by Olivia Harp
“You want to claim me?” she said, wary.
“No. Obviously not. We’ve just met, it wouldn’t be fair to you. But everything is different with you. The old timers say that you couldn’t mate the wrong person even if you tried. Yes you could bite and mark her, but it wouldn’t work.”
“And you think I’m your mate?”
“I... I think you might be. But you’re not a shifter, I don’t know how that happened. We don’t know if you belong out here, we can’t bond like that unless we’re both sure.”
“Damien, that thing is for life, you can’t just say that.”
“It’s not for life, unless the couple wants it. It has to do with pheromones or something. It’s an emotional and physical bond. A reciprocal bond: the couple releases pheromones and they both get stronger, and other shifters know each of them is claimed, subconsciously. The mating bite is just a start, like a wedding ring.”
“So what are you saying? I’m your mate?”
“I... I don’t know. My bear is pretty sure of it. He’d have me take you here and now and mate you and take you with me. Good thing we’re also human, not entirely animal.”
“And I would turn.”
“If I did it, yes. It’s a slow process. But I wouldn’t do it without your consent.”
Fated mates. Turning her into a shifter. It didn’t seem bad. But they just met, none of them really knew each other.
“I know it’s wrong to put you through this, that’s why I’m not stopping you.”
Her car was on sight now, they approached it slowly, the cabin dead silent.
He finally parked beside her Nissan, got out and took her backpack and tent. She opened the trunk and he put them in there, then they looked at each other awkwardly.
“Listen,” she said, “I know it feels like this is destiny, but we’re in the honeymoon phase. Things will go bad, and you know... your crew is tight, I’ve only messed things up, you seem to have bigger things to worry about now.”
Damien listened, watching her, his jaw fixed shut.
“Maybe in another life you could mate me, but we’re both better off on our own,” she lied.
He looked at her, then nodded.
“It was great meeting you,” he said, raising his hand to shake hers.
“Of course it was great, I’m awesome.”
They laughed and she went in for a hug.
She got into her car, waved goodbye, holding her tears back. Damien smiled and she pulled down her window.
“Say goodbye to everyone for me, I’m sorry I missed them.”
“I will,” he said, and waved good bye.
***
The bear was in full berserk mode. Damien held it inside, using all his strength. His instinct growled, he wanted to make her stay, but this place, at this moment, was not for her. Lies!, his bear roared. He had to stop the truck, he didn’t want to shift in the cabin, didn’t want to destroy the vehicle.
He stepped out, the furious bear almost overcoming his will, but he was an alpha. He couldn’t let it rule him. His eyes turned black, the bear was almost here. Every insect, leaf, bark of tree was clearer, sharper, their saturated colors and sounds filling his senses.
“No!” he screamed, “You stay inside!”
He felt the claws ripping out flesh from beneath his hands, his skin rupturing slowly. He closed his arms and resisted. His grizzly’s fur appeared, each of his pores replaced by a tip of brown fur.
He roared, all the birds and little creatures fleeing the area. Then he felt it, calmness. He was the alpha and he was always in command. His crew was the best at what they did, but like most other shifters the animal inside still had some control. When fury comes, you keep your cool. You tame the animal. Remember son, you are the animal, his father used to tell him.
So he kept his cool. He had to stop fighting it, he remembered. The bear and he were one and the same. He knew his instinct wanted his mate, but his logical side had to let her go. He was in sync with his bear, and the claws, the fur, the vision, they all receded.
He was breathing hard. He was stronger than ever. He was a predator, he was a leader, he was the alpha.
And he had a pack to lead.
He got into the truck, his bear still growling “Mate” inside him, but he was in control, and the bear knew. Now he could focus on the job. She! Important! his bear tried to sound angry but couldn’t. It was tamed.
He had to get to his crew, tell them what happened, inform all the other packs via radio what was happening. The Shadowlands were puncturing the deep woods, they’d have to be ready for it, they couldn’t allow it to come back. This is our land, he thought, and our enemies are dealt with death.
The guys had made their rounds, they could pick scents from miles and miles away, he was even better at it. Zoe left but she turned him—somehow turned him—into a better man, and a better bear. His shifter mind swelled with pride, his gut felt hollow but he pushed the feeling away, he had to focus. Now there was only duty.
***
The trail had been easier to maneuver than Zoe remembered, at least back from the mountain towards the road. Maybe it was really easier, driving the other way around.
Maybe you’re not paying so much attention now and are thinking of something else, she thought. Or someone else.
She had a weight on her that she hadn’t felt in a long time, the weight of losing someone, again. It felt heavy on her heart and her stomach and her shoulders. Her legs felt cramped, her feet cold.
You have just met him you dumbass! You want to be treated like a grown up, start acting like one!.
She saw the highway up ahead, the distance had seemed minimal. The trail was surrounded by trees and now that she was leaving, she couldn’t take it anymore. She tried holding back her tears as they burned behind her eyes. The first one fell and she wiped it fast, pretending it didn’t happen. The drizzle started to become soft rain, lightning in the distance followed by thunder.
