by Grace White
“Desperate times, Your Grace, call for desperate measures.” Cael smiles sadly before disappearing into the hall, and Gaia stands there with her heart shattered in a thousand pieces around her.
I bolt upright clutching the sheet between my fingers. It worked. It really worked. I hadn’t known what I would see—if I’d see anything when I closed my eyes—but this was more than I could have hoped for. I saw them as clear as day, the moment Gaia ordered them to stay in Elysia. Hearing Sol explain was one thing but seeing it with my own eyes, feeling the emotion crackle between them, the forbidden feelings, it was something else entirely.
This was why Sol hated me.
“You’re wrong,” a voice from the shadows startles me and my head whips up.
“Sol? What are you—”
He comes into view. Eyes narrowed. Jaw clenched. Even now, anger rolls off him in steady waves, and I can’t help but think how much energy it must take to be so moody all the time.
“I am not...” he starts but quickly changes tack. “It doesn’t matter. I’m here to apologize.”
“Apologize?” Gathering the sheets around my body, I sit up. “Whatever for?”
“I was out of line,” he mumbles. “On more than one occasion.”
“I saw you. All of you. The day Gaia caught you planning to follow her regardless of the consequences.”
“You went into Gaia’s memories?”
I nod. “I didn’t know if it would work but when I meditated with Amalia and once with Ross, I... it doesn’t matter. What matters is, it worked. I saw it all. Felt it all. She betrayed you.”
“She is our Queen. She owes us nothing.”
“You don’t believe that.” I hold his cool gaze. “When I see her memories, I’m not her. I can feel her emotions. But I’m not seeing it through her eyes.”
He rubs his jaw. “Interesting.”
“Maybe our connection only transpires to Earth.”
But even here, I’m not sure that’s how it works.
“It’s possible.” Sol takes a seat in the desk chair. His body disappears into the shadows, but I can still see his face thanks to the sliver of moonlight filtering in through the blind.
Silence stretches out before us. Heavy and suffocating. I twist my fingers into the sheet, trying to alleviate some of the nervous energy coursing through me. Sol is the last one I would have expected to find watching me from the shadows. Or maybe deep down, I know it makes sense. Ever since I arrived at Atchison, he’s done the same: watched me from the shadows, never allowing himself to get too close. Now I understand why, and I wish I could do something—anything—to reach him.
“Sol,” I say at the same time as he whispers, “Terra.”
“You go,” he says.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry she hurt you. I’m sorry you’ve spent the last nineteen years stuck on Earth waiting for her. But most of all, I’m sorry I’m not the girl you expected.”
Or want.
His eyes simmer in the darkness, piercing me with such intensity I can hardly breathe. “You think...” he drags a hand down his face. “Fuck. I’m such a fucking idiot. I was so angry with you,” his voice takes on a softer tone. “That day I almost walked away, you know. I was furious. You must understand, Terra, serving Gaia is all we know. And that day, she took that away from us. She dismissed it as if it meant nothing. As if we wouldn’t lay down our existences for her.”
“Sol, I’m—”
“Don’t. I need to say this.” He shifts on the chair, tension radiating from him. “We didn’t talk again after that. She fell. Just like that, gone. And we were warned by Eros not to follow but in the end, there was no choice for me. For any of us.”
“Because you love her,” the words spew out before I can stop them but it’s too late. They’re there, filling the space between us. Sol’s nostrils flare.
“What I feel for Gaia transcends love, Terra. But emotion is not becoming of a Chosen. And then you arrived. Innocent and unassuming and completely unaware of the power within you. I always knew things would change once she fell, but I could have never have anticipated you.”
I’m stunned into silence.
“Terra, I push you because you’re strong, and avoid you because I’m weak. But most of all, I fight this thing between us because I’m afraid. I lost Gaia once.” The emotion in his voice hits me like a wall. “I can’t lose you too.”
