Red Herrings and White Elephants

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Red Herrings and White Elephants Page 13

by Albert Jack


  Something In A Nutshell is explained in as few words as possible. Thousands of years ago important documents were carried around in walnut shells which would then be bound and kept waterproof. The idea of having something ‘in a nutshell’ means a shortened version that still covers every main point but there are examples of long and celebrated works being written in such small handwriting the document would still fit inside the shell of a walnut.

  Something done In A Jiffy is done extremely quickly. ‘Jiffy’ might seem like a slang word but in fact it is a scientific term meaning ‘unit of time’. Originally a jiffy was one sixtieth of a second, although it is now more commonly known as one hundredth of a second and occasionally even a millisecond. Some scientists use the word to describe the time light takes to travel one foot in a vacuum (a nanosecond). Whatever the duration, whenever we are told something will be done ‘in a jiffy’, it never is.

  Jumping Over The Broomstick means a wedding that has taken place informally and without any real preparation. It started out as a custom for the medieval underclasses such as gypsies, wandering labourers and other people of no permanent address. All the happy couple had to do in bygone days was to jump together over a broomstick to secure their status as man and wife.

  If someone got their Just Deserts, it is generally thought that they got what was coming to them, what they deserved. The confusion over the origins of this phrase lies in the spelling: ‘deserts’ is spelled like the word that means a vast sandy part of Egypt, but sounds like that spotted dick and custard we sometimes have after dinner, which is why the phrase is often explained as ‘well, he deserved a pudding like that after what he did’.

  When somebody is Having Their Leg Pulled they are on the receiving end of a deception, or a joke. An old Scottish rhyme dating from 1867 seems to reveal its origin with the lines ‘He preached and at last pulled the auld body’s leg, sae the Kirk got the gatherins o’ our Aunty Meg.’ The suggestion is that old Aunt Meg had been hanged for a crime and the preacher hauled on her legs to ensure she died quickly and without too much pain. Aunt Meg was known to have been the victim of much deception and trickery, which placed her at the gallows for a crime she did not commit, leading to the belief that having her leg pulled was the result of such deception.

  To Read Between The Lines is to find the real message hidden away in a situation which is not at first obvious. The origin of this expression is found in cryptography and early attempts at passing coded messages. One method of secret writing was to place the real message on alternate lines and weave an unrelated story on to the other lines. On first reading a simple story or letter could be read, but only on reading the alternate lines could the hidden message be decoded.

  People at Loggerheads are considered to be confronting each other. In the 15th and 16th centuries a ‘logger’ was the name given to a heavy wooden block fastened to the legs of grazing horses, enabling them to move slowly around a field but not to jump fences or stray too far. Frequently the loggers tangled with each other, leaving horses connected at close quarters and becoming agitated and hostile to each other. The phrase passed over into wider uses via Shakespeare’s play The Taming Of The Shrew, during which two of the main characters are seen to be at ‘loggerheads’ with each other.

  There is a second possible origin for the phrase dating to ancient nautical warfare. Sailors used a weapon called a loggerhead, which was a long pole with a cup fixed to the end. These were used to project flaming tar at enemy ships in close quarters to create injury and fire on board. Naturally both sides used similar weapons and such battles were known as ‘being at loggerheads’.

  Not to Mince Your Words is to speak plainly, frankly and with brutal honesty. The phrase is always used in the negative sense, as in ‘not to’–we never hear complaints of somebody mincing their words. The first recorded use of the expression can be traced to 1649 and Joseph Hall’s Cases Of Conscience. Some things we are told are unpleasant to swallow and difficult to digest, and the allusion is drawn from butchers who mince cheaper cuts of meat to make them easier to digest. A person ‘not mincing his words’ is not making any effort to soften their message.

  Minding Your Ps And Qs is a gentle warning to behave in a correct and polite manner. There are two suggestions for the origin of this phrase and both have a reasonable claim. First up is the civilised surroundings of the French court during the 17th century. The aristocracy were expected to dance delicately when they took to the floor and dance instructors were in high demand. During their lessons pupils were encouraged to mind their ‘pieds’ (feet) and ‘queues’ (the tails of their wigs).

