Confessions of a Heartbreaker

by Sucevic, Jennifer

  That's first lunch for you... totally crazy.

  Even though I'm in a shitload of trouble, I can't help the grin that tugs my lips upwards. All I can hope at this point is that Jordan is half as impressed with my performance as everyone else seems to be. Maybe then I'll actually have a fighting chance of getting this girl to listen to my apology in person.

  Without my important parts being in any imminent danger.

  But apparently not everyone is impressed because all this uproar has Mr. Jennings scowling even more. "Take a seat back in my office, Mr. Montgomery, I have the feeling you're going to be here for a while."

  Shrugging my shoulders, I quietly do as I'm told. I'm relieved to see that Max and Lindsey are nowhere to be found. If this plane is going down in a flame of glory, I prefer to do it solo. Holding my guitar across my lap, I drop down onto the burgundy fabric covered chair parked in front of VP Jennings desk. He scrubs a hand tiredly over his face.

  "Do I even want to know what possessed you to do something like this, Parker? You're not a trouble maker," he pauses before adding, "anymore." He frowns suddenly moving his tape dispenser back to its original position.

  I strike a few chords on my guitar before sing-songing the words, "It's a grand romantic gesture, Mr. Jennings." I strum the guitar again. "I'm trying to win the heart of a certain girl."

  "And for some reason you felt that this was the perfect time and place for just such a grand gesture of love?" He rolls his eyes before burying his face in his hands.

  I pluck the guitar chords a few more times before saying, "Come on, Mr. Jennings, even you have to admit that it was pretty damn awesome."

  He huffs out a breath. "Watch your language, Parker. You're still in a heap of trouble so I hope, for your sake, that little stunt was worth it."

  Yeah, unfortunately the jury is still out on that one.

  Mrs. Shepard sticks her head back into the office. "Both Mr. and Mrs. Montgomery are on their way."

  Well that's not good news.

  No offense to my dad (since we just so happen to be getting along- total shocker, by the way), but I was kind of hoping my mom would be the one to bale my ass out. I think we can all agree that she's way more likely to sympathize with what I was trying to do here. Hell, she might even applaud my efforts... Or not.

  "Thank you, Mrs. Shepard. Please let me know when they arrive."

  "Will do," she says before her eyes zero in on someone standing just outside of Mr. Jennings' office. "Um, I think there's someone here to see Mr. Montgomery."

  One of Mr. Jennings' eyebrows slides slowly upwards. "And just whom would like to speak with Mr. Montgomery?"

  She pauses for just a moment which has me sucking in a breath as I wait. "It's Ms. Whitnall."

  Booyah!

  Success!

  Yep, I'm pretty sure there's a huge smile plastered across my face right now. And I kind of think VP Jennings is struggling to keep his lips from twitching upwards as well.

  "Is that so?" Then he clears his throat and his face transforms back to its previous dour expression as if the slight smirk had never been there to begin with. "Unfortunately Mr. Montgomery is being detained at the moment."

  I give him my best pleading look before whispering, "Come on, Mr. Jennings, help me out here. I know I'm in trouble, just give me a few minutes alone with her. Please?" Yep, and now I've been reduced to begging and pleading. But I am so willing to do it. I throw out a little bit of incentive that I'll probably end up regretting much later. "I promise, if you let me talk with Jordan, you have my word that I will have absolutely no involvement in this year's senior prank."

  Which is a freaking shame because this year's prank was going to be legendary. Let's just say that it involved- a few barnyard animals, an eighteen wheeler, and a massive amount of super glue.

  He raises a brow as if he's actually considering my words. "Not only will you have no involvement, but you'll put the kibosh on any efforts to prank the school at all."

  I slouch further onto my chair. Damn, that's going to be a tough one. I chew my lower lip contemplating my options. But I have to see Jordan. It really isn't a choice. At this point, I'd agree to just about anything.

  "Alright, Mr. Jennings, you have my word." And I don't go back on my word. Even with a principal.