I’m moving before I realize what I’m doing. Sol’s hardened gaze drinks me in, running the length of my body. A violent shiver rolls through me. I feel him everywhere and it’s the only thought I cling to as I stumble across the room to him. “It’s okay to let me in, Sol.” I drop to my knees aware that my sleepshirt barely covers my thighs. “It’s okay to feel.”
My hands reach for him, but he snags my wrists so quickly I blink. “I need to be in control, Terra. I need to—”
“Sol, I’m right here.” Something stirs deep inside me. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Sol’s eyes close and he lets out a harsh breath. When he opens them again, there’s a warmth to his gaze I haven’t felt before. “You are so fucking beautiful.”
He tugs me gently and I collapse into him. Releasing one of my hands, his fingers brush my jaw, lingering on my lips. The tether between us burns with need. He’s so different to the others. Hard, cold, and rough around the edges.
“When I first saw you,” he starts, “I knew you would change everything.”
“So, you don’t hate me?” I ask, my heart thudding against my chest.
“I could never hate you, Terra. But I don’t know how to do this either.” Regret shines in his eyes.
“And you think I do? My whole world has been turned upside down. I don’t know who to trust. What to believe. I don’t even know who I am anymore. But one thing I do know without doubt is that we, the four of us, are connected.” I don’t want this moment to be about all of us, but I need to say the words. To acknowledge this growing thing between me and the four of them.
Sol’s jaw clenches and unclenches as if he’s in turmoil, but I don’t push, waiting silently for him to come to me. But when he doesn’t speak, something comes over me. I can’t let him reject me again.
I won’t.
Tonight, is the night Sol Ericson stops running.
9.
Placing my hand on Sol’s cheek, I look him dead in the eye. Forcing him to see me and then slowly I lower my lips to his. At first, he doesn’t respond, letting me trace the seam of his mouth with my tongue. It’s a dangerous game I’m playing. Giving in to my desires. Letting her rise to the surface. But something tells me I’ll need to draw on Gaia’s prowess to be with someone like Sol.
He goes rigid and I realize my error.
“What did you just—” Slamming my mouth to his, I push all my thoughts down. Until there are nothing but hands roaming and teeth clashing. Sol responds to my urgency, leaning down and pulling me up, sliding me over his legs. His hands bury deep into my hair as he tries to take control of the kiss, failing when I roll my hips against him, causing his head to drop back on a deep groan. But I don’t give him chance to breathe, to think about what’s happening. I just kiss him. Over and over. His fingers claw at my sleepshirt, pushing it up my body, revealing my white cotton panties. There’s nothing sexy about them but his eyes smolder when he sees them.
“By the gods,” he breathes out. Reaching for the first button on my sleepshirt he flicks it open, moving to the second and the third until the material gapes open at my breasts. “Is this okay?” he asks, his fingers lingering precariously close to my skin.
Gliding my hand down his arm, I cover Sol’s hand with my own and press it to my breast, fighting a moan the second his fingers knead my skin. He dips his head, drawing my nipple into his mouth and my stomach clenches violently.
“More,” I cry but Sol doesn’t give me more. Instead he lifts his head, smirks, then stands with me wrapped around him. Walking over to the bed he lays me down and undoes the
last two buttons on my sleepshirt, pushing the material out of the way, staring down at me as if he’s never seen a naked female before. And it occurs to me, maybe he hasn’t. Although from the rumors I’ve heard around Earhart, I very much doubt that.
“Terra,” he warns picking up on my thoughts. “I see only you.”
He yanks his t-shirt off his body revealing smooth dark skin. He has the body of a warrior, strong and sculpted. Layer upon layer of defined muscle. “Like something you see?”
I mash my lips together, nodding. Heat rolls through me and I clench my thighs together, trying to maintain a hold over myself—and her. I don’t want to lose myself with Sol. I want to feel everything. Every kiss and touch. But I’m not sure I can do this without her either.
“Terra,” he says again. “What is going on in that head of yours?”
“I feel her,” I whisper, and his eyes widen. “And I’m scared she’s going to take over.”
