by Karen Ranney
Next stop, your friendly mental health facility.
I glanced over at Charlie. His tongue was hanging out sideways and his mouth wasn’t moving.
"Charlie?"
He tilted his head a little.
I saw a rest stop sign. All I had to do was keep it together for a half mile. I stared straight ahead and when the sign with the arrow pointed to the turnoff, I pulled into the circular drive and stopped, put the car in park, and tried to calm my heart. I was up to about thirty beats a minute, which for me was practically stroking out.
My hands were frozen on the steering wheel as I stared straight ahead. I closed my eyes, took three deep breaths, but when I opened them, nothing had changed. I was sitting in my grandmother’s car, not far from a cinderblock building rest stop.
Charlie was regarding me with warm brown eyes.
I pressed both hands against my mouth, certain I was losing my mind. Vampires and witches and ghosts, oh my. What next? The Loch Ness monster in my bathtub? A gaggle of wizards overseeing my shower? A succubus in my bed?
I must have struck my head in the explosion at Ye Olde Bookshop. I should have gotten help for myself along with Charlie. But look how well that had turned out for him.
"Even if you hadn't said that," Charlie said. "I wouldn’t have gone back. That is one mean son of a bitch. Not that I like speaking ill of anyone.”
I closed my eyes, then opened them again. No, Charlie was still on the passenger seat, his paws on the console.
Watch Marcie Montgomery lose her mind. Come one, come all.
Maybe I should whip out my borrowed phone and take a picture of him talking. Exhibit 1, Your Honor, the canine talking trash and throwing shade.
Dan pulled up next to me. He rolled down the passenger window and I did the same with mine, plastering a smile on my face that felt fake. I wondered if it looked the same.
"What's wrong, Marcie?"
"Nothing," I said grinning at him brightly. "I just realized I didn't get any treats for Charlie. Would you mind going back to the grocery store and picking up some peanut butter cookies? He loves peanut butter cookies. I think he should have some peanut butter cookies, today of all days, right?”
Dan was looking at me funny and I couldn't blame him.
"I'm sure we have something at the castle he’d like."
I had to get rid of Dan so I could talk to my ventriloquist dog.
"Please, Dan. Would you mind? I would feel so much better if I could give him a peanut butter cookie."
Did I sound as stupid to him as I did to myself? I think so, but the look on his face was a cross between trying to be sympathetic while thinking I was a loon.
I had to agree with him.
"There's a Walgreens about a mile from here," he said. “We'll pull in there. I'm sure they have peanut butter cookies.”
I nodded, my head going back and forth and up and down like one of those spring-loaded dashboard dolls. Hula Loon.
At least Charlie hadn't said anything in front of Dan.
The minute Dan pulled off, with a command to follow him, Charlie started speaking again.
"I'm sorry, Marcie. But I thought now was as good a time as any to announce myself."
“Why now?”
“You weren’t ready before.”
And I was now?
My hands were shaking on the wheel. I ignored Charlie for the time being, conscious of Dan checking his rearview mirror repeatedly.
I was afraid, honestly afraid, that I was going to lose it any moment. I didn't want Dan to see me throw my hands up in the air and start screaming like a banshee. I pulled into a parking spot next to Dan, gave him a little finger wave as he left his car and went inside Walgreens.
I turned to Charlie.
“Have you got on one of those trick collars? Something like a GoPro camera but with a speaker?"
"Marcie, I'm sorry to be doing this to you. I understand how you’re disoriented. I felt the same when I found myself inside a dog. I treated them enough in my lifetime. I never thought to be one, however."
Where were you when Ms. Montgomery lost her composure?
I object, Your Honor, to the characterization of my client as losing her composure.
I consider tearing out her hair and screaming at the top of her lungs to be losing her composure, Your Honor.
There is no reason for this bickering, gentlemen. We're here to decide whether or not Ms. Montgomery needs to be institutionalized.
Oh my God.
I put my head back against the head rest and counted to ten, very slowly.
Maybe it was my grandmother's potion. Maybe I had just had enough of this vampire thing and it was wigging me out. Maybe my mother had infiltrated the castle’s water supply and given me a dose of something poisonous. Maybe I had a brain tumor and all of this stuff, from becoming a vampire to hearing a dog talk to me was only a symptom of a malignant tumor.
I slitted open one eye and glanced at Charlie.
If I believed in vampires and shape shifters and creatures of the night, including those I had yet to meet, why couldn't I believe in a talking dog? On the face of it, a talking dog was one of the lesser things that had happened to me.
“It’s going to be all right.”
I knew that voice.
"Ophelia?"
"I'm here," she said and it seemed to me that her tone was very gentle, almost reassuring. Be nice to the crazy vampire.
"Reincarnation?"
For some reason I was only capable of uttering one word questions. Thankfully, Ophelia didn't need much pressuring.
"No, I don't actually think no. I've never read of anything like this happening, but it doesn't mean that it hasn’t before. I think I'm a ghost.”
A ghost in a golden retriever suit, just what I need.
I reached out with one shaking hand and placed it on Charlie’s/Opie’s warm head.
