Red Herrings and White Elephants

by Albert Jack

  A Peeping Tom is a male person who tries to watch something they shouldn’t–usually with sexual connotations–in the hope nobody catches them. The expression has a wonderful origin connected to everybody’s favourite naked horsewoman, Lady Godiva. During the 11th century the Earl of Mercia, Leofric, was one of the three great English earls and he ruled a vast area of the country. In 1040, according to legend, he tried to impose heavy taxes on his countrymen and there was uproar in the streets. Leofric’s compassionate and charitable wife Godgifu (which has evolved into Godiva) sided with the people and begged her husband to lower the taxes. Leofric told his wife he would lower taxes after she had ridden naked through the streets of Coventry. Now Godiva was a game girl and her hapless husband hadn’t reckoned on her spirit, so she agreed to the challenge. Not surprisingly the people of Coventry were delighted but as a show of respect all agreed to stay indoors, close their shutters and face the other way as the lady passed by. All of them kept their word, except Tom the Tailor who couldn’t help himself and peeped out through the shutters. According to legend the ‘peeping Tom’ was then struck blind. Lady Godiva was a real person, but the story is probably only just that.

  To Plug A Song or Book is to promote it and make as many people aware of it as possible. In the early part of the 20th century Radio Normandie was one of the first independent stations and was broadcast from northern France. Radio Normandie was also the first commercial radio station to transmit to England during the 1930s and one of their sources of income was to receive payments to play records and promote them throughout the country. The station’s founder and main broadcaster was a Captain Leonard Plugge, which was probably how the phrase originated.

  Sweet FA does not stand for Sweet Fuck All, as many people believe. In fact, it stands for Sweet Fanny Adams. Fanny was an eight-year-old girl living in Alton, Hampshire, who was found murdered, her body cut into pieces and thrown into the River Wey. At around the same time the English Navy changed their rations from salted tack to low-grade tins of chopped-up sweet mutton. The new ration was both tasteless and unpopular, and with macabre humour sailors suggested the new meat was the remains of the murdered girl and christened the ration ‘Sweet Fanny Adams’. On land the phrase was adopted to describe anything boring, monotonous and not worth describing (as was the ration and not poor Fanny) hence ‘Sweet FA’.

  10: POLITICS

  In The Bag is a phrase used to describe something of an absolute certain outcome. Since the beginning of the English Parliament, tradition has it that all petitions brought before the House of Commons, which had a successful outcome, would be placed by the Speaker in a large velvet bag hung from the back of the Speaker’s chair. Therefore politicians, or reporters, describing a petition as ‘in the bag’ would be confirming its favourable outcome. The bag, although now only symbolic, still hangs behind the Speaker’s chair.

  To Jump On The Bandwagon means to join in, often uninvited, an already successful venture and gain some sort of self-benefit. In the Deep South of America travelling bands would once perform on their wagons in front of political or other rallies. Usually the bands would be a highlight of an event, attracting the largest crowds, so it was common for political or religious leaders to climb up on to the wagon, interrupting the music (sometimes with prior agreement) and gain themselves an immediate captive audience. Crowds would often tolerate this knowing the musicians would be back in due course. The practice had continued for over a hundred years before it was first recorded during William Jennings Bryan’s presidential campaign in the early 1900s.

  A Battle Axe is a comic, if not offensive, term for belligerent and stubborn old woman. Its origins can be found in America and the early years of the women’s rights movement. The phrase itself was originally meant as a rallying or war cry but backfired when the movement published a journal called The Battle Axe (to signify their resolve). Instead, the phrase was quickly used as a derogatory term for the domineering and hostile nature of the majority involved in that movement and as a reflection of what many, including less aggressive women, thought of its members.

  Beyond The Pale is usually applied to someone who has committed an unspeakable act or behaves immorally. A Pale, historically, is an area around a town or a city, which was subject to a particular jurisdiction and was governed by the King or one of his lords. Areas outside the Pale were generally regarded as lawless and uncouth, so unaccountable peasants of medieval England, Ireland and France (the English-held towns of Calais and Dublin established their own Pales) were regarded by relatively civilised town-folk as from ‘Beyond the Pale’.