  Like the civilized adults we are- we lean across the desk and shake on it. Just as I'm about to pull away, Mr. Jennings says quietly, "And don't think I'm unaware of your two accomplices in this little matter, Mr. Montgomery. If that senior prank happens, all three of your heads will roll."

  I think my mouth just dropped open.

  Damn!

  That said, he lets go of my hand before pulling away. "You can send Ms. Whitnall in now."

  Mr. Jennings stands up as Jordan is escorted into his office. I jump out of my seat as her green cat-like eyes skewer me in place. Just the sight of her steals my breath away. We haven't been this close to one another in such a long time. My fingers itch to reach out and touch her, to stroke their way through her long blond hair. But I don’t.

  "Ms. Whitnall, you have roughly two minutes with Mr. Montgomery and then you'll need to return to class. As I'm sure you can guess, Mr. Montgomery is in quite a bit of trouble at the moment."

  She nods her head but says nothing as Mr. Jennings quietly shuts the door behind him.

  Our eyes cling and my heart suddenly jackhammers painfully against my chest. As my nerves ratchet up to ridiculous levels, I realize that I'm way more nervous now than when I was sneaking into the office and serenading her over the PA system.

  Because this is it. She’s either going to give me another chance or I’m totally screwed... and I’ve pretty much lost her for good.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  “Parker-”

  My name falls softly from her lips. Crap… why do I suddenly feel like this isn’t going to work out the way I was hoping it would?

  “Wait!” I quickly interrupt. Maybe it wasn’t enough. Maybe serenading her in front of the entire school wasn’t enough to show her that I… that I…

  Her brow quirks up as my words trail off. And in true Jordan fashion, she’s got a total poker face going. I have absolutely no idea how this is going to play out.

  “You have to know how sorry I am.” I gulp, suddenly feeling every bit of saliva in my mouth dry up. “When I heard that you were moving, I thought…” Christ, I feel like such a dumbass even saying the words because honestly, looking at her now- how could I have ever thought she was playing me?

  Now both brows rise as she waits for me to finish my sentence. “You thought…”

  When I still say nothing, she quietly supplies the words for me. “You thought I was jerking you around.”

  I shake my head wanting to deny the words. But I can’t. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

  The look on her face transforms into one of disappointment. I’m really wishing I could kick my own ass at this point. “But I was wrong. I know that’s not something you would do.” The realization slams into me so hard that it’s almost painful. “Because that’s not the kind of person you are.”

  Jordan has never been anything other than upfront with me. She’s probably the most genuine person I know. Did I immediately assume she was playing me because I felt that, deep down, I didn’t deserve her? That maybe she was too good for someone like me? For someone who has the reputation I do?

  I don’t know… I just know that I got this all wrong. I jumped to conclusions and messed everything up between us.

  “No, it’s not.”

  “I know. All I can say is that I’m sorry. I promised not to hurt you… and I did.” Worse than that- I wasn’t there for her when she needed me. I baled on her. “Can you forgive me? Can we give whatever this is between us one more shot?”

  Holding each other’s eyes, my questions hang in the charged air between us before she finally says, "Parker, I-"

  Her words trail off as the heavy wooden door swings open and VP Jennings pokes
his head inside again. He eyes the pair of us before saying, "Your parents are here, Mr. Montgomery, which means that Ms. Whitnall needs to return to class. You've had your promised two minutes."

  Apparently our vice principal doesn't hear the telepathic thoughts I am, at this very moment, sending his way. Or he chooses to ignore them. Knowing Mr. Jennings, it's probably the latter.

  "Make sure you get a pass from Mrs. Shepard on your way out, Ms. Whitnall."

  Jordan nods her head even though her gaze is still locked on mine. I'm pretty sure my eyes are pleading with hers for an answer. I don't even care at this point if Jennings is watching our interplay. I just need to know that I haven't fucked everything up between us.

  My eyes continue to cradle hers before sliding to my parents who have oh-so-recently burst onto the scene and are now standing rather impatiently just a few steps away from the office. "Jordan?" My eyes latch onto hers again. I'm not sure if I say her name out loud or if I merely mouth it silently.

