I cannot remain to listen to more of this. I find it offensive. Your invalid wife is under this very roof. “
“Much she cares. All she wants is to lie on her bed and complain of her countless ailments to her doting nurse who encourages her.”
“I see you are of a very sympathetic nature!”
“Minelle …”
I went to the door and he did not attempt to stop me. I was half glad, half sorry. I was terrified that he would take me firmly into his arms for when he did I could not but be aware of that potent attractiveness, and could almost imagine myself casting away the teachings of a lifetime. It was alarming. It was the real reason why I knew I must get away.
I ran to my room, shut the door and sat down at the mirror. I hardly recognized myself. My cheeks were flaming red and my hair dishevelled.
I could almost see my mother’s disapproving look and hear her admonition: “I should start packing right away. You are in acute danger. You cannot leave this house too soon.”
She was right, of course. By her standards I had been insulted. The Comte Fontaine Delibes was suggesting that I became his mistress. I would never have believed such a thing possible. Nor could I have believed I should feel this wild temptation. It was that which told me I must get away.
I started to take out my clothes and fold them.
“Where will you go?” asked my practical self.
“I don’t know. I’ll get a home somewhere. I’ll take a post. I have a little money. Perhaps I could go back to Derringham and try to open a school, and start again. I am more experienced of life now. I might make a success of it.”
Then I sat down and covered my face with my hands. It was as though desolation was closing in around me.
There was a tap on my door. Before I could answer, Margot burst in, her face distorted in horror as she flung herself at me.
“Minelle, we’ve got to run away. I won’t stay here. I can’t do it. I won’t.”
What do you mean? What has happened? “
“My father has just told me.”
I looked at her in amazement. He must have sent for her as soon as I had left him.
“The Vicomte de Grasseville has asked for my hand. He is a family equal to our own, and Papa has accepted him for me. At this ball we shall be affianced and married within a month. I won’t have it. I am so miserable, Minelle. The only thing that consoles me is that you are here.”
“I shall not be staying here long.”
“No. You will come with me. You will, won’t you? It’s the only way I would consider it.”
“Margot, I have to tell you. I am planning to leave.”
“What, leave here! Why?”
“Because I feel I must get back.”
“You mean you would leave me }’ ” It’s better for me to go, Margot.”
“Oh!” She let out a long wail and started to weep. Her sobs shook her and she made no effort to restrain them.
“I’m so unhappy, Minelle. If you’re here I can bear it. We can laugh together. You can’t go. I won’t let you.” She looked at me appealingly.
“We’re going to get Chariot back together. We’re going to think of a plan. You promised . you promised. Everything can’t go wrong. If I’ve got to marry this Grasseville, then you’ll be with me.” She started to laugh and that always frightened me; the mingling of tears and laughter could be terrifying.
“Stop it, Margot,” I cried.
“Stop it.”
“I can’t help it. It’s funny… funny …”
I took her by the shoulders and shook her Tragically funny,” she said, but she was quieter. She leaned against me and went on: ” You won’t go yet, Minelle. Promise me, oh promise me not yet. “
To soothe her I said not yet. Then I was committed to stay for a little while.
I wondered then whether he had broken the news to her because he knew what her reception of it would be. He was diabolically clever, I knew, and adept at getting his own way. That was what frightened me, and yet in an odd way-of which neither I nor my mother could approve it exhilarated me.
The dressmaker came but I refused to accept the blue material and said that I would not have it made up. Margot was frantic.
“You must come to the ball,” she cried.
“How can you fail me? I shall be forced to accept this Robert de Grasseville and I know I shall hate him. What shall I do? I can only bear it if you come.”
“I have not a suitable gown,” I said firmly, ‘and I am determined not to accept such a gift from your father. “
She paced up and down, talking of her yearning for Chariot, telling me that life was cruel. was cruel. I knew how wretched she was and I wouldn’t help her.p>
I assured her that I would do anything to help her.
“Anything?” she demanded dramatically.
“Anything that is honourably possible.”
She bad an idea. As I was so proud she would sell me one of her gowns.
We could have it changed and add to it. I could buy some ribbons and laces and make a new gown of it and have the satisfaction of paying for it.
She was immediately gay contemplating it.
“Imagine Papa’s face when he sees you. Oh, Minelle, we’ll do it. It’ll be such fun!”
I gave way to please her. No, that’s not true. To please myself. I too, should like to see his face. He thought he had won a temporary victory, but I should show him that he had not. I would take nothing from him; I was determined to show him that his suggestion was repulsive to me and that I deeply resented it. He must know that I was only staying on Margot’s account. As soon as she was married to her Vicomte I should go.
I did want to attend the ball, though. I knew that it would be more grand than anything I had ever conceived. I wanted to see the Comte among his guests. He would probably not deign to notice me in spite of his protestations. I wondered whether Gabrielle LeGrand would be present.
