“Why, what are your future plans, dear?” she said, sitting down in the chair next to me.
“Well my future has a lot of change in it, and I'm not sure where I’ll be led to, but I don't need the money so much anymore. I’d still like to work some, but small, easy cases, here and there . . . on my own schedule. I’d like to drop back to hourly and take what comes in that the others don't want. Maybe I could help assist with large cases. Basically . . . I would like to set my own, part-time schedule. Maybe eventually, just do probono.” I gave her the I don't know shoulder shrug and waited for her jaw to close.
“Sara, we don't want to lose you. If you need some time to work past things, we can give you time off. You don't have to worry about your security here.”
“No, Courtney, I know. It's not that at all. I have just changed my wants and needs, and I don't want to work as much anymore. I have other income to live on and this is a new chapter in my life. I want to be able to fully enjoy it without the responsibility of a job that requires so much time and effort. “I love this firm and everyone here is amazing. It's not that I want to leave, it's just that financially I don't have to stay,” I said.
“Okay, Sara, if that is your wish that's fine. I’ll approve you for part time, hourly, and you can come and go as you please. But you let me know, when the time comes, if you want to move ahead in your career because there is room for you here, Sara.”
I kinda knew that, but that wasn’t where I wanted to go. I saw the partners at this firm, and none of them were married and none particularly happy. They were all rich and lonely, had no kids and no life other than work and an occasional after-work cocktail, if there was a place still open when they got done for the day. Not at all what I wanted in a job or in my life. That was just it. I wanted a job not a career. I wanted kids, a husband and a dog, not a fancy sports car and big paycheck.
I thanked Courtney for her understanding and left for my meeting. It was a sweet young couple that wanted to set up a living will and trust before they went overseas for a month backpacking. I got them all set up and told them I’d have the paperwork ready by the end of the week. As they walked out, I looked at them and felt a huge wave of sadness come over me that had me wishing I had a best friend to go backpacking with.
After a quick lunch, I headed to my last financial adviser meeting. It was good but not like the company from yesterday. They didn't offer any classes or try to reassure me of my decision to invest my money with them. I felt like a total number there. So I thanked her for her time and left. Moments later, I was on the phone with “Mr. Smell Good,” Blake Conner, my soon-to-be financial adviser. I let him know that I was very impressed and that I would like to be his newest client. I told him I would let him know when the money came in, and we could go over more details later. He said he was excited for me and glad to be working with me. He took my number, email and address and told me he'd get some of the paperwork started and send it out for me to look over. I thanked him for his time and disconnected. I swear I could smell him over the phone. I needed to find out what that cologne was.
When I got home I went to my office and got my paperwork done for the backpackers. I set it by my purse so that I'd remember to bring it to the office to be packaged and mailed. I sat down on my deck with Faith and an ice tea and couldn't stop thinking about Lily. I had this incredible urge to go to the cabin. I didn't know why. To feel closer to Lily, to see the last place she was? To look for her body? I didn't know, but I just couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that she might be dead. I knew Jake and Mark were innocent. I knew in my heart that neither of them were capable of hurting her. I had no idea what I would do when I got there but I had to go.
I went to my office and dug out the number to the manager who had rented it to us. Harold said that the place was available tomorrow after 2:00 p.m. for the rest of the week. And I could stay as long as I need to.
I called my mom and told her I was going, and then I filled her in on my dreams. She thought they were just silly dreams and that I shouldn't go to a cabin in the middle of nowhere by myself. I assured her that Faith and I would be fine. I told her I needed to go. It was eating at me, and I really needed to find out what happened. She was not happy and made me promise to call every few hours. I agreed.
I decided that since it would take forever to get there and it was miles from no where, I needed some food. At the grocery store, I loaded up with breakfast stuff, some lunch items, chicken breast, salad fix-in's, tons of junk snacks, a variety of beverages, and a few bottles of wine-in case I had trouble sleeping.
