by Lisa Jade
Suddenly, I become aware of Luci’s low breathing behind me.
“Wait.”
I step in front of the others.
“Hold up, hold up. Even if that’s true… why punish the passengers?”
Silence falls over the room and eyes turn toward me. I search their faces, but can’t seem to figure out what they’re thinking. So I clear my throat, fighting to keep my voice clear.
“Blame the Captain. Blame the Council, too – I’m sure they’re involved in this. But don’t blame the passengers. I doubt they have any idea what’s going on. Hell, if they knew what would happen, I’m bet that nobody would hire a Companion. People love their Companions. There’s no way in hell they would let someone go to their death after everything they’ve been through together.”
I whip around to face the others, expectation filling my chest.
“Back me up here, guys. You’re the Captain’s kids. If any of the passengers knew about this, it would be you. But you didn’t. Right?”
“Of course not!” Luci screeches, “you think we’d have gone along with it, if we’d known?”
Angelique steps up beside me, resting a hand on my shoulder.
“Quinn. Come with me. We need to talk about this.”
“They said they didn’t know,” I snap, “that’s enough for me. Release them.”
“Once you hear what I have to say, you may feel differently.”
Angelique sits with a serene expression on her face. The hallway feels darker somehow, and when I look past her and through the window, I see a series of dwarf planets swirling in the distance. It’s odd to be sitting so calmly, after all the yelling. My skin crawls. I hate this. My stomach is still swirling with rage, and it occurs to me that I could likely run and get help; but just like before, something forces me to sit still. Like a child given a warning look from a particularly stern parent. She’s sworn than nobody will harm the others while we speak – and in spite of myself, I trust her.
“When I left Pyre,” Angelique begins, “I just wanted to see the stars. That was all.”
“Yeah. I can understand that.”
Her eyes glimmer.
“My plan had been to go and have my grand adventure, and then come home before you were old enough to even remember I was gone. Then I’d hoped to raise you with that knowledge, and regale you with stories of the universe. I even fantasised about seeing you off on your own cruise, one day.”
She laughs a little at the idea.
“And for two years, it was truly spectacular. The wonders that you’ve experienced over the past two months – it barely scratches the surface of what’s out there. It’s more wonderful than anything you could imagine – and more than that, I had been asked to be the Companion for Ahime. Ahime, can you believe that? The youngest member of the Orithyia noble line. She was so kind, and we became fast friends. I considered myself the luckiest person aboard the Callisto.”
Her face darkens suddenly, and all the joy fades from her voice.
“We arrived on Orithyia and were asked to separate. The passengers were to leave the ship and the Companions were to remain on board, and wait in their rooms. They told us they’d work their way through and make sure we were all registered, then show us to our new homes – or to arrange our passage back. I waited patiently, wondering why Ahime had refused to leave me alone. It was odd, but I hadn’t questioned it – maybe she didn’t want to be bothered by the crowds. And then, while we waited, someone knocked at the door. They verified my identity and pulled out a set of handcuffs.”
“To take you to the testing facility.”
“Yes,” she whispers, “and it was then that I realised the truth. I was terrified. I thought they were going to kill me. But Ahime told them to let me go.”
I gasp.
“What?”
“She pulled some strings. Apparently, her father had told her the truth years ago. In order to save me, she asked that I be made her permanent Companion. Ideally, until one of us died. It took a lot of fighting on her part… but eventually, she was able to claim me as her own. I was saved from the tests, and the relief was incredible. Until she told me the catch.”
My heart hurts as I imagine the scene; Angela stepping back from the cuffs, shock on her face. Ahime watching with a pained expression.
“That must have been terrible,” I hear myself say. She nods.
“Indeed. But then, she told me the worst part. No Companion has ever remained free beyond the length of their contract. She warned me that I would be the target of a great deal of suspicion, and that few people would trust me. She also told me that I must play the part for a long time - perhaps indefinitely - in order to remain safe and alive. That meant that I could never come home. On top of that, I was forced to separate myself from anyone who might be linked to me. To sever any remaining connections back home.”
“Oh god… that’s why…”
“That’s why I abandoned you. I didn’t want to. I hated it. I hated myself for doing it. But I had to, in order to keep us all alive. I saw you in the window that night. I heard you, too. I didn’t mean to smile back then. All I wanted to do was cry. But I hoped that if you remembered me, then you would remember seeing me smile rather than break down in tears.”
She leans forward, one slender hand finding my shoulder. She gently toys with a dark curl and then shifts, plucking Cherise’s loss knot from my hair. Her expression creases, and her eyes shine with unshed tears.
“I knew I would never see you again,” she whispers, “but I thought it would be okay. At least you’d have a mother somewhere who loved you. And your poor father… at least he’d still be adored, even if it was by someone he thought hated him. But I know him. He’s a good man. I knew that even without me around, he’d do a wonderful job raising you. Looks like I was right.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, my skin tingling at her familiar touch.
“This whole time, you’ve been trying to save people. Even though you’re in danger yourself. You risked your life to save that Companion the very first day, and then again to save your friend when the last disaster took place. Let me tell you this much. I would never have done that. I’d have been too bitter. That’s your father’s influence in you, I’m sure. You just can’t help caring.”