  Bob’s Your Uncle is often used to describe something that is resolved in your favour without much effort, such as ‘Just send the form in and Bob’s your uncle’. The phrase was in regular use in Britain from the 1890s and comes from the promotion in 1886 of Arthur Balfour to Secretary of State for Ireland. Balfour was a surprise choice for the position and few regarded him as qualified for the post. But when it became known he was the nephew of Prime Minister Robert Gascoyne-Cecil, Third Marquis of Salisbury, the joke circulated that, if Robert was your uncle, a deed was as good as done.

  Hear Hear is often used in political circles to suggest agreement or endorsement of something being said. Originally any disagreement with a speaker, either in the Commons or the House of Lords, would be expressed by loud humming from those with opposing views, in an attempt to drown out the speech being made. But members agreeing and in favour of the speaker would call for those humming to listen by shouting ‘hear him, hear him’. This phrase has evolved over the years to the one used today.

  When somebody is told to Toe The Line, they are expected to follow the rules and submit to authority. Originally this phrase refers to the lines drawn along the two front benches in the House of Commons which still exists. The two lines are strategically placed at a distance far enough apart to prevent opposing members reaching each other with their swords, should the debating become heated enough. Any member becoming animated enough during an argument to step over a line would be called to order and told to ‘toe the line’. Tradition still prevents members from ‘crossing the line’ but these days none of them carries swords or other weapons, although it would be much more fun if they did.

  It is no surprise to find the Americans claiming the origin of this historic British tradition. The US Navy website states, ‘The space between each pair of deck planks in a wooden ship was filled with a packing material called “oakum” and then sealed with a mixture of pitch and tar. The result, from afar, was a series of parallel lines a half-foot or so apart, running the length of the deck. Once a week, usually on Sunday, a warship’s crew was ordered to fall in at quarters with each group of men into which the crew was divided and lined up in formation in a given area of the deck. To ensure the neat alignment of each row the sailors were directed to stand with their toes just touching a particular seam.’ Also, a naval punishment for boys too young to be flogged was to stand for hours on end in any weather with their toes touching the line. If they moved their punishment would be extended.

  When an idea is Pie In The Sky it is thought to be a good idea but unlikely to amount to a successful conclusion, especially for the person suggesting the plan. The original use of the phrase was, in fact, quite cynical. It comes from a trade union parody often used during the years of the Great Depression early in the 20th century. The hymn, entitled ‘The Sweet By And By’, goes like this: ‘You will eat, bye and bye / In that glorious land above the sky / work and pray, live on hay / You’ll get pie in the sky when you die.’ And through that popular movement the phrase passed over into wider use.

  11: THE LAW

  A Baker’s Dozen is 13, not 12. There are two established theories as to the origin of the phrase. The first is set in medieval England and identifies the sales techniques of tradesmen such as bakers and fishmongers. When selling directly to the public, merchants would have a fixed price for their wares. But when selling to bulk buyers such as t
own market stall-holders the merchant would gift an extra item for every dozen bought. In such cases the 13th loaf or fish would represent the stall-holder’s profit on the items he buys and then sells at market.

  The second theory dates back to the 13th century when bakers had the reputation of selling underweight loaves, although sometimes unfairly as the baking process sometimes made the bread ‘thin’ on the inside. In 1266 regulations were brought in to standardise weights of various loaves and the penalty for being underweight could mean a day in the stocks. To avoid this, bakers began to add an extra loaf, known as a vantage loaf, to every dozen sold, to make sure they stayed within the new laws.