She turned right on the highway, still unable to press the accelerator and leave. Another tear strolled down her face, then another. She screamed inside her car, letting it all out, hit the wheel twice and noticed she was crying. Breathing was difficult now.
Be strong, this was good and better things will come, she thought, pretending to believe it. She turned on the radio, raised the volume so she couldn’t hear herself crying and left the forest, her face warmed by tears.
***
The meeting had gone well. The other clans knew about the danger, and thanked the White Paws. They even volunteered for help if the Paws needed it, but they refused. Shadowcats were dangerous things, but they had everything under control.
“You guys take care of your territory, we’ll take care of ours, keep your eyes open,” Damien told them.
The alphas respected them. The White Paws were badasses in their own rights, having one of the worst, more vulnerable areas in the country. The forest was old, the nature spirits were strong and the veil between the shadow and this world was thin. In industrialized places, the veil grew thicker, it was harder for the Shadowlands to anchor themselves and puncture reality, but here? They couldn’t let their guards down for a second.
The crew saw nothing. Even their enhanced senses of smell couldn’t pick anything out of the ordinary. Enzo was working on the samples he brought a few hours ago.
No one had asked about Zoe. They didn’t dare.
He could see them wanting to know. Looking at each other whenever the subject could be brought up. But it wasn’t their business. He would tell them when the right moment came.
“There’s a storm coming,” Maverick said, suddenly beside him.
The drizzle had turned into rain, dark clouds above, lightning and deep thunder hammering in the sky.
“There’s always a storm coming,” he replied.
Maverick looked at him, nodding.
“Are you okay, boss?”
Damien didn’t turn to see him. He walked out, to the woods.
>
“I’m going into the forest, going to recheck things.”
“You want to be on your own,” Mav said.
Damien turned, “damn right I want to be on my own, is there a problem with that?”
Mav clicked his tongue and shook his head.
“No boss,” he said, “no problem at all.”
Chapter 13
The sun was shining, it was midafternoon and the weather was as nice as it comes in the late Oregon’s summer.
Zoe had stumbled upon a job a mere ten days after settling temporarily in Rosenberg, she found a small ad looking for an accountant for a web design firm.
After meeting them, she saw they didn’t need a full time accountant on their payroll, just some guidance regarding cash flow decisions besides the usual accounting. She helped them work some magic so they could optimize most of the money they had coming in. She was officially a freelance accountant now.
It worked well for all, the company people were marveled with her, and she could work from home, overall a win-win scenario.
She had a lot of free time on her hands, so she started looking for more clients. Four weeks after leaving the White Paw Mountains, she was doing pretty okay on her own.
The town’s people were great too, open and honest. They were much friendlier than the city people she was used to, but that was a good thing. Living in a smaller town was different than her original plan of moving to Portland, but she wasn’t complaining. She realized she preferred the calmer small town life.
She had to save as much as possible. At first she rented a furnished room in a small home. But as soon as she got her first paycheck she rented a small apartment in an old building. She had a good view of the town, with the mountains almost lost in the distance. Admit it, you love to suffer. She felt a pang of nostalgia. She didn’t know if she could have done this, have the courage to go and present herself as a big city accountant to small and medium sized businesses, offer her services and sell them at a good rate. All of it because of a few days with Damien, high up there.
Her phone alarm ding-donged, she had to pick up reports from a new client. If you’re done feeling sorry for yourself, please get to work.
Soon after, she headed to her favorite restaurant: a small burger and hot dogs all American—and pretty old—place. The owner started to recognize her, she was pretty sure she could ask for “the usual” but wasn’t brave enough to try to and be met with weird looks.
She ate her food. It was great, as always. But you can’t really enjoy it, can you?
She sighed. Yes, everything was great, her work life was great, the town was great but... she didn’t feel great. Nothing felt right. Every successful thing she did had that lingering emptiness, that “Damien would be so proud!” feeling that she couldn’t uproot.
She wasn’t supposed to feel like this. She had good clients, worked from home, had free time and did not live in a crowded, stinky place like her previous apartment... but she still missed him. I wish I never met him, she thought, then immediately corrected herself. That wasn’t true. She wondered if meeting him was destiny —as he’d called it— and how much that chance encounter had transformed her life.
The forest called her every time she looked at the mountain, every time she looked at a trail while she was on the road. The colors and the smells, she remembered them all. The town was okay, but at the same time there was no sense of adventure, no sense of danger, just a quiet, simple life that she thought she wanted, but after having sex in a cave behind a waterfall, how could that be enough?
She laughed at herself, cry me a river, Zoe, seriously, since when you’re such a depressive girl?. She shook her head and took a bite of her burger. She had to remind herself to keep looking up, even if she didn’t feel like it.
“Bam!” a treble voice said, someone slapping her table. She looked up to see a little girl, probably younger than five looking at her. She had a Cinderella-like blue dress, a little toy crown and a little wand with a five pointed glitter covered star at the top.
“You’ve been touched by the blue fairy! It’s your lucky day!” the little girl said.
She smiled, looked around but didn’t see her parents.