I open my mouth to correct her, then think better of it. She doesn’t know about Cherise. Perhaps she thinks my loss knot is for her. I tug my sleeve down and lower my eyes, hoping she doesn’t see the deception in my face. I don’t want to tell her why I sneaked aboard. I don’t want to recount the story again.
“Dad… he was a shell without you.”
Her eyes fill with pain.
“I’m sure he was. I know I had little choice in the matter, but I still haven’t forgiven myself for parting ways with him. I missed him terribly, even before the two years were over. I’ve never met a person so kind.”
Suddenly, a thought occurs to me. It’s stupid, surely; but then I look up into Angelique’s flawless face, into her sea-blue eyes that remind me of home, and emotion fills my chest. I want to do it. I want to give her that hope.
“When we get home,” I tell her, “you can apologise to him. I’m sure he’d take you back in a heartbeat. He’s really missed you.”
She blinks.
“Do you think so?”
“Of course. Once he hears what happened, he’d forgive you. Besides, it’d be nice to be part of a normal family again. Or at least, as normal as we get.”
She lets out a little giggle at that, then points out the window.
“Quinn, look.”
I follow her gaze; there are tiny flecks of debris in the distance, so many I can’t even count them. They soar through the vastness outside, leaving trails of dust in their wake. I lean forward in spite of myself, pressing my nose to the icy glass.
“Wow. Look at that.”
She moves so close that her long hair tickles my shoulder.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” she say
s softly, “I always wanted you to see this. I just hoped that when you did, it would be under very different circumstances.”
“Me, too.”
“You ran away from home to see the stars, didn’t you?”
“Same as you did,” I chuckle, “anything to break free.”
I pause. The words don’t ring true, somehow. I’ve had this argument with Alice so many times. Why was I really leaving? I’d always insisted that the stars were my only reason, but was there some other, less obvious reason? I eye Angelique – Angela – and my chest swells.
“Though, I’m starting to believe there was another reason.”
“What’s that?”
“I think… I hoped that I would see you again, even if only for a moment.”
Her eyebrows raise.
“But I thought you hated me.”
“Of course I don’t. I don’t think I ever really did. I was just… heartbroken, I guess. I was mad at myself for not being good enough to keep you around. I tried so hard to become a Companion legitimately, you know. I guess I wanted to show you what I could do on my own power. Then, maybe you’d think I wasn’t so worthless. Maybe you’d come home.”
Laughter breaks from my throat.
“What an idiot, huh?”
“Quinn.”
She watches me for a moment, her lips parted, and in her face I see all the pain she’s suffered. As Angelique’s face falls away, I see someone else behind it. Angela. Mom.
She nudges a lock of hair from my eyes and fixes me with a tearful smile.
“Sweetie, I have never thought you were worthless. Not for a second.”
“But everyone always said I was wasted potential. Instead of being amazing like you, I was just… normal. Like Dad.”
“There’s nothing wrong with being like your Dad. I loved that man more than life itself. Still do, if that counts for anything. And wasted potential? Please. You’ve done great things, and none of it is because of me. Most of what you’ve achieved has been in spite of me!”
She plants a small kiss on my head – and for a moment I’m five years old again, perched at the Drop-off. I’m curled up in my mother’s arms. I can hear the shushing of the tide and her gentle singing, and I can smell salt in the air and fish being carted down Main Street.
When she finally pulls back, I’m stunned to find that I’m not the only one crying.
“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you,” Mom says, and her voice is kind and gentle and everything I remember it being. I lean forward and pull her into an embrace. It’s been far, far too long.
“I wish I had known the truth,” I mutter, “I’d have found some way to save you.”
“I left to protect you!” she chuckles, “if you’d come running to my rescue, it may have undermined that a little.”
“I don’t care. I’d have done it anyway.”
“Oh, I’m sure you would have. You seem to have a penchant for saving lives, don’t you? You’re reckless. You act without thinking.”
Luci said that, too. Her words echo in my head and I pull away. Mom eyes me carefully.
“What’s wrong?”
I look past her, at the doors to the Bridge. The others will have released their message by now. Their not-so-subtle threat to the Captain. Hand over control, or his legacy dies. I wonder how scared Luci and Isaac are right now.
“A-are you really going to kill them?” I ask, my voice wobbling. Her brows furrow.
“I don’t want to. It’s the last thing any of us want – but we don’t have much choice. There’s no other way out. We have two demands – hand over the ship, and hand themselves in to be imprisoned. We also have two captives. If we don’t get what we want, we have two chances to get it. Killing one may be the only way to make him listen.”
My hands tighten into fists. Something about this doesn’t sit right with me. What Mom’s saying is entirely logical, but that doesn’t make it right. I tighten the fists until my nails are embedded painfully in my palm.
“What if he doesn’t give in? I’ve seen the way he is around them – around everyone. He’s a cold-hearted thug who doesn’t give a crap about anyone but himself. He treats his children like dirt. I wouldn’t put it past the Captain to leave his kids to die, rather than risk his precious reputation.”