Back home, I had just started packing when there was a knock at my door. I opened it to Mark, who was looking very stressed.
“Sara, I don't know what to do. That detective was at the apartment today and wanted a bunch of papers from Lily's desk. I said no, and now he said he'll get a search warrant and be back,” he said, panicked. He was breathing heavily and looked really nervous.
“Sit down, Mark,” I said, pointing to the couch. “Why would you tell him no?”
“Because, I don't know, I guess I don't want to be investigated. I just want to be left alone,” he stuttered.
“Mark, they’re just trying to find Lily. You didn't do anything so you have nothing to worry about. Just let them take what they want. If you don't, you're just going to look guilty.”
“What did you tell them Sara? Why are they looking at me so hard?” he asked.
Now I was offended. “I didn't say anything, Mark. I don't know anything. I told them what I know. That's it. You're the only one making yourself look guilty.” I paused and looked into his eyes. “Mark, do you know something?” I asked.
He looked away, “No, I don't. She got in her car and left. That's all I know.”
“Mark, have you been back to work yet?” I asked, noticing he hadn't shaved.
“No, and that's another thing. That detective was at my work and Jake's work today interviewing our co-workers.”
“Wow, really?” I guess they really were looking at Mark and Jake closely. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I wanted Lily found but to have my two closest friends questioned was discerning.
Mark stood to leave. “Sara, I didn't do anything. This wasn’t my fault,” he said in tears.
“I know,” I hugged him. “This’ll all be over soon.”
He left and I felt ill. I slowly went back to my room to finished packing. I hadn't told Mark I was going to the cabin. I flipped on the TV and checked the forecast. The temp had been in the sixties lately and looked like it wasn't going to change, so I packed lots of stuff for layering. I got Faith's stuff ready too and then went to bed.
In the morning, I Map Quested my route and then swung by Target and bought a GPS. I wasn't taking any chances. I could got lost in a paper bag.
I got out on the road at nine-thirty. It was about a two-and-a-half- to three-hour drive. Faith was pacing back and forth in the car. She looked like she liked it, but she wouldn't sit still. I gave my mom a call and told her I was on my way and that I’d call her as soon as I got there.
I arrived safely with the help of my GPS. Checked in with mom, and then I unloaded the car. Faith was running around the cabin like a kid at a McDonald's Play-Land. It was really nice out and the afternoon sun was warm. After I got settled, I grabbed an iced tea and sat on the patio. And I was instantly sick. I had an image of my husband's hands and lips on another woman almost as soon as I sat down. I closed my eyes and told myself to move past it. It would destroy them, not me. I could move forward. I would be fine. I gave myself a mental slap on the face, closed my eyes and inhaled the fresh country air. I instantly relaxed. I could totally live here. After about twenty minutes, I went inside to make some lunch.
After I ate, I decided to go for a walk in the woods. I took my phone with me and thought that maybe I should have brought some bread crumbs too, so I could find my way back. I just stayed on the trail. I didn't really know what I was doing. Looking for a cave maybe. T
he woods looked exactly how it did in my dream, except it was bright and sunny. No way I'd be out here in the dark. I wasn’t what anyone could refer to as brave. While I walked on the semi-beaten path, I had another talk with God. I asked for protection, courage, and guidance. What was I doing? It's almost as if I was having an out-of-body experience, like a different force was pulling me and my thoughts somewhere. If someone would had asked me a month ago where I'd be today, the answer wouldn’t have been anywhere close to this.
I came to a point on the trail where it started to go up hill and my fear suddenly kicked in, and I froze. I had suddenly lost my breath, my body was stiff, and I was panting and had started to sweat. I couldn't see much, just the dirt and grass in front of me. It was getting rockier, like I was getting close to the top . . . close to the cave opening. I didn't know what to do. I tried to catch my breath, but I was at the point where I wanted to wake up from this dream. I took a few more deep breaths and turned around. There was no way I was going to do this. If I got to a cave and saw what I'd seen in my dream, I didn't know what I'd do. My dreams led me there, but I really didn't want to see the rest of the dream in real life. I turned and walked quickly back down the hill towards the cabin. It didn't take me nearly as long on the way back. Nothing like a little fright to keep up the pace. It was only about and hour walk there and back.