“Never.” A low growl builds in his chest. “You’re ours, Terra.”
“But—”
“No buts.” Sol’s finger presses to my mouth again. “I’ve got you.”
With a small nod, I fist the sheet as Sol drags his fingers from my jaw down the valley of my chest, tracing the line of my stomach until he’s at the hem of my panties. But he doesn’t remove them. Instead, he brushes my center over the material. Featherlight on the way down and firmer on the way back. My breath quickens, and I buck off the bed.
“So beautiful,” he says. Sol slides off the end of the bed and unbuttons his jeans, shucking them off. “I’ve waited so long for this.”
I swallow at the tent in his black boxer briefs, my mouth suddenly dry.
“There’s nothing more I want than to bury myself in you, Terra. But we’re going to take this slow. You are my Queen and queens deserve to be worshipped.”
Oh my...
He crawls over my body, lowering himself gently onto his elbows. “Is this real? Tell me this is real?” The rawness in his voice catches me completely off guard.
“It’s real.” I croak out palming his cheek, waiting for him to kiss me. When he finally lowers his mouth to mine, all my worries melt away.
And Sol shows me exactly how he worships his Queen.
“WHAT HAPPENS NOW?” My fingers dance over the hard planes of Sol’s chest. He’s on his back, one arm tucked behind his head as I lay curled into his side. True to his word, we took things slow. He kissed and touched every inch of me. I blushed. I cried his name. I saw stars.
But he didn’t go any further than that.
Who knew underneath his cold guarded exterior, Sol Ericson was a true gentleman?
“We should probably get some sleep,” he says dryly, and I pinch his nipple.
“Terra,” he warns. “I know I said we’d take things slow, but if you do that again I won’t be held responsible for my actions.”
I fight a smile. “Sleep is good. But I didn’t mean right now, Sol. I meant what happens tomorrow and the day after that and the one after?”
“Honestly?” Sol stares down at me. “I’m not sure. Whatever is coming doesn’t want us to know what it is.”
“You really think Gaia knows what it is?”
“I do. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”
Now’s my chance. It isn’t ideal, and I haven’t even broached it with Cael and Endo yet, but I might not get another chance.
Sitting up, I pull the sheet around my naked body. “What if there was a way to unlock Gaia’s memories—” Sol’s mouth opens to interrupt but I press a finger to his lips. “Just hear me out. What if the four of you channel some of your energy into me at the same time? I think it could help.”
Crazy.
Batshit crazy.
“I am not batshit crazy.” I glare at Sol and his brows pinch.
“How did you—”
“Oh, the guys didn’t tell you? When I’m...” I clear my throat. “My theory is when I’m intimate with one of you, I absorb your ability.”
“No, they didn’t.” He doesn’t look too happy about it.
“Speaking of the guys. Are you...” My eyes drop as I force out the word. “How do you feel about this?”
Sol’s fingers glide under my jaw tilting my face to his. “If you mean how do I feel about sharing you with them, I fucking hate it. But they’re my brothers. Our bond transcends logic and reason. And I can’t be here all the time. I can’t protect you twenty-four-seven. So yeah, I might not like it, but I accept it.”
I don’t know whether to feel relieved or concerned so I go with both.
“But the question isn’t really how I feel about it, Terra. It’s how do you feel about it?”
“I was confused at first. I’m still confused. But it feels right.” A beat passes while I try to organize my thoughts. “That night, when the Asodomi enchanted me, you hurt me, Sol. You hurt me a lot.”
His eyes shutter as he sucks in a harsh breath. “I’m not proud of how I’ve treated you. But know, it was only because I wanted to do things to you I had no right wanting.”
“What kind of things?” I move closer, sliding my leg over his and straddling him. “Tell me.”
“Terra,” he warns.
“I’m not glass, Sol. I won’t break.”
Leaning down, my lips hover over his but before I can kiss him he fists a handful of my hair and pulls me away, bolting upright into my space. We’re face-to-face, eyes locked, chests rising and falling.