I stared through the windshield. I was listening to a golden retriever. Not just a regular golden retriever, but one that had once been a vampire.
“Maddock is a master vampire," I said in a reasonable voice, as if it were rational talking to a dog. “But you attacked him.”
"He smelled wrong," she said. “It’s because of my nose, of course. Dogs are so much more talented with their noses than people could ever be."
Of course the dog was lecturing me on olfactory science.
“Thank you for saving me from Maddock.” Marcie the Polite. Even while losing your mind, always be gracious.
"It was the least I could do."
"How did you get out of my apartment?"
The night I’d “adopted” Charlie, if the word could be used, I’d left him in my apartment alone. I thought I was going to the annual vampire bash, but it turned out that Meng betrayed me and delivered me up to Niccolo Maddock. By the time I’d returned home, which required me rappelling down the side of a very tall house and hiding with the bullfrogs, Charlie had disappeared.
"About that, Marcie. Quite a few people came into your apartment when you were gone. I just managed to leave through an open door. If I had opposable thumbs, I would have opened it myself."
“Who came into my apartment?"
"Maddock, for one. That woman who hangs around with him.”
I couldn't remember the name of Maddock’s mistress, but the idea of her prowling through my belongings would have ramped up my rage. I would get angry as soon as I got sane.
“Here you go,” Dan said, holding up a plastic bag. I opened the car window, smiled that idiotic smile again, and prayed Charlie wouldn’t say anything.
“I got two packages of peanut butter cookies,” he said, still looking at me funny.
I thanked him and watched as he got into his car, glancing back at me as he did so.
When he pulled off, I turned to Charlie.
“When we get back to the castle, don't say anything to anybody else."
"I haven't so far, have I?"
I followed Dan. We were only
a few miles from the castle, so I had to get my equilibrium back before we hit the gates of Arthur’s Folly.
"So, are you liking being a golden retriever?"
"Well, I guess it's better than being a hamster. Are you liking being a goddess?”
That question earned a quick glance. “You know about that?”
“You talked to me a lot.”
I nodded. “How much of Charlie is you and how much is, well, Charlie?"
"I would have to say about equal. He does doggy things and I go along with it. I want to investigate human things so he has no choice but to take me where I want to go. We both wanted to leave his owner.”
“I’m sorry about that.”
“I know you didn’t want to let me go to him.”
I was talking to a golden retriever. Or he was talking to me. Or he was a she who had once been a vet. I glanced over at Charlie. His mouth didn’t actually move. What I was hearing was not a voice as much as words in my head.
“Are you punishing me by haunting me?”
“Why would I do that?”
“I got you killed.”
Charlie licked his lips. “Nonsense. You did something nice for me. You loaned me your sweater.”
“What is this, karma?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I think I should know and sometimes I do, but then I start thinking about kibble and every thought flies out of my head.”
I knew how that felt.
“It’s very odd being a dog, especially an intact male.”
How did I even answer that?
I should've been reassured by her presence as a dog. After all, I’d attended her funeral, which meant the soul lived on. But I was a little disheartened by the fact I could be a snail or a cockroach in the next life.
“Are you stuck being a dog?"
"You're asking the wrong person," Opie said. "I have no idea. It gives a veterinarian a unique perspective on treatment, however. I would love to be able to communicate what I know to my fellow practitioners, especially the people in my own practice."
I could just imagine how that would go, but stranger things that happened, especially in the last two months.
“I’m sorry my mother ran you over.”
Charlie tilted his head a little. “I don’t hold you responsible,” Opie said. “It just happened.”
“Kenisha does. She holds me very much responsible.”
Charlie placed his head on his paws. “I’m sorry about that. She and I became good friends, but she really shouldn’t blame you.”
“It’s the cop in her,” I said.
Charlie sighed heavily.
“I think that’s why I’m here. I think I’m supposed to reassure you that you weren’t responsible. Maybe even protect you.”
“Well, you certainly did that. Thank you.”
I grabbed the steering wheel tightly, wishing I knew what to say to a ghost turned into a dog.
“Does that mean you’ll become something else now? Go poof and turn into a hamster after all?”
“I don’t know the answer to that, either.”
That made two of us.
When we got back to the castle, Dan carried Charlie, leading the way to what I considered the hospital wing. I was right beside him. I wasn’t letting Charlie out of my sight.
I didn’t care if the ice cream melted, a sure and certain sign of my devotion to my ghost-ridden retriever.
Dan turned left instead of right and halted in front of a closed door. I brushed in front of him and opened it.
I had to stop being surprised at what I found in the castle.
The layout wasn’t that different from the vet’s office. A stainless steel table sat in the middle of the room. A sink, counter and cabinets were on the other side. The service, however, was impeccable. No waiting. No time for angst.
The minute we entered, a young woman came into the room from the other door. She looked like a high school senior, her long black hair pulled back from a beautiful round face.
She glanced at Dan, nodded, then bent and began to examine Charlie. In the next minute she earned my admiration not only for the gentleness with which she examined Charlie, but for her anger.