  Abruptly she pulls her gaze away from mine before murmuring, "We'll talk later, Parker."

  It's on the tip of my tongue to argue, but with Jennings and now my parents (who, by the way, do not look happy in the slightest) hovering nearby, I bite back the words before giving her a quick nod.

  Crap.

  That's the only thought running through my head right now.

  Crap, crap, crap, crap.

  I have the sinking feeling that her non-answer is actually my answer.

  And there's not one damn thing I can do other than watch her walk out of Jennings office and probably out of my life for good. This was like my very own personal Hail Mary and it turned out to be an epic fail.

  Huge.

  Epic.

  Fail.

  Here's a question- can an epic fail by definition be anything other than huge?

  Methinks not.

  In fact, I bet if you look up the words- epic fail in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of me next to the definition.

  Epic fail- A complete and total failure when success should have been reasonably easy to attain. Also known as pulling a Parker Montgomery (insert picture here).

  Wordlessly I watch as Mrs. Shepard hands Jordan a yellow pass. For just a moment, she turns back towards me, her eyes hold mine one last time. Without realizing it, my breath catches at the back of my throat. Please, say something... anything... give me a sign, any sign...

  But she doesn't.

  Not one damn word.

  There's just… nothing.

  With a pass in hand, she quickly drops her gaze before rushing out of the office. The door swings shut behind her with a finality that rings hollowly throughout my head and then she's gone. She's really gone. And I'm left to deal with Mr. Jennings... and my parents.

  Did I say crap already?

  Well, I'm going to say it again.

  Crap, crap, crap, crap!

  There's nothing more for me to do than fall onto one of the uncomfortable burgundy chairs situated in front of Jennings' neatly organized desk and wait for the flogging to begin because clearly that's next on today's agenda.

  Parker Montgomery's To do list:

  Make a total ass out of myself over a chick in front of the entire school- check (actually that one gets a double check, maybe even a triple check- the jury is still out). Let it be known that when I screw up, I do it big. This has been an excellent example of the whole- go big or go home mentality. There are no half measures where I'm concerned. When I fail, I fail big, baby.

  Still manage to lose girl- check

  Get chewed out by the VP and my parents- up next

  Get detention/suspension/possible expulsion- You know it.

  Yep, looks like we're right on track.

  My parent's flank me as they take their seats. As Mr. Jennings closes the door to his office with a resounding thud, I slump down a little further and wait for the inevitable shit storm to begin.

  Yeah, this isn't going to go well for me.

  Like at all.

  ****

  Hauling my backpack up onto my shoulder, I huff out a tired breath as I leave the school behind. At this time of the day, my truck is the only one left in the student parking lot.

  Why you ask?

  Well, because I just so happened to have served a ninety minute detention today. As apparently I will be doing for the next two months. Mr. Bennington, the teacher in charge of detention, and I are apparently going to get to know one another on a deep and personal level. I shouldn’t bitch, it could have been worse. Much worse. I could have been suspended or even expelled. And trust me, Mr. Jennings stressed that over and over again to my parents. Which only exacerbated things. For me that is. In all honesty, I think Jennings was delighted to secure my word that the senior prank would be a no-go this year.

  God help me it actually goes off.

  You want to talk about asses in a sling? Yeah, me neither. We'll worry about that later.

  Opening the backdoor on the driver's side, I chuck my bag into the truck before climbing into the front seat. At this point, I just want to go home and crawl into my bed. If I'm lucky, my mom will have made one of my favorites for dinner. Probably a long shot after the whole meeting from hell that went down earlier today but a guy can hope, right? Man, I could really use some double chocolate chip cookies. Maybe even a hug. Yeah, it was that freaking bad.

  A sudden noise draws my attention to the passenger seat right next to me. And it takes everything within me to muffle the girlish scream that almost leaves my lips. "Jordan, you scared the shit out of me!"

