“Still, why not Kricket?”
“She won’t survive,” he says softly. He has enough decency to show regret.
“So you’re saying that because I brought her here to Ethar, I killed her.”
“You couldn’t have known.”
“Where’s Kricket’s mother—Arissa? I have to speak to her! I have to find a way to change the future!”
Pan shakes his head. “She’s gone. She died on Earth,” he says honestly.
“I don’t believe you! Someone with her advanced knowledge, she’d see it coming!”
“She did see it coming! She begged me to take her life so that no one could find us.”
“What?”
“Excelsior has Nezra, Arissa’s first daughter. Nezra is an ingenious tracker. She would’ve found us eventually, when her skills advanced, like they are now. It was just a matter of time before Nezra located Arissa. Arissa wanted to protect Astrid, so she begged me to kill her. Nezra couldn’t track us then because she didn’t have a connection to us. Without ever having met her sisters, Nezra couldn’t picture them in her mind.”
“She found Kricket.”
“Kricket is well-documented now. Her image is everywhere. Nezra can imagine Kricket in her mind. That’s not the case with Astrid. Nezra has never seen her and she doesn’t know she exists, so she’ll have a hard time finding Astrid.”
“I’m sorry about your consort. I didn’t know.”
“You don’t have to be sorry. You’re just like me—in love with someone who has no future. We’re both trapped in an impossible situation.”
“I’m not trapped. I’m keeping Kricket. I’ll find her. I’ll save her,” he warns, but his face is one of anguish rather than determination.
“Will you? You might come to a place where you’ll have to ask yourself what you’re willing to sacrifice to prevent the deaths of millions of people—to protect others that you love. What would you be willing to risk in order to stop an evil dictator from gaining power and ending life as we know it? The burden of it is beyond your comprehension now. I have moments that I have to struggle to take a breath. It’s why I carry this around.” He holds up the smoker. “It reminds me that she wanted me to live.”
Trey turns desperate. “Give me trained soldiers! I’ll kill Excelsior. I swear it!”
“You’re not part of this, Trey. You should get out while you still can.”
“I’ll never leave her alone!”
“Think about what happens if she survives.”
“She becomes the empress of Ethar.”
“Yes, with one of the most powerful Etharians by her side, Kyon Ensin. He’ll make her his consort if he hasn’t already.”
“But she’ll be the empress. She’ll have the power to choose her destiny.”
“I think that is naïve of you, Trey, but let’s assume for a moment that you’re correct. How do you think she’ll react to New Amster?”
“She’ll be threatened by you at first, but once she comes to know you—”
“We’ve made it a priority to keep her down. We’ve assured that she felt the bite of poverty; we’ve watched her suffer abuse, secretly hoping that someone else would destroy her so that the burden of it would be absolved from us. How do you think she’ll respond to that, with all the power that she’ll have?”
“You’re worried that she’ll want revenge?”
“Wouldn’t you?”
“You’re afraid of her.”
“I’m practical. She’s not equipped to make the decisions needed to wield the kind of power that she’d have as empress. We have to put Rafe back together. It’s our duty. We have responsibilities to our civilization that she cannot fulfill.”
“She’s young, but she can—”
“Astrid will always be a threat to her reign. They’ll constantly be pitted against one another.”
“Kricket would never hurt her sister. She proved that by saving her.”
“She saved herself. Giffen would have killed her had she not cooperated. If she survives Excelsior, Kricket will let you close to her, close enough for you to be able to ensure the survival of Rafe and New Amster.”
“I could speak to her for sure. I can guide her—”
“Not guide her.” He shakes his head. “End her. If you want Rafe to survive, you’ll protect Astrid. Kricket as the empress translates to the death of our House. It will be just the four Houses.”
I’m way past the point of being able to stay now. I hover near them, languishing in the dark corner, a fading memory. None of it matters anyway. If I die now or later, it’s all the same. I die. No wonder no one explained the future to me—the prophecy. I have no future. No one wanted to tell me that. They want me to play my role and then get off the stage.