  A Barrack Room Lawyer is a derogatory term meaning they are unqualified or inexperienced at what they are attempting to achieve (usually in professional circles). Since the 19th century the Queen’s (or King’s) Regulations have enabled soldiers without any formal legal training to conduct their own defence, make a formal complaint to superiors or promote their own interests. But those who did so were held in contempt by their commanding officers, who bestowed the uncomplimentary tag upon them. The phrase had passed into common usage by the beginning of the 20th century.

  If we Have A Beef it usually means we have something to moan about or a quarrel to pick. The earliest record of the phrase is found in the 1811 Dictionary Of The Vulgar Tongue, which suggests to ‘cry beef’ meant to give the alarm. Prior to that, in criminal London, it was known that the traditional cry of ‘stop thief’ was mocked and drowned out by passing fellow criminals who loudly called ‘hot beef’ instead, in a bid to confuse law-abiding passers-by and allow their colleague to make his getaway.

  To suggest somebody has a Brass Neck is to imply they have some nerve and will try anything to suit their own purposes, usually with the reluctant admiration of others for their cheek. The origin of this phrase appears to lie with the legend of a highwayman who was sentenced to hang from a tree for his crimes. This method of hanging brought about a slow death by choking so the highwayman came up with a cunning plan. He would swallow a piece of brass tube, with a wire attached to it and held inside his mouth, in the hope this would prevent his throat being crushed and allow him to breathe long enough for the crowd to disperse. All he then needed was an accomplice who could cut him down, remove the tube and save his life. Unfortunately it is not known if this is actually true (I hope it is) but the legend is certainly where the term ‘brass neck’ came from.

  To be thrown in The Clink means to be locked away in jail. It is sometimes thought the clink is a reference to the sound of the irons and chains placed on a convict. In fact, The Clink is the name of one of the oldest prisons in England, located in the London borough of Southwark since the 13th century. The Liberty Of Clink was the name of the district in which the prison was located; it was south of the river and exempt from the jurisdiction of the City of London. In other words, it could make up its own rules. Originally owned by the Bishop of Winchester, The Clink had a fearsome reputation with punishments including boiling in oil, the rack, breaking on the wheel, being forced to stand in cold water until a prisoner’s feet rotted, being slowly crushed under weights and starvation. The only way to avoid such treatment was to pay bribes and therefore The Clink provided a vast source of income for the Church from those prisoners on the receiving end of its barbaric practices. Finally destroyed by rioters in 1780, The Clink is now a museum, built on the foundations of the original building and a fitting reminder of London life throughout the Middle Ages.

  A Hijack is usually associated with the forced or violent theft of a mode of transport, normally aircraft. But it is also often applied to a person taking over any proceedings that have already begun. The earliest reference to its origin can be traced to the old English highwaymen who would steal coaches at musket point and traditionally used the words ‘Hold ’em high, Jack’, meaning everybody on the coach had to hold their hands in the air while he took control.

  By Hook Or By Crook is an expression we use to explain achieving something by any means possible, either honestly or otherwise. For its origin we need to know that a hook is a blunt billhook and a crook is a curved shaft a shepherd uses to gather his flock. In medieval feudal England a law was passed preventing the cutting down of trees or lopping of branches in order to gather firewood. But the law permitted the poor to gather dead wood from forests and deemed anything they could collect with a blunt hook or shepherd’s crook was allowable. The Bodmin Register of 1525 states, ‘Dynmure Wood is open to the inhabitants of Bodmin…to bear away on their backs a burden of lop, hook, crook and bag wood.’

  An Ignoramus is somebody of low intelligence and who applies little or no thought to a situation. Much of our legal language derives from Latin and many modern terms of law can be traced to the original use of that language. In Latin ‘ignoramus’ means ‘we don’t know [why this case was brought]’ and the word would traditionally be stamped on legal documents rejected by the courts as badly thought-out and without basis. The expression has been in general use since George Ruggle wrote a play in 1615 called Ignoramus in which the title character, a lawyer, demonstrated the ignorance of the common lawyers of that time.

