‘I don’t expect you to understand, sweetheart. You might one day, if you have kids. Karen… she’ll always be my little girl. She’s made mistakes – flippin’ big ones at that. I can’t say I don’t feel hurt, really hurt—’ she thumped her chest ‘—by her silence but… blood bonds us. She’s part of me. Without her around I don’t feel complete. She’s not been the best mum to you and I can’t forgive her for that… but I love her.’ She glanced down at the invitation cards Alf had handed out. ‘I took these but haven’t got anyone to send them to. When did my world become so small?’
Whilst Nik escorted Glenda back to her room I vacuumed the floor and packed away the crackers that had been made, into a box, admiring the ties and brightly coloured foil. I wouldn’t think about Mum. I wouldn’t let her ruin my evening.
Buddy made everyone laugh by chasing a green curl of ribbon. Alf persuaded Nancy to play dominoes. Lynn left the woodland sprigs and cones, now sprayed and covered in glitter, to dry on their table. They looked so pretty. Betty wandered in and out, clutching her doll. I hoped she found a new home that gave her the freedom to roam and that Bill moved to a place that had special activity toys. Nancy caught my eye and gave the relaxed smile of someone who’d sorted her future – a home near her granddaughter. Apparently, she’d applied there before coming to Willow Court but, at the time, it was full. I told Gran that proved that second choices could turn out well like Willow Court had for Nancy. I wondered what Glenda would do. Money gave her a few extra options and with the degree of her osteoporosis she didn’t quite need as much help as say Fred, with his failing eyesight, or Alf with his heart problems that meant some days he hardly had the energy to get out of bed.
Nik and I waved to everyone before heading off. Sleet started to fall as soon as we stepped out, into the darkness. He held out his hand and licked off a sliver of ice. Buddy yapped as he stepped into an icy puddle.
‘I will give you a drink when we get to my flat, you know.’
He chuckled. ‘When I went to Finland as a kid, we stayed with Dad’s parents who’d stayed there, and the boy next door and I would go into the woods to see if we could spot any Arctic hares. We’d see who was brave enough to eat the biggest snowball. Mum never could work out why I used to get stomach ache after playing out.’
We came to my apartment block, having passed a few houses that had sparkling fairy lights up. Nik stood behind me as I opened the door, his hand protectively resting on my back. Buddy charged ahead, pulling on the lead, as we went upstairs. My hands were almost blue. Worrying about Gran’s continued low mood, I hadn’t been focusing when we came out of Willow Court and must have left my gloves there. Nik took the key as my numb hand struggled to open my front door. I hurried to the central heating thermostat and turned it up, still feeling emotional and walking in reminded me that soon Oliver might be gone.
I spun around, having not turned on the lights yet. The orange glow from the streetlamp outside lit up the room. Nik stood there looking gorgeous, red anorak unzipped. Everything in my life at the moment felt strange and uncertain except for this. I strode over, pulled off my woolly hat and let it drop on the floor. Standing on tiptoe, I shut my eyes and pressed my lips firmly against his.
30
Nik’s face jerked back. ‘Crikey, Jess, what’s going on?’
I took his hand. ‘I like you, Nik. A lot. And I think you like me.’
He stepped back. ‘You’re great – really, but… look, can we turn on the lights?’
Of course, open, sunny Nik wouldn’t want to make love in the dark. But I bit my lip. That wasn’t what he meant.
‘Whatever you prefer.’ I went to the wall by the kitchen and flicked a switch, a tide of heat sweeping up my neck and into my face.
‘Jess… look… let’s sit down.’ He moved towards the sofa. ‘I think there’s been a misunderstanding.’
I couldn’t move, wishing I were invisible, wishing a secret door would suddenly appear, headed by the word Exit…
‘I’m sorry but I don’t think of you in that way.’
… or a sink hole would do because it was sinking in that I’d made a mistake.
He walked back to me and placed his hands on my arms.
‘I’m really flattered. Any bloke would be lucky to have you as his girlfriend. I’m sorry if, somehow, I’ve given you the wrong impression.’ ‘He took his hands away. ‘We’ve hit it off. Clicked, haven’t we? That doesn’t happen often in life – but for me it’s just friendship… a friendship I don’t want to lose.’ He stared at me intently.