I entered into the conspiracy of the dress, I must admit, with enthusiasm. At least it kept Margot happy. While she was laughing over the matter and going through her wardrobe making me try on this and that and laughing at the effect of some, she was not thinking of her future.
We found a simple blue silk.
“Just your colour,” she said. The under gown was a gauze dotted with gold and silver knots which gave it a starry look. It was low cut and diaphanous.
“It never suited me,” declared Margot. T fancy that with a little refurbishing it could just get by. It’ll be a little simple for a ball dress. Let’s call in Annette and see what she can do. “
Annette came in, studied me in the dress and knelt on the floor, her mouth full of pins. She shook her head.
“Too large in the waist, too short in the length …” was her verdict.
“You can do it, Annette. You can do it,” cried Margot, clasping her hands together.
Annette shook her head.
“I do not think it is possible.”
“Annette-Pas-Possible!” shouted Margot.
“That’s what we always called her. She always says it’s not possible and goes on to make it gloriously possible.”
“But this. Mademoiselle …” Annette’s face was full of woe.
Take it off the shoulders, Annette,” commanded Margot.
“Mademoiselle Maddox has good shoulders … they slope nicely. So feminine. We must show them. And can you get some more of this starry stuff? We could do with yards and yards more of that.”
T do not think that would be possible,” said Annette.
“Nonsense. I’ll swear you have some of the very stuff tucked away somewhere. You know you always kept the remnants.”
And so it went on, with Annette growing more and more lugubrious and Margot more certain that the dress would be a success.
And it was. I was amazed when it was ready a froth of gauze and blue silk, expertly pressed and adorned with delicate lace. I had a ball dress, and if it was proved-which I knew it woul
d be-very simple in comparison with others, at least it was adequate and would enable me to go to the ball at very little cost to my purse and none to my pride.
The ball was to be held in the ancient hall and the Comte would receive his guests at the top of the great marble staircase. It would be grand even by castle standards, as it was to announce and celebrate the betrothal of his daughter.
I was sorry for Margot. The idea of being presented with a man for the first time and told: “This is your future husband!” If this was the way of aristocrats, I was glad I was not one of them.
The day before that of the ball there was a disturbance in the night.
It must have been early morning when I heard voices on the stairs. I opened my door and looked out.
The noise was coming from the Comtesse’s apartments. I heard the Comte’s voice, rather weary, I thought: “My dear Nou-Nou, we have had this before. You know it is only her nerves.”
“Not so. Monsieur Ie Comte. Not so. She has been in pain. I soothed her with a draught, but it cannot last. This is real pain and I want the doctors to see her.”
“You know you have only to send for them.”
“Then I shall do so without delay.”
“Nou-Nou, you upset yourself unnecessarily. You know you do. And to awaken me at this hour …”
“I know my girl. If others upset themselves a little more now and then it might be better.”
There is no reason why the entire household should share in this crise de nerfs. “
“It is more than that.”
“Now, Nou-Nou. You know that my daughter’s ball takes place the day after tomorrow. So does her mother. She wants to call attention to herself.”
“You are a hard man. Monsieur Ie Comte.”
‘hi the circumstances I have to be. If you showed a little more firmness on these occasions perhaps there would not be the need for them. “
“I shall send for the doctors, then.”
“Do so by all means.”
I realized that I was eavesdropping and went back into my room somewhat ashamed.
Poor Comtesse! She was neglected and sad and perhaps sought to call attention to herself through her delicate constitution. She was using the wrong tactics if she hoped to attract her husband. She should show some spirit . as I had done.
I pulled myself up sharply. What was I thinking? I was being drawn more and more into the affairs of this household. With a man such as the Comte who had married a
f woman such as the Comtesse that could be an alarming involvement.
I knew this and yet I was allowing myself to be ,i more and more caught up in their lives. I saw the doctors arrive that day. Nou-Nou was waiting for j them and took them immediately to her mistress. The Comte was not in the castle but they waited to see him. ‘
Margot and I spent the evening together. She was less exuberant now that the excitement of the dress was over.
“I wonder what Robert will be like,” she kept saying. “It seems strange that you have never seen him.”
“I think I may have done when we were children. His family’s estates are north of Paris. I believe he visited us when we were in Paris once. He was a horrible boy who ate all the gateau and then took the piece of cream I was saving until the last.”
“Not a very auspicious beginning to a lifetime’s union,” I said, but added: “People change as they grow up. The most awful children become the most charming.”
“He’ll be fat with spots, I know.”
“It’s not a bad idea to build up an unpleasant picture. Then you’ll be agreeably surprised.”
She was laughing again.
“You are good for me. You are … what is it astringent? That is what Papa likes in you. He does like you a great deal, you know.”
“As I shall be leaving here when you marry it doesn’t matter very much what he thinks of me, does it?”
“You will come with me, won’t you?”
“Until I have made my plans. But I can’t spend all my life in this sort of situation. You must realize that.”
“I have plans. When I’m married I’m going to get Chariot with me.”
“How?”
