Blindfolds help to focus the bottom on what you are doing. Be aware that when you take away one sense, all others become accentuated. The blindfolded bottom will listen carefully, trying to figure out what you are going to do next – you can make this harder by playing music, or making noises on purpose to awaken his or her imagination.
Touch becomes triply intense for the blindfolded. Many tops try to maintain physical contact with a hand or a leg touching some part of the bottom’s body at all times during the scene, while others may step back and let the bottom feel the abandonment of being blind and out of contact. Don’t withdraw touch by accident – this is a powerful stimulus, and you want to stay purposeful with it. Don’t leave a blindfolded person alone in a room where you can’t watch over him.
Dossie recalls a scene at the first all-woman play party in San Francisco, where four tops requested her assistance because their bottom had gone all ticklish and couldn’t stop giggling. Blindfold to the rescue! The bottom calmed down right away, and so did all her nervous tops.
We love blindfolds. Blindfolds are wonderful. Get one now.
COLLAR. If you’re really not interested in dominance &submission or role-playing, you can skip this one, but we’ve found that many bottoms appreciate being collared as a way to start the scene and to go into bottom space. A nice dog collar from the pet store doesn’t cost much. 20" seems to work out about right unless you play with very large or muscular people. If you form an ongoing relationship with your submissive, buying him his own collar, rather than the “generic” one you keep in your toybag, can be a gesture of great symbolic weight.
CLAMPS. Wooden clothespins from the hardware store, or plastic ones from the Asian grocery, are some of the cheapest, most versatile toys available. If you’re a novice, you probably won’t need more than six or so, although some advanced players enjoy playing with dozens or even hundreds of clamps. Clamps can go just about anywhere you can pinch up a fold of skin – breasts, chests, arms, legs, genitals, buttocks, backs and more (not near the eyes, please). Know that if you leave a clamp on for a few minutes, it will hurt a lot more when it comes off. Practice on your own hide to get the feel.
CANDLES. Hot wax play offers a relatively safe way to explore some intense sensations. Use only plain white paraffin candles to start with – dyes and scents raise the melting temperature and can make the wax too hot for many bottoms. If paraffin feels too intense, a milder alternative is the candles that come in tall glasses, sometimes with religious pictures on the side, which melt at a very cool temperature. Beeswax has a skin-burningly high melting point and should be avoided. As a rule of thumb, the softer the candle, the cooler the melting point of the wax – but you should test any wax on yourself before you drip it onto your bottom. An ice cube used alternately with dribbles of hot wax can create very interesting sensations.
SOFT FLOGGER. This is almost certainly going to be your biggest investment – but we find that more bottoms enjoy this sensation than any other, so if you can manage the $100-$150 such a toy is likely to cost, we encourage you to make the purchase. Shop at a store with clerks who can help you make a good selection. Try it on your thigh or arm, both softly and forcefully; you want something that gives a caressing, thuddy sensation, without too much sting or harshness; you may want to add other, harsher whips to your collection later. Such floggers are often made of suede, deerskin, elk, cabretta or buffalo hide. If you’re short on cash and long on imagination, you can make an fine soft flogger by folding several lengths of soft rope in half, binding them together at the fold with tape or knots, and unraveling the ends, or by cutting strips from a discarded garment of soft suede or leather and folding them the same way. Practice with your flogger on a pillow, comforter or plush toy until you can consistently land the tips of the tails – the nastiest part – exactly where you aim them.
SLAPPER OR JOCKEY BAT. If you’re only going to choose one toy for smacking (as opposed to flogging), we think it should be either a leather slapper – a two-layered paddle made of stiff but flexible leather, which makes a very loud cracking noise but is unlikely to cause damage – or the short, broad-tipped riding crop called a “jockey bat.” In our opinion, the jockey bat looks hotter but the slapper feels better. Both are easy to control and give a sensation that many bottoms enjoy. If you use the jockey bat, hit with the tip only until you are much more experienced. Both toys are available in riding stores for $10 or so.