  But my favourite can be found in the old London taverns, where the bartender would keep an account of how much beer their customers had been drinking by marking their pints under the letter P and their quarts (two pints) under the letter Q. Customers were well advised to watch their Ps and Qs to make sure they were not overcharged at the end of a session.

  Mum’s The Word means to convey no secrets and remain silent. This has nothing to do with mothers and more to do with the ‘mmmm’ we use with tightly closed lips indicating we have nothing to say on a subject. The phrase was first recorded in 1540 but is thought to be at least 200 years older still.

  Mumbo Jumbo is the expression we use for language that seems nonsense and to have no discernible meaning. For the origin of this saying we travel to Africa with the explorers and missionaries of the 18th century. One of these travellers, Francis Moore, wrote a book of his adventures called Inland Parts Of Africa, published in 1738. In one part Moore includes the passage ‘A dreadful bugbear to the women is called Mumbo Jumbo, which keeps the women in awe.’ Mumbo Jumbo was a legendary spirit in villages across Africa who was used by male tribal leaders in order to keep the women of their tribes in line. One of the major tribal customs was for a man to have several wives and bitching between them was a frequent occurrence. When an outbreak of backbiting became intolerable, the husband would dress up as Mumbo Jumbo and visit the main culprit in the dead of night and scare her rigid by shrieking and hollering. The trouble-making missus was then tied to a tree and given an old-fashioned thrashing by Mumbo Jumbo. Clearly he was not to be messed with. The phrase travelled back to England and became associated with the meaningless rantings of ‘Mumbo Jumbo’.

  A Nest Egg is a person’s savings, which they will try to keep adding to. In the English countryside, prior to factory farming, chickens used to live naturally and lay their eggs in nests. To encourage hens to be more productive it was common practice for farmers to place a porcelain egg, known as a ‘nest egg’, into the breeding ground. Apparently it worked. Likewise, a small sum of money given to a person as a ‘nest egg’ was thought to encourage them to add to it.

  To Grasp The Nettle is an expression used to describe facing an unpleasant task or problem with determination. Stinging nettles cause pain and discomfort when lightly touched or brushed against, but have been used over the centuries for their medicinal and nutritious content. The best way to collect nettles is to grab the leaf firmly; trying to do it softly or hesitantly will lead to a brush and an itchy rash or two.

  To find somebody As Drunk As A Newt is never a pleasant experience, but at least they will be all right in the morning. But no one has ever found an intoxicated newt ricocheting up the high street on a Saturday night, so why the reference? It seems that during the 17th and 18th centuries ‘newts’ was the nickname gentlemen gave boys who looked after their horses while out on the town for the night. As they spent their evenings in gaming houses, bars and opium dens our forefathers were good enough to send out ‘warm-up’ drinks to the newts who would then usually be found rolling drunk by the time the horses were collected, hence the saying.

  When somebody feels As Right As Ninepence, they are in tip-top condition and ready for anything. Silver ninepenny pieces were in common use in England until 1696, and were one of the highest-value coins in circulation. Also, the popular silver coin was often given as a token of l
ove or affection and for those two reasons people were always pleased to have them. But some people believe the phrase is a simple corruption of the saying ‘right as ninepins’, which is a reference to the English pub game of skittles. Once the ninepins were all upright the game could begin.

  To Pay Through The Nose is an odd expression. It is taken to mean we have paid a price far too high for goods or services. The origin of this lies in the Viking invasion of the British Isles during the ninth century. The Danes had particularly strict tax laws, which were applied with relish every time they invaded a foreign land. In Ireland the Vikings levied an especially high tax which they called the ‘Nose Tax’. The reason for that was any citizen failing to pay had their nose either slit open or cut off altogether. This charming behaviour continued until the genial Viking leader, Eric Bloodaxe, was killed by the English warrior King Edred at the Battle of Stainmore in954.