Back at the cabin, I grabbed a water from the fridge and relaxed on the couch, it was four o'clock when I lay down. Faith had finally curled up in a sunny window and fallen asleep. I lay there thinking. I knew what I needed to do.
16
I spent the rest of my night looking out the window. Thinking, contemplating, wishing I had Internet access. After I made a fire in the fireplace and lay down by it, I called my mom and told her about my trip in the woods. I had a text from Kat, “Just checking in.” I replied back that I was fine and passed on telling her I was at the cabin. I knew her and she would have been in her car and there in a flash. I didn't want her to come. I needed to figure this out on my own.
The next morning, the sun woke me at the crack of dawn. I decided to go out for a morning run. I hadn't done that in a really long time, so it ended up being more of a morning walk. I stuck to the long driveway and county road this time. When I got back, I showered and dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and then threw a sweatshirt over top. I pulled on socks and my tennis shoes and headed to the kitchen for a bowl of cereal. Faith was up with me and was doing a great job at remembering where her litter box was. She had already ate her breakfast of kitty kibble and was giving herself a bath on the sunny window sill.
Making the most of my time in the country, I took my cereal out on the patio to eat. It was the most amazing thing watching the country wake up in the morning. The trees turned on and started to glisten, the ever-so-calm lake sparkled in the sun, and the crisp smell of morning in the country was wonderful. In my experience, waking up consisted of the neighbor’s toilet flushing, hallway doors slamming and cars revving up in the parking lot. I absolutely loved this.
After breakfast, I headed out the door and into town. First stop was gas then on to Main Street, back to the little shop to talk to that old man, Reggie. I hopped he was there, I needed to get more information from him about the lake, what people saw, what stories he'd heard. I needed to know more about the history.
I walked into the shop at about nine-thirty. It was the middle of the week and early, so the town was pretty quiet. I headed towards the back of the store and took note that not much had changed. Reggie was in the back talking to a woman about a bear statue. I looked around while they finished the transaction. When he was done he came over and smiled.
“Well, hello, pretty lady,” he said with a wink. “I recognize you. You did something different with your hair, nice. I thought you'd be gone by now.”
“Hey, Reggie, thanks,” I said with a quick smile. “I was gone, and now I'm back. I was hoping you'd remember me. I need to talk to you. Is there a good time when you can talk to me. Maybe I can buy you a cup of coffee?” I asked.
“Talk to me? About what?” he asked. “Did something happen?”
“Yes, something happened, and I was wondering if you could tell me more about what you said about the lake. I would rather not do it here. Is there somewhere we could go?”
“Yes, we can go to the bakery, but not 'til ten. At ten my employee, Ginger will be here to watch the store. Maureen—that’s my wife—is in the back office doing the books. We’ll meet you two doors down at the bakery at ten. Is that okay dear?”
“Yes, thank you so much., I'll meet you there,” I said and turned for the door.
“Wait, young lady. I didn't get your name,” he yelled.
“Sara, Sara Martin,” I smiled and gave him a finger wave.
I went to the bakery and read through the morning paper. Nothing exciting happening here, which was a good thing. I guess Wednesdays were slow everywhere. I ordered a cup of coffee and told the waitress I was waiting on two more. At five after ten Reggie and Maureen walked in. They were just the cutest, little couple in the world. They sat, and the waitress brought them coffee. We waited to order. Reggie reintroduced Maureen. She said she remembered me from the shop. I updated her on the conversation I'd had with her husband at the till that day, then told them both about the “vision” I had at the lake, and by my Jeep. They both looked at each other and didn't seem surprised. I asked them if they knew what it was that I had seen.