That’s for you to work out. “
I should have no idea how to begin. “
“Now you sound like Annette-Pas-Possible. Everything is possible … if you set about it in the right way. And one thing I’m going to do is have Chariot with me. I think of him all the time … well, almost all the time. How do I know what sort of people have him? Think of it… he will be growing up … talking …”
“Hardly yet.”
“He will be calling someone else Maman.* I could see she was working herself up into another fit of hysteria and this was exactly what I wanted to avoid. So I soothed her by making ridiculous plans as to how we should find Chariot. We would go to the inn where he had been taken from us; we would question people and find the trail which led to him.
This was the sort of game she so much enjoyed and we played it for a long time and went into such detail that she really thought it was possible and derived a great deal of comfort from our planning.
Yes, I could see that she needed me.
III
He looked magnificent standing there at the top of the staircase receiving his guests. Margot was beside him flushed and very attractive in her puce velvet. When he saw me his eyes kindled. His glance took in my gown. I had been right in thinking it would be very simple in comparison with others. What I had failed to realize was that its very simplicity made it conspicuous.
In my bedroom, I had looked, as I thought, quite beautiful. I had brushed my hair until it shone and it certainly was, as my mother would have said, my crowning glory. It made a frame about my face and I had dressed it high, padding it a little to make it stand up in accordance with the fashion, with one curl coming forward to hang over my shoulder. I knew I looked my best and Margot had insisted that I wear a tiny black patch-which she provided-at the side of my temple.
“It makes your eyes look bigger and bluer,” she said.
“Besides, it’s the fashion.”
I could scarcely recognize my reflection as myself. What a grand assembly it was! The great hall must have seen many such, but I believed it could never have seen a grander one. Flowers had been brought in from the castle hothouses. There were great pots of them on the high table and urns stood on pedestals, fragrant and colourful. I felt a little bewildered by so much elegance. Never had I seen such magnificent apparel as that worn by the women and men. There must have been a fortune in jewels in the castle that night. Musicians were grouped round the high table and the dancing was most elegant and slightly different from that which we did at home.
In my altered gown, adorned only by the cameo brooch which my mother had treasured and worn about twice in her lifetime, I must have looked like a little moth who had somehow become trapped among gorgeous dragonflies.
If you had accepted the Comte’s gift you could have competed with them, I admonished myself. But of course that would have been out of the question. If I did look like a drab little moth, at least I was a proud one.
Leon discovered me and asked what I thought of the ball.
“I think that I should never have come. I don’t fit in.”
Why not? “
I looked down at my dress.
“It’s charming,” he assured me.
“So many of the people look alike. Blindly they follow the fashion. You can scarcely tell one from the other. You are different. You have a style of your own. I find that pleasant.”
“You are determined to be kind to me.”
“Why should I be otherwise? Shall we join the dancers?”
“I taught dancing at school and my mother taught me. But this is somewhat different.”
“Then we’ll go in and dance our own dance, shall we?”
We did and he fitted his steps to mine. I had always enjoyed dancing and I began to forget the inadequacy of my cost
ume.
“Have you met the prospective bridegroom?” I asked.
“Robert de Grasseville. Yes. He is a pleasant boy.”
“Is he very young?”
“Eighteen or so.”
“I do hope Margot will like him.”
“It’s a good marriage from both families’ point of view. What I mean is she’ll take a good dowry and hell give her a good settlement. It’s supposed to be very desirable when these rich families unite. It makes them bigger and stronger than ever. It will be the marriage of the year. Marguerite is of course the important member of the family.
We’re waiting now to see who will be produced for Etienne. “
“He’ll get a grand marriage too, I suppose.”
“Quite grand … but perhaps there’ll be reservations. There is the bar sinister, remember. I think his marriage is a cause of some contention between his mother and the Comte. It may be that her brother Lucien is here now to discuss just that. What they’re after is to get him legitimized, which the Comte would certainly arrange if he thought he was not going to get a legitimate son.”
“Well, how can he?”
“He’s waiting for the Comtesse to die.”
I shivered.
“Yes,” he went on, ‘it does sound callous, but as I have mentioned to you before, we’re realists. We face the facts . and you can be sure the Comte does. What he would like is to be rid of the Comtesse and marry a healthy young girl and get sons. “
“It’s distasteful to talk like that of the Comtesse while she lies here in the castle.”
“Creaking doors go on creaking for a long time. The very fact that they creak means that they get the best attention and so they go on longer than the strong who aren’t so well looked after.”
I could not bear to talk of the Comtesse, so I changed the subject and said: “So soon there will be a bride for Etienne.”
“Oh yes … but no de Grassevilles for him. Unless he is legitimized, of course. If he were acknowledged as the Comte’s heir it would be a very different matter. You see why his marriage hangs fire.
We used to think that the Comte would have married Gabrielle if he had been free and that would have made things a lot easier. So meanwhile Etienne waits. He would not want a bride with no great prospects and after the marriage find himself heir to a great name and all that goes with it and realize that he had married beneath him. “
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