to settle myself down with some brainless activity. I was even so bold as to move some books off a shelf so I could stack my few belongings on it. Surveying the small room, I imagined my bed facing the window so the morning sun would wake me every day. I didn’t want to miss a second of sunshine, now that I knew I wasn’t going anywhere.
For the moment, all I had was an old, comfortable couch to sleep on, so I smoothed the sheets and crawled back in. The cotton was cool against my heated skin, which should have relaxed me, but I only got more excited at the thought of picking out pretty sheets that matched the rest of the decor in my room. I lay there as restless as a toddler for a few more minutes before deciding I needed a distraction.
I padded as quietly as I could to the kitchen to get a glass of water. If I was lucky, maybe there would be some dishes to do, or some other chore that could tire me out. As I rounded the corner, I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sight of Max sitting at the table in the dark.
I flicked on the light and squinted against the brightness for a moment. The change in lighting didn’t seem to bother him though. I smiled and grabbed a glass from the cupboard.
“You can’t sleep either, huh?” I asked, filling my glass from the spigot in the refrigerator door.
“Haven’t really tried tonight, but probably not,” he said, then he used his foot to push out the chair across from him, silently inviting me to sit.
As high as my heart had soared a minute before, it sank equally as low. I knew that look all too well. It was the same one all my foster families had given me right before we had “the talk” about how it was time for me to move on, that it wasn’t working out, that they just had too much going on in their lives, yadda yadda yadda. There was no limit to the number of excuses they came up with.
But they all amounted to the same thing — I was about to be told this was no longer my home.
The tiles under my feet grew frigid as my numb legs carried me to the table. I peered back at Max as I slumped into the chair, trying to hide the grief that threatened to devour me. I didn’t want to guilt-trip anyone. If they’d changed their minds about wanting me, so be it. I could keep my heartbreak to myself.
“So, I hear you want to stay with us,” he started, confirming my fears.
Strange how I could go from being on top of the world to feeling tears threatening to spill from my eyes in a matter of seconds. Of course, I wasn’t going to let that happen. I’d take it gracefully, as always. And as always, I’d sit there wondering what I’d done to lose their approval so quickly — a question that would never be answered. The talks always seemed to come out of the blue, and they never stopped hurting. I just got better at hiding it.
I wanted to be proactive and lie, tell him I’d changed my mind for some reason. A dark part of me even wanted to fight back, make up insulting things about their house or his job or their personalities that made me hate living with them.
But I couldn’t lie. Not to Max.
“Yeah,” I said, forcing a half-smile. “I really do. I know it’s only been a few days, but…I rea
lly like you and Aunt Shirley.”
Okay, I lied a little. I couldn’t confess that I actually loved them after such a short time, not when I was about to get kicked out. But it was close enough for government work.
When his scowl spread into a wide smile, a breath of wind could have knocked me over.
“I was hoping you’d say that,” he said, leaning back with a relieved sigh.
That’s when my heart started beating again. I’d jumped to conclusions based on my past experience. Understandable, perhaps, but wrong. Still, I was definitely getting a weird vibe off him. I stared at him, even more confused than before.
“That being the case,” he continued, the smile flitting away from his face, “there are a few things you need to know.”
His tone grew solemn. Every syllable had weight to it, and his body tensed with the gravity of what he was about to reveal. I couldn’t imagine what was so important, so I nodded silently, ready for whatever he might throw at me.
“Favor, I sense great strength in you. More strength than I’ve sensed from a human since your father.”
Excitement surged in my veins that I was going to hear more about my father, then the key word in his comment hit me.
Human?
“I know you can handle the things I’m about to tell you. I didn’t want to at first, but your Aunt Shirley and I agree that you’re family — real family. If you’re going to stay with us as family, we don’t want to hide anything from you. Can’t, really.”
At this point, I was absolutely positive that Max was about to tell me he and Shirley were a Russian spy cell, and that I was about to be sent to Moscow on a secret mission. Or maybe Max was actually an Eastern European baron with millions of dollars worth of gold buried in the Caucasus Mountains or something.