Her lips tighten.
“He’s a monster, yes. But even monsters breed. If only for the sake of that reputation, he won’t allow his children to die. Not in this undignified manner. We’ve told him that if we don’t get his word within an hour, one child will die. The youngest will go first.”
Isaac. I close my eyes against it, but it’s too late. The image is there, forcing its way into my mind; his amber-brown eyes wide and unseeing, his lanky body sprawled across the tiled floor. A bloody crater in his skull. I let out a small whimper and bury my face in my hands.
“I understand how you must feel,” Mom says, finally standing, “I really do. For the past few months, they’ve been your friends. So it must hurt immensely to know how their deaths will benefit the world. Believe me, I get it. Ahime rescued me when nobody else would. Do you think I’m happy to betray her trust? She has no idea who I really am. She’ll be heartbroken when all this comes out.”
“But if you trust her…”
“I do. But not now. Not with this. It’s far too important to leave to someone else.”
She leans down and tugs her gun from its holster. She turns it over in her long, slender fingers, sliding one hand against the barrel as though it’s her first time holding it.
“Killing is never easy. It never feels like the right thing to do, even when it is. So I won’t ask you to watch. Stay here. Cover your ears. Look at the stars, instead.”
She flicks off the safety, determination dominating her previously soft features.
“These people need to die so that we can be free. They deserve much better, but the world isn’t always fair. So the least I can do is take on that burden myself.”
She turns on her heel and strides down the hallway, leaving me perched on the window sill. I watch her leave, and with every click of her shoes on the tiled floor, I feel my gut squirming. Has it been an hour yet? It must be. We’ve been sitting here too long. Is she planning to kill them now?
The door to the deck swings shut behind her, and for the briefest of moments I make eye contact with Isaac. Despite the distance between us, I can see fear in his eyes. His hair has fallen forward over his face, like someone’s delivered a sharp smack to the back of his head. His lips part just the slightest bit when he sees me. Like he wants to shout something. I lean forward to hear what – but then the door promptly closes, and I’m once more immersed in silence.
She’s doing it. She’s going to kill them.
How do I feel about that? Why do I feel a million things at once, and why is each one screaming out for my attention at the same damn time?
Isaac’s fear-filled eyes flash before me. The weakness in his voice when his father had struck him, so hard that he’d crumpled from the blow. How his face had folded with resistance when I’d asked about it.
Luci was always false around her father. It was like she didn’t trust herself to relax. I never saw him touch her, but then again, perhaps I didn’t know them as well as I thought I did. Maybe she was terrified, too. Maybe they both were.
I bet they’re scared right now.
I look out of the window. Mom’s right. Just look away. Don’t think about what’s happening in the next room. Just be somewhere else for a few minutes, and when you look back it will all be over.
I lean forward to see the same vapor trails as before – and freeze.
“Cherise?”
It can’t be. In the spot where my own reflection should be, it’s her.
I’m going mad. The stress has messed me up so badly that I’m hallucinating. I know she’s not real. Her image demands no space, bears no presence. It’s just a faint mirage, swimming hazily in my vision. Still, it’s her. Defia
nt hazel eyes, curves that used to send the boys mad, and that smile – that cheeky little smirk that always looked like she was up to something.
I slap my hand over my mouth. I remember now – all the details I had blocked out from that day. Her hand clutched in mine. The gentle ribbing as we faced death together. And the last moment I saw her – not crying out for me to breathe, like I had remembered. That wasn’t it. My eyes had opened for a moment as I hit the ground. I can recall it now.
As the Operators had rounded on her, she’d shot that defiant smile at the crowd - and turned her back. They’d started forward, but she was faster than them. In that final moment her fear vanished altogether, replaced by determination. Her arms had spread out beside her.
I swallow back on the lump in my throat.
She’d jumped – moments before she was thrown.
Isaac’s kiss. Luci’s embrace. All like Cherise’s smile. Beautiful things, incomparable things, all liable to be snuffed out at a moment’s notice.
I look at the door and my heart pounds.
No.
I can’t.
My body doesn’t want to move. It doesn’t want to run into another fight, to turn against someone, to enter another unwinnable battle. My head is still locked in its memories of Cherise and that day, and for a moment the stench of burnt flesh fills my head – but I shake it aside and force myself to stand.
Stop this. Save them. Please.
I burst through the door and start running.
Twenty-Two
Luci and Isaac are pinned against the exterior window, both trying in vain to shield one another from the rebels bearing down on them. I can sense anger in the air. Perhaps they tried to fight the men off. Perhaps it’s been an hour already. I don’t know.
But then Mom raises her gun and orders the men to step aside, and my heart drops. Nobody noticed me enter. Perhaps I’m no longer considered a threat, so my presence isn’t registered. Nobody looks my way, either – they’re all focussed on her. They watch hungrily, as though waiting for Angelique to show them what she’s made of. There’s bloodthirst in their eyes that I didn’t recognise before. They want to dole out punishment for the agony they’ve endured. I get it. I understand more than they could ever know.