  A Laughing Stock is a person exposed to a wide number of other people for their stupidity. In medieval England the stocks were used in many villages to hold a petty criminal or daft soul who had been caught doing something silly, in front of their own community. Their hands and feet would be secured in the wooden frame and the village folk would gather round to laugh at and humiliate the hapless person, often by pelting them with rotten vegetables.

  To be pushed from Pillar To Post means to be in a constant state of flux and probably harassed at the same time. In the Middle Ages each town and village in England had both a pillory and a whipping post. A pillory (also known as the stocks) was a place where petty criminals or traders who had swindled their customers would be clamped by their head and arms, and local people would gather round to humiliate them. In the case of a more serious crime, offenders would first be put in the pillory and then taken to the whipping post, being jostled along the way, for a public flogging. So the phrase began as ‘from the pillory to the post’ but evolved into the idiom we use these days.

  The phrase Possession Is Nine Tenths Of The Law began life as Possession Is Nine Points Of The Law. The phrase was used by anybody claiming an advantage in a legal situation, especially over the ownership of property, whether it belonged to them or not. Prior to the 17th century the expression was 11 out of 12 and it is not known why it was later reduced. However, the nine points are: patience, money, a just cause, a good lawyer, good counsel, witnesses, a true jury, a good judge and good luck.

  To Read The Riot Act is an expression used when an individual or group of people are given a severe rollicking about their bad behaviour. The original Riot Act was passed by the British government in 1715 as an attempt to increase the powers of the civil authorities when a town was threatened by riotous behaviour. The Act made it a serious crime for groups of 12 or more people not to disperse within one hour of it being read out to the mob.

  The Act read: ‘Our Sovereign Lord the King chargeth and commandeth all persons being assembled immediately to disperse themselves, and peaceably to depart to their habitations or to their lawful business, upon the pains contained in the Act made in the first year of King George for preventing tumultuous and riotous assemblies. God save the King.’

  Those failing to disperse risked penal servitude for not less than three years or imprisonment with hard labour for up to two years. Actually reading it out took extraordinary courage and often, during serious disturbances, many didn’t hear it anyway. After the infamous Peterloo Massacre near Manchester in 1819 many of the convicted demonstrators claimed not to have heard the Act being read and the same defence was put during trials for the 1743 Gin Riots, 1768 St George’s Massacre and the 1780 Gordon Riots. The Act remained on the statute book until the 1970s, but little use had been made of it for over a c
entury, apart from when I come home late from the pub, singing loudly.

  Rigmarole is an unusual word with an interesting origin. It is used to describe something disconnected, rambling and difficult to see a way through. It is now well over 700 years old and dates back to 1291 when the Scottish noblemen signed a deed of loyalty to King Edward I of England. Each of them fixed their seal to it and when all the attachments were joined together and presented to the King it was 40ft long. The deeds were known as the Ragman Roll and it was a dishevelled mix and match of all the Scottish deeds, both confusing and complicated. Ragman Roll morphed into ‘Rigmarole’ and became used to describe anything of a troublesome, time-consuming and awkward nature.

  If something Rings True, or has the Ring Of Truth to it, it is generally thought to be the genuine article, despite possible alternatives. Centuries ago, coins of the realm were made of pure metals instead of the hard-wearing alloy that makes up modern currency. But pure metals such as silver have a sonorous ring to them when dropped on a hard counter, so it was quite possible to tell the difference between a genuine coin and a counterfeit by the ringing sound it made when tested.

  To Be Screwed is a widely used term for being cheated, or placed at a disadvantage. During the 19th century English prisons were intended to be cruel places of punishment (hard labour) to deter prisoners from returning. One of these forms of punishment was to force a convict to turn a crank handle up to 10,000 times a day. These handles were designed in a way that the hard labour could be made even worse by a warder turning a simple screw, which increased the resistance of the handle. In such barbaric places, bribery and corruption were commonplace and any prisoner who did not agree to a warder’s demands could find himself being ‘screwed’ the next time he was on the handle.