  When something has gone Pear Shaped it has gone wrong, or at least not quite according to plan. The 1940 film My Little Chickadee, starring WC Fields and Mae West, contains the line ‘I have some very definite pear-shaped ideas’ and the phrase certainly originates around that time. However, it is widely thought that early RAF pilots are responsible for popularising it. While practising loops a trainee pilot would often fail to make a perfect circle and would flatten the plane’s flight during the bottom section. These mistakes were referred to as ‘going pear shaped’.

  When the Penny Finally Drops it means somebody has finally understood something. This saying dates back to the Victorian era and the popular penny slot arcades. Often, in the old wooden slot machines, the penny would stick halfway down and users would have to either wait or give the machine a thump before the ‘penny finally dropped’ and they could start the game.

  Pin Money is now used as a term for small amounts of money, but the sum was not always small. In the 14th and 15th centuries pins were very expensive and only allowed to be sold on the first two days of January. Husbands gave their wives money saved for the purchase. As time went by pins became ever cheaper and the money could be spent on other things. However, the expression remained.

  To Rob Peter To Pay Paul is to take or borrow from one source to contribute to another, thereby solving one problem but creating another. Use of this expression is traceable back to 17 December 1540 when the church of St Peter in Westminster, London, became a cathedral. But its elevated status lasted only 10 years when the diocese of Westminster was placed back under the authority of St Paul’s Cathedral and St Peter’s became merely a church again. To add insult to injury, much of the land and property of St Peter’s was then sold off to fund repairs to St Paul’s. There was public outcry at the robbing of St Peter’s to prop up St Paul’s, and the expression became popularised.

  There is, however, evidence that the phrase dates back centuries earlier. This is provided by the Oxford priest and theologian John Wyclif, who wrote in 1380, ‘How should God approve that you rob Peter and give this robbery to Paul in the name of Christ?’ (Select Works III). While it is possible that 16th-century Londoners applied this phrase to the events surrounding their cathedrals, it is clear that the phrase had been coined in the mid- to late-1400s.

  Ruling The Roost is a phrase used to suggest a person is in charge and demonstrating their authority. The obvious allusion is to a chicken run, where the cockerel rules over all the hens. But not so fast. The phrase has been in use since the 16th century and was popularised by Shakespeare when he wrote in Henry VI Part II (1590): ‘Suffolk, that new made man that rules the roast.’ Indeed, tradition has it that the master of the house carves and serves the roast meat and in 1637 Thomas Nabbes wrote in Microcosmus, ‘I am my lady’s cook, and king of the kitchen where I rule the roast.’ This origin is further supported by the fact that in Anglo-Saxon English the word roast was pronounced with a long ‘o’, so it sounded like roost. So it seems that in days gone by, ruling the roast was indeed a demonstration of authority.

  The phrase Above or Below The Salt describes a person’s status. This phrase comes straight from the great banqueting rooms where the silver salt cellars would be placed in the centre of the table. Those sitting on the same side of the salt as the host (above it) were considered the most important guests and those further away (below) were less valued guests.

  To be In Seventh Heaven is to be truly delighted, over the moon and on cloud nine. According to Muslim beliefs there are seven heavens, each of them relating to one of the seven planets ruling the universe. The suggestion is that every level of heaven consists of a precious stone or metal and a servant of the Most High inhabits each one. The seventh heaven is considered the most glorious and is occupied by Abraham who presides over everything and who is the most loyal to God. During the Middle Ages the Cabbalists, who were Jewish mystics steeped in the occult, reinforced this belief by interpreting the seventh heaven as the domain of God and his holy angels. Therefore to be ‘in seventh heaven’ is to be in a place of eternal bliss.