  My eyes fasten onto hers. I want nothing more than to reach out and pull her into my arms but I don't... can't, because in all honestly, I'm not sure what's going on between us. Hell, I'm not even sure if there is an us at this point.

  If I had a Magic Eight Ball right now, it would probably say something like- outlook not so good.

  Her lips curve ever so slightly. "Your truck wasn't locked, so I thought I'd wait for you." She pauses before dropping the dreaded bomb. "We need to talk."

  Hmmm, is it ever a good sign when a girl says that we need to- quote unquote- talk?

  I didn't really think so either.

  Before she can say anything else, the words tumble abruptly out of my mouth. "Look, Jordan, I'm sorry.” I shake my head sadly because in all honestly, I don’t know what else to say. “More sorry than you’ll ever know. It literally kills me that I ruined everything between us." Then I whisper quietly, “That I ruined what we could have had together.”

  Sucking in a breath, I wait...

  I wait for her to twist the dagger I’ve already plunged into my own beating heart by agreeing that I’ve ruined everything between us with my stupidity.

  Instead she takes a deep breath before slowly blowing it out. She looks down at her hands which are knotted in her lap as if she's nervous or maybe anxious.

  My gut twists just like the hands in her lap. Dread continues to bloom and grow within me until I feel as if I might actually choke on it.

  "Parker, what you did today..." her words trail off. When she finally drags her eyes from her fingers to meet my gaze, I see the shimmer of tears within them. "No one has ever done anything like that for me before. It was really, really amazing- thank you. I'm just sorry that you're in so much trouble because of it."

  I search her eyes hoping to see something... some kind of sign that this is all going to work out in the end. But I... I'm not sure. I'm really not sure that it will. "It was worth it. No matter what the punishment, it would have been worth it."

  She starts to shake her head. "No-"

  Not waiting to hear the words I'm so sure are going to fall from her lips, I grab hold of her hands. For just a minute I stare at them in my much larger ones. Her hands are so tiny and delicate looking. Jordan, with her petite stature, looks so completely fragile. But looks can be deceiving because she's probably the strongest chick I know. And I can't help but already feel the loss of her from my life. And th
at's totally on me. I have no one else to blame but myself for this. "Look, it was totally worth it. I wanted you to know how sorry I was. I’m sorry that I hurt you and I’m sorry that I wasn't there when you needed me."

  Out of everything, that's probably what kills me the most. Because I know she wouldn't have gotten nearly the amount of shit she did had I stood by her side. Maybe she really does deserve someone better than me.

  "I accept your apology." Saying the words softly, she stares out the large windshield in front of us.

  There's a but coming. I can feel it. I can all but hear it lingering in the air between us.

  "But there's no point in starting something between us because I'm leaving. Sooner than I'd anticipated."

  My heart stutters at her words.

  "Stay," I whisper, "You can move in with your aunt until graduation. That was the plan before, wasn't it?" Yeah, I never thought the day would come when I had to beg a girl to be with me. But you know what? I would get down on my freaking hands and knees if I thought it would turn the tide of this conversation.

  But it won't.

  I can see it in her eyes.

  I've lost her.

  Her blond hair spills over her shoulders as she shakes her head. "I can't. I can't stay here anymore. I'm leaving at the end of the week." Finally she drags her eyes back up to mine. "I haven't told anyone yet. Not even Lindsey or Annabelle."

  Feeling deflated, I stare blindly out the windshield.

  She's leaving. She's really leaving me.

  "Is there anything I can do to change your mind?" I say the words knowing deep down there's nothing that will change her mind. That's the thing about Jordan. She knows what she wants. She knows what's best for her. And she does it. Even when it's difficult. I respect that about her.

  Tangled up in all my regrets, I feel her fingers slide slowly across my cheek before she turns my face towards hers. When our eyes finally meet, she's only inches away. I stare into her greenish-gold eyes remembering the first time I saw them. Yeah, I think I was pretty much a goner at that point.

  "I can't stay here, Parker, I'm sorry. Not after Chris... After everything that's happened..."