“My Queen?” he whispers, disbelief shining in his eyes.
“Did you expect someone else, warrior?” my voice sounds distorted and panic builds in my chest. I try to speak again but nothing comes out. Instead the strange voice says, “I demand you tell me what you wanted to do with me. No, better yet.” My lips curve. “Show me.”
My body rises slightly rubbing over Sol’s erection. I feel it all the way down to my soul, but I can’t respond. I’m locked in my body. A silent prisoner. Forced to watch as she grips his jaw and plunges her tongue into his mouth.
“Gaia?” her name falls from his lips like a prayer and my heart withers. He promised he wouldn’t let her take over.
He promised.
But I saw the flicker of awe behind his guarded gaze. It will always be her. No matter how close I think I’m getting to them. To Sol, Gaia will always be there.
And she will always be their Queen.
I PRETENDED TO BE ASLEEP when Sol said my name this morning. I couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t hear his excuses, his panic as he realized what had happened in the night. He hadn’t wanted sex with me. But he had fucked her. Hard and fast and primal. I’d tried to detach myself from my body, prayed for her to push me out, the way she had with Cael. But my pleas went unanswered as their moans filled the room, and I was forced to experience everything right alongside them until their bodies were spent and Sol tucked me into his side and fell asleep. His sated breath heavy on my shoulder.
God, I felt sick. Not to mention every muscle in my body ached. Muscles I didn’t even know I had hurt. So yeah, when Sol tried to wake me, I snuggled the sheets tighter and hoped he would leave me alone. Because I couldn’t face him yet.
There is no sign of Gaia as I push off the sheets and swing my legs over the bed, wincing with pain. I should have known it was too good to be true. I thought I could contain her. Control how much of myself I gave. But last night, she proved she’s the one running the show.
I almost leap off the bed when someone knocks on the door. “Kitten, are you okay in there? We’re getting worried.”
“Fine,” I rush out. “I’m fine.”
“Are you—”
“I’ll be down soon.”
“Okay. It’s almost ten. If you don’t hurry, the pancakes will be—”
“I said I’ll be down soon.”
“Kitten, the door’s unlocked. Don’t make me come in uninvited.”
With a heavy sigh, I pull on my sleepshirt and quickly button it, slipping on a pa
ir of leggings. My eyes spot the ball of tissue in the trash, the condom wrapper, and a shudder rips through me. Dragging my untamed hair into a ponytail holder, I open the door. “What’s up?”
“Are you sure you’re okay? You sound weird.”
“I just woke up. I’m disorientated.”
Cael’s brows quirk up. “That all?”
“What else would be wrong?”
“It’s a big house, Kitten, but it’s not that big. We all heard...”
I raise a finger, letting out an exasperated breath. “Please don’t.”
“I can’t speak for Endo or Ross, but I for one am happy you and Sol worked through your differences.” He says it around a genuine smile.
“Why is my life so weird?”
“Hey, that’s not very nice.”
“Cael,” I sigh. “Do you need something or are you just trying to drive me insane?”
“I just wanted to know you’re okay. Now that I’ve seen proof, I’ll be downstairs. But don’t be long.”
“Fine.” I go to shut the door but at the last second, he says, “And Kitten, I think we need to up our game.” He winks, and I stand there gawking after him because he surely can’t be talking about what I think he’s talking about.
10.
“She’s alive,” Endo says the second I enter the kitchen.
“Is there coffee?”
“And pancakes. We thought you could use some.” He goes back to his cell phone, but I can see the grin plastered on his face.
“No Ross?” I ask.
“He and Sol left already. They’re going to do another sweep of campus and meet with Violet to try to figure out what’s happening at Earhart.”
I’m relieved to find Sol has already headed back to campus.
“Our fearless leader seemed awful happy this morning. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”
Color explodes in my cheeks as Cael smacks Endo upside the head. “Not cool, dude.”