SEX TOYS. If you want to get yourself and/or your bottom off, a good vibrator is a worthwhile investment. We prefer the plug-in or rechargeable kinds because their vibration is much stronger. If you play with bottoms who enjoy being vaginally or anally penetrated, you may want to add a dildo and/or butt plug as well. Anything used for penetration should first be covered with a condom, or else kept for one bottom.
SAFER SEX SUPPLIES. Unless you’re in a completely and consistently monogamous relationship, you should be putting latex or other barriers over anything that comes into contact with blood, semen, vaginal fluid, urine, feces and any other body fluids. Experiment with condoms until you find the ones you like (you may want some lubricated ones for penetration play and some unlubed ones for oral play). Get latex gloves in your size. Use dental dams or plastic wrap if you perform cunnilingus or have it performed on you. Try different water-based lubricants to see which you like; you may want to use a thinner, runnier lube for vaginal play and a thicker, gooier one for anal play. If you have trouble getting erect or getting off with a condom on, try masturbating with them until it feels easy and natural. Practice makes perfect.
EMERGENCY SUPPLIES. Your basic toy kit should contain a pair of heavy-duty shears such as paramedic’s shears, or a blunt-tipped sharp knife that can be run under rope or restraints without poking the bottom’s skin. You will also need to think about dealing with power outages, and many dungeons are dark, so keep a flashlight handy.
MORE ADVANCED TOYS
As you learn more play technique in general and develop your own specific style, you will probably want to collect more toys. Here are some of the ones we like:
HELPLESSNESS TOYS. You can make your partner helpless with anything from “pretend bondage” (“put your wrists behind your back and keep them there until I say you can move them”) through elaborate and expensive harnesses and body bags.
You can learn a lot about what kinds of helplessness you enjoy by experimenting with soft rope. If you find yourself attaching your partner’s wrists to her thighs over and over again, you might want to acquire a set of restraints made especially for that position. If a bottom with arms pulled tightly back and chest thrust forward turns you on (and you play with people flexible enough to sustain this difficult position), a “mono-glove” that laces arms together behind backs might be a good investment. Posture collars hold the head high and restrict head and shoulder movement… yum. A field trip to your local leather emporium, or a delightful evening spent browsing through one of the good mail order catalogs, will yield up many such tantalizing possibilities – save up your pennies!
You can also make your partner helpless by taking away some of his or her senses. Blindfolds, as we noted earlier, boost sensation and sharpen focus. Earplugs cost almost nothing and help muffle sound but don’t block it entirely; “noise-canceling” headphones eliminate background noise almost completely. Hoods of spandex or leather encase the entire head, taking away the bottom’s sight, smells, much of his hearing, even the feel of air currents on his face.
Gags require special care in selection – a too-large gag can leave a bottom with a sore jaw, or even choke him if it holds his mouth open too far for comfortable swallowing. The part that goes into the mouth must be firmly attached to the part that goes around the head so the bottom cannot swallow or inhale it. Janet prefers a gag that absorbs saliva, such as a square scarf folded diagonally with a large firm knot tied in the middle. Other tops like ball gags (many commercial ones are too large for the mouths of smaller bottoms, so you may have to make
your own) or “bit”-type gags that place a leather bar in the bottom’s mouth. No gag can stop a bottom from making any noise at all – grunts and muffled screams will still emerge, so don’t count on your gag enabling you to do heavy pain play while Mom dozes lightly in the next room.
For complete helplessness and immobilization, many tops like to use some combination of kitchen-type plastic wrap or pallet wrap, plus sticky tape and, perhaps, a few sports bandages. With these few simple supplies, you can mummify a bottom so firmly that he can’t move a muscle and can’t even feel her own skin. (Dehydration is a danger here – give your bottom water with a sports bottle or baby bottle, and don’t play this game in an overly warm or cold room.) You can carefully cut holes so you can get to the bottom’s skin in those special places.