‘But when you came over to dinner – you took me into my bedroom, to the window, and said the view was romantic. You gave me red roses.’ I needed to shut up but I couldn’t stop trying to validate myself out loud. ‘And at Pebble Rock you said I’d made England feel like home for you.’
Nik looked puzzled. ‘And I meant every word.’
‘You loved my dress when I came to yours.’ It was tight and short.
‘It was red,’ he said, ‘like the roses – my favourite colour.’ He slid down into the sofa and held his head in his hands. Buddy padded over and nuzzled them. He looked up. ‘Please forgive me. This is my fault.’
Not really knowing what to say, I glanced down at my wrist and the charm bracelet. Nik caught my eye.
‘The craft pack – it said friendship bracelets. That’s what I made, Jess.’
‘I feel so stupid,’ I said, my throat tight around the words. ‘The heart… I thought…’
‘That charm isn’t about me.’
‘Oh…’ I went to take it off.
‘Please, keep it – this connection between us… it’s important.’
‘So you aren’t single?’
‘I am. Life’s been busy. I’ve put everything into the business. In fact, this trip is making me reassess my life on several levels. Getting to know the residents of Willow Court has made me realise how important family is. That’s why I spend so much time with Glenda.’
I sat down next to him. ‘Sorry for making you feel so uncomfortable.’ Now my hands covered my eyes. ‘I feel so embarrassed but I can’t escape as we’re in my flat.’
Gently, Nik peeled my fingers away. ‘Don’t be. You’re one hell of a Sheila. We’re both blaming ourselves for this – perhaps that means we’re even and it doesn’t have to change anything.’
My chest felt lighter. Oddly, the rejection was beginning to give me just a tiny sense of… relief?
‘Mate to mate, Jessie – I’m a straight up kind of guy, right?’
I nodded.
‘If I say you’re fantastic, you bloody are. So how about taking a compliment?’
Then why not…? As was so often the case with Nik, I didn’t need to say the words out loud.
‘You’re kind, hardworking, everything any bloke could want, but I’ve just come out of a relationship that ended badly and the last thing I can think about is dating again. Junior Magic is going through a tough time but I could have done a lot of research at home. I’ve used my personal savings to travel here. If I’m honest, I needed to get away. Rebekah lives opposite my parents and I always spend the festive season with them. I don’t want to run into her. Not yet. This trip is lasting longer than I’d planned, but I can’t say I’m unhappy about that.’
If only he’d mentioned this before. ‘Sorry to hear that. Break-ups are tough.’
‘I deserved it. Rebekah…’ He sighed. ‘Her ending things made me realise how much I’ve been working, putting my all into the toy business and charity work – especially at Christmas. She really wanted us to visit her parents in Melbourne last year, just for a short trip, to exchange presents. I said I couldn’t leave Sydney in December and I’d said the same the previous year. Glenda’s shown me a glimpse of a future I might have. She had a successful career but has faced most of her retirement alone.’
‘Most? She’s never spoken of anyone close.’
‘Not even Gabby?’ He smiled. ‘You should ask about her.�
�� He stared vacantly at his leather boots. ‘Imagine going through the loss she suffered without someone close to lean on.’
‘You mean losing her parents?’
‘No, the pension fund. Willow Court is great but giving up her lovely lakeside apartment and the live-in help must have been such a wrench, don’t you think? She was lucky the council found her such a nice place.’
‘Glenda doesn’t pay for her room?’ I asked, forgetting my romantic faux pas for a moment.
Nik raised an eyebrow and his neck flushed. ‘Oh. Me and my big mouth. Just forget what I said. I assumed all the residents knew each other’s position.’
‘They do, more or less, but everyone thought Glenda was in the money. Wow. Poor woman. This might explain why she’s always seemed a little… bitter and acted as if the place wasn’t good enough for her.’
‘Has she? You wouldn’t know from the conversations we’ve had. She’s very fond of Alice and wishes she had a granddaughter like you.’
