“Have you enjoyed your tour?” I asked.
“It is not yet over.”
“I thought you were on your way home.”
“By no means. It was simply that I heard you were in France and I very much wanted to see you. This country is a boiling cauldron of discontent.”
“I know. One can’t live here without being aware of it.”
“It is not the safest place in the world for a young Englishwoman.”
“That’s true enough.”
“You should not stay here. I cannot understand why the Comte has not arranged for your return to England.”
I said nothing.
Margot returned.
“I will show you your room. I am sure you will wish to wash and perhaps change. You have, brought a manservant with you, I see. He is being looked after. I am so pleased you have come. I am sure Minelle is too.”
She looked at me a little mischievously and then she took him to his room.
I went to my own. I was really quite shaken by my enounter with him.
It brought back memories of home. I could see my mother clearly, her eyes dancing with excitement as she showed me the handsome riding kit spread out on the bed.
It was not long before Margot appeared. She sat in her favourite chair facing the mirror so that she could admire her reflection as she talked.
“He is more handsome than ever,” she cried.
“Did you not think so?”
“He was always considered to be good-looking.”
He is a very pleasant young man. I have a special interest in him because at one time they had decided that I might marry him. “
“You are glad you didn’t?”
“I wonder what he would have said about Chariot? I don’t think he would have been quite as lenient as Robert, do you?”
I have no idea. “
“Oh, haughty! The fact was, if I remember rightly, that he was quite interested in you. Wasn’t that the reason why he was sent off in a hurry?”
“That’s all in the past.”
“But the past is revived, Minelle. He has revived it by putting in an appearance. I like him. I am sure Robert will be jealous when he hears I was once meant for him. But then I shall tell him where Joel’s true fancy lies. I believe he has come here just to see you.”
“Nonsense.”
“Very unconvincingly said. I thought you always prided yourself on your adherence to the truth and logic. Of course he has come to see you.” She was serious suddenly.
“Oh, Minelle, it’s the right thing it is really. If he wants to take you home to England you should go.”
Do you want to be rid of me? “
“What a cruel thing to say. You know I’d hate you to go. I’m not thinking of myself.”
“A novel experience for you.”
“Stop this silly bantering. It’s serious. Things are bad here. There’s going to be an explosion at any minute. What do you think is happening? What of my father? I knew how he feels about you … and you about him. You’re a fool, Minelle. You don’t know him. I told you from the first he’s got the devil in him. He’s no good to any woman.” “Margot, stop it.”
“I won’t. I’m worried about you. We have been through the Chariot affair together. I’m fond of you. I want you to be happy … like I am. I want you to know what it means to marry a good man. If you marry Joel Derringham you’ll have a good life. You know you will.”
“Shouldn’t we wait until he asks me? He hasn’t, you know, and he showed clearly not so long ago that as people were thinking along those lines it would be well for him to get away.”
That was his people. Silly ideas they have. “
“But he must have agreed to go.”
“He did it because he’d always obeyed them. Now he’s grown up he’s changed his mind.”
“You do run on, Margot. You always did. He is merely paying a visit to old friends. Let’s leave it at that, shall we?”
She came to me and took my hand. Then she kissed me gently on the cheek.
“I know I’m a selfish butterfly, but there are people I love. Chariot, Robert and you, Minelle. I want you to be happy. I’ll come to England and your children and mine shall play together in the gardens of Derringham Manor. You’ll come to Grasseville and when we’re old we’ll talk about these days and we’ll laugh and laugh and live them again in our memories. That’s how I want it to be. That’s the best way. In your heart you know it. Oh, I am so glad he has come.”
Then she kissed me swiftly on the cheek and ran from the room.
We rode together, Joel and I. We talked of old times. How it brought it all back ! It filled me with a bitter-sweet nostalgia. Those happy days when a new ribbon for a dress was so important, and my mother and I used to sit on our little patch of lawn and talk about the future.
“I know how you miss her,” Joel said.
“You were wise to get away, although it is unfortunate that you should come to this country at this time. But to have stayed in the schoolhouse would have meant you kept your sad memories with you.”
“When are you returning home?”
“Any time now … perhaps sooner than I had thought.”
“Your family will not wish you to be in France just now, I am sure.”
“No. As a matter of fact several people I know are making hasty plans to leave. Here in this rather remote country spot you have no idea how quickly the situation has been changing and for the worse. I believe the Court is rapidly diminishing. People are finding excuses for leaving Versailles.”
“It sounds ominous.”
“Indeed, yes. Minelle, you must come back to England.”
Where should I go? “
“You could come with me.”
I raised my eyebrows and said: “Where to?”
“I have been thinking about this ever since I left. I was a fool to go. I don’t know why I did. I kept asking myself that for months. Then I promised myself that I would break right away and make new interests, but I couldn’t. The fact is, Minella, I have been thinking of you every day since I last saw you. I know now that I shall go on doing that. I want you to marry me.”