You may want to add some things for attaching people to in your bedroom or play space. An old-fashioned four-poster or brass bed is “deniable” and useful. Eyebolts in ceilings and walls can be explained away as “for plant hangers” when the folks come to visit – if you’re not absolutely certain of your ability to center an eyebolt in a joist or stud, get professional help. Ottomans and “kneeling chairs” convert readily into spanking horses, and a little imagination and carpentry will enable you to create bondage equipment that can be shoved into a closet or under the bed when you’re not playing.
Of course, the more helpless you make your bottom, the more responsible you are for his or her well-being. If your bottom is in bondage, don’t go out of earshot; if she’s gagged as well, don’t leave the room. When you’ve made someone as helpless as an infant, take care of him or her as carefully as you would an infant.
TOYS FOR HITTING. Oooh, our favorites. Striking toys can be found in the supermarket, the hardware store, the stationery store, antique stores, tack shops – even, if you’re feeling perverse, leather stores.
A common way of describing the sensation of a toy is to talk about “thud” and “sting” – most bottoms prefer one or the other. The sting-to-thud ratio of any striking toy depends mostly on its proportion of weight to breadth. You can learn this particular bottom’s preference either by asking, or by trying a bit of each and watching her reaction.
With striking toys, like any other toy, it’s very important to start slow and work your way up. While a few bottoms enjoy the challenge of fast buildup or even no warmup at all, they’re the exception – and any bottom can go a lot further if properly warmed up.
Things that are basically broad, stiff and flat fall under the general subcategory of “paddles.” Paddles are most often made of leather, which is relatively flexible and stingy, or of wood, which is stiff and more thuddy. Hairbrushes and wooden spoons, traditional spanking implements, are basically small paddles and are actually quite harsh, beyond many folks’ limits. If you prowl antique stores you can sometimes find old fraternity paddles, which are vicious, or novelty paddles with corny sayings on them, which are embarrassing. Make sure your paddle has no harsh edges or corners which can cut or abrade. Paddles with holes are hot to look at and hurt a lot, but are far more likely to break or blister skin than smooth paddles.
Long flat flexible striking toys fall under the broad category of “straps.” It’s relatively easy to find good straps outside leather stores – an old, soft, well-worn, broad leather belt from the ’60s is a thrift store treasure. Tack shops and antique stores (watch for leather razor strops in good condition) are also good places to find straps. The sound of a top pulling her belt out of its loops and doubling it up is delightfully scary. But be extra-cautious in negotiating play with straps – they are commonly used by abusive parents and spouses, and are thus likelier than most other toys to trigger flashbacks to nonconsensual violence.
You’ll hear multi-tailed toys called “cats,” “cat-o-nine-tails,” “flails” and other names; we’ll call them, generically, “floggers.” Floggers may have just a few tails (if there are only two, they’re usually called “quirts”) or hundreds. They are most commonly made of leather, but we’ve seen nice ones made of rope, rubber and manmade materials as well. Braided tails are nasty, tails with knots nastier yet. Some floggers are made of the gentlest, most sensual suede or deerskin, others of tough harsh hide. Try a potential flogger on yourself – or, better yet, have a trusted friend give you some strokes with it – before you buy it if possible, and certainly before you use it on somebody else.
Long thin stiff rods fall under the category of “canes.” Bottoms mostly either love canes fanatically or hate them passionately – they hurt a lot, and the pain comes in two waves, one when the cane strikes, and another a few moments later when the tissue decompresses. Classically, canes are made of rattan, often varnished. Rattan canes need to be soaked regularly to maintain their weight and flexibility – use salt water to avoid mildew. Rattan canes feel wonderful, but are hard to clean if they come in contact with blood, plasma or other body fluids – so we also often see canes made of manmade materials like fiberglass and Delrin. Cane sluts (like us) like to have several of each kind, in various lengths, breadths, and flexibilities.
Bullwhips, blacksnakes and signal whips are called “single-tailed whips,” and are for use only by genuine experts. The “crack” these whips can make is actually the sound of the tip breaking the sound barrier – that’s how fast they travel, and how dangerous they can be. A single-tailed whip can tear flesh. If you haven’t practiced assiduously on inanimate objects for a long time, don’t even think about using one on a human being.