‘But her smart clothes… she always looks so… expensive.’
‘They are all from her executive past.’
True.
‘But you helping with her finances…?’
Nik looked uncomfortable.
‘Sorry. I don’t want you to break any confidences.’
‘They are just to do with an estate that was left to her by an aunt – small earnings that Glenda inherited. She used to employ an accountant but has been trying to manage herself since losing her big pension. Internet banking will make everything so much easier for her. I see how she can come across as stand-offish but she’s a lovely lady when you get under that slightly distant exterior.’
I hung up our coats and fetched two glasses of wine. We leant on the breakfast bar. ‘So you and me… we’re all right? You want to stay for dinner still?’
‘Unless you’d like me to leave.’
I passed him the pizza restaurant menu. ‘I could cringe at my behaviour. I just… I’ve become fond of you. Honestly, with any other guy I would have asked him to go, enabling me to wallow in my humiliation. But no, Nik Talvi has to handle it so well that I’m still charmed and he’s staying for dinner.’
‘We’ve all been there and to show there’s no awkwardness I hope you’ll come over to Sydney, to stay, at the soonest possibility.’
My shoulders relaxed.
We ordered pizza and drank more wine. I even managed to laugh a little. I should have felt morose, a little broken-hearted, but now that a romance wasn’t an option I realised, more than ever, that Nik was incredibly good company.
‘Good luck tomorrow, at Darkthorn House,’ he said at the front door later, as he zipped up his anorak.
‘Thanks. What have you got on for the next day or two, before Wednesday’s crafting session?’
‘Remember the toy shop I mentioned in Paris?’
‘Si Tu Veux?’
‘Good memory! I’ve booked a flight for tomorrow. I’ll be back Tuesday night. I would have asked you but—’
‘Bet you’re relieved now that you didn’t,’ I said and blushed.
‘None of that. We’ve sorted things out, right?’
‘I hope so.’
‘If it makes you feel any better, I still remember asking a crush out and getting rejected. I felt like an idiot. You shouldn’t, but if you do, I know how that feels.’
‘Do you still see her around?’
‘Yes. She’s Junior Magic’s office manager. We got over it. These things happen. It didn’t mean we couldn’t stay good friends. That’s how I know you and I will be okay. Steph’s a diamond and just so efficient. She texted me yesterday to say the website is sorted and it should be back online now. She’s had some brilliant ideas over the years and has really updated us, digitally speaking. Mum and Dad were so wary of the internet when it first arrived, they didn’t have an online presence for years and brought me up to be wary of social media. When they finally got a website, they were still sceptical from a privacy point of view. They insisted on stamping all our products with the initials JM so that there weren’t too many direct references to the company online.’
‘Doesn’t that kind of defeat the point of promoting?’
‘Yup. It’s one of the things we’ll be changing. Word of mouth isn’t enough anymore. They’ve accepted that; with the company struggling we all realise a big online presence is the way to go. Steph’s been great and has does her best to innovate us, posting videos of children playing with our toys and others showing how to assemble the more complicated ones. Whilst the company’s downturn in profits is a worrying thing, I can sense she’s excited that she might be given more of a free hand to really bring us into the twenty-first century. Steph’s fantastic on the PR front too. That robbery… I didn’t want a fuss – she got straight onto the newspapers and kept my name out of it. The lad’s Olympian dad used his influence too and that helped.’
‘Sounds like she really is amazing,’ I said, trying to mean it and feeling the smallest twinge of jealousy.
‘Sure is. That doesn’t mean she’d have been right for me. Time’s let me see that personally we aren’t a good fit. She lives and breathes technology with an enthusiasm I just don’t have. Also – prepare to be shocked – she doesn’t like chocolate.’
Nik bent down with his arms open but then stepped back. ‘Sorry. I don’t want to…’
I opened my arms. ‘I don’t want anything to change. I’ll get over it. Have a great time in Paris.’
‘Thanks. Hey, where’s Oliver tonight? At Misty’s?’
‘On a date,’ I said brightly.
Nik pulled on his gloves. ‘He’s a good guy.’