“What of your family?”
They will come round. My father has never been harsh. Nor has my mother. Before anything, they want my happiness. “
I shook my head.
“It wouldn’t be wise. There would be opposition. I should not be accepted.”
“My dear Minella, we’d overcome all that in a week.”
“I shouldn’t want to be accepted on sufferance.”
“If that is the only reason why you hesitate …”
“It is not,” I replied.
Then why . “
“In a case like ours where the marriage would be considered unsuitable…”
“Unsuitable! That’s nonsense! Your parents did not seem to think so. Let’s face it, Joel. We should go back to the small community in which I lived for some years as the schoolmistress’s daughter. I was even teacher to the children of your friends and neighbours. Don’t let us shut our eyes to that. In a small community it persists for ever. I am better educated than your sisters simply because I was able to assimilate knowledge better than they were-but that doesn’t count.
They are the daughters of Sir John Derringham, Baronet, Squire of the Manor. I am the daughter of the schoolmistress. In a society like that it is an unbridgeable gulf. “
“Do you mean to tell me that a woman of your spirit would allow such a silly convention to deter her from what she wanted?”
“If she wanted it enough it wouldn’t, of course.”
“You mean that you don’t love me.”
“You make it sound unfriendly. I like you very much. It’s a great pleasure to see you again, but marriage is a serious matter … a lifelong affair. I think you are rushing into this. You see me as a damsel in distress. I am stranded here and revolution creeps nearer.
Where can I go? You would rescue m
e like a medieval knight. It’s very commendable but not enough to build a marriage on. “
“You can’t forget that I went away. If I had stayed .. i. defied my parents … it would have been different.”
“Who can say? So much has happened since then.”
‘you were sorry when I went? “
“Yes, I was sorry. I was a little hurt, but it was not a deep wound.”
“I am going to suggest that you and I are married here, now … in France. Then we shall go back to England … husband and wife.”
“That’s very bold of you, Joel. How would you face your parents?”
“You are trying to hurt me. I understand. I hurt you when I went away.
But believe me, I regretted it. I regretted it deeply. Look at it my way, Minella. I had lived with my parents all my life except when I was at the university. We are an amicable family. We always try to please each other and consider what the others want. It is second nature to us. When my father implored me to go away and consider for a while, I naturally obeyed him even though my deepest inclination was to stay. When you know my father, you will understand. Now when I take you back as my wife he will welcome you, because that is what will make me happy. He already admires you. He will learn, to love you. Minella, please don’t let the past influence you. Forgive me for what I did. You think it is weakness . and so it is, but what happened has made me sure of what I want now and I know that without you I can never be really happy again. There are things in my life which you will find irritating. I am cautious . over-cautious. I rarely act without thinking. It’s my nature. So when I fall in love, because it is the first time -and it will be the last-I am unsure of my emotions. It was only when I went away and communed with myself that I understood. Now I know that more than anything I want to marry you. I want to take you back to Derringham, I want us to be together there for the rest of our lives. “
White he was speaking it was as though my mother had come to stand beside him. I could almost see the joy in her eyes, the tears falling down her cheeks.
“Well, Minella?” he asked gently.
“It can’t be,” I said.
“It’s too late.”
“What do you mean… too late?”
I mean that it is not the same as it was. “
If I had asked you before I left . it would have been different, you mean? “
“Life is not static, is it? I have grown away from Derringham. A few days ago I had no idea that I should ever see you again. Then you come back and say marry me. You ask me to decide to change my life in a few minutes.”
I see,” he said. T. should have waited. I should have let you become accustomed to seeing me again. All right, Minella, we’ll wait. Take a few days. Think of all it would mean. Remember those walks and rides we had together and all the things we talked of. Do you recall them?”
“Yes, they were good times.”
There will be many good times, my dear. Well go back where we both belong. Well be together. Well watch the seasons come and go and each year we’ll grow closer to each other. Do you remember how we got along right from the first? Our minds fitted, didn’t they? I’ve never been so stimulated by anyone as I was during our walks together. Minella, it is what your mother would have liked more than anything. “
I was deeply moved at that moment. He was right. She, who had always wanted the best for me, had wanted this desperately. I thought of her plundering the dower chest to buy clothes for me. I could almost hear her gleeful whisper: “It was not in vain after all For her sake I should consider this.
He could see that I was hesitating and he cried triumphantly: “Yes, Minella, we must have time to think of this. But, my dearest, don’t be too long. We are on the edge of a volcano here. I shall not feel safe until we are aboard the packet and alight on English soil.”
I was relieved that I had not to give an immediate answer. I wanted to be alone to think.
I was not in love with Joel. I liked him, respected him, trusted him, understood him and could see ahead of me to the kind of life I would have with him. He was eminently eligible. He was the man my mother would have chosen for me.