“You did this?” she asked me, her fingers pausing above Charlie’s neck. Her eyes narrowed and she looked like she could cheerfully disembowel me with one of the instruments on the counter.
“No, she didn’t, Mel,” Dan said. “We found him like this.”
Her face smoothed back into pleasant lines as she turned and walked to the cabinets and rifled through the drawers. A moment later she returned with a pair of odd looking scissors and some other instruments I couldn’t identify.
“I’m going to debride the wound,” she said, speaking to Dan. “And stitch him up in a few places. It will take some time.”
“I’m not leaving.” I sat on one of the chairs on the opposite wall. “I don’t care how long it takes. I’m not leaving.”
She narrowed her eyes again. I smiled. I was ready for her.
The slow simmering anger I felt was deep and scary. It was one thing to come after me. I was a human adult. Okay, maybe not human, but at least I could leave a situation when I wanted. I could walk away. To chain Charlie up, to subject him to punishment he didn’t deserve pushed all my buttons.
I felt like the Incredible Hulk. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. I had the feeling I could do a lot of damage if I ever let myself get super pissed.
She was the first to look away.
“Okay,” she said. “I’m going to give him something for the pain.”
I stood and moved to the table, placing a kiss on Charlie’s nose. I didn’t know if I was talking to the dog or to Opie. I didn’t know if she felt the pain Charlie experienced.
“It’s going to be okay,” I said, dog lover to dog.
The other conversation, the one between vampire and ghost was mental and consisted of an inarticulate plea for silence. I didn’t know how I was going to handle the Opie part of this equation, but I didn’t think introducing a talking dog into my environment was the right move at the moment.
One crisis at a time.
Charlie blinked, which was good enough for me.
I sat again, staring down at my fingers rather than what Mel was doing. I didn’t want to see Charlie or Opie in pain.
Nearly two hours later, Dan carried Charlie back to my room without my even asking. I guess he knew that putting the dog in the kennels wouldn’t set well with me. Besides, I wanted to make sure Charlie was all right.
Dan placed him on the chaise and I covered him with a blanket, feeling like a neglectful mother who’d been given a second chance.
"Where did you see the witches?" he asked.
I pointed to the space in front of the chase. "Right there."
He went and stood in that exact spot, staring down at the carpet like he expected to see singe marks.
It was a good thing I didn't plan on having any kind of permanent relationship with Dan Travis. His mother would have made the very worst mother-in-law, seconded only by my mother. The condoms were a “just in case” purchase. I didn’t expect to use them, but if I needed them, they’d be handy.
“I’ve left word for my mother that you aren’t to be bothered, Marcie. If you see anything like that again, let me know right away.”
“Will she listen to you?”
He stood at the door, looking as if he wanted to say something. He only shook his head and left me alone with Charlie.
To my surprise, someone had unloaded the groceries from my car. The ice cream was perfect. I know, because I ate one whole pint sitting on the floor beside the chaise. The condoms were on the counter, so I stashed them beneath the sink.
Charlie was still sleeping and I was happy about that. He needed the rest and recuperation. Then, once I was certain he was okay, Opie and I were going to have a little girl talk, in a manner of speaking.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Other Smother
>
It hit me like a bullet between the eyes.
I sat straight up in bed, staring at the chaise. Charlie was a muddled shape in the darkness. I studied him until I heard his soft breathing. I grabbed my phone and started typing. When I finished, I sent the text to Dan. Hopefully, he wasn’t sleeping the sleep of the just. I stared at my phone screen as if that would make his reply faster. My question had been easy enough: what is the Other?
When his reply came through I didn’t move. Okay, maybe my eyes blinked, but that was it. Everything else was frozen in place. The Other was an acronym: Organization of True Humans for Equal Rights.
I asked another question. This one resulted in the phone vibrating. I answered.
“Their mission?” Dan said. “To blend the races so that no one aspect has superiority. Witches, vampires, and humans would all share the same traits. People were worried that humans would disappear, that vampires or witches would gain superiority in numbers.”
On the surface, it sounded all egalitarian and fair, but like a lot of things that looked good on the surface, there was a dark side.
“How do they do that?” I asked, although I already had a sneaking suspicion. Hell, it was more than a suspicion. The Librarian, Madame X, Mary, had already given me a textbook.
Me. I was the key. I was, in the Librarian’s words, the source of all this weirdness. The only learning I really had to do was about what the OTHER wanted from me.
Simple, my blood.
“Holy crap,” I said, feeling as if the words were ice and my lips numb. “I walked right into the jaws of the enemy.”
I switched on the TV on the far wall, glued my eyes to it as if the cable news was suddenly going to launch into a story more important than the one I was currently living.
He didn’t say anything for a minute. When I heard the knock on the door, I hung up, knowing it was Dan.
Oh, goodie, a three AM meeting of the minds. I put on my robe and answered the door.
“How do you know so much about them?”
He didn’t answer, but I wasn’t satisfied with silence.
“Tell me.” I might not be able to compel him, but I was more than willing to zap him if it came to that. Maybe just a little.