‘You really think so? That night he came home early and you were here for dinner… he wasn’t exactly polite.’
‘Why do you think that was?’
I shrugged. ‘It’s not like him, to be honest. It’s taken me aback. Normally he’s so polite, thoughtful and patient – that’s probably why he gets on so well with elderly people.’
Nik stepped into the corridor. He opened his mouth to say something but changed his mind. Perhaps he had his own idea as to why Oliver had been so rude. Nik turned to look over his shoulder as he went down the stairs and gave me an odd look. ‘I’m glad you’ve kept the bracelet,’ he said and disappeared.
31
I felt like a party balloon deflating, after its guests had left. Nik and I were never going to be an item. His kindness, charm, his generosity of spirit and humour… once Christmas past they’d no longer be a daily feature. I leant against the breakfast bar, closing my eyes every time I thought of my overzealous romantic behaviour.
Yet I still sensed that hint of relief. I’d made Nik into some kind of Mr Perfect and it was hard admitting that perhaps my feelings for him had been more like a crush. I’d imagined scenarios in my head of us lounging on an Australian beach, cocktails in our hands as the sun set, away from the stresses and strains of everyday life, the responsibilities of work and looking out for Gran, away from the past that had come back to haunt me in the form of Mum’s email.
A key turned in the lock and I straightened up, having hardly had time to mull over the strange comments Nik made as he left a few moments ago. Buddy ran to the door and gave an affectionate bark.
Oliver was back. Perhaps Krish was with him. However, he came into view, on his own.
‘You didn’t stay over, then?’ I said.
‘Nor did Nik?’ he replied and looked around before undoing his coat. ‘Everything okay?’
‘Sure. Never better.’
‘Hot chocolate?’ he asked.
‘No. I… I think I could do with some fresh air – just once around the block. Fancy coming?’
‘Sure, the sleet has stopped.’
Buddy seemed happy to stay on the sofa. We headed downstairs and walked out into the cold. I shivered. Normally Oliver would have linked arms with me. We turned left.
‘Fun evening?’ he asked.
I smiled at
a young couple who passed by. They lived above us. They were laughing and glittery bauble-shaped earrings swung from the woman’s ears.
‘Interesting.’ I glanced sideways at him. ‘I’m not saying this to score points, it’s just so that you know…’ I took off my spare pair of gloves that I’d grabbed from my bedroom and reached for my phone. Sure enough, Junior Magic’s website was now visible. I showed it to Oliver and explained that its update was finally finished; that because the family used the logo JM on their products, the company’s name wasn’t widely visible on the internet. I took a deep breath. ‘As for your suspicions about Glenda… he’s not after her money.
‘How do you know that for sure?’
I explained about the pension, wishing I’d put on an extra jumper. Oliver looked away as I spoke. We turned left again at the end of the road and passed a row of terraced houses. It was dark apart from a few front rooms lit up by people watching television or gaming and several front porches bearing colourful Christmas fairy lights, along with illuminated decorations including a Santa sleigh on a roof and reindeer standing on a lawn.
‘Nik’s interest in her is innocent.’
‘But what about the financial stuff?’
I explained about the aunt’s estate. Oliver slipped in an icy puddle and I reached out and righted him.
‘I guess almost landing on my arse is karma for all the negative things I’ve thought,’ he said ruefully. ‘Nik’s just seemed… I don’t know, too good to be true. In my experience that’s a warning signal. So I guess that seals the deal for you and Nik, now that we all know for sure he’s as honourable as he seems on the surface. I… I hope it works out for you.’
‘How was your night meeting Krish? What was she like?’ I said hastily as we walked around another puddle.
‘Easy to talk to and she’s got a great sense of humour. She talked a lot about her work.’ Our pace slowed as Oliver described the business Krish ran and how coffee shop culture had really taken off in India, in recent years. It had inspired her family to give their UK shops an Indian twist, selling milky chai muffins, coconut barfi and a range of fried rice flour snacks. ‘I could relate. Back in Birmingham, for a while, I was in business myself. It was good chatting about my experience.’
The Winter We Met Page 21