And the Comte? Did I love him? I didn’t know. All I did know was that I was more excited by him than I had ever been in my life. Did I trust and respect him? How could I trust and respect a man whom I suspected of murdering his wife? Did I understand him? How could I know what was going on in that devious mind? And the life I might have with him? I thought of his wife’s words. He had an obsession for me, but how long would it last? I thought of his mistress waiting like a spider to catch her fly. And the background of our lives -this tortured country where the holocaust was likely to break forth at any moment. And then what would happen to people like the Comte and his family?
I thought of the peaceful green meadows of England, the woods where in early summer the bluebells were a blue mist under the trees. I thought of the primroses and violets in the hedges and gathering cob nuts in the autumn; and a wave of nostalgia came over me. I thought of picking pussy willows and filling vases with them and how I had taken the pupils for rambles in the country so that they might have a lesson in simple botany.
Joel was bringing back these memories and it seemed to me that my mother was with me more vividly than ever.
Joel pressed my hand.
“Dear Minella, think about it
Think what it would mean to us both. “
I looked at him and saw the kindliness in his face and I thought how like his father he was. I knew then that if he took me home as his wife. Sir John and Lady Derringham would not let the fact that I was not the bride they would have chosen for him stand in the way of their welcome. I knew that I would have the power to win their love and that I could without much difficulty overcome all the obstacles between myself and the happy life my mother had longed for me to have.
There was, of course, the Comte.
If I had never known him there could have been no hesitation. But having known him nothing could ever be the same again.
For the next two days I was constantly in Joel’s company. He did not speak of marriage he was the most tactful of men. We walked a good deal together; we talked of all sorts of subjects on which he was knowledgeable: The illness of the King of England; the wildness of his son, the Prince of Wales;
the dissatisfaction of the English with the royal family; the difference between the discontent at home and in France.
“We are of a different temperament,” he said. I don’t think it could come to revolution in England. There are the differences between rich and poor, there are the resentments; there are the occasional riots . but the atmosphere is quite different. It’s coming here, Minella.
You can feel it . right overhead . about to break. “
He knew a great deal about the situation and it was ironical that I should learn more from him than from anyone else. He was the looker-on who saw the best of the game. Moreover he was astute, politically-minded and shrewd.
Louis is the worst kind of king for his times,” he said.
“It’s sad because he is a good man. But he’s weak. He wants to be good. He sympathizes with the people but he is too lethargic. He believes all men are as well-meaning as himself. Alas for France! And the Queen, poor Marie Antoinette. She was too young to have so much thrust upon her. Oh, she has been guilty of great extravagance. But she was only a child. Imagine her coming from the stem rigid rule of her indomitable mother to be the petted darling of the dissolute
The Reign of Terror Court of France. Naturally it went to her head and she was too feather-brained to understand what damage she was doing. What is coming is inevitable and it will bring no good to France. The mob will have the heads of all the aristocrats it can lay its hands on-no matter whether they are its enemies or not. There has been injustice and that should be abolished, but the greatest passion in the world is envy and soon the rabble in its rags will be on the march against the nobleman in his castle. “
>
It was uncomfortable hearing, and all the time I was thinking of the Comte.
Joel liked to walk with me after dark so that he could show me the stars in the sky-the lustre of Arcturus and Capella twinkling there, and when he pointed to Mars, conspicuously red on the horizon, it seemed ominous.
I recaptured the pleasure of being with him. He was never dull. We could discuss and disagree with the utmost amity.
The Reign of Terror
I
It was afternoon, just after the midday meal. The household was always sleepy at this time. Most took a siesta, a habit I had never fallen into.
There was a tap on my door, for I was in my bedroom, and when I opened it Armand the groom stood there.
“Mademoiselle,” he said, I have received a message from my master.”
His master? The Comte of course. Hadn’t Armand come with us from the chateaw? Yes, Armand? “
“Monsieur Ie Comte wants you to meet him, and I am to take you to him.”
“When?”
“Now, Mademoiselle. He wants us to leave as quietly as possible. He does not want anyone to know that he is in the neighbourhood.”
“He is in Grasseville?”
“Just beyond the town. Mademoiselle. He is waiting for you there. I have saddled your horse and she is ready in the stables.”
“Give me a moment then and I will change into my riding habit.”
“Yes, Mademoiselle, but I beg of you be quick and let no one know where you are going. These are the Comte’s orders.”
“You can rely on me,” I said, excitement rising within me.
He went. I locked the door and changed hastily. I was lucky and saw no one on the way down to the stables.
Armand looked relieved when he saw me.
“I trust, Mademoiselle …”
“It’s all right,” I said. I saw no one. “
That is well. “
He helped me into the saddle and very soon we were riding out together.
We skirted the town. I scarcely noticed the way we were going, so excited was I at the prospect of seeing the Comte. All my probing into the future of the last few days was being turned topsy-turvy just at the prospect of being with him. How could I possibly contemplate marrying one man when the thought of another set my mind whirling in excitement.
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