  A Shaggy Dog Story is a story of unconvincing origin, not necessarily to be believed. The origin of this phrase is, in fact, a real shaggy dog story which, when told on the London social scene during the 1800s, wasn’t believed by everybody but is still a good story. Apparently a wealthy gentleman, who owned a grand residence in Park Lane, lost his beloved shaggy dog during a walk across Hyde Park opposite his home. The man was heartbroken and advertised extensively in The Times for the return of his companion. An American living in New York heard the news and took pity on the dog’s owner. He vowed he would search for a pet matching the description of the lost hound and deliver it to London on his next business visit, which he duly did. But when the New Yorker presented himself at the London mansion he was met by a po-faced butler who looked down at the dog, winced and exclaimed, ‘But not as shaggy as that, sir!’ The story caused howls of laughter across London’s social circuit, but was not entirely believed by everybody. A ‘shaggy dog story’ indeed.

  To Get Shirty means to become aggressive and look for an argument or a fight. This phrase has a direct link back to the 18th century when it was customary for a gentleman to remove his shirt before engaging in fisticuffs, ensuring it remained clean, tear-free and could be worn again afterwards.

  To give a person Short Shrift is to dismiss their opinions or feelings without much consideration. The word ‘shrift’ means a confession given to a priest, after which absolution is given. It derives from the verb ‘shrive’ meaning ‘to hear a confession’, and its past tense is ‘shrove’ as in Shrove Tuesday, the day prior to Lent when pious folk attend confession. During the 17th century, when criminals were taken out and executed almost immediately after the ultimate sentence was passed, they were given a few moments to save their souls by confessing their sins to a waiting priest. This was usually on the gallows platform and time would have been short, which is how the phrase ‘short shrift’ passed over into wider use.

  To Sleep Tight is to sleep well and have a good night’s rest. In this context the word ‘tight’ is generally thought to be about pulling the bedclothes tightly around ourselves. But the first beds to be mass-produced in England were made with straw mattresses held by criss-crossed ropes attached to the bed frames. Sooner or later the ropes would slacken off and the mattress would become uncomfortable. For this reason all beds were sold with an iron tool, similar to a large clothes peg, which was used to wind the ropes tighter whenever they became loose. Therefore to suggest a person ‘sleeps tight’ was to remind them to tighten their mattress ropes and have a more comfortable bed to sleep in.

  To Get Hold Of The Wrong End Of The Stick means to misunderstand something entirely and to misinterpret a situation. The phrase can be traced back to the 1400s and began life as ‘the worse end of the staff’ (or lance), with the wording changing during the 1800s. It is also said to date back to Roman times and their use of communal toilets where people sat side by side. For personal hygiene reasons the Romans used a short staff with a sponge tied to one end an
d everybody took great care not to get hold of the wrong end when reaching out to use it. Not only did they give us roads, sanitation and great architecture, but also, it appears, an early version of Andrex.

  To Up Sticks is to leave a place and move on to pastures new. There are several suggestions for the origin of this phrase. One is that in the days of horse travel a mount would be tethered to the ground by a picket (rope) tied to a stick driven into the earth. These sticks would be carried around by horsemen and used whenever they arrived at a place, upping them again on departure. Alternatively, a ship’s mast was known as a stick, and when they were raised the vessel was ready to depart. Either way the phrase is relatively recent and first recorded during the 1800s.

  Why do we call a level of a building a ‘Storey’? The word ‘story’ derives from the ancient Greek word ‘historia’ meaning ‘account of events’. Back in the 14th century, the word ‘story’ was used in architecture in the sense that stained glass windows and stone carvings or sculptures on the outside of a building had real stories as their theme. The more rows of pictures, the more stories they told. The higher the window or the building, the more stories it could have. This developed in time to mean an entire level of a building was known as a storey.

  Straight From The Horse’s Mouth is a term used to describe accurate, first-hand information. In bygone days a horse was a valuable commodity and there were few ways of reliably assessing a horse’s age before buying one. Everybody was afraid of spending good money on an old horse with very little work left in it. One of the better ways of reassurance was to look at the teeth of the animal and find out how far they had worn, or how far its gums had receded, to determine the age of a nag. First-hand inspection would reveal the truth. Don’t Look A Gift Horse In The Mouth is directly related to the same practice. It was regarded as extremely rude to check the teeth of a horse (to see if it was worth anything) if it had been given as a gift.

 

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