I let go of this time. As I leave Trey and my father, everything becomes golden and calm. For a moment, I race out on the desert plains of time in the night all alone. I’m wild and I’m free. I can be anything here, shed my skin forever—shed time forever. I search for my mother, but in the next step I take, I find that someone is holding me back. I look behind me to see Kyon forcing me to stay. The sky falls apart. I flicker like a streetlamp on the ocean of sand. The night comes up through the grains of sand to swallow me whole.
CHAPTER 13
LOVE A LIE
Kyon’s mouth covers mine. He blows hard into it. His parted lips leave me as he rises up to his knees by my side. Large, rough hands seek the spot between my breasts above my sternum. I exhale the air from his lungs and inhale a gasping breath of my own. Kyon’s fingers are still on me as his eyes lift to mine. I cough, struggling with the need to take in more air than my lungs can handle. I’m lightheaded and shaking. Gripping my hand, Kyon squeezes too tight. “Breathe,” he demands, but it’s more than that. It’s a plea.
If there was a plan, he forgot it. He lifts my blue fingers to his lips, resting them there and breathing warmth over the winteriness of my flesh. I don’t know what’s real or what’s the future anymore. I’m buried in both worlds.
“No,” I murmur. I can’t say more. I don’t even care anymore. I don’t belong in this world.
Kyon lifts me like a blanket, carrying me naked and wet from the floor of the lavare. He lays me on the bed and climbs in next to me. He holds me for a long time without speaking. I drift in and out of sleep, waving at taxis and chasing shadows of my mother. I never want to wake up. Of course, I rarely get what I want.
My eyes flutter open and I see Kyon sitting next to me, pressing a drug dispenser gun to my upper arm. He clicks it. I flinch as something burrows beneath my skin. “You don’t have to do that,” I begin to explain.
He scowls. “Shh!” It’s a harsh sound, filled with anger. “I can’t believe you would do this!” he growls, his steam-shovel jaw tensing.
“I’m—”
“If you tell me you’re fine, I promise I will beat you to death,” he lies. “I could kill you right now with my bare hands.”
“I’m sorry,” I say in a groggy voice. The drug he gave me goes to work immediately. He pulls the bedsheets up over me. I close my eyes and go back to chasing taxis.
My skin feels hot. It’s no wonder, I’m half buried alive by Kyon’s body pressed against mine. I inch away from him and creep over the mattress to the other side of the bed. Pulling the blanket with me, I drag it to the commodus. Once there, I see my reflection in the mirror. I look like death. Ducking my head, I look away. When I leave the bathroom, I crawl back into the bed. Cold now, I seek out Kyon’s warmth. I curl myself around him, spooning him.
“Were you punishing me?” He sounds haunted.
“What?”
“Was that revenge for wanting you?”
“No,” I say, thinking about how he must have found me cold and near death on the shower floor. “It had very little to do with you. It was difficult to come back.”
“Why?”
“I got lost.”
Kyon turns over and faces me. His hand smoothes my h
air away from my eyes. “What was it? What did you see?”
“Old scars ripped open,” I reply in a raw voice, trying really hard not to cry. My throat aches from it. “I promise not to stay away too long again.” It’s not a difficult thing to promise. I won’t be around long, for there aren’t too many more opportunities to break it. “I have to kill Excelsior, Kyon. I need your help. Will you help me?”
“Yes,” he says simply.
I’m almost crushed by gratitude. I lean forward. Pressing my lips against his, I taste his sweetness. His arms encircle me and haul me up on top of him. “Thank you,” I whisper. Tears I can’t hold back spill from my eyes. He becomes a thief, wiping away my tears with the back of his hand, trying to steal my sorrow from me. His fingers shift into my hair. They draw me close so that our lips meet again.
Then Kyon sits up, causing my legs to slip apart and straddle his hips. “Where did you go?”
I sniffle. “To the future. It keeps following me.” I try to smile and fail miserably.