“Hi blue fairy, what’s your name?”
“Uhmm,” the little girl wondered, “my name is Deedee.”
“Okay Deedee, thanks for bringing me luck.”
“No, no! I mean, you smiled, you stopped being sad, you see?”
“Oh”, Zoe said, composing herself, she didn’t know she was projecting such a depressive image. “Well thank you! Deedee, where are your—?”
“Why were you sad?”
Zoe stopped. Looked at the people around her, outside the restaurant, everyone seemed to be minding their own business.
“I wasn’t sad, I was—”
“Yes you were, hey remember I know eeeeeeverything!” the girl elongated the word, moving her arms upward as if she was a great sorcerer.
“Oh well, I can’t hide from you, I wasn’t sad, I just made a bad decision, I think.”
“What’s a decision?”
Zoe smiled. “Well, it’s like choosing something over other things. Making up your mind about something.”
“Oh I see! And you chose wrong, okay... decision...” she moved the wand around Zoe’s head and shoulders, cheap glitter falling to her blouse. It was so ridiculous it was fun, “is reversed! It’s all better now, you’re free to—”
“I’m sorry”, a big man interrupted. He was huge, with gray beard and hair. It was weird because he looked young. Or at least young enough to not have a head full of white hair. He was dressed in black jeans and tee. Brown work boots and a light blue cardigan. He looked like a model out of a hipster magazine. “Dee, you know you shouldn’t bother strangers.”
“But dad!” she said, “I’m just heeeeeelping!” she stretched the word again, this kid was something.
“I’m sorry, you know how kids get when they watch one of those animated cartoon films,” the big man said. The man was practically a Giant, at least six foot eight, huge shoulders, pale as snow, with a thick beard.
“Don’t worry, she’s great.”
“Thanks.”
The restaurant’s intercom buzzed, “Raiden, your order is ready.”
“That’s our cue, D-Tank”, he said as he walked away to the counter.
“Wait, you’re Raiden?” she asked.
He turned his head “Who’s asking?”
“I... just, the White Paws were looking for you, like, a month ago.”
“They were, were they? They’ll have to wait a little longer.”
“They must be worried.”
“They’re not. They’re okay, it’s not like this is the first time I leave. Besides, I had pending business elsewhere, they know me.”
She nodded.
“You’re Damien’s mate?”
He asked it aloud, as if they were alone, her gut fluttered and tightened at that word, it brought both good and bad memories.
“No,” she said
“Well you should. You both got the same scent, probably made for each other or some of that cheesy shit.”
“Dad! You said a bad word!” Dee said.
“Oh, give me a break, Dee, you know I’m trying.”
The girl made a face, “okay.”
Zoe smiled at the kid, then turned to look at him again.
“So, what are you saying?”
“Well, listen lady, my daughter came to you to fix your depressive state, if you met him and you’re here, either he or you fucked up somehow. Now, you’re a grown up and he’s my alpha so—”
One of the customers turned to him, arching his eyebrows.
“You got a problem with that, fella?” he asked the stranger.
“No, no sir,” he answered.
“That’s great! Now, may I continue my conversation with this lady, or are you gonna keep looking at me like a moron? Can I have some privacy or should I invite you to our conver
sation?”
The man bit his burger and pretended to mind his own business.
“What he’s saying,” Dee said, “is you’re made for each other and you know it, it’s magic, see?”
“Raiden, your order is ready”, the speaker repeated.
Raiden sighed and looked at Zoe.
“What she said”, he finalized, taking his daughter to the counter to pick up their order.
Zoe was stupefied. She was smart enough to leave the restaurant before Raiden sat on his table. She was smart enough to head straight to the mountain.
***
Damien walked through the thickets, his steps soundless. He was coming home from his weeklong watch. He had become one with nature. After confirming everyone in the pack had gone to each of theirs and found nothing, he could relax a little bit. Being alone was his favorite past time now.
The woods seemed calmer now, and lower animals seemed to feel him from a distance. He was a predator out there, everything else was prey. He carried a deer’s body on his shoulder, he hunted it on his way back and wanted to share it with the clan. They would be happy. He knew his mood wasn’t the greatest the past few weeks, and they knew why.
It was a difficult decision but it had to be made. Zoe was his mate. He would never feel that for anyone else. Bears mated for life, he’d found the one but had to let her go. She was human. She could move on. He wished bear shifters had that quality, but it wasn’t part of who they were. And her happiness would always come first.
The forest cleared before him, the cabins just ahead, he’d go directly to the HQ, prepare the deer and leave it ready for later.
“Hey, Boss!” Mav said in the distance. He looked as happy as usual, “That’s great! You brought dinner! Need help?” he was teasing him. They both knew none of the White Paws needed help carrying a deer, it was easy for them. He smiled. He missed the clan, he missed his friends.
“Nah,” he replied, “it’s just for me, you can keep eating your super market food.”
Mav smile disappeared, “Oh, okay, no worries,” he said.
“Damn,” Damien said, “is my mood so shitty lately that you can’t tell when I’m joking?”