TOYS FOR PINCHING. While you can do perfectly wonderful S/M with nothing but a bag of wooden clothespins, players who love the slow buildup and cathartic release of wearing and removing clamps often collect many different kinds (one bottom we know has a box the size of a small suitcase that contains nothing but clips and clamps). The classic place to apply clamps is on the nipples, but a fair percentage of bottoms find that particular type of pain difficult to handle – others adore it, so you have to ask. Clamps also work well just about anywhere on the body where you can grab a pinch of skin and slip on a clamp. Occasionally a clamp gets put on a place that is truly intolerable, perhaps on top of a nerve; it is entirely reasonable for a bottom to ask to have such a clamp moved, maybe only half an inch or so. Some clamps, such as Japanese clovers, tighten when you pull on them. Others have teeth or ridges that bite. One thing that all clamps have in common is that they hurt the most coming off, and the longer they’ve been on, the more they hurt on removal – be prepared for a yelp or jump from your bottom. Plan your timing; clamp removal after orgasm is much harder to handle. If you’re being nice, remove the clamp gently and gradually… if you’re being mean (and if it’s not toothed or ridged), yank it off. You can also string several non-toothed clamps at intervals along a cord so that you can yank them all off at once – this is called a “zipper,” and delivers a serious jolt of pain and a major flood of endorphins.
TOYS FOR POKING. Poky feelings may come from something sharp being pressed into the skin, or from something sharp actually being pressed through the skin.
If you don’t want to break skin, bamboo skewers (like for shish kabob) poke beautifully – a blindfolded bottom may think you’re piercing him (fun for mindfuck). A Wartenburg wheel, used by neurologists, is a small wheel with very sharp spokes on the end of a handle; you run it along the skin like a pizza cutter. Yeowch!
Play that actually breaks skin is to be done only by experienced tops or under the supervision of an experienced top. Play piercings, typically done with disposable hypodermic needles or sterilized acupuncture needles, involve inserting needles just below the surface of the skin and back out again – not for the permanent insertion of jewelry, but just for the sensation of being pierced. Cuttings, properly placed no deeper than a cat scratch, are usually done with a sterile scalpel. Some players rub ash or tattoo ink into a decorative cutting to make a permanent mark. There is no way to guarantee that a play piercing or cutting won’t scar, so be aware that it might and refrain from graff
iti.
TOYS THAT HEAT OR COOL. Temperature offers a powerful range of sensations. We mentioned hot wax and ice cubes earlier, but they’re worth noting again here, since they’re such simple and versatile toys. A bottom may find it impossible to distinguish between extreme heat and extreme cold – we’ve heard of scenes in which a top convinces a blindfolded bottom that he’s about to be branded, then presses an ice cube into his flesh.
Some folks enjoy playing with “chemical heat” from spicy oils like cinnamon or peppermint, or from commercial concoctions like Ben Gay or Tiger Balm. It takes only a tiny bit of any of these to create a strong sensation, particularly on mucous membranes like cunts or assholes – start with the tiniest dab, and give the heat several minutes to build before you consider adding more. If you use too much and your bottom can’t handle it, apply a lot of anything oily – vaseline, cold cream, even vegetable oil or butter from the kitchen – to the affected area to dilute the chemical, then send your victim to the shower to suds it off with shampoo.
The ultimate temperature play is branding. Like piercing and cutting, branding is to be done only by very experienced tops. The way it’s done on TV westerns, or in “The Story of O,” does not work on people-hide the way it does on cowhide – learn from an expert before you even consider exploring branding. Brands nearly always leave scars.
TOYS THAT ZAP. Electricity play is a fairly specialized play style with some special risks. The impulses that tell your bottom’s heart when to beat are electrical, and you most definitely do not want to confuse those impulses – so a general rule for electricity play is “never above the waist.” We also think it’s better not to do electricity play with a bottom who has a heart condition, and to be extremely cautious about using it on or near piercings.
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