He frowns. “No. I mean where did you go?” He points to my heart. “You haven’t come back yet. I need you to come back.”
I cover my eyes with my hand. My mouth contorts in grief as I sob.
He tugs my hand away so I’m forced to look at him with tear-blinded eyes. His lips nuzzle mine with silver-lining caresses. I wrap my arms around his neck. With my wrists against the back of his head, I urge him closer as I realize how well he knows me, and how much he genuinely cares about me. He changes from my problem to my lover as he adjusts himself and pushes up into me. Our bodies connect and become one; my mouth opens and I breathe his name. A sharp thrill of pleasure causes my cells to riot.
Even swimming in sorrow, he won’t let me drown. Kyon moves against me. I move with him. “You’re perfect,” he groans—a lovely sound.
I become a villain for his touch. A delirium of delicious sensations builds, intoxicating me. I can’t bury the euphoria he’s making me feel. Small moans and gasps hiss from between my lips as he increases his strokes and sharpens my bliss.
“Tell me you’re my consort.”
“No,” I rasp, struggling to deny the shattering heights of passion he elicits.
He growls. I dance on the point of a blinding star with him. Our breath mingles. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I trace my lips over his cheek, moving them until they brush up against the shell of his ear. As I come undone, I whisper his name with the darkest part of my heart.
He’s unrelenting. He sends me over the edge again and again. I disintegrate into crushing, wretched ecstasy with him. He follows me, saying my name like I’ve destroyed him. He lies by my side, hauling me to him once more, stroking my back as I rest my cheek against his chest. “You can run from your love for me, but know this: I will hunt you anywhere,” he promises.
In the morning, I awake to the sound of the shower running in the other room. Sitting up in bed, I notice breakfast hovering on a tray next to me. Uncovering it, I smile. It’s not pancakes. It’s their version of quiche. My appetite has come back, so I eat everything on my plate. Just as I finish up, Kyon walks into the room with a towel draped around his narrow waist. I chew slower, my eyes following the perfect contours of his skin. He’s beautiful in ways that are hard to fathom. He’s symmetry. Even as he’s just sinew, flesh and bone, he carries it differently than most people. Gracefully. His skin is like honey. I remember tasting it last night, sampling it. Savoring it. I swallow the last bite of quiche and blush.
“You’re awake,” Kyon says as he prowls around the bed, coming to my side. He leans down and gives me a thorough kiss, which makes me blush more. “How do you feel this morning?”
“I’m okay,” I murmur, trying to hide my reddening cheeks from him by looking up at him through my lashes.
He touches my flushed cheek, running his thumb over it gently. “I’m glad to hear it. We have a busy rotation ahead.”
“We do?” I wonder at the smile on his face. He’s happy. Kyon Ensin is actually happy. I don’t think I’ve met happy Kyon before. He’s a little fascinating. “What are we doing today?”
“I want to show you the rest of the estate. Fulton will join us. He runs things for me here. I want you to become comfortable going to him for anything you need. You’ll also be introduced to the rest of your security detail. You’ll be able to ask Keenan about anything with regard to it.”
“Like leaving the estate?” I ask with as much nonchalance as I can muster.
“Exactly.”
“Will I be allowed to leave?” I ask, my heartbeat accelerating in fear for reasons I can’t explain.
“Of course. There is an event planned for this evening.”
“Is it a date?” I give him a sidelong look.
He flashes me an unguarded smile. It’s radiant. “If you’d like.”
“Are we going to see a movie?”
“Urr . . . No.”
“Bowling?”
“Uh . . . Bowl—”
“Karaoke?”
Kyon leans down, his hand cupping my nape as his lips claim mine, silencing me with an exquisite kiss. I’m unprepared for the rush of desire his touch creates. When he pulls away and looks into my eyes, he says softly, “It’s a victory celebration, Kricket.”
“What did we win?” I ask breathlessly and with a smile.
“It’s what we want to win. Hearts and minds, remember?” he says as he straightens. “We need to ensure that the public opinion remains in your favor. To do that, we need to endear you to the citizens of Alameeda.”