Reggie told me that the girl ghost had been seen a lot . . . by many. She seemed like she was a friendly ghost, but still a bother to a quiet town.
“People thought it was the ghost of a young girl who had been missing for a long time. She was never found. She'd lived here on the lake with her family for many years. She went out to play one day and never came back. She was thirteen. They presumed she'd drowned, but they never found her body. They drug the lake for two days and even had divers searching the depths,” Reggie explained.
“Her family still lives here. She was their only child, and it tore them up. The mother still holds hope for her being found alive. We see her in church most Saturday evenings. She still hasn't moved on,” Maureen said sadly.
Continuing, I told them why I was there: Lily missing, my separation, the police report and then the reoccurring dreams. I asked them if they knew of a small cave in the area, and they both said no. But they admitted they had never been able to hike the trails in the area because of Maureen's bad hip.
“If there is a cave up there, it's small, nothing for anyone to get excited about. I've never heard anything about it,” Reggie said.
“What was the girl’s name?” I asked.
“Carrie Sanders. Her parents are Bill and Nancy,” Reggie said. I took out a notepad from my purse and wrote that down.
“Do you remember when that happened?” I asked.
They looked at each other, talked it over a little and decided that it was about sixteen years ago when she’d disappeared, in the late spring-early summer. I wrote that down too. We each ordered a slice of pie and talked a while longer. I told them about my job and thoughts on a life change. I told them about wanting a quiet, slower paced life and how I wanted to get out of my hectic schedule. They asked how I planned to do that, and I filled them in on my grandma and my inheritance. They were excited for me. I didn't know why I decided to tell them all that, but it felt safe. They felt like grandparents. They were full of concern and advice and were very happy and successful, so I listened carefully. After thanking them for their help, I got directions to the local library. It wasn't on Main Street, but it wasn't too far, so I thought I could find it.
I pulled up to the front of an old, faded red-brick building. It was very small, and there was a peeling, hand-painted wood sign out front. The cement steps were getting crumbly, and the glass in the windows was dark and stained. The building was almost creepy looking. I parked on the street and walked, carefully, up the steps. The entry was grand. It had an antique chandelier
hanging overhead. The ceilings were really high, and the place was freshly painted and tastefully decorated. The budget must have been used on the inside. There were tall shelves against the back walls and low shelves throughout the room. The librarian's desk was in the middle of the room, and an older woman stared at me from behind it. I noticed three computers on desks over in the corner. I hoped they had Internet access.
“Hello, dear. Is there something I can help you find?” The librarian asked.
“Yes, I’m looking for a newspaper article from about sixteen years ago. It’d be from the local paper here in Nisswa, and if there are any surrounding papers I’d like to look at those too.”
“Well, dear. I’m going to need a minute to gather the micro-fiche slides, the projector is over there behind the computers,” she said. “Nisswa has the only paper in this area for a fifty-mile radius. Do you know what the dates are that you need? “
“No not really, I know it was sixteen years ago, and it was late spring or early summer. So it looks like I have some work to do,” I said with a wink.
“What was it you're looking for exactly?” she asked, looking kind of annoyed, her hands on her hips, eye brows swished together and lips pursed tightly.
“I'm looking for information on the missing girl, Carrie Sanders. She was thirteen when she went missing, and she’s never been found. She grew up around here so it probably was in the local paper,” I answered.
“Yeah, sure. I remember that. It was such a sad time around here. Her parents still live in the same house, ya know. Her mom, Nancy, says she’ll stay until her daughter comes home.” She shook her head sadly. “I'll go in the back and get the slides you need, dear. I'll meet you over by the projector.” She turned and headed through a door in the back of the library. I went over and set my stuff down by the projector. The library was quiet. There was only one other person in there with me. A quick watch check showed it was almost noon.
Lost and Found: Sara Martin Series Page 12