“So . . . I should get dressed now,” I say.
“You should,” he agrees.
I wait for him to leave the room so that I can walk to the lavare and take a shower. He doesn’t move. “Aren’t you going to go get dressed?” I ask, raising my eyebrow.
He nods and says, “Mmm-hmm,” but he doesn’t move.
I finally get it and a small smile touches my lips. I pull the sheet back from me, rising from the bed. I brush past him, naked, and walk to the lavare. As I cross the threshold, I feel an arm wrap around my waist, then halt me and turn me around. I lean against the doorjamb as Kyon kisses me until my lips are full and tender.
“Wait,” he murmurs urgently. “I just need . . .” He lifts me up and carries me back to bed with him.
After we both dress for the day, he gives me the grand tour of his estate. Fulton is there to answer all my questions, which are extensive. I meet my security team in the formal gardens outside. There are a dozen of them, and I try to remember all their names. I think I have them figured out. It’s important. I plan to watch them to understand their shifts and patterns. Kyon explains that they will monitor me at a distance on the estate, but I will need to schedule them for any activity that I plan to do in the city or beyond. Of course, this is for all future activities, which will be considered only after Excelsior is no longer a threat to me. Unfortunately, no one can say when that will be, not even me.
After the security team is dismissed, Kyon and I stroll arm in arm along the path near the water. “Your house is ridiculous—you know that, right?” I ask.
“I knew you would think so. That’s why I took you to the island first,” he replies. “Does it make you uncomfortable?”
“Yes. I will get lost and you’ll never find me.”
“I’ll always find you,” he promises. “And you’ll get used to it.”
“Will I?” I wonder aloud. I sound sad, even to my ears.
Kyon immediately reacts to my tone. “Why do you say it like that?”
“I don’t know,” I lie.
He doesn’t believe me. His eyes sharpen on me and he stops walking. “What did you see last night?” he demands.
“I didn’t—”
“Don’t lie to me! You nearly died last night! Something kept you away. I need to know what it was. I’ve been waiting for you to confide in me.”
“I’m not a confider,” I reply. I’m a spy, a thief, a betrayer, a
loner, but never a confider.
Kyon stares at me for a moment. He controls his anger. “You want me to hurt you, don’t you? So that you have an excuse to hurt me back?—To keep your secrets. I won’t give you that! I’m your partner in this! You have to trust me or we both die. My father is looking for any way to exploit our weaknesses. Let’s not give him any.”
“Being your partner doesn’t come easily to me. You have to give me more time to adjust.”
“I’ve given you time.”
“I want more.”
“What do I get in return for time?”
“My undying gratitude?” I reply, trying really hard not to make it sound sarcastic.
“Not good enough.”
“How about I promise you something special—something you’ll want?”
“Like what?”
I sigh. “I don’t know what. I have to figure out what you like.”
“I like information. I’d like to know what you saw in the future because it almost destroyed you. I need to know so I can prevent it from happening again.”
“You’re going to have to trust me.”
“That doesn’t work for me. That wasn’t the first time you almost died.”
“I told you: I’ll handle it. I promised I wouldn’t do that again.”
“So you can control it?” he asks.
“I think so.”
He shakes his head. “That’s not a yes.”
“I can’t deal in absolutes. I can tell you I’m trying. This is me trying.”
He growls. “This is me trying, too! I’ll be in my study if you change your mind and want to talk.”
“Thank you.” Rising up on my tiptoes, I place a quick kiss on his cheek. It does little to fix his mood. He drops my arm and turns, walking away from me toward the house. I watch him go, unable to bring myself to stop him. I can’t confide in him. Not this. I can’t be responsible for the annihilation of New Amster.
I nearly wet myself when a voice near me says, “I think he’s mad at you.”
“Giffen,” I grumble, “where are you?”
“Behind you on the bench,” he replies.
I can’t see him. He’s invisible. “What do you want?” I bark.
Darken the Stars Page 19